Heart Skipped a Beat
by Blue-Eyed-Blonde90
Summary: After a year abroad, Naomi returns to Bristol with a new outlook on life. She comes home promising herself to make amends with the one person she ever loved. But after all this time and with so much history, will things ever be the same again? Naomily
1. Prologue

_Please don't say we're done  
When I'm not finished  
I could give so much more  
Make you feel, like never before  
Welcome, they said welcome to the floor_

_._

_It's been a while  
And you've found someone better  
But I've been waiting too long to give this up  
The more I see, I understand  
But sometimes, I still need you_

_._

_Sometimes, I still need you_

_._

_And I was struggling to get in  
Left waiting outside your door  
I was sure  
You'd give me more_

_._

_No need to come to me  
When I can make it all the way to you  
You made it clear  
You weren't near  
Near enough for me_

_._

_Heart skipped a beat  
And when I caught it you were out of reach  
But I'm sure, I'm sure  
You've heard it before_


	2. Chapter 1

_Hey everyone =]_

_New story, my first one in a few years that's not a oneshot. I had an interesting idea for this story. Basically it turns the whole naomily-happy-ending on its head - but what's a good love story without a bit of drama?_

_Ok, a bit of setup - Naomi and Emily never got their happy ending. They broke up between the timeline of after episode 4 to episode 7. Emily moved out and they went their seperate ways._

_The title and prologue of the story are both based on the song "Heart Skipped a Beat" by the XX. I love them they're amazing and I felt the song suited my story rather well._

_Okay here we go! Feel free to R&R!_

_._

* * *

.

The bitter wind nipped at her cheeks and fingers as she briskly strolled down the all too familiar streets away from the bus stop. Despite the colour rapidly draining from her hands – from white to red and eventually to purple – she welcomed the cold. It had felt like a long time since she'd felt the chill of the British weather embrace her. To her it felt like an unlikely welcome home – a way to say goodbye to the sweltering heat and welcome her back into the depressing rain and wintry weather. Freezing weather in July? That's Bristol for you.

She tugged her coat tighter around herself and heaved her bags upwards slightly as a particularly nasty gust of wind blew back her blonde hair, leaving it to settle limply and lifelessly around her face once it had passed. Fucking hell, as if she didn't look bad enough as it was with the jet lag – now she could add crazy hair to her list as well.

She started to pick up the pace once she passed a familiar newsagent. _Almost there, bloody hell. _Her heartbeat picked up in anticipation. She didn't know what to expect. _Will she be in? Will she even really care that I'm back?_ All these questions flew from her mind as the old house finally came into view. It looked the same as it ever did – palm tree out front; narrow pathway leading to the front steps; old, worn brick walls. It was home. She was home.

With no less than a bounce in her step, the blonde girl bounded up to the front door and knocked eagerly on the screen, before taking a step back. She couldn't help the grin overtake her face. She waited patiently for any sounds that might indicate whether the occupant was in, but sure enough she heard what sounded like pots crashing a few moments later, followed by an "oh fucking hell!"

She stifled a giggle as she saw a silhouette grow bigger as the person approached the door. "I swear Kieran, the next time you forget your key I'm going to–"

The outcome of that sentence was forgotten as the older blonde woman flung open the door and recognised the girl on her doorstep. The woman's mouth flew open, her eyes widening.

"Surprise!" the younger blonde said feebly, feeling slightly awkward. "Happy to see me–?"

"NAOMI!" she screeched, before stepping forward and enveloping her daughter in a bone-crushing hug. "Bloody hell...what are you....oh fucking..._Naomi!_" The woman could barely get her words out she was so breathless, so the younger blonde pulled back and saved her the trouble.

"Nice to see you too mum" she said exasperatedly. "Aren't you gonna invite me in? It's bloody freezing out here!"

The woman stepped aside and allowed her daughter passage. Naomi gratefully rushed in, eager to be out of the cold despite her welcoming of it earlier. There was only so much numbness she could handle in one day.

As Naomi stepped into the hallway and set down her heavy bags, she took a brief glance around. It had been changed to some extent, but otherwise looked the same. There was a new coat of paint on the walls – a dull green – and several new paintings as well; but otherwise it looked pretty much the same as when she had left it that long long time ago.

"I take it you're evaluating from where you'd left off, eh?" her mother asked from behind her, her tone amused. Naomi whirled around, smiling.

"Yeah. Not too bad I reckon. Quite surprised you didn't fall back into the communal living thing again and let them strip the wallpaper. God knows that happened enough back in my college days" she noted in amusement.

Gina laughed. "Kieran was very adamant that he wanted me all to himself. He may seem like a pushover, but he can be forceful when he wants to be". Naomi grimaced at the image; the second part of that statement linked too closely with the first part, and it was something she _never_ wanted to picture. She shuddered. Gina seemed to notice her mistake, because she coughed swiftly. "Tea love? I've got jasmine, camomile, green–"

"Just normal for me, thanks. I've been living with a bunch of post-grads remember? We can't afford the luxury of _camomile _tea. Twining's did us grand" Gina laughed again and quickly ran ahead of her daughter into the kitchen, leaving Naomi to explore her old house.

She stepped into the living room and was surprised to find it relatively tidy. This was new; since when was her mother tidy? She paced around the walls, which unlike the hallway still had the same colour as when she had left. There were new paintings in here as well, along with a few new pictures. Her face contorted as her eyes fell on one particular photo.

"Ugh, why's this up?" she groaned as her mum walked in, steaming mugs of tea in her hands. She handed her daughter a cup and squinted at the picture she was pointing to.

"Your graduation photo? I thought it was a custom for parents to show pride in their children when they graduate, or have I been badly mistaken?" she said, obviously suppressing a smirk. Naomi rolled her eyes.

"I didn't mean it that way. It's just...I hate the way I look there!" she said, not bothering to hide the revulsion in her voice. "I begged them to let me take off that stupid cap, but they said I couldn't get the photo done without it" she said, throwing in a sulky pout for good measure. Now Gina rolled her eyes.

"You were always one to fight rules love" she said, giggling slightly. "But still, I think you look lovely in it. It's staying". She said it with a certain finality, so the younger blonde left the matter. _I only just got back,_ she supposed.

The two of them sat down on the couch, which to Naomi's relief hadn't been replaced either. She took a sip of her tea and let out a pleased 'mmm' sound – god she loved tea. "So where is the 'ol Irish bugger then?" she asked after a few moments, "you know, before you were about to pummel me thinking I was him?"

Gina raised an eyebrow playfully. "He's gone to get stuff for the dinner tonight actually. But the stupid git always forgets his keys. I had to let him in 4 times yesterday. He always manages to get me at the worst times too. Pulled me out of a bath yesterday, bloody twat".

"Well here's hoping he remembers them today, eh?" she said, laughing.

"Are you staying for dinner love? You must tell me and Kieran all about your trip. How was it anyway?" she asked, genuinely intrigued now having remembered.

The younger blonde smiled fondly. "Amazing" the blonde girl said breathlessly. "We started off in Thailand. It's so beautiful. And the culture is just unreal. We started off in Bangkok – get the city feel, y'know? – and then headed to Chiang Mai. After that we started heading to other places like Phuket and Koh Samui. And then we went to Vietnam, Taiwan, China. The whole experience was just incredible." She remembered the whole thing happily – except that bitch of a flight home this morning. 12 hours she could rather have done without that's for sure.

"Ooh that sounds fabulous! I'm trying to convince Kieran to take me somewhere Eastern. He's a bit lazy – as you know love – but I'm sure I'll persuade him eventually. Maybe you could help me sway his vote over dinner?" The older woman looked at her daughter hopefully and the younger blonde couldn't help but smile.

"Of course mum. Wouldn't wanna miss out, let me tell you".

"And your friends? Did they have fun? Did you all get on alright? Any scuffles?"

Naomi raised an eyebrow. "This is me you're talking to mum – of course there were fights! I'm not ashamed to admit that I lost my patience with the lot at times – sure one night I was so grumpy that I threw my dinner over one of the lad's heads. Let's just say that Mark won't be looking at chow mein the same way ever again."

Both women laughed and Naomi continued into her long winded recap of her adventures over the past year. The trip really had been incredible. Just what the blonde needed after the turmoil she had dealt with over the past couple of years. Sometimes it's just good to get away and think. Do some thinking by yourself. Spend some time by yourself...and four other lazy excuses for students whom she also considered friends.

As the sun started to set just beyond the window, Gina suddenly jumped. "Good lord it's almost seven!" she exclaimed, causing Naomi to flinch. "Where the hell is Kieran? Bet he's down in the pub again, lazy prat". Gina started mumbling in aggravation as she set about finding the house phone. As she dialled the keys, she addressed her daughter again. "Go upstairs and unpack your stuff, love. You're welcome to stay as long as you like. I've left your room just the way you like it".

Naomi smiled gratefully and did as she was told, leaping to her feet. She found as she was trudging up the stairs with her bags that she was very tired. 12 hours on a flight non-stop really does take its toll. As she pushed open the door of her old yet familiar bedroom, she found herself overjoyed to see it. It looked pretty much exactly the same as when she'd left it, albeit a bit tidier _(thanks mum)._ She chucked her bags across the floor and collapsed in a heap onto the bed. The duvet was warm and snugly, just as she remembered. _I fucking missed this bed_, she realised. Well, she had been roughing it the past 12 months – on the rare occasions when they actually did get accommodation, they were otherwise forced to sleep outdoors in a tent or in a dingy shack of some sort. She didn't really complain, but it was always nice to return to your old bed. At this moment, she missed it more than her darling kooky mother.

She knew it would be best to stay awake until after dinner – if she fell asleep now then her mother would need to hack up a chainsaw beside her ear to get her to wake up. So she grudgingly curled herself upright just as she heard her mother's shrill voice from downstairs shrieking down the phone to Kieran. A few snippets of "Naomi's home you selfish prat!" and "if you're drunk again I swear–" sifted through her ears before she thought it best to drown it out.

She got to her feet and trudged over to her bags, unzipping them lazily. The unwelcome sight of clothes spewing all over the floor greeted her as she started tugging things out at random. _Fucking hell, my clothes will never be clean again _she thought diffidently as she eyed a particularly filthy pair of cargo pants she had plucked from the depths of her bag. She remembered they had been worn the day she went elephant-riding and giggled at the memory of Mark falling over as he tried to mount his elephant, only to fall in a nearby mud puddle.

After a while she gave up, figuring cleaning up when she was this exhausted was rather pointless.

She sat back down on the bed again and looked around, her gaze eventually settling on the window. The sun was almost completely set now, only a shred of orange still visible. Her eyes flickered around the room again and came to rest on her shelves, where some old photos were arranged. She got up and crossed the room to get a better look.

They were quite numerous she noted, and no doubt after the photos from the trip were developed there would be plenty more to add to her collection. There was one particular photo of them at a full moon party in Thailand that she was eager to see, where one of her travelling buddies had stripped completely naked and covered his whole body in neon paint. There were no pictures to capture the aftermath though, whereby he ruined his effort by jumping into the ocean thus completely washing the neon away. She smirked at the thought.

Her smile was wiped clean though as her eyes came to fall on the very last picture of the collection. Just behind all the other pictures – her and her uni friends; snapshots of drunken nights out; photos from college with JJ, Katie, Effy, Cook and the like – there was a glass-frame holding a photo of the one person she had been trying to forget all this time.

Emily's eyes shone brightly out of the small glass frame; a younger, loved up version of her own self hanging over the redhead's shoulder. They were both beaming towards the camera without a care in the world. The image version of Naomi was leaning into her girlfriend's side, still smiling but also poised to kiss the soft, sweet skin of the redhead's cheek. The older, actual version of Naomi was shocked to find her finger tracing the contours of Emily's face in the picture – just as lovingly as she did when she first framed it.

She hastily placed the picture down and swiftly turned away, busying herself with her clothes again. Only after a few minutes did she realise that she wasn't tidying but instead shuffling things in a disorganised manner. She stopped and sunk to the floor, her head leaning back against the edge of her bed.

Emily Fitch. _Emily fucking Fitch. _Even after three years in university and another year abroad, the redhead still haunted the blonde's thoughts. She just couldn't rid herself of the girl's face. Those big brown eyes; that sweet cheeky smile; that luminous red hair. She missed it all. And even though Emily could look completely different now for all she knew, she knew her feelings wouldn't change. She'd had enough time to get over Emily – she'd had plenty of opportunities to date and move on. Hell, she even _tried_ to date and move on.

She'd gone on dates with a couple of guys in uni. She even tried a few girls as well, just to see if they could fare any better. No such luck – other than a few random shags, the blonde never really made it back into 'relationship' status. Maybe it wasn't even about her sexuality anymore – maybe it was just Emily.

The sudden thought made her feel horrible. She realised now that she was no better than she was 4 years ago. Well, that wasn't entirely true. She was older and – despite what others may think – more mature. She had grown as a person and liked to think she was better than she used to be. She knew that even if she never had a chance with Emily again, the least she could do was clear the air if she ever came across her. That's what mature people do – right?

Her eyes flickered to the photo again and her heart twisted painfully. _Better prepare myself first_, she concluded. She rested her hand limply across her eyes, blocking out the glare of moonlight now rapidly enveloping her room. She couldn't help it as the sleep finally overtook her, just as she heard a loud knock on the front door followed by a frustrated yell of "I WARNED YOU KIERAN!"

.


	3. Chapter 2

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The deepest of reds coursed through her. The feeling... it set her on fire. Then browns. The hues melded together behind her eyelids; a cacophony of autumn colours. They were all so beautiful. Her soul was alight. They burned. _Oww. Wait._ _Pain?_ _Burning? What the hell is that...? _

"Rise and shine lovey!" a shrill voice exclaimed loudly, just outside the periphery of her subconscious.

Now she understood. The pain...it was sunlight. Dazzling sunlight. And her frivolous mother was at fault – she was cheerily bounding around her daughter's room, opening the curtains and pulling her mess off up the floor.

Naomi tried to protest, but all that came from her throat was a vague "mm-hmm-muh" sound followed by a loud groan. She heard an irritated 'tutting' sound come from her mother.

"Naomi, I understand that you need sleep. But come on – it's been two days! You've barely eaten anything since you got back!"

The younger blonde finally rolled over and sat up, figuring that her mother was expecting her to respond. She sat up slowly, her head swirling in objection. The last of those gorgeous colours were fading as her consciousness returned. She squinted through the blinding sunlight to see her mother's outline standing over her bed; a couple of seconds later – as her vision settled – and Gina Campbell's exasperated face came clearly into view. "God Naomi, you're a mess" she noted, a half-smile on her face.

The younger blonde yawned pointedly."Whatever mum. It's not my fault that _your_ boyfriend decided to head to the pub the night I came home instead of buying the food for dinner. Which never got made by the way" the blonde noted smugly, her voice hoarse.

Gina rolled her eyes. "As much as I agree with you on that, that didn't mean you couldn't have joined us for breakfast. I'd made a fry and everything! But no... you lounged your lazy arse in bed for two days. Don't you even remember passing out on the floor? I had to haul you into bed!"

Naomi raised an eyebrow. "Careful mum, you're making me sound fat."

"Well you _are_ a pretty big girl Naomi" she retaliated, clearly enjoying her daughter's appalled reaction. "It's not as if you're as small as–"

Gina flushed furiously. She turned away and made to pick something else off the floor.

The younger blonde coughed awkwardly. "So... can I take advantage of that breakfast now to make up for things?" she asked, suddenly realising how hungry she was.

Gina smiled happily, glad that her mistake had been ignored. "Sure thing darling. I'll just get some toast and tea on and I'll call you when they're ready." Naomi smiled gratefully as her mother made to leave the room, secretly thankful that the older woman had _some_ maternal instincts – despite how strange some of them were. She recalled one particular instance back in college whilst they still partook in communal living. One evening, Gina had convinced Naomi to have a long overdue 'heart-to-heart' with her and discuss the younger girl's problems; yet halfway through the conversation her mum had decided to ask one of the other residents for advice. That resident also happened to be a 56 year old alcoholic nudist man. She shuddered at the memory. Understandably, the blonde didn't have very many heart-to-hearts with her mum after that. Maybe that was the reason she was such a fucked up teenager.

That being said, she was appreciative of quirky Gina Campbell in some ways. Naomi knew full well what her mother had been about to say; _that_ particular person was never mentioned out loud in this house anymore. Her mum had learnt to avoid the subject because she knew how much it stirred up old wounds in her daughter, to which Naomi was eternally grateful. She tried not to close her eyes for fear of red washing over her again. _Get a grip. It was a long time ago. _

She reluctantly shuffled off the bed instead, reckoning that since she was awake and breakfast was on that there was no point in continuing her 36 hour slumber. The floor felt cold and hard underneath her toes; an unwelcome change from the thermal comfort of her bed. She stretched lithely before getting to her feet and rummaging for a hoodie to wear downstairs. She found her old university one sprawled under her desk alongside a few other items from her bag. The thing was in tatters at this stage, but she loved it so. She threw it on and looked around for her phone, which she realised she hadn't checked since she had gotten home.

She turned it on to see she had a couple of new messages, mostly from her fellow exhausted travelling buddies. The one from Mark was particularly amusing:

_U dunno how gud it feels 2 use a clean shitter. Luxury at its best Nomesy, lemme tell u. Ttyl princess. X_

She shook her head exasperatedly. Mark was one of _those_ people – the people who said anything or did whatever just for the hell of it. She regarded him as a tosser most of the time, but secretly admired him. It was always good to have those kinds of people in your life. His influence made her learn not to take life so seriously. He almost reminded her of Cook in some ways. She smiled sadly at the thought.

Scrolling down her contacts list, her mood was immediately lifted by the sight of a certain name.

"Naomi love! Your toast is done!"

The blonde snapped her phone shut and stumbled out of her inner sanctuary.

.

The brunette stepped cautiously through her hallway, her nose wrinkling in disgust at the amount of underwear and dirty clothes strewn all over the floor. _Who does he think I am? His maid? _Her revulsion only intensified once she walked into the living room, spotting another familiar pile of clothes –consisting of black lacy tops and miniskirts– heaped in a bundle over in the corner. _Pigs. Fucking useless lazy pigs, _she concluded irritably.

She picked up the garments and flung them unceremoniously into a spare cupboard in the kitchen. _Third time this week...see how they like it now. _She flopped into a chair beside the kitchen table, pulling a cigarette from the packet in her pocket and lighting up hastily. She took a long drag and exhaled, letting the nicotine rush her senses.

She hated this. Boredom. Having fuck all to do when she could be doing anything else. Working or talking to someone. Hell, she would have even gone for a walk if her prick of a brother hadn't nicked her iPod.

She sighed as she inhaled again, the chemicals doing nothing to stop the dull ache of her heartbeat. _I miss you._ The thought was so frequent now that it had become an everyday occurrence in her life. That twinge of pain whenever he seeped across her mind. The jet black hair...the olive skin...the winning white smile that flashed just for her – the smile that said 'I love you' in a million different ways. And the million other ways he said I love you, too, was what had made this wholly unbearable. How had she even gone on this long without him? She had no one, really. Would she ever find anything or anyone to fill the void of her now barren existence?

The plausible answer was no – but her continuous assessment ensured that she had to remain positive. As much as she wanted to feel _something _again, it was going to take someone pretty special. She scoffed to herself. _I'm fucked, _she noted, unsurprised at how blasé she felt about the prospect of lifetime solitude.

A knock at the front door brought her back to reality. She stubbed out her fag in an ashtray and leapt to her feet, smiling to herself whilst passing through the noticeably tidier hallway.

She pulled the door open and found herself face-to-face with a familiar individual. The girl was tall, thin and had blonde hair scrunched up into a loose ponytail. Her bright blue eyes shone. She was wearing a casual white tee with the band logo 'Bloc Party' emblazoned across it, accompanied by faded-denim skinny jeans.

The brunette must have looked shocked, because the girl suddenly looked sheepish. "Hey Effy. Long time no see" the girl said quietly.

She shook her head, suddenly feeling silly at the how dumbfounded she must've appeared. A smile quickly graced her pale features. "Naomi" she said simply. Naomi's awkward expression swiftly disappeared at the happy look on the brunette's face. They both stepped forward simultaneously and embraced, gripping eachother tightly.

"I've missed you" Naomi breathed against her shoulder.

The brunette grinned, inexplicably joyful. Perhaps this day just got a lot better. "I missed you too" she said, before pulling away. "Sap" she added, to which the blonde smacked her playfully.

Effy stepped to one side to allow her in, suddenly glad that she had decided to tidy up; albeit using a less conservative method.

.

Naomi's eyes flickered curiously around the room as her friend went about making tea. Effy Stonem out on her own...it was a weird concept to comprehend. Of course she knew it was inevitable, but the fact made her realise abruptly that everyone was growing up and moving on a lot faster than she was willing to accept. A lot could happen in a year she supposed – herself being a perfect example.

She was snapped from her reverie as Effy's hand placed a steaming cup of tea in front of her, to which the blonde smiled her thanks. Effy sat across from her and sipped, an awkward silence befalling them.

"So...how long are you back then?" Effy started hesitantly.

Naomi pursed her lips as the the hot liquid passed down her throat. "About two days, but I've been asleep for most of them. I'm only awake since a few hours ago. Though a visit to my dear friend was long overdue" she said, chuckling slightly.

"How very sweet of you. Good to know I was the first thing on your mind post-coma" Effy shot back sarcastically, raising an eyebrow. "So how was travelling anyway? Un-freaking-believable I'm guessing? No need to cover-up on the details, I can handle it".

Naomi shifted uncomfortably. "You could've come too, you know..." she said, her blue eyes soft as they stared sadly at her old friend.

Effy's lips cocked up into a coy smile. "Naomes, we both know that wasn't going to happen. It's okay, really".

The blonde opened and closed her mouth, trying for an excuse. "It's just...I feel terrible. You're one of my closest mates Eff. I wanted you there. If not for the whole time than even just for a week or two–"

"Naomi, stop. I wasn't in the right place at the time and you know it. The last thing I wanted was for you to be taking care of me – the crazy girl. You didn't need it. You weren't exactly in the greatest shape either when you left." Naomi fell silent. She may be continuously on the mend, but Effy never lost her ability to read people.

The blonde had tried so hard to hide her broken heart from people in university. If truth be told, to most people she was the person she wanted them to see. But to Effy, she was _seen_ – and there was absolutely nothing she could do to hide from the girl's piercing, soul-searching blue eyes. Even as Effy nursed her own heartbreak, she always became momentarily distracted from the woe of Freddie's death by appraising Naomi. They both found solace –in some weird and twisted way– in each other's pain. It was the only time they both individually knew that they were not alone – someone else could suffer from such pain and heartache and live to tell the tale_. _That had to be something, right?

"Right... but I'm okay now. I'm fine Eff. Really" she said, trying to convince herself as much as her friend. She drank her tea just for something to do.

The red still burned her eyelids.

Effy softened, her eyes understanding. "Alright. If you say so" the brunette said wryly, sipping her tea again. Her blue eyes flickered repeatedly across Naomi's face, so that the blonde had the sinking sensation of being scrutinised again. Being seen. "But, just so you know, it's okay to be hurt Naomes. You don't have to try and hide it all the time; anger doesn't suit you" she said gently.

Naomi nodded infinitesimally, unwilling to argue with the brunette. Affairs of the heart had never been dwelled on too long during their friendship. She wasn't willing to make an exception now – although her deep sympathy and curiosity for Effy's state of mind almost caused her to breach that rule regularly.

Effy had found it difficult to cope with her new life without Freddie. She just never had the desire for _anything_ after his murder and frequently relapsed. One of the most severe had been a few months before the trip – as everyone started to graduate and move on in the world, she'd felt left behind. Her mum had found her unconscious after overdosing on sleeping pills. She recovered fully, but she was recommended to take it easy for a while. No working, no travelling, nada.

As agonizing as it was to get over Emily, the blonde knew it couldn't ever compare to the anguish that the girl sitting across from her suffered with everyday.

She knew the significance of it all as she glanced repeatedly around the room. The fact that Effy now lived apart from her mum meant that she was finally getting somewhere. She would be okay eventually. She was one of the bravest people Naomi knew. If anyone could survive this, it would be Effy. Now if she herself could just move on...

"Hello? Still awake in there?" the brunette asked from what felt like far away. Naomi jolted slightly in surprise and glimpsed upwards. Effy was smiling with amusement.

"Yeah..." she said solemnly after a few moments, eager to change subject. "...Was just wondering about your pad. I dropped by your old house earlier to surprise you and your mum said that you'd moved out months ago. She gave me your address."

"Oh, so that's how you found me. No phone call? And here I was thinking you were a creepy stalker or something" Effy commented drily, to which Naomi laughed.

"C'mon seriously. Why now?"

The brunette shrugged. "Needed to get away. 20 years with your mum is too much, y'know?"

Naomi smiled thoughtfully, fully aware of the fact. Living away for a year with her friends and a large part of her university life on campus proved a welcome relief after having spent consistent back-to-back years with Gina Campbell. There had also been that brief spell in college where her mother had disappeared with Kieran for a couple of months. Her time had been blissfully occupied by a certain redhead living with her until– well that didn't really matter now. "Any roommates? Rent can't be too cheap in a place like this" she continued.

"Yep, two. Right slobs though. Just cleaned up their mess before you got here" she said, rolling her eyes.

"Can't be too bad if you're still living with them. Who are they?"

"One is my_ darling_ older brother. Once he finished his Masters in Cardiff and realised he'd no place to live, he shoved his arrogant arse in here. I can't complain though 'cos he's paying rent". She was clearly nonplussed by the idea.

"I'll be the judge – I've yet to meet the infamous Tony Stonem. Introduce me won't you?"

"Fair enough. But if he starts talking to your tits rather than your face, don't say I didn't warn you".

"Well I _do_ have marvellous tits" she replied, jokingly contemplating the idea.

"Why yes Naomes, you do" the brunette said, sending her a flirtatious wink and surprising Naomi somewhat. "But you don't want my brother perving on you. Just trust me on this one – I _am_ blood-related to Tony. I know how he works".

"Duly noted" the blonde said, giggling. "Who's your other roommate then? Not another sleaze I hope?"

"No-one important. Just an old friend" Effy said, staring intently at her fingernails. "But stop trying to change subject. I asked you about the trip so I want _all_ the gory details. And don't skimp on the good stuff".

Naomi couldn't help but feel that Effy herself had been trying to change the subject, but nevertheless jumped into her extensive recap about her adventures abroad. Tea forgotten, she detailed pretty much the same as she had to her mother. This being Effy however, she had to throw in a few more x-rated quips to make the story thoroughly satisfying for the brunette. As open-minded as Gina Campbell was, she didn't want to list raunchy facts to her own mother.

She was just about to tell her about the time one of her roommates almost got arrested for trying to swing hash from a dealer, when she heard the front door open and close. She looked questioningly at her friend. "Who's that?" she asked.

She could've sworn she saw a hint of alarm in Effy's eyes, but before she could pinpoint it the flash had disappeared to be replaced by her usual stoic calm. "Probably Tony. He's usually home from work around this time".

Naomi leapt to her feet eagerly. "Cool, I want to meet him then". She marched towards the kitchen door, awaiting the arrival of Effy Stonem's renowned brother. She could hear the person walking towards the kitchen.

"Naomi wait–" Effy tried from the table.

The figure walked in and Naomi felt her jaw drop.

"What are _you_ doing here?" both asked simultaneously. Naomi vaguely heard Effy let out an exasperated sigh from behind her.

"Naomi... Katie... I believe you two already know eachother?"

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* * *

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_Ohoho, bet you didn't see that coming! Now things start to get interesting...._

_Thanks a mil to those have reviewed so far. I'm glad you guys like my idea =]_

_I promise Emily will make an appearance soon. Until then let me know what you guys think! Review please!  
_


	4. Chapter 3

_What's that you ask? Why yes, I do update rather quickly, thanks =]_

_A nice long one for you guys this time. I'm sure you won't be disappointed!_

_This chapter links back to the prologue (yay for continuity!) and it can be spotted in the second half of this chapter. Infact, I can almost picture the song playing over one particular part in the background..._

_Anyway, hope I don't disappoint! Review at the end! They really do make me smile =]_

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Naomi's eyes never left Katie for a second. Effy's question hung in the air long forgotten, in its place a ringing silence.

Katie looked so different now to when Naomi had last seen her – yet in a way she also looked the same. Her hair was no longer that purplish colour but instead a deep brown –almost black – with lighter tones coursing through it. She was quite thin yet still had that same roundish quality to her face. The blonde also couldn't help but notice that she also seemed more conservative. Her make-up was noticeably softer; her foundation had toned down to a more suitable shade for her complexion and her eye-shadow was much more subtle. Her clothes were stylish and tasteful. She certainly had grown up a lot in the past few years. All admiration went out the window however when the girl actually spoke.

"I said, what the _fuck _are you doing here Naomi?"

The blonde snapped back to reality and quickly remembered that this was Katie _Fitch_ – just because she _looked_ calmer now didn't mean anything. A brief memory of Katie slamming her into a table at the Love Ball flashed through her mind as she thought of what to say.

"Umm...I'm visiting? That's generally what friends do Katie" she said dryly. "Why the hell are _you _here anyway?"

Katie scoffed and her eyes glanced briefly in Effy's direction. "I live here genius. But you? Neither of us have seen or heard from you in months...that's hardly what I'd call friendly" she stated, a superior look on her face.

Naomi's eyes narrowed. "It's none of your business what I do with my time Katiekins–"

"_Don't _call me that" she warned, her brown eyes – so much like Emily's – flashing dangerously.

"–but if you _must_ know, I've been away travelling. Living my life, y'know? More than I can say for you it seems. Why are you still stuck in Bristol, huh? Whole W.A.G. thing not work out for you then?" she snarled, her voice menacing. She didn't stop to notice the shocked and slightly hurt expression that flashed across Katie's face and was about to rage into another torrent of abuse when Effy cut in.

"Naomes, stop it. There's no need for this" she said feebly.

Naomi whirled round on her, dumbfounded. "You're taking _her _side Eff? She just marched in here and insulted me! What the fuck–"

"Oh grow up Naomi!" Katie interrupted, apparently regaining her confidence. "Stop taking your problems out on other people for once, will you? I thought that maybe the next time I saw you you might've pulled yourself together – but it seems I'm sadly mistaken".

"Piss off Katie" was all Naomi could think to say, cursing herself at the wavering in her voice.

"No Naomi. Like I said – I _live here. _So unless you're willing to start acting civil to me then I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."

The blonde couldn't suppress the laughter that erupted from her throat. Katie raised an eyebrow. _Katie? Make me leave? I'd like to see that,_ she thought to herself, appraising the girl's mere 5'2" height. "Whatever Katie. I'm not going to start a fight with you in the middle of..._your _kitchen" she said, glancing around pointedly. "I just came to see my old friend, yeah?"

Katie smiled a knowing smile and Naomi couldn't help but feel that the girl was on the brink of throwing out another insult. Instead she said, "Fine. I'm going upstairs. Just stay away from us, yeah?" Katie nodded surreptitiously to Effy and turned to leave. The blonde secretly suspected that the '_us'_ didn't include Effy at all. She grimaced at the realisation, but Katie had already left the room. She could hear her walking up the stairs to what was obviously her bedroom.

When she heard a door slam, Naomi spun around to face Effy. "Katie? _Katie Fitch? _The fuck Eff?!" she said, her throat choking on each syllable.

Effy rolled her eyes, smiling faintly. "Yes Naomi. Katie _fucking_ Fitch. I do have _some_ friends, you know". The brunette pulled a packet of cigarettes from her pocket, offering one to the shell-shocked blonde.

"I didn't mean it like that" she said. "And I don't smoke anymore" she added weakly, watching as Effy lit one up for herself. The brunette took a long invigorating drag, the fumes swirling in the air around them. _Fuck it, _Naomi thought, wordlessly taking the packet from her friend and pulling a cigarette from it. She lit up hastily and inhaled, letting the nicotine course through her system. _Bloody hell I missed this._

Effy sat back down at the table and gestured for Naomi to do the same. An explanation was in order and the brunette seemed to know it. She took another lengthy drag on her cigarette before looking Naomi dead in the eye. "She's my friend, okay?" she said, as if it explained everything.

Naomi smirked. "I know that she's your friend Effy. I'm not stupid. But never in a million years did I think she would also be your roommate! It took me by surprise, is all."

Effy scoffed. "Surprise? Is _that _what that was? 'Cos that looked more like some fucked up political debate to me – without the politics" she said haughtily.

"You could have at least told me before. Maybe I wouldn't have been so...verbal...if you had given me some time to prepare myself" she said, knowing that her excuse was meagre.

Effy shrugged. "What was I supposed to say? I mean, besides the odd postcard I barely ever heard from you while you were away. I didn't think saying 'Hey Naomi, hope your having fun backpacking through Taiwan. Oh by the way, your ex-girlfriend's sister has moved in with me. Is that cool with you?' would be relevant." Naomi shrunk into herself guiltily, suddenly wishing she hadn't spoken at all. But Effy wasn't done. "And as for today, I honestly didn't think that you'd run into eachother. Katie was supposed to be working in the shop till seven, but she obviously got off early. I didn't think you'd want to talk about Katie Fitch of all people after you just got back from travelling." The brunette paused. Her blue eyes had a certain meaningful glint in them. Naomi recoiled under her gaze.

What Effy really meant was "_I didn't think you'd want to talk about Emily so soon" _but just didn't want to voice it – Naomi knew this. Talking about Katie meant indirectly talking about Emily; because one twin ultimately linked with the other, no matter how different they were now.

"Okay. Sorry. And thanks" the blonde answered softly to both meanings.

Effy grinned. "Right then, enough of this daft shit. I suggest we celebrate your homecoming tonight".

Naomi looked up, frowning. "Tonight? Bit short notice don't you think?" she said, smiling modestly.

Effy waved an airy hand. "Sometimes things are better left to the last minute" she said wisely, to which Naomi laughed. "It doesn't have to be an actual get-together, Naomes. Just round up a couple of your uni mates and I'll round up some of my mates and we can head to a club somewhere."

Naomi cocked an eyebrow. "So basically, not a homecoming...just a piss up?" she said exasperatedly.

"Something like that" the brunette said, giggling. "Except not so much 'piss-up' in regards to alcohol for me, what with the pills and all. C'mon, it'll be a laugh!"

The blonde smiled, regarding her friend for a moment. "Sure why not? I'll text Mark and a few others and we'll meet up with your lot later, yeah?"

Effy nodded, her eyes gleaming. "Excellent! It's settled then" she said, getting to her feet. Naomi followed suit, walking into the hallway. Effy trailed behind her.

"Oh and Eff, could you not...you know?"

She cocked her head emphatically upwards and Effy smiled in comprehension. "Don't worry Naomes, I won't. But to be fair I think the last thing Katie would want after your bitch-fest earlier would be to party with you" she said, jabbing the blonde accusingly in the ribs.

"Ow! Sorry okay? I'll behave myself next time. And cheers love. Till this evening then!" she said as she opened the door, briskly walking outside just as she heard Katie shout from upstairs "Effy? Where the hell are all my clothes?"

She was irritated to find that it was now much too cold for the thin t-shirt she was wearing. She walked quickly home, suddenly missing the sweltering heat of Eastern Asia.

She felt relieved when she was nearly home, eager to get out of the cold, when suddenly she stopped dead in her tracks. A blaze of red in her peripheral vision had caught her attention and she looked around frantically for the source. There was nobody on the street however except for an elderly couple on the opposite pathway to her.

The glimpse of red had been enough to cause her heart to start racing; the frenetic beating sensation horribly familiar. The blonde shuddered, willing herself to snap back to reality. _Get over yourself. Stop seeing things. You're supposed to have moved on, remember?_

The blonde let out a long breath that she didn't know she was holding before continuing on, trying to keep her eyes firmly on the path ahead of her. _Red. It burns._

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A few hours later and Naomi was leaning against the bar in the middle of a club, sipping a drink. She was watching as Mark danced – well, less like danced and more like flailed – his way across the dancefloor. He was trying and failing to chat up some girls who were innocently enjoying themselves. Their looks of disgust at his sleazy leers were enough to make Naomi burst out laughing. She couldn't blame them – hell if she didn't know him she would have given the guy a well-earned slap herself.

"Having fun Naomi?" she heard suddenly from beside her. The blonde looked around to find her travelling friend Michelle standing there, clutching a drink.

Naomi smiled. "Tons. Have you seen Mark's attempt to dance and flirt at the same time? Hilarious" she said, pointing to their friend on the dancefloor. Mark's targets of interest had just decided they'd had enough and walked off when Michelle glanced over. She sniggered loudly.

"Wow, he's really pathetic isn't he? The tan clearly hasn't helped much" she noted, cocking her head sideways in a scrutinising way.

"Nope. Apparently not" she said quietly, because said friend was now on his way over.

"Oy Chelle, Nomesy! How's it going?" he shouted, grinning broadly.

Naomi smiled. "Good. You're having fun, eh Mark? Just saw you chatting up the girls over there" she said, nodding towards the now vacated spot on the dancefloor.

Mark waved an airy hand. "They just don't know what they want. They'll be back. It's hard to resist my charms in the end" he said, gulping a large swig of his lager.

Michelle shoved him playfully. "Prick. Grow up would you?"

"No way! You know you gals love me. You wouldn't be hanging out with me if you didn't" he said smugly, downing the last of his glass and waving the bartender over for another.

Naomi rolled her eyes at Michelle, who smirked knowingly. Before she could say anything else to them, her phone started vibrating in her pocket. "'Scuse me, friend calling" she said, putting down her drink and dipping past them towards the quieter smoking area. "Eff? Where are you?" she asked, hearing only a faint noise down the phone when she answered.

Several moments later and Naomi's ear was almost torn off. "NAOMES?" Effy bellowed, "CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

"Yes! _Fuck yes_ I can hear you Eff! Quieten down!" she said, frowning and holding the phone away from her ear slightly.

"Sorry, you weren't saying anything so I thought you were dancing. Where are you?" she said, her voice all of a sudden timid.

"In 'Suite 22'. And you're wrong about the last minute thing by the way – I could only get two of my mates out on such short notice" she said, wishing Effy could see her roll her eyes.

"Ah well, we'll know for next time yeah?" she said blithely, and Naomi could just imagine her shrugging. "I've rounded up a few too. We just left 'Magoo's'. We'll be there in five minutes".

"Cool. See ya in a few". Naomi hung up and made her way back inside hastily, because she suddenly found herself allured by the smell of cigarette smoke. _Thanks for being a bad influence Effy._ She stood on tiptoe to try and see if she could find Michelle or Mark. After a few minutes, she spotted the tall, lean form of Mark making his way over to her. His chestnut-coloured hair was now plastered to his forehead with sweat.

"Hey Nomesy. Who was that?"

"Heya, just my friend Effy. This whole 'homecoming' thing–", she raised her fingers in air quotations, "–was her idea. She's bringing a couple of mates here."

"Deadly! Hope some are fit. The women in here are dreadful looking" he said, his nose wrinkling in disgust.

Naomi snorted. "They didn't seem so dreadful when you tried to cop a feel of their tits earlier! Yeah, I saw you! How did you even manage twelve months without jumping me or Chelle?"

Mark smirked. "Don't think I haven't thought about it, babes" he said suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows. "But then I'd lose you as a friend, wouldn't I?"

"I'm pretty sure Chelle would disown you too" she said, chuckling.

"Yeah, but – and don't go all self-righteous on me here, yeah? – to be honest I like you too much to lose you Nomesy. Although I do reckon you'd make the better shag. Just don't tell Chelle though, eh?" he said playfully, elbowing her slightly.

"Erm...I'm really not sure what to say to that so...thanks?" she said, laughing slightly. "Listen, I better go try and find Eff. She's probably here by now". The blonde passed by Mark and made her way across the dancefloor to the entrance. She pushed herself against the mass of bodies, keeping an eye out for the brunette and her friends. _Jesus Christ she's taking her sweet time...some welcome home Eff–_

All thoughts of Effy flew from her mind as she finally pushed past the crowd. _I'm seeing things again. Fuck's sake..._ She continued to stare at what could only be described as a figment of her imagination for a couple more seconds, blinking deliberately to make it go away. But the longer the seconds ticked by, the more panicky she became. _The red. It's not going away. _Blink. _What the fuck? _Blink. _Oh no...it can't be. Can it? _Her silent question was answered once the familiar redhead finally caught her eye. She too stopped dead in her tracks and Naomi could only watch in horror as comprehension dawned on the other girl's face. _Emily Fitch. Emily Fitch is in the same room as me. Emily Fitch is _staring _at me._

Both girls stared at eachother for an unbelievably long time. Naomi's heart was frenzied; pounding so hard that it felt like it was trying to escape from her chest – if she concentrated hard enough, she was quite sure the organ was skipping to the synchronization of _Emily Emily Emily._ People kept shoving past her, but frankly she didn't notice. Her mind was a muddle of flashbacks right now; their whole history stretched out and filled in the space between them across the tiles. _Move. For fuck's sake, _do _something!_

Naomi shook herself internally and surveyed the redhead's expression. The look on her face was a cross between astonishment and intrigue. That was good enough for her. With an incredible amount of courage, she took those cautious steps towards her past.

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Effy could only watch in horror as she saw Naomi take those tentative steps towards Emily. It was like everything was playing in slow-motion. The brunette had arrived only several seconds earlier with Tony and some others. It was then that she saw Naomi. She had been about to walk up to the blonde when she noticed whom her gaze was transfixed on. _Christ...I've never seen her so bloody nervous, _she mused, watching as the space finally closed between the two. She felt her heart twinge sympathetically for her friend.

She tried to observe their body language to see how their reunion was faring, when all of a sudden she felt a hand roughly yank her shoulder back.

"What the fuck is going on here?"

Katie's flushed and angry face was now boring down on Effy, her eyes flashing severely. The brunette composed herself. "Naomi's talking to Emily. What does it look like?" she shot back, glancing back at the topics of conversation.

She heard Katie growl. "I _know _that Effy. What I mean is, why are you here? I purposely took Emily here so that she _wouldn't _run into Naomi! You told me you were going to 'Magoo's!'"

Effy eyed her roommate, smiling slightly. "'Magoo's' was dead. I think we're allowed to change our minds when we want a good night, yeah?" she said, looking back at the blonde. She grimaced at the sight of Naomi's tense form. "Aren't you gonna go drag Emily away?" she asked.

Katie sighed heavily. "What's the point? They were bound to run into eachother eventually...Emily doesn't know what's fucking good for her" she said, exasperated. "Hell, I think a part of her _wanted _to run into Naomi when I told her she was back in Bristol. Stupid cow".

"They never learn, do they?" Effy said wisely, chuckling. She glanced at Katie. The girl was smirking incredulously.

"Nope. They really don't. But Naomi fucked up bad, Eff. Ems was heartbroken."

Effy nodded to herself. "Yeah...but so was Naomi."

Katie frowned. "But Naomi _broke up_ with Emily. That doesn't exactly spell out devastation, Eff."

The brunette paused, her lips curling up when she glimpsed a reciprocating smile on Emily's face. "Trust me Katie. She never got over it. We don't even know the half of it." The two of them stayed silent for a few moments, only the heavy beat of the music filling their ears. Then Effy walked off, leaving her old friend to her own love affairs. Katie reluctantly followed suit, seeing Effy amble over to Tony and some pretty brunette at the bar.

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Naomi stopped just in front of Emily, leaving an honest space between them. Walking this far had been one of the hardest things she ever had to do; especially now, because she could really see how fucking beautiful Emily still was.

Her brown eyes had that same enchanting glint in them, their chocolaty depths still easy to get lost in. Her hair was hanging loosely around her shoulders, but the blonde couldn't help but notice that the red had changed. Gone was that fiery tone which had never failed to captivate her – in a way Naomi reckoned it had reflected Emily's sparky personality – and in its place was a deeper crimson hue. There were streaks of copper pulsing throughout – making it look almost brown in the right light – but it still was absolutely gorgeous; maybe even better, she had to admit. She was wearing a casual – yet to Naomi, stunning – outfit of satin black shorts and an understated white t-shirt which clung to her body in all the right places, a design splashed across the front.

She suddenly realised she had been ogling and glimpsed Emily's expression. The girl looked flushed and slightly embarrassed, her eyes looking at anywhere but Naomi. She smirked. _She must have been doing the same, _she realised._ Lil' perv, _she thought as an addition, all of a sudden more self-assured. She cleared her throat.

"Hello Emily" she said tentatively, the name catching in her throat slightly. She rarely said it out loud if she could help it. The redhead's eyes twinkled.

"Hello Naomi. What a pleasant surprise" she said, and her voice had that familiar husky note to it that made the blonde go weak at the knees. _Ha. Pleasant. _

"Yeah, I guess. So...how...are you?" the blonde asked, cursing herself for not having anything more creative or witty to say. She normally had a sharp tongue, great for these kinds of awkward situations, yet something about Emily had always made her feel out of her depth. She tried not to let the fear show on her face.

"I'm good, thanks. Yourself? Katie told me you'd come home to Bristol, but I thought I was just seeing things."

"Yeah...uh, what do you mean?" she asked, puzzled.

Judging by the frown that swiftly appeared on Emily's face, she regretted saying the last part. "Oh...nothing, it's just...well, I was walking through town earlier and I could've sworn I saw you. Before I could make sure though, you were gone. Then Katie had a big rant at me earlier saying how you _were_ back and now...here you are" she said smiling, her voice sweet.

Naomi couldn't help it – she beamed. The tone of Emily's voice was doing things to her that she hadn't felt in a long time. _She's not leaving. She's talking to me. She's smiling at me. She seems...happy to see me?_

"It must be a coincidence – I thought I saw you earlier too. So no, you're not going mad" she said, the tension easing off noticeably.

"Thank god for that then" Emily said, giggling. "So whereabouts have you been? I haven't seen you for a good while". She said the last part softly and the blonde's heart clenched again. _No you haven't. Four years to be exact. _

"Oh just here and there. University, travelling, you know how it is" she said indifferently, trying to pass off the awkward moment.

"Cool. Where did you go travelling?" she asked, genuinely interested. A strand of hair fell around her face and it was all Naomi could do not to reach out and tuck it behind her ear.

She fingered her bracelet as a distraction. "Around Asia for a year. Was amazing, I fully recommend it".

"Wow, sounds fun. I really want to go away somewhere but things are kind of hectic at the moment, so I probably won't for a while" she said, clearly intrigued by the idea.

"Yeah definitely, you should" the blonde said feebly, nodding along like a passive git. Another awkward silence fell over them and Naomi could only watch with longing as Emily bit her lip innocently. Her lips looked so moist and firm – she wanted to feel them against her own. _Don't you know what you're doing to me? Moved on...who was I kidding? _

"Well it was nice seeing you again Naomi" Emily said, snapping the blonde from her lust-induced trance. "Have a good night". The redhead made to leave but Naomi desperately felt the need to stop her.

"Wait, Em" she called and the girl flinched. She realised too late that she had used the affectionate nickname. "Do...do you want a drink or anything?" she offered, trying to keep the hope out of her voice.

Emily stared at her blankly. Her brown eyes flickered uncertainly as she gazed at Naomi's face. The blonde knew full well that the redhead was contemplating the idea and she could only pray that Emily would give her the time of day. _I know I was a twat....but let me make it up to you. Sometimes...I still need you._

The redhead smiled sadly after a while and Naomi felt her stomach drop. "No, thank you. I think I better be going. It was really good seeing you, Naomes" she said, and now it was Naomi's turn to flinch at the name. Something in her mind told her it was intended because Emily turned lithely away, smiling to herself.

"Another time maybe?" she asked before the redhead was fully out of earshot. She glanced over her shoulder and Naomi mustered up a coy smile.

"Maybe. See you around". The blonde watched as Emily swiftly walked over to Katie. They exchanged a few words and then Katie followed Emily wordlessly to the exit. Katie caught her eye at the last moment and the blonde was shocked to see Emily's twin shooting her a sympathetic look. Naomi nodded at her and then they were both gone.

Naomi stood immobile for a number of minutes afterwards, ignoring the weird looks she got. After a while she felt somebody appear next to her.

"Rough night?"

She glanced around. There was a tall, good-looking bloke standing there. He was wearing jeans, brown shoes and a casual purple jumper. He had a pale complexion, messy brown hair and hauntingly familiar eyes. Almost soul-searching...

"Tony?" she asked surely.

He smirked. "How'd you guess?" he asked, eying the blonde furtively.

Naomi shrugged. "I just assumed. You look a lot like her" she said, looking away from him to nothing in particular.

"Okay then. And you're Naomi, right? Eff's told me a lot about you".

"Has she now...?" she trailed off, not entirely sure whether she cared at this particular moment. _Red. It looks so much better in person._

"Not a good night for love all round then – I just ran into my ex too".

The blonde looked at him again, ignoring the fact that he knew she was talking to her ex and instead asking, "really? How'd it go for you then? Better than my sorry attempt, I hope" she said, laughing darkly.

He shrugged. "I'm not too sure to be honest. I haven't seen her since we both broke up to go to university. She's only just gotten back from travelling too s–"

"Hold on...is your ex Michelle Richardson by any chance?" she asked incredulously, a vague memory of one of her and Michelle's conversations springing to mind. "I went travelling with her".

"_You _know Michelle? Fuck _me_ that's a small world!" he exclaimed, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Yeah I guess it is..." she said, suddenly feeling empathetic towards the guy.

They remained silent for a few moments, a new song coming on. "Can I buy you a drink?" he asked eventually. She raised an eyebrow. "Not in _that _way! Jesus, I don't pick up chicks on the rebound if that's what you're thinking. It just looks like you could do with one, that's all."

She smiled sadly and shook her head. "Thanks Tony, but I think I'll take a rain check. I really just wanna go home now..."

He smiled compassionately. "No problem. I could accompany you if you want? I'm not feeling the vibe of this place anyway."

"You don't mind?"

"Nah...and I won't try anything, I promise. Effy would have my balls if I did" he said, laughing. Naomi couldn't help but join in – she could suddenly see why Effy gravitated towards her brother.

"Okay. Let me just say goodbye to the others and we'll go". Naomi moved from the edge of the dancefloor and looked for some recognisable faces, finally spotting Effy, Mark and a couple of others dancing nearby. "Hey Eff, me and Tony are heading off okay? I'll text you later". Effy eyed her with a perplexed expression but nodded nonetheless.

"Fair enough. But don't let him try–"

"I won't Eff, don't worry. See you guys". She waved Mark and the rest off and made her way towards the entrance where Tony was standing, coat on. His gaze was fixed on Michelle, who was standing at the bar chatting to some bloke. As Naomi approached him, she saw a questioning look flicker over her friend's face. She smiled at her and shook her head as if to say "I wouldn't dream of it" and Michelle smiled and waved her off.

"Ready to go?" Tony asked, smirking at the little exchange between both ladies. She nodded. They both stepped outside into the freezing cold and Naomi cursed herself for not thinking of bringing a jacket. As if reading her mind, she felt a heavy coat slip around her shoulders. "Wouldn't want you getting a cold" he said, trying to hail a taxi. The blonde smiled. If her mind currently wasn't so frazzled, she might've been more appreciative of Tony's chivalry. She also realised how sober she was when they both eventually shuffled into the backseat of a taxi. _I could've done with a hangover. Might've made me forget about this in the morning. _

The drive home was pretty much silent as Naomi watched the streets of Bristol flicker by the window, the streetlamps covering everything in a dull orange tinge. They arrived at hers first and Naomi tried to slip Tony some cash, to which he held up a hand. "No chance, Naomi. I'm being a gentleman here." She smiled gratefully at him and opened the door. Just before she got out fully, she glanced back. "Thanks, Tony. You're pretty cool – I think Effy gave me the wrong impression."

He laughed heartily. "No she didn't. I'm a prick normally. I just know when to turn it on and off" he said, winking at her. She grinned and stepped out, watching as the taxi drove off. Her bed was calling to her, but as she made her way inside she was suddenly fearful of what her dreams might entail.

_Four years. Four fucking years and I'm still crazy about her, _she thought disbelievingly as she walked into her room and turned on the light. She threw off her shoes and clothes, turned off the light again and jumped straight into bed, not bothering to wash her teeth or put on pyjamas. The dull beat of her heart sang her off to sleep.

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	5. Chapter 4

_Jeez even I don't know how I got this one out so quickly; started it this morning and finished it in a few hours! Pretty happy with the result if I do say so myself - but i'll let you be the judge._

_Anyone see the afterellen movie storyboard? If not, go check it out cos it had me in stitches - Katie the vampire slayer is a really hilarious and intriguing concept lol._

_Enjoy! You know what to do at the end...._

_._

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A week had passed since Naomi had talked to Emily and afterwards it seemed as if the last few years apart had been for nothing. Her dreams had been happily occupied by the redhead for the past several nights and the thought of not seeing her again was slowly driving Naomi insane. She also found that her dreams had changed – gone were those flashback dreams of the younger redhead and in their place were visions of hope with this new and more mature – and if she was being honest, stunning – version of Emily. Whenever she woke up from these blissful and euphoric imaginings though, she silently scolded herself for being so weak and delusional. _You blew it, remember? It ain't gonna happen. _

Her grouchiness was tangible at this stage and it hadn't gone unnoticed. Kieran and her mother had learnt to avoid asking her anything when it were possible now – they had learnt their lesson when Kieran had innocently asked two days after the fateful night whether Naomi would be doing anything that day, to which she had barked back _"NO! Fuck off and mind your own goddamn business!"_ The younger blonde had received an ear-lashing from her mother at this, and Naomi eventually apologised, but the Irish man had been noticeably edgier with her for the rest of the week.

It was today that one particular person had decided she'd had enough.

"For fuck's sake Naomi!"

Naomi lifted her eyes from the telly and glared at her friend, who was staring at her like she had just grown two heads or something. "What?" she asked grouchily.

The brunette rolled her eyes. "Oh I dunno, you tell me? Perhaps you could let me know when my friend is ready to stop looking like a slapped-arse? 'Cos until then I don't wanna hang out with this bitch" Effy exclaimed.

Naomi snorted loudly. "No-one asked you to come round Eff. So maybe you should just calm down and go take one of your chill pills or something..." The blonde didn't know what she had said until it left her mouth, but when her brain recognized her mistake she backtracked furiously. Effy's eyes went wide and her lips pursed into a tight line, before she swiftly got to her feet. "Effy...wait, I'm sorry!" Naomi cried, disgusted at herself.

Effy marched to the door, before deciding better of it and whirling around to glower at Naomi. Her icy blue eyes made her gaze all the more intense and the blonde felt herself shrink back at the power in them. "Piss off Naomi! That was a low blow. Just 'cos you're in a strop over Emily doesn't mean you can take it out on other peopl–"

"This isn't about Emily" she lied feebly, her eyes feeling wet all of a sudden.

Effy laughed and the sound was so manic and possessed that Naomi froze. "Oh please! This is _everything _to do with Emily! You're fooling nobody but yourself Naomes. Why don't you just admit you still love her and get over it? As if you haven't had enough time to do that already" the brunette snarled. She turned to leave again but this time Naomi reacted, flying across the living room to grab her friend's wrist.

"Please Eff, don't go! I really am sorry–"

"Save it for somebody who cares" she growled, pulling against the blonde's grip.

Naomi sighed heavily, her heartbeat erratic. "That's the thing – you're the only one who _does _care". Naomi's grip loosened on the brunette's wrist, but the girl had stopped pulling. She glimpsed back at her, her eyes curious all of a sudden. "I-I-I– just...don't know what to do..." The blonde dropped her hand completely and strolled back into her living room, sinking hopelessly into the couch. She slid her hands up to cover her eyes and exhaled loudly. She felt the couch shift beside her a few moments later.

"Talk to me, Naomes" the now noticeably softer voice of Effy asked.

Naomi shook her head, the red dancing behind her palms as she stared at them. "I thought it would be different, you know?" she said quietly, finally dragging her hands downwards. "I thought that the next time I saw her that we could move past this...I thought I would be strong enough by now to be able to look back on the whole thing and be able to leave it where it was – in the past. But since that night, everything I missed about her came flooding back even worse. She's so fucking gorgeous..." A stray tear leaked down her cheek and the blonde flinched as she felt Effy's thumb reach out and catch it. Naomi forced herself to look at her friend and was shocked to see tears in her eyes as well.

"Does your heart swell every time you picture her face?" she asked, her eyes far away. Naomi nodded reluctantly. "Do you smile every time you think about the two of you together?" Naomi smiled faintly, nodding again. "Does the thought of not being with him cut you open like a million knives–" Effy choked on her words as a sob escaped her throat and it was then that the blonde understood. She scooted closer to her friend and embraced her tightly, gliding a hand gently through her hair.

"I know it hurts Eff. I do. I'm sorry..." she whispered, repeatedly sighing soft shushing noises in her ear as the brunette cried against her shirt. They stayed like that for a while, Naomi tenderly rocking her broken friend in her arms. At some point Gina walked into the living room but Naomi simply shook her head when her mother asked if she needed any help, the older woman leaving quietly and smiling thoughtfully to herself.

Eventually Effy pulled herself out of the blonde's arms, wiping at her red eyes. She laughed half-heartedly. "We're pretty miserable 'ol fuckers aren't we?" she said darkly.

Naomi scoffed. "Yeah...we could write the book on 'how not to deal with love'" she said, scratching her head awkwardly. She paused for a moment, suddenly comprehending something. "I'm sorry I wasn't around a lot, Eff. If you need to talk at all, I'm here okay?" The brunette nodded and giggled softly.

"That's a lot coming from you. But thanks". They stayed silent after that, only the low noise of the TV reaching their ears. Finally Effy cleared her throat. The blonde looked up to see that the girl looked cautious all of a sudden. "Why did you break up with her Naomi?" she asked delicately.

Naomi froze. She had been asking herself the same question constantly ever since she did it, but she couldn't face up to it. Not yet. It was still too raw. Effy seemed to understand by the horrified look on the blonde's face that it was a no-go topic, because she placed her hand over Naomi's sympathetically. "It's okay. Forget I said anything. Now...what do you reckon we clean ourselves up and go shopping, yeah? I checked your wardrobe since you got back and your style is in serious need of a makeover". Naomi laughed. Typical Effy...jumping from serious to blasé in about a millisecond.

"Alright" the blonde agreed grudgingly. Both girls got to their feet and went upstairs to Naomi's room to organise themselves.

.

"No. Way." An hour and a half later and Naomi was standing in the middle of a shop. She was currently staring disbelievingly at a dress that Effy had suggested for her. "I am not wearing _that_" she said, not bothering to hide the revulsion in her tone.

"Why not? I think it would look nice on you" she said, frowning. "It's gorgeous. I'm sure Ems would think so too" she added, wiggling her eyebrows. Naomi smirked. Since they'd left the house Effy had taken to joking about their dire excuses for love lives as a coping mechanism. She had to admit it was helping – she didn't feel as hopeless about everything now compared to an hour ago. _Look back and laugh, as they say. _

"Just...no, Eff. I know what I like and that's not it." Effy sighed exasperatedly and put the dress down, glimpsing around the shop. "Well I think we've scoped around long enough here. On to the next one?" The blonde nodded and they both stepped outside into a bitter wind. Naomi pulled her scarf tighter around her neck. July was becoming more and more like December every year, in her opinion.

"Honestly Eff, I dunno why I agreed to this – you've always had a peculiar fashion sense to say the least" the blonde noted, smirking slightly. She glanced sideways to see Effy roll her eyes.

"Well, if you want I could ask Katie to help you? Although she's sick at home right now... I'm sure she would've just loved to have gotten her claws into your sorry excuse for style" Effy shot back, smirking haughtily. She paused suddenly. "Oh that reminds me, don't–" Her sentence was cut off by her ringtone blasting from her handbag. She checked it and frowned. "It's Tone. I better take this. I'll meet you in the next shop, yeah?" Naomi nodded as Effy raised her phone to her ear and walked on ahead. She looked through the oncoming shop windows to see if anything peaked her interest. She spotted a beautiful lace top through the window of one and decided to check it out.

The shop was warm and scented as she stepped in from the chill outside. It seemed welcoming and friendly; unlike the other places they had visited. _Must be family run,_ she thought as she observed the quaint feel to it. She looked around and spotted the top she was eying through the window. It looked even nicer up close. She picked it up but was dismayed to see that it wasn't in her size. She took it to the counter.

"Hello?" she called loudly, for nobody was manning the till. "Could anyone help me here?" She looked down to fumble with the tag again when she heard footsteps approach from the storage room. "Oh good, here listen, do you have this...?" Her words died in her throat when she looked up. There stood Emily Fitch – beautiful, wonderful, currently _gobsmacked _Emily Fitch. She was looking at the blonde as if she were something from another planet, let alone a customer. "Emily..." she said obviously after several painstaking moments.

The redhead flinched and a taut smile stretched across her face. "Naomi! Fancy seeing you here! How are you?"

_Fucking shitting bricks is how I am._ "I'm great. Just browsing, y'know?" she said, laughing nervously. _  
_

Emily smiled in a placating way. "Okay then. Do you need help with that top?" she said, gesturing to the garment in her hands. Naomi forgot she was holding the damn thing.

"Oh...yeah. Erm...was wondering if you had it in a size ten...? " she asked, flushing. "I'm shopping for a new wardrobe – according to Eff I'm seriously lacking"._ Twat twat twat. _ Emily bit her lip in a thoughtful way and Naomi felt the same lust wash over her from the last time she saw the girl. _Little fucking tease, _she thought sourly.

"Not sure actually. I'll just go and check that for you." Naomi handed the redhead her top and stifled a gasp as her fingers accidentally brushed past Emily's during the exchange. Naomi looked up just in time to see an alarmed look flash across her brown eyes. "B-b-be back in a minute" she said hurriedly, before turning around and strolling into the store room.

Naomi breathed deeply as she willed her heart to return to its normal rhythm. _Of all the bloody shops in the world I had to go into the one that had Emily Fitch as an employee. That's karma at its most fucked. _Naomi heard the door behind her open and close and looked around to see a panicked and flushed Effy running up to her. "Naomi!" she exclaimed, her eyes agitated. "Why the hell did you come in here?"

Naomi stared at her friend, puzzled. "Uh...we're shopping Eff? This is a shop?" She raised her arms and gestured around obviously. "Get what I'm saying?"

"This is the _Fitches _shop. Katie and her mum _own _this place. Didn't you see the sign? _'La Boutique de Fitch'? _I was trying to tell you not to come in here!"

Naomi blanched. _What. The. Fuck. _Naomi didn't have time to respond because Emily suddenly walked back out of the storage room, clutching the top. "I'm sorry Naomi, we only have – oh hi Effy!" she said, smiling at the brunette. Effy grinned tightly at her, her eyes flickering in amusement between Naomi and Emily.

"Hey Emily! Katie not better then?" she asked rather pointedly. "Haven't seen her since this morning when she was hocking up phlegm everywhere" she added, wrinkling her nose.

Emily rolled her eyes. "No...she called me from yours and said she was 'dying' of flu. Mum's still out of town so Katie asked me to cover for them. I need the money to be honest so I don't really mind". She sighed in annoyance. "You guys see anything nice?" she asked.

Nobody answered for a moment, for Naomi was still struck dumb by the fact that she had been stupid enough to walk into a Fitch-owned establishment. Effy poked her shrewdly in the back. "Oh...erm...not really. A lot of places don't have my style, you know...?" _Could I sound any less cool?_

"I wouldn't think so – you have quite a unique taste." The redhead smiled knowingly and the blonde's stomach fluttered. Emily's cheeks tinted pink. _Holy shit is she blushing? _"But yeah, we only have this in an eight I'm afraid" she continued, signalling to the top in her hands. "I could let you know when we have new sizes in, if that's cool with you?"

"Yeah sure, no problem" she replied awkwardly. She tried to think of something else to say, desperate to get out of there, when Effy decided to chip in.

"Well I better be going guys. Tone called me just there and told me he needed me for something. Sounded important so..." Naomi knew where this was going and she shot an alarmed and pleading look at her friend. Effy was grinning wildly, obviously trying to hide her laughter. "No need to come Naomes – maybe now you can actually get something done? You said I was an awful stylist anyway." The blonde glanced back at Emily, who seemed to have taken an odd interest in playing with the hem of her shirt. She felt Effy lean into her ear. "It's never too late, you know" she whispered, her breath tickling the blonde's neck. She looked at her and the brunette had an eloquent gleam in her eye. "See you guys later". With that Effy turned on her heel and left without a second glance back. Naomi reluctantly looked back at Emily, who had stopped fiddling with her shirt and was now watching the place where Effy had disappeared.

Silence befell them once again. _Fuck fuckity fuck...Effy I am gonna knock your mysterious little brains out later! _Naomi coughed uncomfortably. "So...this is your store then?" she asked.

Emily met her eye, smirking. "No it's my mum's and Katie's. After the wedding service and my dad's gym went bust they started working in a shop together. It belonged to my mum's aunt. Eventually mum became the manager and then last year her aunt retired and left her the place – after that 'the Fitch Boutique' was born" she said unenthusiastically.

Naomi smirked. "What? No French?"

"Ugh please...I tried to make them call it something else but they thought it was a _fierce_ name for a shop". Emily made a retching noise and the blonde couldn't help but laugh. She knew Jenna and Katie Fitch had never been very tasteful when it came to things like this – Naomi was quite surprised how they managed to pen their name to another slogan again. _How many times can you reuse the name Fitch? _"Seen anything else you like?" she asked feebly, clearly groping for things to say – just like Naomi was.

Naomi shook her head. "Not bothered really. Effy was the one who dragged me shopping in the first place and now that she's gone..." She trailed off, Emily nodding in understanding.

"Right. So, you gonna head then?" she asked, and Naomi's heart twinged at the thought that Emily might truly want her to leave. She eyed the redhead's expression and she caught a glimpse of trepidation in her eyes. Naomi paused.

_"Another time maybe?" she asked before the redhead was fully out of earshot. She glanced over her shoulder and Naomi mustered up a coy smile._

_"Maybe. See you around"._

Her heartbeat became amplified as she contemplated a bold move. Effy's whispery words from earlier drifted through her mind. _It's never too late, you know._

"Actually, Em?" she started and Emily flinched. _Right, gotta stop using the nickname._ "Is this another time?" she asked slyly, trying to keep the anticipation out of her tone.

The redhead frowned. "Wha–" The blonde raised her eyebrows, willing the girl to catch on. After a few moments, Emily's beautiful face broke out into a beam and Naomi wasn't sure if she had ever seen anything more breathtaking. "Oh right" she said, laughing giddily.

Naomi bit her lip nervously as the redhead mulled over the idea. She should really be expecting a refusal, just like the last night, but part of her hoped against hope that Emily Fitch would just be willing to have a lengthy conversation with her. She wanted to know everything. She wanted to relearn everything about the girl's face and thoughts and body– _NO. STOP THAT! – _and she wanted to be able to laugh with her and be easy with her. The blonde knew she was at fault for the situation being like it is now; but she was hoping that time had let Emily heal – even if the same couldn't be said for herself. _Even if I can never hold you again...just be in my life. I've been waiting too long to give this up._

Emily's lips cocked upwards and her brown eyes sparkled with intrigue. The blonde tried not to hold her breath. "Sure. Why not? I can take a lunch break whenever I want anyway." Naomi stood unmoving on the spot as Emily suddenly spun around and then went about organising herself to close up for lunch. The blonde was euphoric. _She said yes! I'm going for lunch with Emily. _She smiled happily at the redhead when she joined the blonde at the door. _I think this day must be bipolar, _she thought, remembering how depressed she had been this morning with Effy. _Well if this is the high, then I'll take it anytime. _"Coffee then?" Emily asked, looking at Naomi inquisitively. Naomi couldn't help but notice that the girl was grinning broadly.

"Definitely. Lead the way". Both girls stepped outside and Emily locked up. Naomi didn't even feel the cold wind fly by her – the girl beside her was making her feel bizarrely warm.

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	6. Chapter 5

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_I'm dreaming._ As Naomi watched the redhead order her cappuccino, she awaited the painful moment when she would suddenly wake up and find herself in her room with only her lonely thoughts to keep her company. _This must be a dream because there is no way this could happen in real life._ Amazingly though, no such thing happened. She even pinched herself a few times to make sure.

The barista handed Emily her cup and both of them turned around and made their way to a small table by the window. Emily had always liked the window seats, Naomi remembered fondly. She sat down tentatively opposite her ex-girlfriend and suddenly grasped that although she had wanted nothing more than an excuse to talk to Emily previously, now that she had actually gotten her opportunity she realised that she had absolutely no clue what to say. She sipped her latte uneasily, not exactly sure where to start. Their past seemed to overwhelm Naomi at that particular moment; hundreds and hundreds of unanswered questions and the blonde couldn't bring herself to ask even one. Emily however took the first step, asking possibly the easiest of them all.

"So how have you been doing Naomi?"

The redhead stared at her, a soft look in her eyes. Naomi smiled half-heartedly. "I've been good; no complaints. Although I'm only as good as any girl _can_ be when she's been away for a year only to be now back living with her cliché of a mum." Emily giggled and the sound drifted through Naomi's ears like music.

"Fair enough. How is 'ol Gina anyway? I see her around town sometimes and we've had chats here and there, but it's been a while now..."

Naomi hesitated, taking a mental note to ask her mother what exactly her and her ex had talked about in her absence. "She's fine. Her and Kieran are still going out and living together – I'm just the third wheel" she said, smiling.

"Yeah...they've been going out, what? Five years now? Kieran must be about ready to pop the question by now" the redhead stated, grinning broadly.

Naomi cocked an eyebrow. "I haven't really thought about it actually..." she admitted honestly. "But I suppose you could be right. Although the concept's strange if you think about it. I mean, Kieran? My stepdad?" the blonde gave a dramatic shudder and Emily rolled her eyes.

"Could happen!" she said astutely, sipping her cappuccino. A sheet of foam appeared on the redhead's top lip when she lowered the cup. Naomi would have quite happily considered removing it for her using a very alternative method, but Emily's method proved much more sexy. Her tongue poked out through her luscious pink lips and slid all the way across her top lip. Naomi felt inexplicably hot under the collar, her eyes fixated. The redhead finished with a flourish, smacking her lips together in a satisfied manner. Naomi gulped. _What I wouldn't give to be that cappuccino..._

"S-s-so what about y-y-you?" the blonde asked, her voice shooting up several octaves. She sipped her latte clumsily to absolve her throat. "...What's going on in the life of Emily Fitch?" she asked, relieved to find her voice back to normal.

The redhead frowned and bit her lip, contemplating. _Damn lips again! _"It's all a bit quiet at the moment" she said finally, shrugging. "I'm working at a book shop across town, but I hope to find something more permanent soon. Katie and mum are doing well with the boutique. Dad doesn't have his gym back but he's manager of another one and James...well...he's still a pervy little shit" she said, smirking.

"Does he still dress up in woman's clothes?" the blonde asked incredulously, laughing.

"No...but puberty didn't help much. Seventeen years old and his longest girlfriend lasted three weeks. Can't say I blame the girls though – he really is a mong" she said bluntly, to which Naomi raised her eyebrows.

"Bit harsh don't you think?" she asked, grimacing.

Emily snorted. "Trust me – if you met him now you'd agree with me. He's still crazy about you too, you know. Couldn't understand how I let you disappear. He really thought he had a chance with you. Delusional twat..."

Naomi nodded along passively, although she really didn't hear anything after _I let you disappear, _so she could be agreeing with James' new policy for shooting kittens for all she knew. Her stomach was clenching painfully at the redhead's phrase; she almost became angry with her. I _let _you _disappear Emily. Can't you see that? This never had anything to do with you... _

The conversation continued on lightly, both girls divulging information on what they had been up to in their adult lives. Emily had been pretty much working since leaving college, it turned out. Her dream was to move to London and get a steady full-time position somewhere. Naomi told her all about her university life in Goldsmiths and how her passion for justice had led her to get a degree in sociology and politics.

But the stupid thought from earlier continued to nag at her. A notion had struck her during Emily's recap and she was contemplating whether or not to ask it or leave it lie. The club, the shop, now coffee? She had to know.

"Emily?" she started tentatively after a pause in conversation, her finger tracing around the rim of her cup.

Emily looked up apprehensively. "Yeah Naomi? Something wrong?"

The blonde sighed, meeting her eye head on. She pushed down the lump in her throat. "Why are you doing this?" she asked, her tone hushed.

The redhead's forehead creased with confusion. "Doing what?"

Naomi gestured feebly between them. "_This. _Being here. Being so nice to me. Why? I don't really deserve it, do I?"

Her brown eyes glinted with comprehension, a kind look breaking over her face. She looked out the window at the scenery, staying silent for a long time. Naomi watched her the entire time, waiting for the second when the girl would suddenly agree with the blonde's query and get up and leave. There was no change to Emily's expression at all; she gave nothing away. Eventually Naomi grew so impatient that she wondered if the girl had heard her correctly and was about to change subject when she finally spoke.

"I don't know, Naomes".

Naomi hid the cringe that overcame her at the nickname and passed it off as a cough. _Really have to get used to that._ She remained silent, hanging on Emily's next few words which would either destroy her or...or what?

Her ex looked back at her then, her eyes unreadable. Naomi was frightened – Emily's eyes used to be so open and honest. Bright yet mysterious. A deep, dark brown full of wonder. Yet right now they appeared guarded and wary. Afraid. _Was that me? Did I really do that? _

The redhead breathed out deeply, obviously finding whatever she was about to say extremely hard. "I was _really_ mad at you Naomi. So fucking angry for a very very long time. It cut me apart when we broke up". The girl's voice choked a bit and Naomi had to work to keep her breath steady. "But...I've grown up. I'm older now and I've learnt from my mistakes. So when I saw you in the club last week I realised that I've moved passed everything – we've both lived our lives and we're both different people now. So I figured holding a grudge was a bit pointless. I'm not the same stroppy teenager I used to be. I've changed." She looked pleadingly at the blonde, willing her to understand.

Naomi's stomach dropped. Part of the reason she wasn't able to move on after all this time, even whilst abroad, was because she didn't know how Emily was or how she had been coping. A part of her wondered whether maybe, just maybe, the redhead secretly harboured a candle for their relationship over the years.

As admirable as Emily's confession was, it made Naomi feel even more terrible than if the girl had just gotten up and left. Why? _I've moved past everything...I've learnt from my mistakes...I've changed. _Translation? _I'm the brand new Emily Fitch and I don't need Naomi Campbell to make me happy. I don't love her and I never will again. _Naomi tried not to let the devastation show and looked swiftly at her hands – although inside she was crumbling. It felt as if something was clutching hard at her chest and was not going to let go. She was drowning.

But in a way this all made sense. Emily had always been so much stronger than herself. The girl had obviously sewn herself back together during her absence, just like Naomi had_ tried_ to do. Emily had just plainly done a better job. The redhead was right – she _had_ changed_._ Clearly for the better.

She glanced back up to see Emily watching her closely. She was gauging her reaction. The blonde's lips pursed. _It's over. You've absolutely no chance with her so just...let go. _Naomi sighed. She knew she only had herself to blame. Maybe if she hadn't ended things those many years ago, things might have been different. It was what it was. It wasn't Emily's fault the blonde was still feeling this way – the whole point of the break-up was to _let _her move on, wasn't it? The blonde sat there for a long time in silence, yet Emily seemed to understand; she didn't make to say anything.

Now that she'd gotten her answer, and from the girl's mouth no less, she wondered what her next move should be. _Should I leave? Tell her that I can't see her anymore and just forget about the whole thing? Emily's smart though...she'd know something was up. Can I really just let everything go again? _

The silence was interrupted suddenly by a phone beeping. Naomi recognized the noise and irritably reached into her handbag, pulling out the device responsible. She got a message from Mark.

_Hey ladies nd gents! Party in 'Magoo's' 2 celebrate my 22__nd__ bday! Takes place on Friday in 2 wks. RSVP ASAP nd lemme no if ur bringing ne1 so I can put yous on the guestlist. Gonna be epic – don't miss it lol!_

Oh Mark...at least _someone _could be happy at a time like this. A party seemed so trivial and insignificant to her right now. There were more important things in life – like unrequited love for example. _Emily, this isn't gonna work out...Emily, I'm sorry I dragged you here but I really need to be going, don't ask me why...Emily, I'm still in love with you and if I spend another second without being able to kiss you I'm going to explode..._

"Who was that?" a timid voice from across the table asked. Naomi glimpsed upwards from her phone to see the redhead eying her anxiously, clearly at a loss as to why the blonde hadn't reacted to her confession by now.

This was it. She was going to have to say something and it was either going to make or break the situation. _Take the clean break I've always wanted or stick around for more heartache?_ Emily smiled softly and Naomi's stomach fluttered wildly. She steeled herself at last.

"That was Mark, my mate from uni and travelling. I don't know if you met him in 'Suite?' Anyhow, he's after inviting me to his birthday party on the 13th...d'you wanna come?"

Emily eyed her unsurely, before her face broke out into a genuine beam. "Yeah! Sounds like fun. Whereabouts is it?"

"It's in 'Magoo's', you know it don't you?" Emily nodded. "He said I can bring people so...you're up for it then? It's two weeks away so if you change your mind–"

"No it should be fine! Nothing planned at the moment anyway. Thanks a lot Naomi, that's very nice of you". Emily's eyes were flickering around the blonde's face. Naomi could tell that the redhead was trying to study her – but Naomi made sure her walls were firmly in place behind her fake smile. Those brown eyes glinted with curiosity; a recognizable glint which used to captivate Naomi. She'd do anything to make the redhead happy – even if it was at her own expense, it seemed. _If she wants to be friends then I can live with that. Emily my friend is better than no Emily at all, isn't it?_

"Cool. So should we get going? Don't want to keep your eager customers waiting" the blonde said swiftly, for the gaze was becoming increasingly intense.

Emily pulled out her phone and glanced at the time. "Oh shit, yeah! Let's go".

The two girls got up and walked outside again. The wind had subdued a little and in its place was an eerie calm. _Maybe nature's trying to tell me something... _They walked down the road back towards Emily's shop. Both were noticeably quieter now. Whenever Naomi glanced shrewdly sideways towards Emily, she caught the redhead deep in thought. Once they finally arrived outside the boutique, Emily turned to face Naomi and a smile quickly overtook her beautiful face as her crimson hair tussled around her.

"Thanks for coffee Naomes. It was good hanging out with you again" she said sincerely.

"You too Ems. We should do it again soon. I should drop by your bookshop too – could do with some reading" she said, trying to keep her tone light. The blonde couldn't help but notice that for once she didn't flinch when Emily said her nickname.

"Oh of course! It's the one across town, 'Opal Books?' We have a cafe too" she said brightly.

"Great. Should I get your number? I can text you about the party then as well."

The redhead blushed furiously. "Well I actually have the same number as...before... That's if, you know, you haven't already deleted it".

Naomi felt her cheeks flush as well and quickly looked downwards. "Erm...I didn't actually. Didn't feel the need to..." The two of them stood awkwardly for a few moments before Naomi saw Emily shuffle out of the corner or her eye. The redhead froze and swiftly held out her hand to shake.

"See you, then".

Naomi smiled and grabbed the hand, her breath hitching as skin met skin. She was aware that Emily had been about to hug her but had thought better of it. She was grateful for that; being that close to her after _that_ little confession would have been the worst kind of torture. Emily shuddered as she released their hands –probably from the cold– then turned around and unlocked the door. She walked in and closed it swiftly. Naomi could see her small figure returning to the counter, ready for the rest of her workday. Naomi smiled sadly and walked away, tugging her coat tighter as the wind picked up again.

To Emily, their coffee together had been merely a pleasant opportunity to catch up with an old friend. But to Naomi it had been surprisingly life changing – an eye-opener.

In that single hour, Emily had dashed any hopes the blonde had for a second chance. Not only was she resigned about the break-up, but she also seemed hopeful for the future. A future where Naomi wasn't included. Well, at least not as a girlfriend anyway.

No, because it seemed pretty clear that Naomi was only a platonic friend to the redhead now. The blonde smirked when she realised that Emily was an extremely big person – she wasn't sure _she_ could ever be that gracious if the situation were reversed.

And the flipping party! What the hell had she been thinking? Inviting her ex, who had absolutely no romantic feelings for her whatsoever and would probably bring a date no less. Naomi felt stupid for leaving herself open for even more misery. She'd have to watch as Emily danced the night away with some gorgeous brunette or something that would be all over her – while she herself sulked in a corner feeling sorry for herself, drowning herself in White Russians.

She pulled her phone out of her bag again, sending a quick message to Effy.

_You're so dead!  
_

She hastily pocketed it, groaning. She wasn't really going to kill Effy, but the thought of the brunette feeling guilty made her feel slightly better. In a way she _should_ be thanking her for this – by finding this out, Effy had stopped the blonde from potentially humiliating herself in front of Emily. Nothing's worse than getting turned down by someone you're crazy about – especially to someone as vulnerable with her heart as Naomi.

As the edges of town started to disappear from view, Naomi contemplated everything as she continued to stroll. _Emily. My friend. _It seemed so bizarre. Emily had _never_ been just a friend to the blonde. She had been everything else though...an acquaintance, an enemy, a girlfriend, an annoyance – the blonde giggled – and a lover. But a _friend? _They'd spent four whole years apart – yet in one week the blonde had gone from somewhat mended to head over heels in love again. Could Emily ever be just a friend to her?

The blonde sighed. _There's a first time for everything...got no choice do I? _With a heavy heart, she accepted things for how they were. Emily was always going to be in her life as long as they both remained in Bristol. But there was one thing that was positive about having Emily Fitch as her friend – she got to be on the receiving end of that dazzling smile. That was as good an excuse as any to get out of bed in the morning.

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	7. Chapter 6

_Nope no party yet...I'm teasing you just a little bit longer._

_I'm going to be honest. I'm not too sure about this one. As a post-series 4 story, I knew this chapter was completely necessary. But it's one of those times where I just can't get the words in my head out on paper, you know? I hope I did this justice anyway, because I had this chapter in mind ever since I started the fic. I would love to hear your opinions on it to see if it really is okay or just whatever. I could do with some constructive criticism cos it makes me write better. Remember, this is your story too. I'm writing it for all you wonderful reviewers, so if I can improve things for your benefit so then we'll all be happy._

_Anyway read on and lemme know what you think._

_._

* * *

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Operation 'Be Emily's Friend' was officially a go. And by hell Naomi going to the best damn _friend_ to Emily that she could be. The only difficult part about that was the fact that a friend didn't usually try to imagine what the other friend would look like naked. Or try to remember them naked.

But Naomi really did try hard to be a good friend. Over the next week and a half she was out and about looking for work because according to her mother she was turning into a 'waste of space'. So when not out job hunting, she tended to make plans that revolved around Emily in some way. She saw more and more of the redhead, always having to keep in mind that she would never receive more than a friendly smile or a handshake because for whatever reason Emily didn't want to touch her or hug or do anything remotely close to intimate with the blonde. Naomi was puzzled as to why. Maybe she could sense something was a bit off between them. Maybe Naomi was a bit obvious about the whole thing. Or maybe – the blonde shuddered – she was just repulsed by her now.

Trying not to concentrate on the latter, Naomi thereby enjoyed the time she did spend in Emily's company. She even kept her word and dropped by her bookstore to visit. The minute Naomi stepped foot in the place she knew it was utterly Emily – offbeat, quaint and with a slight edge to it. As well as selling the bestsellers and new releases, the shop also sold old autobiographies and fiction that she was surprised to find even still existed. Those sections hadn't been very busy, so Naomi enjoyed herself while she skimmed through the shelves to see what treasures she could uncover. At some point she spotted Emily watching her with what appeared to be a fond look on her face, before the girl started and busied herself with the next customer. Naomi had liked to hope that it was something more than just an innocent mistake – but Operation 'Be Emily's Friend' involved her being resigned to the fact that such glimpses were purely platonic.

The blonde had left the shop with a second-hand issue of 'To Kill a Mockingbird' and some more food for thought, for when spotting her purchase the redhead had smirked knowingly and thrown her an affectionate wink, along with a quip of "I knew you'd go for the classics".

But the Emily dilemma was thoroughly pushed out of her mind today because she was about to visit someone who needed her full attention and support. It had been almost two years since the blonde had paid a visit here. Externally she blamed the trip for that but she knew the real reason was because this place seemed thoroughly draining to the soul. But he had nobody anymore. He needed her.

With a deep breath, she strode cautiously through the gate as it retracted backwards. The security guard gestured her through and Naomi realised the significance of being here again. It was time to make amends for time lost.

.

She stared through the glass for a couple of seconds, watching as the prisoners filed into the room one by one. The room looked so hopeless and morbid. She tried to catch sight of the familiar sandy hair of her friend and quickly spotted him towards the back of the crowd; his head was hunched low and he looked unbelievably worn and tired, even through the glass. She swallowed the lump in her throat and followed the prison officer into the room along with the other visitors.

As she approached his table, the man looked up and his weary eyes suddenly lit up with delight. "Naomikins!" he bellowed loudly, jumping up from his chair. He made to embrace her but was swiftly cut off by a nearby prison officer.

"No touching" the officer sneered, and the man very grudgingly lowered himself into his seat opposite hers. Naomi sat down timidly and shot him a half-smile.

"Hi Cook" she said softly.

Cook grinned wildly. "Naomi...phwoar I can't believe you're here babe!" he said eagerly, his eyes displaying said disbelief. "How ya keeping?"

"I'm fine, not up to much. How're you?"

He snorted. "Well my day has so far consisted of breakfast, a shower, a ten minute walk outside and a shit. I'm just dandy" he said sarcastically, scowling. Naomi recoiled at his bluntness. This was part of the reason why she had refrained from seeing Cook for so long. The guy had just become so _bitter. _He seemed to realise his blunder though, because he shook his head regretfully. "I'm sorry babe. I'm just sick of it all, ya know? It's so fucking boring in here!" he exclaimed, rolling his eyes.

"It's okay" she replied kindly. "I can't say I blame you..."

They remained silent for several minutes or so, Cook seeming suddenly guilty. Naomi could understand somewhat; it was hard for someone like Cook, who was cooped up in such isolated circumstances, to understand how hard it was for outsiders to appreciate places like this. Especially since he was technically a murderer.

The mystery of Freddie's disappearance was finally solved those oh so many years ago when word spread that Cook had been apprehended and accused of the murder of John Foster – better known as Effy's psychiatrist. Naturally everyone had been shocked. No-one had any clue as to why Cook would have done such a thing. Sure he'd done a lot of bad and – well okay – illegal things before but _murder?_

There were no visitors apart from family allowed to see him at the time either; all of Cook's friends remained in the dark about what had happened. But then on search of Foster's home police had found suspicious evidence. Blood traces not belonging to Foster were found throughout his downstairs basement along with bloodstained clothes.

And then came one of the worst days of Naomi's life.

She had been at home in her living room, her mum and Kieran having just returned home from their lengthy holiday abroad. Her mobile rang in the hallway and Naomi ran to pick it up, so excited that her mum was finally back. All the stuff with Emily and the break-up...it was times like those when a girl really needed her mum. But the minute she picked up the phone her world came crashing down.

Some incoherent and rambling voice was wailing down the phone to her and at first the blonde had no clue as to who it was. Wrong number perhaps? But then she recognised the broken voice of her friend.

"He's dead Naomi. He's gone" Effy had rasped down the phone, breaking into a fresh set of wails.

Naomi had just stood there dumbly, a part of her already knowing who the girl meant. "Who is, Eff?" she whispered numbly, needing to make sure.

"Freddie..."

The blonde shook with grief, the sobs coming hard and fast. She vaguely remembered dropping the phone and crumpling to the floor, shaking and bawling with despair. Gina and Kieran had rushed to her side, asking her what had happened and whispering soft condolences into her ear. None of it had mattered though. She was numb. Freddie...pure, innocent Freddie had been cruelly ripped from the world just because some psycho doctor couldn't have his way with the girl he fancied.

Why was life so fucked up?

A few weeks later, when the post-mortem had indeed deduced that Freddie had been murdered, the funeral was held. All of Freddie's friends and family were there. The whole thing had been one of the most horrible and depressing things Naomi had ever experienced. She had expected Effy to be inconsolable, but that hadn't been the case. The girl had been motionless. Hollow. Empty. And Cook hadn't even been allowed to the funeral – he'd been charged with second degree murder.

After the whole thing dissipated and the shock began to wear off, everyone just seemed to drift away. Cook went to prison; Effy stayed behind and coped with her grief, unfortunately relapsing multiple times; Katie remained in Bristol to work; JJ went to university and continued to date Lara; Pandora and Thomas went off to Harvard together. And Emily? Up until recently Naomi never knew what Emily had done with herself – part of the blonde's 'clean break' initiative had been to remain oblivious to what the redhead was doing. Naomi went off to Goldsmiths to start afresh.

Including now, the blonde had only visited Cook a handful of times. The visiting procedure used to be a lot more strict on a count of his murder charges, but he obviously had been rewarded for good behaviour by being allowed a more open visiting time. But such rewards couldn't convince her to willingly visit all the time – the circumstances surrounding his sentence were just so sad that she couldn't handle it. A friend being locked away for trying to claim justice for his deceased best mate. Irony was a bitch.

The blonde sighed as she recalled her memories, the dull pain still etched deep within her. She glanced up at Cook, who seemed to notice the shift in mood. His expression looked more drained than ever and a dark glint had appeared in his eyes.

"It's been a while Naomikins. Did you get scared of me like the rest of them?"

The blonde flinched, not exactly sure how best to answer that. "I was away travelling, Cook" she settled on, her tone hushed. He chewed anxiously on his lip, his eyes far away.

"Figures... I try to make things better for everyone but instead I make them worse. Not the first time though, is it?" he said softly. Naomi felt an enormous amount of sympathy for the man – there was very little to do here, so she could only assume Cook only had his thoughts to keep him company. She couldn't bear the thought of having to replay such depressing memories over and over. She had gotten the opportunity to go out and live her life, get an education and grow up. Yet Cook has spent every night in the same cell for four years. She admired his courage.

"We've talked about this Cook" she said kindly, "I know your reasons for doing it and it's okay. I just came to visit, yeah? I came to talk to my friend".

Cook eyed her doubtfully for a few seconds before his classic cheeky smirk broke out over his face. "Alrigh' Naomi! I knew I could always count on you babes". He slapped his thigh animatedly. "Righ', tell me all about your trip. I wanna know everything".

The blonde couldn't help but notice the similarities that Effy and Cook shared. Both had an inability to deal with their feelings directly, often switching from desolate to happy in the blink of an eye. Or happy on the outside at least.

Nevertheless she started into the worn-out summary of her trip abroad. Cook was captivated throughout the entire thing. His eyes gleamed at the description of the luscious scenery and diverse culture. _Things _must_ be boring in here if Cook is interested in culture._ He hung on her every word, revelling in the drunken nights out and the adventure as if he had been a part of it. She felt like a storyteller.

It was an odd sensation to have someone listen to you so enthusiastically. Cook even tried to coax her into describing the filthy stuff in full detail – to which the blonde replied with a swift "no". It had been bad enough describing it to Effy; she didn't want to give the prisoners anything to perv over while she sat there. Although annoyed, Cook eventually left it.

She stuck to light-hearted topics for most of the visit, until a flash of curiosity crossed Cook's eyes. "How's Effy?" he asked tentatively, looking down at his lap. Naomi's lips cocked upwards.

"She's good, Cook".

He sighed. "Has she gotten better? You know...no more...? 'Cos I would hate to think that she's set up with another one of those–". He stopped and inhaled deeply.

"Yeah, she has. She's living with Katie and Tony now actually. Seems to be doing much better" the blonde said, smiling compassionately. The man nodded.

"Cool...she deserves to be happy, ya know man? I'm happy for her..."

He fell into silence then and Naomi's curiosity got the better of her. "Does she ever visit?" she asked hesitantly. His eyes met hers and he chuckled darkly.

"Nah...she did once but we only said like two words to eachother. Freds...I mean, he's too much a part of both of us. It would be weird hanging out together without him". He sighed and looked down again. Naomi knew that wasn't the whole truth, but she accepted it nonetheless. Cook and Effy were both tortured souls. They both felt responsible for Freddie's death in some way. Cook for not preventing it. Effy for causing it. That much guilt in such a small space could be overwhelming. Naomi knew what it felt like to suffer from crushing guilt – she was still paying the consequences every time she saw Emily...

Almost as if reading her mind, Cook spoke again. "What about Emilio? Seen her since ya got back?" Naomi swallowed hard and nodded. "How is the little twinny? She was always a keeper" he said, smiling. Naomi let out a shaky breath.

"She's fine. And you're right Cook. She _was _a keeper" she murmured. Cook ran a hand through his hair and shot her a sympathetic look.

"It's not too late Naomikins. Emily was always crazy 'bout you, you know" he said earnestly. Naomi hid a smirk, remembering Effy's similar words from before.

She caught his eye then, wondering if he could help her in some way. "How do you cope with it all Cook? Heartache? Four years and I still haven't managed it..." She was cut off by shuffling noises starting all around them as the prison officers suddenly announced that visiting time was almost over. But Cook took no notice; he stared severely at Naomi.

"Can't answer that Blondie. I'm still suffering with it myself I'm afraid" he said, getting reluctantly to his feet.

Naomi glanced up at him, confused and helpless. "Nothing at all? What do you do about it?" A prison officer marched towards them and told Cook to leave. Cook walked a couple of feet towards the exit before looking back over his shoulder and smiling sadly at his friend.

"You just burn, kid. You just burn."

Naomi stared into space as her friend walked through the door, leaving her sitting alone at the table. The other visitors were making to leave but the blonde could only sit there. She felt as lonely as ever. _You've left an awful mess behind you Freds, _she thought sadly.

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_Yes I had to include Cook's "you just burn, kid" quote cos it was quite possibly the coolest thing he's ever said. And as you may have already gathered, in my mind he kicked the shit out of Dr Psycho - go Cookie! But of course actions always have consequences - a fact that Cook discovered a lot during series 4. So yeah... he's behind bars..._

_I'm well aware that there's been a lot of drama in this story so far and I plan to change that somewhat in the next chapter. So basically it'll be dramatic but I'm going to try and make it fun =]_

_Let me know what you thought of this like I said in the intro cos it'll motivate me fo the next chapter. Next up; the Party! Ohohoho....  
_


	8. Chapter 7

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"Fucking hell Eff I can't believe you got me back into these". Naomi sucked on the moist end of her cigarette and breathed in deeply, savouring the intoxicating fumes. How she'd managed to kick the habit in the first place she didn't know, but only three weeks back in Bristol and she was already on her way to becoming a chain smoker.

The blonde lowered the cigarette and glimpsed over her shoulder to the corner of the room. Effy was leaning forward towards her mirror and applying mascara. The brunette whirled around and frowned at her. "I didn't exactly hold you down and shove a fag in your mouth Naomes. You've only yourself to blame. But what do you reckon? Smoky eyes okay?"

Naomi rolled her eyes as Effy took a step towards her and lowered her face so that it was level with the blonde's. She blinked slowly and deliberately. Her blue eyes flashed mischievously. Naomi smirked. "Yes Eff. You look gorgeous as always" she said unenthusiastically. Effy always looked gorgeous without trying – a fact that bothered Naomi sometimes. The girl didn't even have to try to get attention; she'd just catch some guy's eye across the room and then they'd trip over themselves to talk to her. Although Naomi wasn't looking for _that _kind of attention, she did wish sometimes that a little of Effy's enchanting prowess would rub off on her. Maybe then could she actually tantalize Emily into thinking about her romantically again.

Satisfied by her response, the brunette stood upright and went over to her dresser. A strong fruity smell filled the room as she squirted herself with perfume. "Some people smoke to relieve tension" she stated suddenly, fixing her hair. "Like, instead of dealing with their problems head on they say 'fuck it, I need a cigarette'. Personally I think that's where the phrase came from. I should know – the amount I smoked back in college". Naomi caught her eye. She was staring at her intently. Knowingly.

"Fuck off Effy" the blonde snapped, suddenly feeling tense. She stubbed the cigarette out so as not to give the brunette any more ammunition. Effy merely shrugged.

"Just something to think about".

Naomi looked away feeling uncomfortable. She hated how the girl knew so much sometimes. So much about _her _particularly. Here she was, walls firmly in place and protected from the cruelty of human disposition, and then Effy makes this blasé assumption that hits the nail right on the head._ Who the fuck does she think she is?_ _I can smoke and stress and avoid things all I like thank you very much. Nobody asked for your opinion so leave me and my miserable sodding heart in peace._ Besides Effy there was only one other person who ever truly saw through her. And that person was making the blonde dread tonight.

She pushed such thoughts out of her mind and got to her feet, approaching Effy's mirror. She was quite happy with how her outfit turned out. Mark's birthday wasn't going to be very formal so she made sure to dress appropriately for the occasion. She was wearing a blue thigh-length floral dress and tights, topped off with killer heels. Her hair was curled in long tendrils – courtesy of Effy's curling iron – and was hanging loosely around her shoulders. Her makeup was heavier than usual but still had an air of subtlety about it; her cheeks were tinted with flushed coral blusher, her lips were coated with a cherry gloss sheen and her bright blue eyes were set off with a sable shade of eye shadow. She smiled at herself in the mirror. _I look fit, _she thought smugly. She was glad of that fact though – she hadn't been out since her homecoming night and that had turned into a bit of a disaster. Maybe tonight could be the spirit lifter she needed.

As the blonde watched Effy change dress in a moment of uncertainty, they were both disrupted when the doorbell rang.

"Can somebody else get that? I'm starkers in the bathroom!" she heard Katie shout. Naomi glanced at Effy who in turn jerked her head towards the door.

"Could you Naomes? Tony isn't here" the brunette explained apologetically. Naomi sighed exasperatedly and got to her feet, walking unsteadily in her heels downstairs. _Who would be calling at this hour? _the blonde thought irritably as she approached the front door. She pulled it back and was met with the petite stature of Emily Fitch. She tensed. _Of course it would be Emily. Figures. _

The redhead seemed bashful as she stood on the doorstep, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot as the seconds of silence ticked by. "Hi Naomi" she said eventually, looking past the blonde's shoulder. "Can I come in?"

Naomi knew she should say something. She had invited Emily to come tonight after all. But even after all the mental preparation she had undergone up to this point, she hadn't prepared herself for Emily looking like _this_. The redhead was wearing a gorgeous cream chiffon dress which somehow remained understated yet glamorous. She was wearing a contrasting jet black boy blazer over it accompanied by black stilettos. Her crimson hair was tied half-up which only worked to accentuate her facial features. _Could she look any more fucking beautiful? _the blonde thought hopelessly, feeling ill-equipped for the night ahead all of a sudden. She sighed unevenly, remembering Emily's question that hung in the air. "Sorry. Yeah sure, come on in".

The redhead smiled tentatively at her as she took a few steps forwards past Naomi and into the house. Naomi watched the girl from behind, her eyes lingering on her lovely legs – _you filthy perv – _and then shut the door. She walked up to Emily's side. "Who's that?" she heard Katie cry from the bathroom again. Naomi groaned impatiently.

"It's your darling sister Katiekins!" she shouted back, glancing at Emily.

"Fab! Send her on up!"

Naomi turned to face the redhead again, smiling half-heartedly. Emily rolled her eyes. "She no doubt only wanted me here so she can suss out what I'm wearing and steal my style tips. Sisters, eh?" the girl said, sighing.

"Is that why you're here?"

"Yes. Why? Is that a problem?" she asked, her eyes narrowing.

Naomi swallowed uncomfortably. _Yes it's a fucking problem because I wish I wasn't so fucking nervous or sober right now. _"Nope. No problem whatsoever" she said, looking back upstairs. "Shall we?" Emily led the way up the stairs and Naomi followed cautiously behind. _Ugh those legs. _They parted ways on the landing; Emily knocking on the bathroom door and Naomi striding swiftly back into Effy's room. She leant back against the door once in and closed her eyes, letting out the breath she'd been holding ever since she laid eyes on the redhead at the door. She opened them again to see Effy watching her with an amused expression on her face.

"I take it that was Emily then?" she asked, stifling a giggle.

Naomi pushed off the door and collapsed onto the bed, her dejected form sinking into the sheets. "I can't do this" she mumbled to nobody in particular.

She felt the bed shift next to her and a hand settled on the small of her back a moment later. "Sure you can Naomi. Stop thinking she has these otherworldly feelings. She's just another person you know. So stop giving a fuck and just come out with me and have a good night, yeah?" Naomi rolled onto her back and stared up at the girl. Her eyes were flickering over the blonde's form, an unwavering look on her face.

Naomi sighed. "Okay. I'll try. But if Emily goes snogging some girl in front of my face all bets are off". The blonde sat up and shuffled around towards Effy's bedside table. Her bottle of vodka was sitting there and Naomi figured this was as good a time as any to get this party started.

"Don't you want a mixer–" Effy's sentence was cut off when the blonde took a long swig straight from the bottle. The brunette sighed exasperatedly. "Suit yourself. But I'm not carrying you home".

The two of them sat there for the next few minutes, Effy making last minute finishing touches to her outfit and Naomi continuing to chug vodka, until they heard a knock at the door. At Effy's invitation, Katie came in followed timidly by Emily. Naomi's breath was lost in her throat as her suddenly more tipsy self laid eyes on the redhead again. Emily looked up and smiled coyly.

"We're ready guys. Are we getting a taxi then?" Katie asked as she straightened her top and put on her coat.

Out of the corner of her eye Naomi saw Effy look at her apprehensively, before the brunette answered with a sure "Yep. Let's go". The four of them made their way out of the house and Naomi – vodka in hand – had to work to keep herself composed as heels met gravel. _Maybe I should've gone easy on the vodka, _she thought regretfully as she wobbled due to both alcohol effects and the ground beneath her. She also couldn't help but notice Katie and Effy walking swiftly ahead of them, leaving the blonde with an unhurried Emily. _Shit I'm going to have to talk to her, _she realised grudgingly. Naomi didn't necessarily want to talk to Emily tonight if she could help it. Alcohol meant a greater likelihood of her saying something she'd regret and she definitely didn't want that to happen with the girl walking next to her of all people.

Naomi purposely walked a few paces behind until Emily glanced around and smirked. "You managing there?" she asked, an amused note to her voice. "Need any help?"

"No no I'm just fine thanks". At that particular moment however the blonde stumbled on a patch of uneven road and plunged to the ground. The bottle of vodka tumbled out of her hands away from her and she landed ungracefully on her knees. The alcohol invading her system meant that she wasn't entirely sure how she ended up there, but next thing she knew she felt a pair of hands all over her and the sensation was inexplicably wonderful. As her head finally caught up with her body, she heard Emily's frantic voice close to her ear.

"...looked painful. Are you okay? Are you bleeding or anything?" the worried voice breathed in her ear, the sound making the blonde tremble. She looked up and got lost in brown eyes, concern glistening deep within. Words were lost to Naomi for several moments...or decades...or centuries...actually she wasn't entirely sure how long she sat crouched there; the blonde had just realised how close the redhead currently was.

She felt Emily's hands weigh down upon her – one on her back and the other on her exposed forearm. The skin underneath those nimble fingers was on fire. _Red. Burning. _Emily's face was mere inches from hers and as she tore her eyes away from Emily's hand back up to her face again she saw the concern ebb away to be replaced by something else. Something that was recognizable on Emily but which the blonde thought she would never see again. Desire._ Fire. Crimson. So close, so tantalizingly close... _Naomi didn't know where she was anymore. She didn't care that she was hunched inelegantly in the middle of a street in Bristol, probably looking like some drunken lout, because all she could see was Emily. All she could see was the lust in Emily's brown eyes. And as Naomi's eyes flickered to the redhead's lips and she felt herself leaning in, nothing else mattered. Her heart was skipping wildly, the beating so rapid that it was almost agonizing. _Emily Emily Emily. _She could feel the girl's breath come in short bursts as she leaned in ever closer. Her lips looked so moist–

"KATIE SHE'S FINE–"

"Oh my god Naomi! Are you okay?" Katie's frenzied voice asked, the sound piercing the night air like ice. Emily leapt up so fast that the blonde was surprised she didn't get whiplash. Her absence left Naomi feeling cold and alone. She wanted the warmth back. She wanted the red back.

The speed at which everything had just happened left her confused, so she wondered why everyone was looking down at her. Then she remembered – through her hazy lust-filled daze – that she was on the ground. _Oh. _"Yeah...I just...tripped, that's all. Heels, you know?" she murmured, throwing in a forced laugh for good measure.

She vaguely heard Katie exhale. "Thank fuck...I've been looking forward to this party all week and if we had to go home just 'cos you broke your ankle or something it would've been totally fucking gutting" she said tartly. Emily made a disgusted noise.

"She fell over Katie! How insensitive are you?" the redhead muttered, her voice huskier than usual. The sound made Naomi edgy.

"Erm...does somebody wanna help me up?" she asked, feeling sillier the longer she sat there. Emily noticeably backed away from the offer but Effy stepped forward and hoisted the blonde to her feet, her head rushing at the movement. She glanced downwards and groaned. "Fucking hell, I ripped my tights!" she exclaimed. "I can't go in these!"

"Guess you'll just have to go barelegged then" the brunette replied, her eyes glued to Emily. The redhead was half-hidden behind Katie, her gaze boring holes through the ground. Katie looked positively bored with the whole thing.

"Right so now that you're okay and all, can we get going? I well need a drink". The girl spun on her heel and continued walking towards the main road where they could hail a taxi. Naomi watched as Emily jumped at the opportunity to follow her sister, her face unreadable as she turned away.

Effy stayed behind but the blonde couldn't bear to look at her. She sighed after a few beats. "Just don't, Eff" she mumbled before striding across the road and retrieving her miraculously intact bottle of vodka. She unscrewed the cap and took a large swig, grimacing, before wheeling around and following the twins. Effy paced behind her.

"I tried to stop Katie but I wasn't quick enough" she heard the brunette say in an apologetic tone. Naomi gulped another swig of vodka.

"Forget about it Eff. All I wanna do is dance, drink and forget everything" she said frankly, still light-headed from the rush of feelings mere minutes ago. _You just burn, kid. _

They both eventually caught up with the twins, who were standing at the curb. Katie had her hand out trying to wave down a taxi. Emily stood there ineptly, her arms folded closely across her chest. She looked so small that all Naomi wanted to do was hug her tightly and never let go. Or more importantly finish what they started before. _So much for Operation 'Be Emily's Friend'. _

Eventually a taxi pulled up next to them. Emily was unsurprisingly the first in, jumping into the passenger's seat. Katie, Effy and Naomi all squeezed into the back together. She drank another gulp from her bottle, fully aware that she was well past tipsy at this stage. _I'm so gonna be on the floor before this night is up. _She passed the bottle to Katie who unceremoniously drank half of what she had left. The blonde didn't really mind at that particular moment – she had just caught Emily's eye in the rear-view mirror and the redhead had looked hurriedly away. Naomi sighed and Effy looked at her uneasily. The brunette sat twiddling her thumbs for a few more seconds, silence filling up the car.

"Tonight should be interesting" the brunette said simply. Naomi saw the ghost of a smile appear on her face.

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	9. Chapter 8

_I'd just like to take this moment to thank all the amazing reviewers so far - you guys are making me so happy and eager to write this. And there is no bigger compliment I can get than "I love the way you write" so thank you to all the lovely people who took the time to say that cos it means the world._

_As a reward I present to you this chapter! I had a bitch of an essay to do but I needed a distraction so I wrote this (ironic that this chapter is longer than my essay word limit, but fic writing is fun unlike stupid assignments)._

_I think you guys will be pretty happy with this one (teehee). Enjoy and review! =]_

_._

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Naomi aimlessly pushed through the mass of people enveloping her looking for a familiar face. Emily had bolted off with Katie in tow the minute they all got here – although that much was to be expected since not much else had been said by anyone in the rest of the taxi ride here. And Effy...well...Effy always had a habit of just _vanishing _whenever she liked so the blonde had absolutely no clue as to where she was. Instead she just drunkenly searched each face for someone she knew. Someone who couldn't identify the turmoil of emotion currently going on in her head...

Eventually she spotted a group of recognisable people sitting in some booths and Naomi stumbled towards them, trying desperately not to let the alcohol affect her balance. "Nomesy!" the loud voice of Mark shouted at her approach. He leapt up from the his seat, which happened to be awkwardly situated in the middle of the booth, and hopped over the table in front of him. "How's it going babe?" he greeted happily, wrenching her in for a hug. Naomi smiled up at his beaming face.

"Hey Mark, it's going good" she said, her head spinning slightly at the rush of movement. "Happy birthday!" she remembered abruptly, reaching up clumsily to kiss his cheek.

"What, no tongue? Ow! Okay, sorry!" he exclaimed as she slapped him playfully. He appraised her furtively. "So did you come here alone?"

The blonde glanced around her uneasily. "Nope. I brought a few mates with me. They've disappeared on me though" she slurred.

"Who came? Anybody I know?"

"Oh just Katie, Effy and E–"

"Effy? Is that the bird you were with in 'Suite 22?' Cor she was a fit!" he said, his eyes lighting up with intrigue. The blonde frowned, seeing where this was going.

"Behave yourself Mark. Effy doesn't go for just anybody. She has a certain...taste". Naomi was certain that the brunette wouldn't go for a guy like Mark – as much as she loved the guy, she knew Effy could do a lot better. That being said, Mark was notoriously persistent so she hoped he wouldn't get the wrong idea.

"Alright alright take it easy. But it _is _my birthday so I better be getting a good present from you later" he said, cocking his eyebrow. She grinned mischievously.

"I'll see what I can do." She looked back to the booth he'd left and her face lit up. "Chelle!" she exclaimed, wandering inelegantly over to her friend. Mark wandered off to the dancefloor and Michelle stood up and hugged her eagerly before scooting over to free up a space. Naomi sat down gratefully.

"Hey Naomi! Wow you look stunning!" she said, her eyes assessing the blonde's outfit. "Did you just get here?"

"Yeah, just a few minutes ago. Effy and a couple of others are around the place but they've pissed off somewhere". She looked around emphatically, her eyes blurring. "I think Effy said Tony was coming later too" she slurred, giggling. The blonde couldn't help but grin at her little slip – it had the desired effect on her friend, who flushed furiously.

"Oh...so Tony's coming huh?" she said, trying and failing to sound nonchalant. "Cool."

"Oh come off it Chelle!" she screeched, her arms flailing madly. Michelle shushed her profusely, her cheeks rapidly turning pink. "It's obvious you still fancy him!" the blonde said, quirking an eyebrow knowingly. Michelle shoved her jokingly.

"Piss off! How much have you had to drink Naomes?" the brunette spat patronisingly, smirking. "Keep your loudmouth shut".

"Hey now..." she mumbled, flinging her arm lazily around the girl's shoulders. "I have a beautiful mouth just so you know. And it has been eff..effective–", she spat out the word, "–in speaking the truth!"

Michelle rolled her eyes. "Whatever. You're drunk. I don't make fun of you about Emily, do I? So keep your _opinions_ to yourself!" Michelle's good-humoured jibe had the opposite effect – the incident in the street earlier flooded Naomi's mind full force and the alcohol in her system was doing nothing to ease the anxiety it created. She swallowed harshly and removed the arm from Michelle's shoulder, keen to hide her face. Michelle seemed to realise her change in mood, because she stopped laughing and began to eye the blonde suspiciously. "Naomi? Are you okay?"

"Yeah! Just peachy" she replied, her voice unusually high. Her eyes fell upon the person sitting opposite her and she recognised him as Lucas – one of the other guys who came travelling with her. She made the effort to talk to him despite feeling Michelle's piercing gaze on her every so often. _Red. Lips. Hands. Why the fuck won't they go away? _

Eventually she was so overwhelmed by her thoughts that she felt the need to get away. She got up abruptly, swaying on the spot. "You okay Naomi?" Lucas asked kindly. She must've looked off if his concerned expression was anything to go by, but she tried to hide it by forcing a smile.

"Yeah yeah I'm fine. Feeling a bit hot, that's all. I just need to go to the bathroom". She walked away, her level of composure impressive. She was relieved to find no-one making to follow her.

She marched towards the bathroom and immediately headed towards the sink, splashing water on her face. The other girls eyed her surreptitiously as they left. She leant against the counter. The colours and music were overwhelming her and they did nothing to stop the flashes of red engulfing her. This night had turned into a disaster. _Stupid Emily with her stupid concern and her stupid lips and her stupid gorgeous dress. _ Everything reminded her of what she missed about Emily...the sounds...the colours...the lights...they all just enhanced her feelings and it was driving her crazy. The alcohol made her unsteady where she stood, her palms slipping on the counter as she began to sweat.

"I think you need to slow down Naomi". The blonde whirled round at the sound of the familiar voice. Its owner walked out of a cubicle, a surprisingly understanding look in her eyes. "You did drink a lot already" Katie stated, joining her at the sink. Naomi could only watch her with disbelief while she washed her hands. Less than an hour ago this girl was distraught at the idea of having to go home in case Naomi broke her ankle...and now she was being nice to her?

As if reading her mind, Katie met her gaze and smiled warmly. "I'm not a total bitch, just so you know. But I just don't want to see my sister getting hurt." Naomi stood silently for several beats while Katie dried her hands, before her eyes widened with comprehension.

"You...you stopped it on purpose?" she exclaimed, her brow creasing. Katie rolled her eyes.

"Yes Naomi, can you blame me? I had to pick up the pieces after you two split up – I don't want her falling into the same trap again if I can help it." She hoisted herself onto the counter, her legs dangling lazily. Naomi's head spun, but she wasn't sure whether it was due to the new information or the vodka. Probably both.

"Well don't worry Katie...Emily doesn't seem too fussed about us getting back together. She's my–". The blonde paused, suddenly wondering if the word was appropriate to her feelings anymore. "Friend" she finished, her teeth gritting. They both fell silent. After a while, Naomi couldn't stand the pounding in her ears any longer – _heart or music or drink? – _and turned to leave. Before she reached the door however, Katie's aggravated voice rang in her ears.

"You really don't understand her, do you?"

The blonde looked around to see the brunette looking at her disbelievingly. She recoiled slightly, her brow creasing. "What?"she spat defensively.

Katie shrugged herself off the countertop and walked up to her, stopping in the blonde's dizzying eye line. "She's around here somewhere. Enjoy your night Naomi". With that, she shoved past some girl blocking the doorway and disappeared into the club. Naomi simply stood there unsteadily as another group of girls came rushing into the bathroom, their voices merely white noise.

_Katie fucking Fitch. _The girl was the vain of her existence.

.

Effy leant back on her elbows against the sticky bar top. The base was vibrating up through the balls of her feet and her body was pulsating along with it. The heady scent of everything – alcohol, tobacco, breath, sweat – all clouded around her. She savoured it. She relished in it. All she wanted was to just stand there as the mass of bodies pulsed around her, sweat dripping from their skin, and just watch it all. Be a fly on the wall.

She cracked open an eyelid and watched the scene before her. Everyone was caught up in the rhythm. People were clawing and groping and pushing and dancing. Some wanker had his hand up a girl's skirt right in front of her, but the brunette merely cocked an eyebrow and fluttered her eyelid closed.

The sound of a familiar voice caused her to snap her eyes open again. Her eyes fell upon the form of her brother who was dancing and shouting with a group of mates on the dancefloor. A new song came on and the brunette watched the frenzy of individuals as they all crowded onto the floor. She smirked as she saw Michelle push her way into the crowd, Tony seeming to take notice as well. She rolled her eyes upon glimpsing the uncertainty written all over her brother's expression. _Boys. Fucking pussies. _

Her gaze then fell upon Emily, whose distinctive red hair was flitting around the edges of the dancefloor. Neither Katie nor Naomi were to be seen and the brunette wondered how the little incident earlier truly effected them all. She had a suspicious feeling that Katie's little 'concerned' stint had been a ruse, but she was a fan of leaving things to fate. She merely continued standing there as the vibrant colours pulsed her vision and the stimulating smells rushed her senses again.

"Evening love". She turned her head towards the voice. The tall figure of some bloke stood there, beer in hand. He was smiling contentedly. "Having a good time?"

She nodded, blinking deliberately. "Yep. Fan-fucking-tastic" she enunciated, looking towards the dancefloor again. She felt his form shift closer so that he too was leaning against the bar.

"I'm Mark...and you're Effy, yeah? We met at 'Suite' a few weeks ago?" Effy glanced sideways and eyed him, taking in his chestnut hair and his mischievous grin before nodding. She didn't _actually_ remember him if she was being honest. He seemed like a decent guy but she wasn't really interested. To her irritation however, he seemed persistent. "It's my birthday today. And it's Friday the 13th! Weird eh? Hope nothing bad's gonna happen. But then again something always manages to fuck up my nights out". A flash of peroxide blonde hair caught her eye at that moment, leaving Mark's feeble attempt at conversation hanging in the air. Eventually he sighed and she expected him to leave. Instead he leant in closely to her ear. "Don't suppose you'd like a little...mood lifter, eh?"

She furrowed her brow, staring at him warily. Normally she would've flipped someone like him off by now, but oddly enough she was intrigued. "Like...?"

He grinned, clearly pleased at finally peaking her interest. "My mate's got a stash of smack if you want any. He's hanging around here somewhere – I'm sure he'd be glad to share" he said smoothly, leering at her.

Effy paused and mulled over his words. She hadn't done drugs – well, non-prescription drugs anyway – since her first breakdown that long long time ago. She hadn't really felt the need to. But lately she was feeling angsty and sometimes wished she could just be _free _like she used to be. To be able to drift off into her own world like she used to – free from her responsibilities and psychosis and the voices. Just be _Effy _without having the label of 'crazy girl' splashed across her forehead. Her eyes met Mark's for several moments, pushing away the sudden flashes of Freddie crossing her mind.

She grinned.

.

Naomi pushed her way roughly through the crowd. She was so over this place now. All she wanted was a cigarette _("fuck it, I need a cigarette")_ and to go home and collapse into her warm and loving bed. Her bed was nice. At least her bed didn't send her mixed fucking signals and then have their sister tell her off in the bathroom. The drunkenness was slowly beginning to fade; her vision was slightly clearer and she was finding it easier to walk.

Her eyes eventually fell upon Tony and Michelle and she was delighted to see them snogging the faces off eachother. She beamed widely. _At least someone gets a happy ending. _

But she was irritated now. Where the fuck was Effy? She hadn't seen her for ages. She tried to look for her amongst the crowd but she only saw strangers. She needed to leave before the loneliness consumed her completely – it was becoming claustrophobic. _If she's fucking laughing all this up with her bestest buddy roommate Katie then I'll–_

Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt a tug on her wrist. She rolled her eyes, ready to clock whichever filthy perv asked her to dance. "Listen mate, piss off! I don't want to–"

Her words died in her throat as she wheeled around to see Emily standing there. All anger melted from her face at once, her heart fluttering wildly. _Definetely no perv then. _It took her several seconds to realise that the redhead's fingers were still wrapped around her wrist and even longer to notice the self-possessed expression on her face. Naomi could feel the heat radiating from her skin as the girl's fingers clutched at her wrist.

"Naomi..." the redhead whispered and the husky sound made the blonde shudder. Her expression was coy.

Naomi swallowed as the unbidden thoughts from earlier pushed to the forefront of her mind. _No. She's just a friend._ Despite what Katie had said earlier, she did understand Emily somewhat – although she _was_ a fascinating piece of work. And if she knew Emily then she also knew that the redhead would want an explanation for earlier. As a friend, Naomi owed her that much. "Listen, Emily" she murmured timidly. "About earlier...I'm sorry if I got the wrong idea–" The blonde stopped as Emily shook her head vigorously. The redhead smiled softly.

"It's okay. It was just a mistake. No harm done" she said simply. Her smile didn't reach her eyes. She looked around before settling her gaze back on Naomi. "Wanna look for Katie and Eff on the dancefloor?" she suddenly asked.

The blonde raised her eyebrows, surprised the girl hadn't darted off by now. "Oh...yeah sure." They both began shoving their way through the throng, Naomi taking particular care not to touch or bump into Emily in any way. _If those fingers come near me again, bloody hell... _she thought, an amused smile breaking out over her face. They reached the middle of floor – Naomi smirking upon seeing Michelle grinding against Tony a few metres away – and stopped. She turned back to Emily. "Not here. Wanna look somewhere else?"

Her question was left unanswered as Emily simply stared at her, her brown eyes flashing severely. Naomi gulped. _Fuck, those eyes...Christ Naomi get out before you get lost again..._ She took a tentative step back, her eyes flickering downwards, before feeling Emily's searing hands on her face. She gasped as her blue eyes met brown ones. Emily's pupils were so wide that her eyes were almost black.

She wanted to wrench herself away. She couldn't handle it, this, being held by Emily again. It was all she could do not to kiss her right now. She had to leave before she did something she'd regret. But Emily felt the blonde's tension underneath her fingertips and began stroking her thumb across Naomi's cheek. She took a ragged breath in as Emily stepped closer, her face mere inches from hers. And then, in a tone so hoarse and luscious that it nearly made Naomi buckle right there, Emily asked a question.

"_Was_ it a mistake?"

Naomi stared down at her, her mind numb. Emily's face was unreadable, but the blonde was acutely aware that there were two meanings to this question. And as the redhead's thumb flitted across her cheek again, Naomi felt the urgent need to answer the question. She slid her hands up to the back of Emily's neck and crashed their lips together fervently.

The blonde suppressed the guttural moan that threatened to escape from her throat as she felt Emily's lips slide against hers. _Oh my god._ Her senses were set alight as she pressed tighter against the redhead, the lust and desire threatening to overwhelm her. _Red. Oh fucking hell it's scorching._ Naomi drifted a hand down the redhead's arm and let it come to rest on her back, her fingers digging in deeply and holding her impossibly close. The other hand cupped the girl's face, her palm resting against the incredibly soft skin. Naomi felt Emily's fingers curl deep within her blonde locks, tugging harshly. But Naomi needed to stop. She had to make sure this was real. Very reluctantly she pulled away from Emily's lips to gauge her expression.

It took several seconds for the redhead's eyelids to flutter open, but when they did Naomi's heartbeat stalled. An array of every mixed emotion flitted across Emily's face – lust, want, desire, certainty and others she couldn't put a name to. But most of them were exactly the same as what Naomi was feeling. This wasn't a mistake. This was the fucking best thing she'd ever done. So, very eagerly, she leaned in to recapture the redhead's lips with her own again.

Now sure of what was happening, both girls seemed to become all the more passionate. Emily groaned as Naomi sought entry to her mouth with her tongue, to which she gladly obliged. Their tongues raged against eachother, tasting and struggling for air. She tasted of passion fruit and stale tobacco and something distinctly Emily. It was the latter that drove Naomi to near insanity – she remembered the taste so well after all this time. But such memories were unexpectedly disrupted when she felt Emily's dexterous fingers trace their way up Naomi's bare leg, leaving a trail of fire behind them. _Man am I glad I ripped my tights, _she thought blissfully as she grabbed at the girl's thighs in retaliation. She squeezed the skin there and dragged a hand luxuriously up and down, feeling the redhead's breath hitch as she did so. Emily bit her bottom lip and Naomi became lost once again.

She couldn't get enough of this feeling. Euphoria. She'd forgotten what it felt like to be like this. So overcome by desire that she didn't care about anything else. The only thing that mattered was the soft skin under her hands and the lips against her own. She moved her assault to Emily's jawline, kissing her senseless. Emily threw her head back to allow the blonde better access, but as Naomi opened her eyes a fraction and looked past the redhead's shoulder, something caught her eye.

The vague outline of Effy was standing about eight feet away from them. She couldn't see her clearly but Naomi immediately knew something was wrong. The girl was swaying dangerously and Naomi could see the pale tinge of her skin even from here. She pulled away from the redhead – albeit grudgingly – and didn't stop to glimpse Emily's expression as she took a few steps towards the brunette.

"Effy?" she called out tentatively, watching with increasing alarm as the brunette limply stood there. Her friend met her eyes, a look of sadness flashing through them, before she collapsed in a heap on the ground. The blonde screamed as she rushed to her friend's side and fell to her knees. The commotion around her blurred to nothingness.

It was happening all over again.

.

* * *

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_Friday the 13th eh? Careful what you wish for Mark..._


	10. Chapter 9

_I'm back! Sorry for the delay (well, if you count a week as a delay). However I've got a lot of stuff going on at the moment - studying for exams, you know how it is - so this will probably be my last update for a couple of weeks. If I get the urge along with the time to write then I'll try to post a new chapter, but unless that happens I'm afraid I'm on hiatus for the moment!_

_Would love to find some reviews for this in my inbox...I really have missed them this past week haha. Bon Appetit!_

_._

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You know those situations where you just think, why me? What in God's name did I do to deserve this? One moment you're on top of the world and feel like nothing can stop you – _invincible – _only then to have the rug completely and utterly pulled out from under you?

Well, Naomi Campbell was currently smack bang in the middle of that situation.

She sat motionlessly beside the bed, watching as Effy breathed in and out smoothly. Naomi took the moment to study the contours of her face. Her pale, colourless skin which emphasised the tiny freckles dotted across her thin nose. Her cheekbones. Her eyelids which hid her most beautiful and powerful feature – her eyes. The pinkness of her lips which lay in stark contrast to her face. And that mark on her forehead...she had never noticed it before. She reached out a tentative hand and brushed back the brown curls splayed across Effy's forehead. Her thumb traced across the little pockmark and she smiled.

It's amazing what you notice about someone's appearance when given the time to just _look _at them. Just being able to stare at Effy like this, undisturbed, made Naomi realise how deeply intricate her friend was. The pallor of her skin was a mask to her true self. Her friend lay alive beneath this fragile shell. She wanted her back.

She removed her hand from the brunette's forehead and placed it in her lap, sighing deeply. Oddly enough this wasn't the first time she had taken just a few moments to study someone. She couldn't recall how many times she had done the same when being with Emily. Those moments that long long time ago, first thing in the morning when the blonde would wake up from a dreamy sleep only to be greeted with another blissful dream in the shape of Emily. She would just lie there and watch the redhead as she slept soundly, her blue eyes flickering over her face and body. Taking in every curve, every mark, every_thing_ that made up Emily. It made her heart swell every time. _She's mine, _Naomi would think as her girlfriend muttered incoherently in her sleep. _She's in my bed and she loves me._ _She's all mine. _And then Naomi would just continue to watch her and learn new things about her; like how she would crinkle her nose sometimes or how her eyelids would twitch just as she was beginning to rouse from sleep. And those things were what made life worth living.

That was before everything became so fucked up.

Naomi just didn't really know what to think anymore. The last day or so had been a blur of confusion and anxiety. She recalled vague snippets of memory from the first few hours of that night. That heart stopping moment when Effy's body had crashed to the floor lifelessly. The frantic and hysterical ride in the ambulance when all she could do was hold her friend's icy hand as the paramedics tried to force life into her. And then flashes of Tony's grief-stricken face bombarded her mind as Michelle had tried ineffectually to console him. It was exhausting; there had barely been time to think let alone sleep or eat whilst Effy's life had been in the balance.

But the one thing that had kept her going and kept her from falling over the edge of sanity was that small and reassuring hand that kept grabbing hers whenever the panic flushed over her once again. The hand that was soft and warm and full of the unspoken solace of which Naomi had desperately needed as the doctors came and went. In a time when she was unsure of anything, of _everything_, that hand was the only thing that made sense. And when she had finally been able to meet the eyes of that hand's owner, she was met with the dark pools of brown that had never failed to drive her heart crazy. And then Emily had kissed her in a way that said "_She'll get through this. You'll get through this. Until then, I'm here". _

So Naomi believed her. And eventually things started to get better. The doctors – when they eventually found the common courtesy to fill everyone in on the situation – had told them all that Effy had had a severe reaction to a heroin overdose. That coupled with the prescription meds already in her system and her lack of tolerance towards narcotics had caused a toxic reaction in her body thus causing her to pass out.

The detox had been the worst. All of them – her, Emily, Tony, Michelle and Katie – could only wait helplessly in the waiting room as they awaited any news of Effy. Her mum had arrived at some point in the night and all Naomi could do was watch as she crossed the room and embraced her son. "Not the first time, eh?" she had said sadly, to which Naomi grimaced. This situation was common in the Stonem household, she realised. It wasn't the first time Effy had been in hospital in a similar position – a fact that made the blonde feel hugely sympathetic towards Effy's mum and brother.

Over the course of the next afternoon and evening they had continued to wait, different parties coming and going. Katie left at some point with Michelle because they both had work and Emily left for a reason that the blonde wasn't entirely sure of. But Tony, Anthea and Naomi stayed pretty much the entire time.

And then the grip on Naomi's heart was finally released when they were told that Effy was fully detoxed of the drugs and had stabilised. Relief hadn't been the right word for it. It was more like elation. As Naomi had finally walked into the room and glimpsed her frail friend lying limply on her bed she knew, in some fucked up way, that things would be okay. It would take more than drugs to overthrow the mighty Effy Stonem.

So here she was a day later and the brunette still lay unconscious against her pillows. Naomi had relented eventually and decided to go home and shower this morning (_"fucking hell Naomi, you stink!" _Katie had exclaimed, much to her embarrassment) but now she was back and hence had relieved Tony and Anthea of their constant bedside-duty. Naomi was secretly glad. It was nice to have somewhere to think alone and it was nice to be in her friend's company – albeit unconscious company.

But the thoughts that plagued her mind right now were not at all pleasant. As the panic and uncertainty had finally started to wear off her, Naomi couldn't help but get the sinking feeling that Emily had grown distant. She had been utterly wonderful at first; as Naomi drowned in the fear and apprehension of the situation, Emily had been there to hold her hand and whisper sweet assurances in her ear. The blonde would be lying if she said she hadn't thought about what had happened just before the incident – the soul-searing kiss that had burned every fibre of her being. It was still so unfathomable to her that she had to question whether it had actually happened.

But it did happen. Emily knew it too...and Naomi knew that the reality of it must have hit the redhead at some point during this ordeal. They hadn't gotten any opportunity to talk about it either, so this could only make the blonde wonder about the_ real_ reason that Emily wasn't here right now.

What happened? Emily had initiated it. _She _was the one to grab Naomi's face and beg her with her eyes and her hands to do something. So she did. She had kissed the hell out of her. And it was fucking amazing.

But now what? Does she regret it? Did she hate it?

Naomi gulped upon remembering the look that had flashed across Emily's eyes when she had first pulled back from their kiss. Although she would be the first to admit that she was never a good reader of people, she knew that no-one could fake those emotions; Naomi had never seen anything so real and passionate in her whole life. The want...the need...the hunger...the depth of it all had suffocated Naomi. She could drown in Emily. And the redhead fucking knew it too.

Anger inexplicably coursed through her as she sat in the dull white room. _What the fuck Emily? Why the hell are you doing this to me? _She leapt to her feet and tugged her long fingers through her hair in frustration. She closed her eyes and the red swam through her senses. _You can't do this to me. Not again. You can't just kiss me and then leave me to pine for you. I can't just keep loving you like this–_

"Naomi?" The blonde whirled around in a panic at hearing the new voice in the room. Her eyes fell upon Katie and Michelle who were poised awkwardly in the doorway. "You okay?" Katie asked sceptically.

Naomi straightened herself out and forced a smile. "Hey! Sorry, just got a bit distracted" she said, false brightness in her tone. _Fuck off red, _she implored mentally as she tried to push the pain to the back of her mind.

Both girls smiled hesitantly. "Yeah well, we're both finished our shifts for the day. If you want we could take over for you?" Michelle asked kindly, compassion laced in her eyes as her gaze flickered between Naomi and the brunette lying serenely in the bed beside them. Naomi hesitated unsurely. She felt obligated towards Effy right now. It had been hard enough to leave earlier...somehow she needed to be here where the cruelty of Emily and the outside world couldn't crush her–

"You could go get something to eat? Emily's already in the canteen" Katie suggested, almost as if right on cue. Naomi blanched. _Fuck's sake Katiekins, you've really learnt a thing or two about mindreading from your roommate, _she mused to herself, sighing exasperatedly. Katie's face was unreadable but there was a knowing glint in her eye. The blonde scratched at her head ineptly and looked at Effy, her gaze lingering there, before murmuring dejectedly, "fine". With that she marched past the two girls and towards the canteen, mentally preparing herself for the emotional turmoil that was about to unfold. It was time to face the music.

She walked through the glass doors to the large cafeteria and her eyes flickered around in pursuit of Emily. She eventually spotted her in the queue, her form partially blocked by a large middle-aged man. Naomi had to keep her emotions in check as she recalled Emily whispering that everything was going to be alright and kissing the pain away. It was a lie and it made bile rise in the blonde's throat as she unwillingly approached the redhead.

Emily looked up as the blonde came to stand in front of her. Naomi made sure her expression was set firmly in place as she appraised the surprised look that flickered over the redhead's face. "Hi Naomi" she said, her voice coarse and husky. Naomi's stomach fluttered at the sound. "How's Eff–"

"We need to talk" she blurted out, trying not to cringe at how cliché it sounded. Emily pursed her lips and her eyelids flickered downwards. Naomi sincerely hoped that the girl wouldn't take this opportunity to play dumb and ask 'what about?' because she wasn't sure if her brittle heart could take it. But to her relief Emily merely sighed and looked up sheepishly through her eyelashes.

"Right..." she breathed, glancing towards the rest of the queue. "I was about to get Michelle and Katie some coffee though–"

"It can wait" she interrupted again, her tone slightly sharp.

Emily stared at her for a very long time as her teeth chewed her lip anxiously. They never failed to captivate Naomi, those lips, but right now she couldn't let herself dwell on how much she cared for the girl in front of her or how much she wanted to embrace her and never let go. Something was wrong and they both knew it.

"Okay" she said eventually, conceding to whatever battle had been going on in her mind. Naomi nodded and led the way to a table in the far corner of the room. _I just hope I can get through this, _she thought solemnly.

.

"_Their faces...behind the skin..." she breathed urgently._

"_The skin?" he asked in confusion. His voice was incredulous and wary._

"_Between this world and the next...Their teeth and their claws coming out. Trying to break through" she said. He can't see them. Why can't he see them? They're everywhere. _

"_Did you drop something in the cab?" he asked, his voice far away. _

"_Like a fart or something?" she answered vaguely, not particularly caring at that moment. The faces...they were smiling fiendishly at her._

"_No, like a tab or something" he said, the disbelief in his voice climbing noticeably higher. The voices laughed manically._

"...all his fault anyway. Has he tried calling you?"

"_A tab with your face on it" she muttered, the urgency growing and pooling inside her. She had to tell him. She had to tell him before they took her and before they tried to hurt him too._

"...like nonstop. Apparently Naomi's phone has been ringing constantly too. I just can't believe Mark could do such a thing..."

"_Here. A hole that fits mine" she said, her hand tracing over his chest. Over his heart. "The moment I saw you, I knew it'd be the closest I'd get to being...close". His eyes looked so confused, so wary. But she couldn't stop. He needed to know what lay behind the skin. "I didn't know what to do with that feeling. Happiness–"_

"_Listen, Effy" he interjected, leaning down over her. "You are the closest...I'm ever" he stated, kissing her urgently. Her soul ignited in pain and love. But he wasn't listening. Didn't he realise that they were laughing at her right now? Grinning madly? This is what they want – they want her heart at its most vulnerable. And she wasn't sure if she could fend them off anymore. _

"...she's still really hung up on Emily isn't she?"

"_But they know now and they're hungry. Really fucking hungry" she implored, her resolve washing away with the love and the fear. "Because, for as long as I know, they've been chasing me. And now they're ready, now they're strong enough to break through. And I can't fight them". The tears choked at her throat. The truth was pouring out like word vomit. "I used to be able to when I was strong but...you've made me weak. And now I can't, I can't!" she wailed as she looked around._

"...yeah, but Ems is fucking twat too. Stupid bitch doesn't know when to leave it. I can't be telling her what to do anymore though, I'm not mum..."

"_Effy, there's no-one fucking there" his sympathetic voice murmured from over her. He was lying. They were all there. Couldn't he see them? The shadows were striding across the meadow right now. They were ready to snatch her from the only happiness she had ever known. So she panicked. "Effy!"_

"_I can't!" she cried as he tried to grasp onto her._ _"Let me go!" She needed to run. She needed to get away from him before they hurt him too. The end...It was getting closer and closer with each hammering beat of her heart._

What the...? The light, it was so bright. The sun isn't that bright is it? No, it was something else. And those far-off voices were getting louder..._  
_

_Then he grabbed her and shook her and made her look him deep in the eyes. "Effy, listen. What d'you want me to do?" he pleaded. He couldn't do anything._

"_They're ready now" she implored. It was too late. The one time she had wanted to be selfish and happy and they were both going to be punished for it. _

Ugh, that fucking light! Why does it hurt so much? She squeezed her eyelids tighter, feeling torn in two.

"_Effy, stay here–"_

"_They're coming!"_

_But his resounding voice filled up her ears and every fibre of her being. "I'll fight em. Is that going to stop you? I'll fucking fight them!" and she could only watch as he raced towards the demons. _Her _demons. He shouted and screamed and swore and did everything in his power to drive them away. Like a shining beacon._

_For a moment they did fly away. Away from the love. Away from her small shred of happiness and in that brief, fleeting moment all she could do was sit up and laugh. It was the funniest thing in the whole world. _

She couldn't ignore the burning any longer as more and more feeling arrived back into her body. Consciousness seeped through her bones as she wrenched her reluctant eyelids open, her vision blurry and indistinct as the piercing white light of her surroundings enveloped her.

_They would come back, she knew. They always came back. That's why she needed to get out of here. "I have to go home now" she said, feeling the shadows creep over her skin again. _

The loud and unwelcome voices appeared to be coming from the hazy outlines hunched in front of her. Once the strain on her vision lessened she realised that they were people.

"_What?" was all he could say, his expression confused and lost._

"_Get me the fuck out of here, Freddie, please". _

It took her several moments in her new – or old? – body to realise that _this _wasn't a dream. The meadow...the demons..._him_...they had all seemed so real and bizarrely wonderful. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so happy despite the nightmarish quality to the dream. But it had always been like that with Freddie. He was the sun that chased away her ghosts.

The last flashes of memory from that day began to ebb away as self-possession overwhelmed her.

_So he did. He took her away from the faces and the voices on his little cart and they rode away into nothingness. Because it was all going to shit and she could feel it starting to slip from beneath her fingertips._

Now back in the solidness of reality, she appreciated that Freddie was only ever just going to be a dream. So much time had passed yet she still couldn't accept the fact that he was no longer a part of her world. Of anyone's world. So she glanced back towards the figures of Michelle and Katie – real people in the world – sitting at the end of her bed and prepared to leap back into normality.

Life in Effy's head was never going to be normal though. Nevertheless she let a resigned smile stretch over her face as she cleared her throat loudly.

_But at least, before the end finally came, she would have the hole that fit hers._

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	11. Chapter 10

_I found some time teehee..._

_Just a word of warning that this chapter is pretty heavy on the emotion, but just....bear with me okay? I promise I'm not that evil. Some answers - to the no doubt many questions you all have by now - are dealt with here. Read on and I hope you like._

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They both sat down and silence befell them at once, both aware of the extent of what was about to happen. Neither wanted to broach it; but Naomi didn't want to ignore it either. The thought of Emily possibly regretting what happened the other night was too much to bear.

As the seconds ticked by with nothing but the indistinct noises from the canteen around them filling her ears, Naomi suddenly flinched as soon as she realised how familiar this scene was. Not even a month ago had her and Emily sat in this similar situation...facing the unknown path of their future together. At least then, the blonde noted, she had had a latte as a distraction. She suddenly wished she hadn't pulled Emily from the queue – she could've done with a frothy distraction right about now.

Nonetheless, Naomi surveyed the redhead's soft and contemplative expression before taking a ragged breath in. "What happened Emily?" she asked simply. Emily's eyes shot up to meet hers across the table and Naomi's stomach clenched. A flicker of uncertainty flashed across Emily's eyes, before being replaced by that thoughtful and unyielding look again. Naomi hated how much Emily withheld things from her nowadays. The girl used to be so open; it was as if Naomi used to see into her core every time their eyes met. The remembrance did nothing to still her nerves. Nevertheless she quelled her buzzing mind as Emily finally opened her mouth to speak.

"I-I-I..." She stopped and closed her mouth, obviously trying to phrase something correctly. Naomi waited patiently, although the anticipation was killing her. Her heart pounded in longing for the girl in front of her. _Emily Emily Emily. _Emily took a deep breath in before looking at the blonde head on, her eyes set. "Do you remember...before? A couple of weeks ago, I mean? At the cafe?" The blonde chewed on her lip and nodded. _Do I ever. _"Do you remember what I said to you?" she pressed on, anxious to get out whatever it was she wanted to say.

Naomi paused. Of course she remembered. She remembered every word that flew from Emily's soft lips that day...the soft lips that had driven daggers through her chest with every syllable. A small part of her had died that day – although she was too stubborn to admit it. She had been utterly convinced that Emily was done with their relationship...but then, why the other night?

Emily seemed to read her thoughts because she quickly leapt into her speech whether Naomi was going to answer her question or not. "I meant what I said Naomi. I _have _changed. A lot. I see things differently now". Naomi pursed her lip, ready for the blow that was about to come. _Bye bye happiness..._ "But...that isn't to say my..._feelings_ haven't changed..."

Naomi's eyes widened and her heart seized in her chest. She stared at the redhead dumbfounded, unsure as to whether she'd heard her right. Emily made no move to correct herself so the blonde quickly came to the conclusion that she wasn't going crazy. But what now? That huge statement couldn't be left hanging in the middle of nowhere, so Naomi breathed out an inarticulate "Um...okay then".

One side of Emily's lip cocked upwards into a coy smirk, appraising the blonde furtively. "When Katie first told me you were back I was expecting the worst. I was expecting to fall right back into the same trap as before." A repentant look crossed her face. "But I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't undo all of the things I've gone through in the past couple of years. I'm not that old person Naomi, please try to understand that–"

"I _know_, Em" she said, finding her voice at last. If there was one thing she was sure of since returning to Bristol, it was that Emily had grown up. In her looks, her attitude, her humour, her _body (oh for fuck's sake get a grip) _and Naomi couldn't help but be in awe of this new version of the redhead. This quiet confidence that Emily now possessed intrigued her greatly; but she was left yearning for Emily to finish her point so she could know the truth – whether or not she would be able to get to know this new Emily a lot _better._

Emily was appreciative of her words and nodded slightly. "When you fell the other night and when we almost...you know..." She flushed slightly. "All those old memories came flooding back and all common sense went out the window."

Naomi smiled in understanding. "Yeah, I know what you mean–"

"And then later in the club," she cut in sharply, her form abruptly tense for some reason, "when I'd had a chance to think about it...I realised that I wanted to see what it felt like. What _you _felt like, Naomes. Again".

Naomi swallowed, her tongue suddenly too big for her mouth. She couldn't believe that Emily was blurting out all these things. She really was putting all her cards on the table. _For what? _the blonde couldn't help but think incessantly. Was this a way to say goodbye? Like, this information was a consolation prize or something? She was hoping it was the opposite; like maybe a fucked up declaration of love or something, but considering the situation they were in – in a canteen, in a hospital, surrounded by countless numbers of people – she doubted that Emily would reveal her true feelings in such a tactless fashion. So she couldn't help but sit there in anxiety as Emily waited for her to comment, her deep brown eyes cautious.

"I meant it Emily. It wasn't a mistake" she said, blushing furiously. She paused and exhaled, suddenly realising that she couldn't put adequate words to the experience. "I think you know I liked it" she finished instead, a soft look crossing her features.

Emily squirmed slightly under the blonde's piercing gaze, her teeth chewing at her lip apprehensively. "So did I" she admitted bashfully. Naomi tried to suppress a laugh. For two girls who had supposedly aged and become more mature, they were acting more like their old teenage selves at the moment. Blushing and averting eachother's gazes like there was no tomorrow – like those awkward teenage moments when you find out your crush likes you and you act so hopeless and desperate around them that it's embarrassing. But all amusement fell from her expression when Emily continued on. "But...it's not enough, Naomi..."

The words hung in the air, their echo reverberating around her skull. She tried to let them flow through her brain, trying to make sense of such an odd statement but no matter how hard she tried she just couldn't make sense of it. "I don't understand" she said honestly, not even bothering to cover up the disappointment in her voice. Emily seemed surprised by her tone as well but she shook it off.

"I know we've both changed Naomi, but, I just don't think I can forget what you...did to me. What you _didn't _do _for_ me". Her voice choked slightly and Naomi's heart cracked at the pained expression on her face. "If it didn't work out...I just don't think I could go through all that again–"

"But what if it did work?" she interrupted, her tone urgent. "Can't we just...start over?" She didn't care. She had to do something. Even if it wasn't the whole truth, the truth that Emily so desperately craved, she had to fight for them somehow.

Emily simply shook her head sadly, her eyes glassy. "I don't think we can, Naomes." Naomi watched as Emily swallowed a lump in her throat. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have led you on the other night. I've done a lot of thinking since then, what with the whole Effy thing, and I just don't think it'll work. It'll be for the best." Naomi couldn't focus on the redhead's words. All she could focus on was the strain in Emily's voice and the fear and ache in her expression. _She's lying. Her words don't reach her eyes. _As Emily made to get up and walk away, Naomi reacted. Her hand flew out to grab the other girl's wrist, stopping her in her tracks. Emily didn't even make an effort to pull away – she almost looked exasperated.

"You can't do this Ems" she pleaded, her blue eyes boring holes through the girl's back. "You felt something that night. I know you did. And I did too. So please, don't be unfair and just sit down and we'll talk–"

Her words were cut off as Emily whirled around and leaned down to capture the blonde's lips with hers. Naomi was so stunned by the move that she didn't have time to gauge her expression. But she very quickly realised the intent behind it as Emily's lips pushed against hers forcefully, almost menacingly. She gripped the back of Naomi's head and kissed her hard. Naomi's heart ripped in two upon comprehending that there was no emotion other than anger in this kiss – if you could call it that – and she could only sit there ineffectually and take it...take all the pain and suffering that was pouring through Emily's lips as they both remained glued together. It was even more excruciating than if she had slapped her; an effect Emily was no doubt deliberately aiming for. So it didn't even surprise her when Emily pulled away and spoke these next few words.

"_Don't" _she spat, her teeth clenching together to push out the word, "talk to me about unfair". She threw her head back and breathed in deeply through her nose in the way that a person does when they're trying to hold back tears. Naomi's lips still burned as she sat there motionless. The burning wasn't pleasant at all – it was hatred and red fury still lingering on her lips. After a couple of moments Emily's head rolled forwards so that her glaring brown eyes met broken-hearted blue ones. "You let me go Naomi. _You._ So I can damn well do what I please. Everything's...so...fragile. Didn't you realise that?"

They sat there staring at eachother helplessly for what seemed like an eternity. The confrontation hadn't gone unnoticed and Naomi could see out of the corner of her eye that some people had taken to watching them as lunchtime entertainment. But Naomi didn't care about those tossers. All she saw was Emily and this wasn't the strong, confident Emily that she had taken to admiring only minutes ago. The Emily standing before her was the broken teenage Emily. The Emily on the rooftop. The Emily in her garden, messing around and kissing girls in front of her face. The Emily that she had kicked coldly out of her house into the lonely world of life after love. And Naomi abruptly realised that this Emily had been waiting for this moment for a very very long time.

_Tell her, _her brain screamed at her. _She needs to know. Tell her before it's too late. _But as she opened her mouth to push the words forth, straight from the heart, she couldn't do it. It already _was _too late. Just like Emily said...she let her go. There was no point in revealing the truth now. The time had come and gone.

Emily set her jaw as she appraised the blonde's lack of response. She turned around fully and offered a curt and final "goodbye Naomi" before striding out through the glass doors, her crimson hair flowing behind her, and out of her life. Naomi could only sit there ineffectually as the severity of what just happened seeped through her subconscious. She looked around at the eyes watching her and felt the need to take her frustration out on someone. "Well? What the fuck are you all staring at? Haven't you ever seen people arguing before?!" she exclaimed hysterically, her voice breaking somewhat. The observers went back to their business hurriedly, not eager to deal with the unstable blonde.

She slumped back into her chair, hopelessness washing over her. _Emily. My Emily..._

A loud, booming call wrenched her from her despair however and she glanced up to see Tony staring at her. He had an incredible beam splashed over his handsome features. "Naomi! I've been looking for you everywhere!" He rushed over to her, failing to notice the dejectedness of her appearance. "You have to come with me!" Before she got a chance to respond, he yanked her by the wrist out of her seat and pulled her out of the canteen and back towards Effy's room. "Where's Emily?" he asked eventually as they strolled down the corridor.

Naomi gulped. "I don't know..." she murmured truthfully. Tony again, in his enthusiasm, failed to notice her tone.

"No matter, we'll give her a ring later. Oh here were go!" He steered her into the all too familiar room, only this time it was crowded with people. A nurse was bustling around the place as Anthea, Katie and Michelle all stood still in the middle of the room, their grins matching Tony's. But Naomi's gaze immediately fell onto the new presence in the room.

"Effy..." she sighed disbelievingly as her friend's proverbial crystal blue eyes met hers. The nurse fiddled with her IV drip before stepping away and striding towards the door, a compassionate smile on her face. Effy smiled softly once she'd left; she almost looked embarrassed at the lavishing adoration she was suddenly being showered with. But Naomi didn't care. She crossed the room at lightning speed and enveloped her friend in a gentle hug, aware of the fact that she had just awoken from unconsciousness.

"Long time no see Naomes" Effy whispered against her ear, her voice weak and crackly. She pulled back and giggled. "Although I guess you could say the same to me. But what's it been, like, three days? You'd think I was out of it for years" she said to her and also the room at large, obviously trying to subdue the apprehension radiating from everyone around her. Her mum shot her a warning look that said _"don't you dare make jokes because you took drugs and once you're better I'm going to beat the fucking shit out of you". _Effy seemed to get the message because she recoiled slightly. "Anyway...how're you Naomi?" she pressed on. "Any news to–" Effy cut off at having glimpsed the blonde's face and Naomi was shocked to find that her own cheeks were wet. Her tears were flowing silently and she was suddenly glad that she had her back to everyone else. Effy studied her severely. "Guys, could you give us a minute?" she asked swiftly. Out of the corner of her eye Naomi saw everyone glance at eachother, except Anthea who looked wary. "For fuck's sake mum I'm fine! I just need to chat to Naomes, okay?"

After a few moments she heard the shuffling of feet as the others made their way out the door. Naomi chanced a look back however and caught Katie's surreptitious and confused look before she closed the door fully behind her. Her attention was disrupted though as Effy tugged her around to face her, her blue eyes flashing with bewilderment. Her expression conveyed concern and Naomi knew that she was wordlessly imploring her to explain. Naomi sighed. "I'm just...really happy to see you I guess..." she lied, forcing a smile to her face. She knew it wasn't convincing; it felt foreign and distorted on her face and Effy read it likewise.

The brunette's gaze softened as understanding washed over her pallid features. "Emily?" she asked plainly. It was enough to undo the collapsing fortress in Naomi's chest and she fell forward into Effy's comforting arms, crying softly. The brunette simply stroked her hair soothingly and Naomi tried to ignore the fact that _Effy _was the patient, not her. But at that moment in time it didn't matter. Both their crudely mended hearts were now torn open again and the extent of the bleeding this time around was unknown. But to Naomi, in some way, the bleeding felt worse than the last time.

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_As the loud noises sounded overhead she tried to hold onto what little of her composure she had left. It would be quiet soon enough, long enough..._

_Her blue eyes wrenched shut as the fear of the oncoming loneliness struck her. She didn't want this. This is the last thing she wanted. But she couldn't bring herself to stop it – giving in now would mean giving in completely. If she gave herself up then she would lose herself forever. She couldn't let that happen. She wouldn't let it happen. _

_She snapped her eyes open again as she heard Emily's dejected footsteps descend the stairs, the heavy thumps of her rucksack audible with each step. Naomi got to her feet reluctantly and walked from the living room into the hallway, her gaze boring holes through the ground. She knew she was there...her smell, _Emily's _distinctive smell mixed with the sweet aroma of vanilla amplified tenfold and it was flooding her nostrils so all she could do was sense her presence. Knowing she would have to look up sometime, she brought her eyes upwards to settle on the form in front of her. As she did her heart nearly broke all over again. _

_There Emily stood, her rucksack placed neatly beside her. But all Naomi could do was observe her face. She looked...defeated, exhausted, lost and most significantly...heartbroken. They stared at eachother for several long beats, Naomi's heart aching for her to reach out and put an end to this nonsense. But her mind told her otherwise. _You're already in too deep, _it would hiss. _Staying with her will only crush you faster. _A part of her knew that wasn't true, but she also knew that staying with Emily was more dangerous than not staying with her – no matter how painful the separation was. _

_She'd always had nothing. And when you had nothing you had nothing to lose. With Emily...she had everything to lose._

"_So, this is it then?" Emily mumbled, her tone abrupt and harsh. Naomi pursed her lips and nodded infinitesimally, not quite able to believe the fact. Emily couldn't either, it seemed. "What, that's it? You're not even gonna tell me why you're doing this? You're not even going to _try _to fix this?" she implored, her voice strangled. Naomi squeezed her eyes tightly shut, willing this scene to evaporate from existence. _This never should have happened...Why did I let this happen?

_Naomi opened her eyes again and she felt a stabbing sensation in her chest as she glimpsed the tears pouring freely down Emily's face. She wasn't even trying to hide her grief and pain...a quality that Naomi had always admired and somewhat envied about her. Her honesty. Her kindness. Her non-judgemental nature. She had always seen straight through Naomi into her inner core and she had loved her for the person she _was _and not for the person she wanted her to be. Being seen scared Naomi more than anything else in the world...which was the reason why she couldn't shed her brimming tears in front of her now _ex_-girlfriend. She could cry all she wanted when Emily left. She would have the rest of her life to cry when she was gone. _

_Emily shrugged weakly, her arms clapping limply to her sides. "This is me" she stated simply, and Naomi's breath hitched. "If you don't want to fight for me...then I really can't say anything else". She picked up her rucksack and swung it over her shoulder, turning around defeatedly and walking towards the door. Naomi followed meekly behind her, her tears on the cusp of falling. _

_She was broken and devastated by all of this...even though Emily would never know that. This pain would be locked away with her deepest darkest secrets as she remained alone in the world. _

_Emily opened the door and took a step onto the porch but then she stopped and started ruffling through her coat pocket. She pulled something out that Naomi couldn't see clearly, but it wasn't long before she found out what it was. _

"_I guess the only thing you couldn't keep me safe from...was you". With that she threw the object backwards so that it slammed Naomi hard in the chest – although she wasn't sure if the pain caused was from her heart cracking or the impact – and fell to the ground. The blonde watched as Emily sprinted down the pathway as fast and as far as she could. She watched the red dancing away from her vision; she knew it would forever be burned into her eyelids. _

_After Emily disappeared from view Naomi eventually looked down at the object that had been hurled at her. Her heart leapt into her throat as her brain registered it, her stomach tightening horribly. She leant down to pick up the dirty goggles and held them in her nimble fingers. She eyed the cloudy lenses and wasn't surprised to find that she barely recognised her own distorted reflection...she didn't know who she was anymore._

_The tears came thick and fast then as she turned around and closed the door gently behind her, yet the echo of emptiness and loneliness reverberated all around the house. _I'm alone again. I got what I wanted. _As quickly as the thought passed through her mind, she knew it to be a false and filthy lie and the truth suffocated her as she collapsed right there onto the hallway rug, the rapid stream of tears burning her cheeks with their saltiness. She cradled the goggles in her arms as she brought her knees up to her chest, her appearance as sad and inconsolable as a lost toddler._

"_I'll miss you Emily" she whispered as she found her voice at last, although much too late. The lost words she had wanted to say were drowned out by her choking sobs._

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_Phew....heavy! __Please don't hate me. Like I said at the start, bear with me. I promise there's a reason for all this._

___This is kind of the final chapter to the first part to this story and the next part will...well you'll just have to wait and see! Although I got this up I am DEFINITELY on hiatus now - I am sooo screwed for exams its not even funny! I'm off to a MASSIVE do tonight though so I hope to see some shiny reviews when I eventually recover from my mammoth hangover. You guys wouldn't disappoint me in that way, would you? *sad face*_


	12. Chapter 11

_I just can't stay away =P_

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She sat idly on the couch sipping her tea, taking in her surroundings. It was a bit offbeat to say the least; the wallpaper was a garish gold colour with floral patterns running all over it. The fact that the sunlight was pouring in through the window and bouncing off it did nothing to allay its loudness either. The non-matching furniture did nothing to help – the old, musty smelling couch she was currently sitting on sported a faded shade of green and across the room sat a poorly upholstered polka dot armchair. The only thing that seemed attractive to her was the coffee table in front of her. It was an old oak table, possibly an antique. She stroked her fingers across it, the wood feeling smooth underneath the pads of her fingers. She then placed her cup onto it and got to her feet, strolling slowly throughout the room and taking one long look around it again.

Despite its gaudiness she couldn't help but admire the meaning it represented. This was a room and a home that memories were made in. Pleasant memories...quaint family dinners and the odd get-together and birthdays and Christmases...the whole lot.

The only trouble was that she didn't want to _make_ memories here. She wanted to forget them.

She ambled over to the ceiling-high bookshelf, her curiosity getting the better of her. On the bottom half of the shelf – the part that was on her eyelevel – there was a mixture of modern and classic books, many of which she glimpsed everyday while she was working. She ran a finger lovingly over their spines, the covers visibly wrinkled from rereading. Then her eyes drifted to the upper half of the shelf – the part she had to crane her neck to see – and she saw countless sci-fi and technical books. There was a model airplane placed precariously on the very top shelf, no doubt as a decoration. She smiled to herself. _Typical. _

The sound of someone coming into the room caused her to turn around, a smile stretching immediately and genuinely across her features. The man's hands dug deeply into his pockets, obviously still baffled with the situation he'd been presented with. His appearance looked tentative, as if unsure of what to say. Her expression softened upon realising how inconvenient this whole thing must seem. He picked up on the awkwardness in the room and broke the silence.

"I see you were looking at our book collection" he said, taking a hand out of his pocket to point it noncommittally towards the bookcase. "My stuff's in the top part because Lara isn't really a fan of my taste in books so she doesn't want them to be very visible when people come into the room but I guess this whole room is a little bit much anyway so I dunno why she's worried about the books of all things and–". Realising he was rambling, he closed his mouth ineptly. They stood in silence again for a few more moments before she felt the need express herself.

"I'm sorry about this whole thing JJ" she admitted timidly, smiling sheepishly at him. "If it's too much trouble then I'll be more than happy to find somewhere else–"

JJ shook his head. "Nonsense Emily. You were always a dear friend to me and it would be rude if I didn't offer you my hospitality. I just had a chat with Lara on the phone and she said that it was no trouble at all. And I'm sure Albert won't mind...although you might want to watch him when he's around your hair. He's got a strong grip that kid". They both chuckled, the tension easing off noticeably.

"Seriously Jay, thank you. I don't know how I can repay you for this".

He smiled coyly, his eyes understanding. "Don't worry about it. Just don't use up all the hot water in the mornings and help around the house and that'll be enough for the moment." He looked over his shoulder then. "I've got your room all set up if you wanna check it out?" Emily nodded and followed him into the hallway. Her bags were placed chaotically beside the front door. Emily leant down to pick up the smaller one and JJ courteously heaved the larger one over his shoulder, his expression straining as he did so. Emily giggled.

"You're a real gentleman, do you know that Jay?" she said truthfully as they started up the stairs, not bothering to hide the admiration in her voice.

His face scrunched up a tiny bit as he struggled to carry it up the last few steps onto the landing. "You call it being a gentleman, I'd call it idiocy" he said, his breathing becoming laboured. Emily rolled her eyes and glanced up and down the landing.

"So, which room?"

"This one down here" he said and she followed him down to the last room on the landing. He pushed the door and it creaked open. Emily stepped around him to glance at her new living quarters.

It was small and fairly boxy but it was definitely less brash than the living room. The wallpaper was again adorned with flowery patterns only this time the colour consisted mainly of lilac. The carpet was an aged jade green; probably left over from the 1970s. A petite wardrobe stood in the corner not too far off from the grey futon sitting in the middle of the room. But a smile overtook her face as she glimpsed the large window on the far wall. She slammed her bag down and raced over to it to find that it overlooked JJ's back garden. "I know it's not much," she heard JJ mumble behind her as he let her bag fall to the floor, "but you're welcome to fix it up or put up pictures if you want to feel more at home because, let's face it, it's a bit small and it smells but honestly I'll understand if you'd want to stay somewhere else–"

"JJ!" Emily exclaimed, whirling around and beaming. "Stop getting locked on! I love it!" she said, the truth twinkling in her brown eyes. He appraised her face and a sheepish grin appeared on his own.

"Great. Well...I'll let you get acquainted then. Lara should be home in an hour with Albie and you're more than welcome to join us for dinner".

Emily nodded, not exactly sure how she could express her immense gratitude towards the kind and generous man before her. He was still so awkward and uncomfortable even after all this time. She could spot one major difference though between the old JJ from college and this present day JJ. Love gleamed all over his form. Every time the names 'Lara' or 'Albert' drifted past his lips his eyes would shine for a millisecond. He probably wasn't even aware of it but Emily knew the look all too well. She had unfortunately often worn it herself. So, not certain of how to word her appreciation, she settled on a soft "thank you, Jay."

He caught the hidden meaning however and smiled sympathetically. "No problem Ems." With that he turned around and left the room, closing the door stiffly behind him.

Emily looked back out the window and up to the overcast sky ahead. The weather reflected her mood somewhat – there seemed to be a giant, unbidden cloud hanging over her life. Her feelings were a muddle of confusion and uncertainty and she wasn't exactly sure how best to deal with them. One thing she did know however was that the cause of them was currently back in Bristol...the cause with the long peroxide blonde hair and the impish smirk and the brilliant blue eyes and the cutting wit and the long legs and the marvellous breasts– _Jesus now _I'm _getting locked on! _She sat down heavily onto the bed, the springs squeaking as she did so, and tugged her fingers heatedly through her hair.

She was running. She knew she was running yet she promised herself that running would be the last thing she'd ever do. She didn't do it when her family refused to accept that she was gay. She didn't do it when Naomi refused to admit or acknowledge her true feelings for her. She didn't even do it when Naomi – her one true love in the entire world and the only person she trusted with her heart – cheated on her with that girl Sophia.

Emily had always been the one to stick things out. When Naomi ran, Emily was the one to chase after her. When things went to shit with her family, with Katie, Emily had to pick up the pieces and be strong.

But for the first time in her life, she was running. She couldn't stand to be around those azure blue eyes anymore – they were doing inconceivable things to her brain and her heart. Her heart was pounding wildly right now even thinking about those eyes, about her. She couldn't be around her knowing that nothing could ever come out of it. It was all too much. Four whole years without seeing her – all the while mending her broken heart – and then Naomi drops unceremoniously back into her life without a word of warning. And without another word of warning the seventeen year old besotted Emily was back and worse than ever; partly because Emily was equipped with the knowledge that she never – even in four years apart – found anyone to compare to Naomi Campbell. The unrequited love was killing her.

Her hands fell from her hair and came to rest over her face, her breath pushing tiredly against her palms.

She had been foolish to think that Naomi might still love her. Although their kiss before was...well, _wonderful_...she knew that fantasy didn't fare against reality. At a time long ago, Emily had asked Naomi to be brave and want her back. Naomi had never been able to do that. She had never been able to give herself over completely and Emily sometimes wondered if Naomi ever really loved her at all. Surely if someone loved you they would try to make a relationship work? They wouldn't have broken up with you, right? These questions had swirled around in her mind for months and months after the break-up and Emily almost went insane because they were never answered. Just _what _exactly was Naomi afraid of?

The image of those incandescent blue eyes flashed to the forefront of her mind, their piercing clarity enough to make Emily's heart leap into her throat. She sighed deeply as a lone tear strayed down her cheek.

When you want so desperately to be found, sometimes the only thing you can do is be lost.

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	13. Chapter 12

_Another big thanks to all my amazing reviewers: _BBRlucky13, slushhy, ProudlyIrish, vaskon, Ellie Timmers, .Brucas Forever x, LovelessNprescott, lobstercheese, debs182, coolbeans17_ and anybody else who reviewed if I missed you. You're all amazing and I love you all and YOU'RE what's making this story happen so thanks for being brilliant =]_

_Plus, over 25,000 hits? Wow..._

_This chapter is admittedly a bit of a filler (although a LONG filler at that haha) but in order for the story to progress to where I want it to be, this needs to be here. Plus I feel I haven't included a proper normal, banter-filled chapter in a while so here's my solution to that! Sorry if it's crap but I hope it isn't. Enjoy!_

_PS. Glad so many of you liked my little quote-thingy at the end of the last chapter. Seriously, totally made up and came out of nowhere!_

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She awoke in a cold sweat, her breathing sharp and coming in short bursts. The dream...the reds and the emotions and the words...they all seemed so real. Her mind had been awash of nothing but Emily during her peaceful and undisturbed hours of sleep. The red still pulsed her eyelids as she lay there for several more seconds with her eyes closed, not willing herself to jump back into reality just yet when she had been _so close_ to the one thing her heart so desperately craved.

Reality wasn't taking any shit this morning however because her mind suddenly became conscious of the buzzing noise that had woken her up. She rolled over grudgingly and flung an arm over to her bedside table and felt around for the incriminating device. Her fingers latched onto it and she brought it to her ear. "Hmmuh–hullo?" she murmured sleepily.

"Hey Naomes! Wow, you sound like shit" a familiar yet cheery voice stated down the receiver. "Did I wake you?"

"Um-hmm...yeah Chelle you did" she mumbled unapologetically. "What's up?"

"Oh, sorry! I was just ringing to see if you wanted to go shopping. Although, by the sounds of things, I might have to wait a while yeah?"

Naomi chuckled. "You'd be right there. And yeah sure, sounds like fun." She glanced at the alarm clock on her bedside table and saw that it was 11:30. "How about I meet you at the park entrance at 1:30? I don't have work today so we can take our time".

"Great. See ya then hun". She hung up and placed the mobile phone back on the table. She then rolled over onto her back and stared up at the ceiling, lost in thought.

Three months...three whole months without Emily and it was a wonder she was still able to function. Dreams like the one earlier were the only times when she could be close to her beloved redhead again. But it wasn't enough. A world without Emily was a boring one. She missed the flutter of butterflies and the goosebumps and the rush of feelings that happened whenever the girl was around her. The sensations could also be somewhat agonizing – but it was a pain she would gladly take if it meant she could see Emily again. How she managed to last four years without her in the first place was anybody's guess. The heart wants what it wants supposedly. Another invigorating taste of those luscious rosy lips however and she knew that she was forever hooked.

But there was nothing the blonde could do while Emily wasn't here. So, in her absence, Naomi finally managed to find a job working at the local newspaper. She already had a bit of journalistic experience from university; numerous political articles had snuck their way into the college newspaper while she was studying for her degree. One particularly feisty and scathing article from her uni days about the current general election at the time had qualified her to land a paid internship at the paper. It wasn't much, but it was income; all she needed until something better came along.

Even Effy had managed to land a job. Her recovery was remarkably swift and she luckily didn't develop an addiction to heroin. But her mum kept her on a tight leash afterwards; she still allowed her to stay with Tony and Katie but Anthea became a regular visitor to the household – much to her children's disdain. Naomi always had the sinking feeling however that there was something a bit off about Effy since that night. It wasn't anything physically visible yet it still sometimes caused the blonde to become sceptical. She couldn't quite put her finger on it...

Nonetheless Effy now worked with Katie in the boutique. Emily – although only a fill-in for the most part – had been a valuable employee of _'La Boutique de Fitch' _so her departure left up a free space on the rota. Katie generously offered her roommate the job. Naomi was baffled as to why Effy took it though. That much of Katie Fitch at home _and _at work? _Kill me, _Naomi thought copiously at the idea.

She sighed deeply and decided she better get up, leaning upwards into a sitting position as her vision swirled. She'd had a long day at the paper yesterday and had conked out the minute her head hit the pillow last night. It was therefore nice to have a break today and go shopping. She hadn't had many opportunities to do so since she got home from travelling – apart from that one disastrous time with Effy and a few other times – and half of her wardrobe was still unfit to wear. She crawled out from under her sheets and got to her feet, determined to make this day – another gruelling one without Emily – fit to bear. With such a thought in mind she pulled on her dressing gown and headed downstairs for breakfast with her mum and Kieran.

.

"Bloody hell I'm wrecked" Naomi moaned as her and Michelle walked down the pathway with numerous shopping bags rattling by their sides. She glanced sideways to see Michelle staring at her incredulously.

"Naomi, we've been shopping for an hour and a half. You're such a boy!" she stated snickering. Naomi shoved her playfully.

"Hey!" she cried out indignantly. "Watch it you...I am no boy, as this–", she pulled a lacy black brassiere out of one of the bags, "–so obviously demonstrates!" she exclaimed, joining in laughing.

"Okay okay I stand corrected! Now put that away. You never know what knob might be watching and perving". Naomi did as she was told, shoving the undies back into her paper bag. This was nice. She had always been able to enjoy herself with Michelle. The girl had a similar sense of humour to herself and she always saw the funny side to Naomi's sarcasm and caustic remarks. Naomi, on the other hand, enjoyed Michelle's banter and light-heartedness; it made a welcome change from her other girl friends. As much as she loved them, Effy – with her instability and enigmatic nature – and Katie – with her heatedness and irritability – were sometimes a lot to take. It was nice to have someone someplace in-between. Not too passive yet not too touchy.

"So where to next?" she asked, looking around at their chilly November surroundings.

Michelle glanced around in a contemplating way. "Well, Katie's boutique is right up here isn't it? Maybe if she and Effy are both working we could invite them for coffee?" Naomi nodded in agreement and followed Michelle up the road towards the familiar _'La Boutique de Fitch'. _

Peering in the shop window they could plainly see that Katie and Effy were indeed both on duty so they both hastily rushed in out of the cold. The proverbial, spicy scent of the store filled the blonde's nostrils as she closed the door behind them. "Katiekins! Eff!" she called as Michelle took a fascinated glance around the shop; she'd only been there twice before. Katie and Effy looked around at the sound of their pet names being called.

"How many times have I told you not to call me that Naomi?" Katie exclaimed exasperatedly as Effy chuckled. All threat in the declaration was lost when Katie grinned authentically.

"Sorry Kay. Old habits die hard." Both girls strode over to Katie and Effy, offering each girl a hug sequentially.

"So what brings you here? Or do I really need to ask?" Effy said, her eyes amused at having glimpsed the shopping bags in Naomi's hands. "How come I couldn't pull one measly purchase out of you when we last went shopping Naomes?"

"'Cos your idea of fashion, although much improved, involves the _least_ amount of clothing possible" she retorted, smiling smugly.

"Touché" Effy replied, cocking an eyebrow.

"Anyway, Naomi and I were gonna head for coffee if you guys wanna join us?" Michelle asked. Katie opened her mouth to reply but was cut off by her ringtone blaring from her jeans pocket. She pulled it out hurriedly and glanced at the screen and Naomi could only watch knowingly as Katie's eyes widened and her cheeks flushed. The blonde looked at Effy to see that she was watching both her and Katie intently.

Katie looked up and began stammering out an excuse. "Erm...I–I–I think...I mean it's–"

"Relax Katie. Go talk to her already. You wouldn't want to keep her waiting" she said nonchalantly, although some of her resentment managed to seep through as well. The brunette smiled apologetically before dashing off into the store room for some privacy. Naomi was left to stand staring stupidly at the place Katie had just vacated, as if willing Emily to suddenly appear and take her place. She couldn't face the pairs of eyes gawking at her from either side. As if her heartache wasn't enough to contend with – now she had Chelle and Effy's concern pricking away at her too?

She sighed heavily and forced herself to look around everywhere but at her friends. "So, got anything new in lately Eff?" she enquired, eager to deflect their attention. Effy jumped at the change of tack.

"Oh...yeah we do, uh, over here we have a nice dress that's come in this week" she said hastily, motioning towards said dress.

Naomi looked back at them at last to see that they had smiles plastered on their faces. Michelle's eyes looked anxious. Effy sported her patented stoic look. "Cool. Show me?" The brunette walked quickly over to the dress with Naomi and a tentative Michelle tailed in tow. Even as Effy tried feebly to distract her, to which the blonde was eternally grateful, her mind was simply elsewhere; in the store room with Katie and the object of her affections. What she wouldn't give to just run in there and grab the phone off Katie and just _hear _her; hear Emily's endearing husky voice whose tone always made Naomi swoon. She just wanted to see if she was okay and well and safe and staying with someone who was treating her right. _Treating her better than I did, _her mind hissed and she couldn't help but grimace.

It was true. Emily wasn't here among them right now because of her. She had left because she just couldn't handle Naomi being back in her life. The blonde couldn't exactly blame her – god knows it had been hard for her too. The only difference was that Emily had always stayed in Bristol and had a nice, good little setup going for herself. Then here Naomi comes who plops inconsiderately back into the equation. _Hell, _I'd_ be pissed. _And all the things she said that day in the canteen...it was hard to decipher the exact reason why Emily left when she had said things like _"...my...feelings haven't changed" _and _"...it's not enough, Naomi"._ What did that even mean? Was she angry, upset, confused or just plain _bitter _about Naomi's unforeseen return?

Sometimes, when she felt particularly desperate, Naomi let her mind wander to the unfathomable possibility that Emily might actually be bitter for all the _right_ reasons. So why did this make it seem all the more difficult?

It was confusing and tough and raw and Naomi had no clue as to how Emily was coping. What she did know however was that she was miserable right now without the redhead. How much longer would she stay away when she had a life and a job and a family back here in Bristol?

Naomi mentally scoffed. Well, what she was _really _thinking was: how much longer can she stay away from _me? _

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard Katie bustle back into the room. Her cheeks looked even more flushed than before. "Sorry guys. Just Emsy wanting a quick chat". She caught her eye for a moment and Naomi had to look away.

Silence echoed around the shop for several painstaking moments. "So...coffee then?" Michelle's hesitant voice asked. Everyone swiftly agreed and they all gathered their stuff together as Katie and Effy made to lock up for lunch. All throughout the process Naomi continuously had to resist the urge to grab Katie's phone from her pocket and press redial.

.

"So Michelle, what's Tone like in the sack?"

A collective noise of disapproval sounded from the other three girls as Naomi chewed smugly on her own question. "Naomi! What kind of question is that?" Michelle retorted, her cheeks blushing an impressive shade of scarlet.

Naomi merely shrugged. "What? We're all girls here! And he _is _quite fit–"

"Ugh, Naomi...just...no! I'm mentally scarred right now!" Effy exclaimed, her complexion suddenly white. "Please save me the image of my brother shagging someone _let alone _the girl sitting in front of me." Naomi glanced around all three of them. Effy and Michelle looked quite embarrassed. Katie looked just plain amused.

"Well at least Katie appreciates my intellect" she stated, taking another sip from her mocha.

Katie snorted. "Intellect? Is that what you'd call it?" she said incredulously. "You wish. Anyway, he's my roommate too Naomes. Maybe you should quit while you're ahead?" she said, although amused at the sudden anxious atmosphere that had wafted over the table.

Naomi rolled her eyes. "You lot are all so boring. I'm just trying to have a bit of fun!"

"Yeah well next time you need to take out your own sexual frustration on someone, maybe talk about somebody other than my own flesh and blood yeah?" Effy said coolly, a haughty smirk playing on her lips. Naomi stuck out her tongue menacingly.

"Mean..." she murmured, tracing a finger around the rim of her cup. They all giggled their way into silence and the light-hearted banter quickly evaporated.

They had all been trying to avoid touching on what happened back at the boutique. Although Naomi had been present for one or two of Emily's infrequent calls before, Katie never usually said a word about them to her afterwards. Today was no exception. Effy and Michelle were just being courteous too but it wasn't right. Naomi was at fault for this whole mess anyway.

"How...how was Em?" she asked cautiously, her eyes not meeting Katie's. Michelle cleared her throat apprehensively as the question hung in the air. The blonde finally looked up to see Katie looking at her sympathetically.

"She's doing...okay. No complaints as far as I could tell" she replied softly, taking a sip from her cup.

Naomi chewed her lip. "She didn't tell you where she was yet, no?"

Katie shook her head sadly. "No...she just said she's doing fine and asked how we all were." Naomi swallowed as her eyes met Effy's for a second. The brunette didn't look hesitant, thankfully, but she did appear oddly shrewd. And there it was again – that off-putting flash. Was it fear? Apprehension? Either way it didn't seem right.

She ignored it for the time being though. "Did she...say anything about me?"

Her harsh blue eyes met Katie's head-on then but the girl couldn't meet her eye. She started mumbling, looking up through hooded lids. "She...um..."

"Don't lie" Naomi spat. All of them – including herself – were shocked at how menacing it sounded. She backtracked furiously. "Sorry...I just–"

"It's okay Naomi. We understand" Michelle said sadly, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. Naomi smiled back gratefully before taking another drink from her cup. She didn't have the right to be angry. This was all her doing. She didn't deserve to be having coffee with Katie when her only sister – her _twin – _was out there in god knows where. She could be halfway across the world and none of them would know any different because Naomi fucking drove her off. And she couldn't figure out for the life of her why Katie was being so understanding. It was killing her. She wanted to be screamed at by her like that time she first visited Effy's new house. She wanted to be told how fucking pathetic and horrible she was for driving Emily away. She just wanted Emily to _feel_ her pain and know that she was sorry and she wanted to tell the _fucking truth_ for once in her life. She was hiding behind a broken exterior of sarcasm and arrogance and she would gladly throw it all away just to know where Emily was.

Why wasn't her beloved redhead here enjoying coffee with them? Why was Emily so afraid that she had to skip town? Why did Emily not talk about her anymore...?

The painful silence was interrupted by Naomi's phone ringing. She reached into her handbag and pulled it out and was met with another wave of anger upon glimpsing the caller ID.

"Who's that?" Katie asked hesitantly, clearly eager to change subject.

Naomi groaned. "Mark..." she snarled, flinging the object onto the table. The phone rang itself to a stop. "Wish he would just piss off". Effy looked at the phone anxiously. She was never too keen to discuss Mark after what had happened. The man was annoyingly persistent though when it came to trying to talk to Michelle and Naomi again.

The phone beeped again and she could see '_one new message from Mark' _emblazoned across the screen. She grudgingly read his pathetic attempt at an apology.

_Please Nomesy. I am so sorry :( __ x_

She growled. She had been getting texts like this every few days ever since Effy entered the hospital. Michelle was getting and ignoring them too, but they could only wonder how long this could go on. It was beginning to wear them down.

As if reading her mind, Michelle's reluctant voice spoke up. "Maybe...maybe we should see what he wants". All three of them glared at her incredulously but she held up her hands in defence. "Hear me out. I say that you and I meet up with him Naomi and hear his side of things. If he doesn't convince us that he's genuinely sorry, then that'll be it. It's more rational than getting these annoying texts and phone calls off him all the time". Naomi mulled over her words for a few moments as Katie's and Effy's eyes flickered between them apprehensively. If she was being honest she actually wished Mark would just sod off and never talk to her again...how can anyone be excused for putting her best mate in the hospital?

Still, Michelle had a point. She knew Mark; she knew that he was the kind of person to be cut up over something like this. He was a tosser yes, but he was a real pussycat at heart. Naomi sighed. "Fine" she snapped. "I'll text him and tell him we'll meet him tomorrow for a bit." Michelle smiled appreciatively as Naomi punched in her message.

_Meet me and Chelle at 2:00 in Starbucks tmw. One chance._

Naomi sent the message grudgingly, hoping Mark caught the severity behind the last sentence. She glanced up at Effy to see that she was averting her gaze. "Eff...you do know I'll never be okay with what he did, yeah?" she said softly, reaching out a hand and covering it over the brunette's. Her crystal blue eyes flickered upwards then. Another flash. Naomi again ignored her intrigue and scepticism. "We're just going to see what the prick wants–"

"Naomi!" Michelle cut in disbelievingly.

"Well he is! C'mon Chelle!"

Michelle groaned. "Yeah...you're right." All four of them giggled and Naomi removed her hand from over Effy's, placing it ineptly in her lap. As she looked back at Katie, who was chewing at her lip in a daze, she felt an inexplicable urge to apologize. She had deprived her of a sister and best friend. Deep down though, Naomi knew that Katie understood. There were no words sufficient enough to describe how sorry she truly felt – for both past and present. But the apology went unspoken because Katie suddenly checked her watch.

"What you think, back to work Eff?"

Effy nodded and the four of them got up, Naomi and Michelle heaving their bags up from the floor. "I reckon today was moderately successful. Don't you think Chelle?" she asked as they left the cafe and walked back down the road.

"I'll say. Tony is going to love what I bought in that last place" she whispered, her furious blush returning. Naomi and Katie scoffed as Effy simply shuddered and refused to comment.

"Yeah. Plus, now my wardrobe might actually be presentable" Naomi mused, smiling to herself.

Katie leered at her. "You still have a long way to go Naomes. You should drop by more often. I'm sure we could sort you out" she said smugly, winking at her. Naomi rolled her eyes.

"Katiekins, if I wanted a closet full of leopard print I would've called you a long time ago. So thanks, but no thanks" she responded tartly. Katie shoved her jokingly.

"Fuck off Naomi_kins. _And I told you not to call me that!"

The easy banter continued all the way back to the boutique, where she and Michelle said their goodbyes to Effy and Katie. It was nice. It was nice to know that when she was falling apart with misery and heartache on the inside that she had decent and loyal friends on the outside. But she secretly knew that she would happily trade it all to be with Emily Fitch. She would continue to wait for the day when she would get the chance to see her again. Until then, she knew Emily would still keep her company in her dreams.

The red would always burn her until there was nothing left.

.


	14. Chapter 13

.

"_Effy, I've come to tell you..."_

"_Freddie" she whispered, her eyes pleading. "I don't think I can–" _

_He kissed her. Full and hard and passionate and full of _that. _Although the tranquil water drifted around them, she was pretty sure she was drowning. Drowning from his lips, his wet hands gripping at her face and hair. From the emotions and the sensations and if she were to sink beneath the surface of this pristine blue lake right now then she would descend gladly. Drowning never felt so good. _

_He parted from her then to look at her head-on, his expression pleased yet resigned. "So, now I've told you...okay?" he said plainly, a goofy half-smile on his face as he shook his head slightly. "Now you know..."_

_She watched him, baffled, as he turned around and athletically swam back to shore. A tentative hand arose from underwater to touch her still tingling lips. The sensation burned._

"Effy? Did you hear what I just said?"

She looked up from her trance to see her brother staring at her incredulously. "What?" she spat.

He rolled his eyes. "I said you look like shit. What's wrong with you?" he replied bluntly, scoffing. Effy scowled at him and helped herself to a second helping of cereal. She was not in the mood for Tony's third degree today. She had too much on her mind...

"Nothing". She shoved a spoonful into her mouth to deflect the further need to answer. Tony seemed to be having none of it. He was sitting at the small kitchen table across from her, munching his toast, and had taken to surveying her face intently. Effy squirmed. The intensity of his gaze made her feel uncomfortable. She forgot the effect the Stonem piercing blues had on people. She never liked to be on the receiving end of them. "Piss off alright! I just got up on the wrong side of the bed okay?"

His eyes narrowed but he seemed to take the hint. He stood up and headed to the sink to clean his empty plate. Effy took the opportunity to finish off the last of her cereal and hopefully make a quick exit. "How long do you have work today?" he asked suddenly, the sound of splashing water ringing about the kitchen.

She was halfway towards the door before answering. "Till five. With Jenna. Joy" she said, rolling her eyes for good measure. She wasn't over exaggerating. Jenna really was a lot to handle. Mother Fitch was very meticulous when it came to her business; when Effy had first started in September she almost got sent to the naughty corner for not sticking to the dress code. As much as she loved Katie and Emily, she was secretly glad they hadn't acquired the same pernickety qualities as their mum. Although, Katie sometimes revealed a hint of her inner Mama Fitch when she was bitching. Effy was glad it was repressed most of the time though.

"Yeah well maybe when you come home, get an early night yeah? You really do look a mess".

"Cheers Tone. I'll keep that in mind" she said sarcastically, finally escaping Tony's persistent need to converse. She skipped the stairs two at a time and stepped onto the landing, pausing outside Katie's room and suppressing a snigger as she heard her roommate snoring loudly, and then quickly went into her room and closed the door behind her. She leant back against it and let out a deep sigh, wrenching her eyelids shut against the rest of the world. She tried to let her vision from the earlier drift through her mind, but no such luck. Tony's chatter had driven the little details from her mind so she was now too awake to drift off into oblivion again.

She groaned furiously and marched to her wardrobe, needing to take out her frustration on her clothes. _Fucking hell. Freddie. Just...why won't you go away?_ She ignored the ripping sound that erupted throughout the room as she tugged one shirt particularly hard in aggravation.

Her mind was simply elsewhere. She could almost feel the water beneath her fingertips yet couldn't grasp it. She wanted to plunge right back into that memory – that simpler time when the prospect of love was new and mysterious to her. She didn't want to be here in the present_..._where his absence simply meant pain and heartache and longing and the resounding fact that she would _never_ get to feel the water the same way again. Feel him the same way again.

Her eyes fell upon a bundle in the deep corner of her wardrobe and her heart seized in her chest. All anger flew from her form at once as she crouched down and tentatively pulled out the garment. The dusty grey folds felt soft and familiar against her skin as her eyes travelled across the fabric. As if she hadn't clutched it enough or wrapped it around herself enough already; Karen had shown up at her door not long after Freddie's funeral and wordlessly given her the cardigan. Effy had known immediately the significance of the gesture and truly admired Karen for it. Although she and Freddie's sister had never been close, giving up something of Freddie's meant giving a part of him away. A part that Karen no doubt wanted to keep for herself.

But sometimes things became too much. She hadn't seen the cardigan for months now after a particularly draining evening when she had decided enough was enough and shoved it into the back of her wardrobe. It only seemed fitting that she find it now – when her previous night's sleep had been riddled with flashbacks. That was what she was trying to recapture at the table earlier; that sense of ease and nothingness that one only feels when asleep. She wanted to feel that way when awake too.

It's ironic that when that moment had actually happened, the meaning of it all – _"Now you know" – _had terrified her. The old Effy Stonem never loved. The old Effy Stonem always bolted at any hint of emotion or affection. She had been that way her entire life. The demons...they didn't think love was the best thing for her.

Yet although it was probably the scariest thing in the whole world at the time, she remembered feeling the one thing she thought a boy could never make her feel. Happiness. Hope. And yes, love.

But she had meant what she said. She didn't think she could. That's why she ran to Cook. He was her safety net. He was harmless. He didn't make her feel all those foreign, horrific and...wonderful feelings. He was neutral. Switzerland. Not like Freddie. He was her atomic bomb.

That feeling never left. Months and years have passed and still she wakes up to the same thought everyday. _I miss you. _The ones we love never truly leave us.

But a part of her still thinks, well, _what the fuck?_ It's almost as if recently things have gotten worse, not better. She would be the first to admit that she didn't know what _that _was the night of Mark's party. A moment of weakness perhaps? No, it was something more. She'd been faced with temptation many times before but had always managed to avoid drifting down the familiar path of recreational drugs. Although, the relapses, the overdosing...they had been moments of escape in times of obscurity. She had only wanted to dream again.

Except her loved ones always pulled her back into her living hell.

She didn't blame Mark for that night, despite what everyone else thought. According to Katie, Tony had to be physically restrained from finding him and pummelling his brains out after she was hospitalised. Naomi and Michelle continued to hold a massive grudge; they were both meeting him today to hear his side of the story. She was rather glad. She was quite indifferent to Mark as a person, but she knew he didn't wholly deserve the treatment he was receiving. Effy had been a willing participant in the act. Mark was simply a scapegoat for everybody's rage. Effy secretly sensed the others felt so too – on more than one occasion they would just watch her, like Tony did this morning, and just have this expression on their faces that would scream _"God...what's happened to you?" _And her responding thought would always be _I don't know. I don't fucking know. _

Something was wrong ever since she woke up that afternoon in hospital. She couldn't put her finger on it. She thought the vision of the meadow on the day she woke up had been the worst of it, but her dreams were becoming so fucking unbearably _happy _that she wondered if she had woken up in the wrong body.

But as she finally caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror just then, she saw what Tony had been talking about. She looked...pale, confused and – as she clutched meekly at the grey tatty garment in her arms – small. Insignificant. Something was happening to her and she didn't know what. Yet she couldn't shake the horrendous feeling that all would be revealed in an excruciating and spectacular fashion.

She heard the front door slam as Tony left for work and her mind drifted to him and her beloved friends. How they were all indirectly caught up in her vulnerability.

In some way, they knew. Like Naomi yesterday...her gaze had lingered a bit too long when Emily and Mark made their presences known. Those blue eyes had locked onto hers and she received a dose of her own medicine. Being seen.

Naomi had seen the shred of fear that had engulfed Effy for that mere second. She wasn't entirely sure why she was afraid. Maybe it was because the hopelessness and longing Naomi was also feeling just seemed to reopen old wounds in her. Maybe she felt scared that she truly would be alone for the rest of her life as the others moved on all around her.

It made her angry that Naomi could just continue to flounce around when she could just reach out and take everything she ever wanted. Effy couldn't even if she wanted to.

For now she had to keep going. She had made it this far. Life after love was a constant uphill struggle and if she kept giving up then eventually she _wouldn't_ wake up.

Figuring the best thing to do would be to push such thoughts aside for the time being, she hurled the cardigan back into her wardrobe, a bit too forcefully, and grabbed a shirt and started to dress. As she put it on she heard Katie stir next-door and not long after heard her get up and leave for the bathroom, yawning loudly. Effy giggled. Katie Fitch was not one to be messed with in the morning.

Realising she would be dealing with the girl's actual – and much grumpier – mum later, she began to pick up the pace. The routine of Effy Stonem's life was set to continue as normal for now.

Safe. Boring. The calm before the storm.

.

Later that day, Naomi was sitting in a velvet lounge chair in the middle of Starbucks. She was idly fingering the cup of coffee in her hands, quietly seething to herself. Michelle sat in an armchair beside her, her eyes flickering anxiously between Naomi and the man sitting on the couch opposite them. A muffin lay untouched on the coffee table in front of them, a feeble attempt by Mark at a peace offering. He should know better. The way to a girl's heart is not through saturated fats.

After several more agonisingly tense seconds ticked by – the only noise being the buzzing chatter of lunchtime conversation around them – Michelle spoke. "So...where should we start?" she asked hesitantly, bracing herself for a backlash.

Naomi was not one to disappoint and sat unyielding in her chair, raising a hand to lazily twirl her fingers through her long blonde hair, before replying, "Oh, I dunno...how about the part where he tried to _poison _my best friend?" she said venomously, not even batting an eyelid.

Mark flinched at her accusing tone. "C'mon Nomesy. Let's be reasonable–"

"No. Let's not" she interjected, her false nonchalant manner faltering.

"Naomes, come on. We said we'd listen to him" Michelle reasoned, her tone beseeching.

Naomi snorted. "Yeah. And we will. But I need to be pissed off first. I dunno why you're so understanding Chelle. This is Tony's little sister!" Her voice was climbing noticeably higher as her fury at the situation set in. Michelle fell silent, not sure how best to retort. Mark simply looked broken at the treatment he was being presented with. A dear friend regarding him as an enemy; it was bound to come as a blow. But Naomi didn't care. He needed to pay for what Effy suffered. For what they all suffered.

She shot him a particularly nasty glare before diverting her attention to her coffee cup, taking a forceful gulp. Mark opened and closed his mouth weakly, stuck for words. Naomi tried not to feel guilty as she remembered that Mark was never lost for words.

After a minute or so, he sighed deeply and locked eyes with her. "Listen Naomi" he started and Naomi twitched at the use of her actual name. "I'm sorry. How many times do I have to say it? I feel shit for what happened to Effy, I really do–"

"You're only sorry 'cos you got caught" she spat, sneering. "Although you really should have been locked up for this in my opinion. I guess your 'mate' got the worst of it, eh?" she finished tartly. She scowled and averted his appalled gaze. She was referring to the night of Mark's party – the guy who had administered Effy with the heroin. Mark had managed to get off lightly on charges due to the fact that he wasn't actually present when Effy had taken the drugs. But the dealer was still on the run. Probably fucking up some other person's life.

She didn't know why she was so bitter. Perhaps her frustration over Emily was being vented onto Mark somewhat. But if the reappearance of bitch-Naomi got her through this then she would take whatever she could get.

Mark shook his head sadly. "I feel fucking awful about that night, you know I do. If I could take it back then I would. But I can't...and all I wanna do is move forward. I just hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me". He ran a hand restlessly through his hair and it was only then that she noticed how exhausted he looked. His normally bright green eyes were now dull and glazed over and he had dark bags under them. His complexion looked worn and pasty, like it hadn't been in sunlight for a long time. His appearance surprised Naomi. It truly was the appearance of a tortured soul.

It was then that her hardened exterior softened. She knew him. She _knew _Mark. He was only human. And humans make mistakes...a fact she knew all too well. Something clicked.

With a massive sigh and a cautious smile, she leant forward and reached out a kind hand. Mark's face immediately lit up, as if he couldn't believe his eyes. Michelle looked gobsmacked as well.

He stared at her outstretched hand for an awkwardly long amount of time and Naomi was about to retract it when he suddenly lunged forwards and pulled her roughly into a bone-crushing embrace across the table. She was squashed against his chest, her ability to breathe becoming difficult, as he murmured his hushed gratitude into her ear. He sounded close to tears.

When she pulled away ineptly from the hug, Mark was quick to do the same to Michelle. As she stood watching how happy he had suddenly become with one simple gesture, she realised that life was too short for grudges. She didn't condone what Mark did. But everyone deserves a second chance.

She just wished Emily thought so too.

He released Michelle from his vicelike grip and stared at them both, his expression as priceless as if he had just been handed both a birthday and Christmas present in one go.

"Don't look so happy. You're still on thin ice" she warned, although it was said in a lighter tone than before. Mark didn't seem to care. He looked delighted.

"Of course. So, you ladies got any more free time to catch up?" he asked hopefully.

Michelle checked her phone. "I don't think so. I have to be back soon. I've a presentation later on." She looked surprisingly unhappy about the fact. Mark turned his attention to Naomi.

"Nomesy?" he asked expectantly and she suppressed a laugh at his use of her pet name again. The chancer. She pulled her phone out from her handbag and checked the time as well. She still had an hour free before needing to return to the office.

But did Mark really deserve any more of her time?

She observed his eager face, his old and familiar cheerfulness flushing his complexion. _Sure, what the hell. _

"Yeah, but...can we go somewhere?"

Mark and Michelle glanced at her. "Where?" he asked inquisitively.

She shrugged, smiling. "Anywhere".

.

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_SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER! =D_

_Hey guys, I'm back!_

_This was originally supposed to be one chapter but the word length was getting ridiculously out of hand so I split it into two. The good news about that is that the next chapter is already written. The bad news is...I'm withholding it for a day or two. I know, I'm cruel._

_To be honest though I'm glad exams took up any time I had for writing because I would've felt quite inadequate what with all the amazingly brilliant updates flying all around the site (Coin Laundry anyone?) But now that my exams are over I'm back in the writing game. _

_Hope you liked this and look forward to the chapters to come. And to those that are getting increasingly frustrated with me for withholding any Naomily action all I will say is this:_

_All in good time. Progression is key._


	15. Chapter 14

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Twenty minutes later and the two of them were strolling by the lakeside in the nearby park, catching up on old times. The Effy thing had flown from Naomi's mind the entire time, leaving her with a rare moment of peace. Except she knew things were never that easily forgotten. Mark may have gotten away with this in a legal sense but the rest of them – especially her – would never be able to forget this.

Nevertheless she listened to him with polite ears as he regaled on her what he had been up to the past few months without them. He couldn't go five minutes though without saying how much he missed them. The lick.

"Seriously though, you and Chelle, I can't believe–"

"Mark, I get it okay? We're fabulous and you missed us dearly. End of" she interrupted, smirking smugly. He shoved her playfully before draping an arm around her shoulders, just like he used to. She tensed at this, but quickly relaxed. It was nice to be easy like this.

"So, what's going on in the life of Miss Campbell?" he asked suddenly, staring down at her with interest.

Naomi quirked an eyebrow in contemplation. "Well, she's still as carefree and eccentric as ever. Just the other day I found her in the living room having a cup of tea with the post man. Honestly, the things that woman does. I mean, who invites the postman in? And it was even more awkward 'cos he's copped sight of my tits a fare few times in the past when I'd be unthinkingly walking nude past the window–"

"No babes" he interjected, laughing heartily and she ignored the fact that he was probably trying to picture her naked in his head. "I meant what's going on with _you? _Although Gina is proper fit in my opinion."

She smacked him hard in the chest to which he shrieked. Mark always had a thing for older women but just...ew. "Well, there's not much to tell really..."

And then she leapt into her unexciting recap of the past three months. She tried to avoid discussing Emily if she could help it, but she was pretty sure Mark caught wind of something wrong. A flash of sympathy would cross his green eyes whenever she almost mentioned the redhead, where she would always rush onto the next subject. "You still like her don't you?" he cut in at last in a hushed voice. They were both sat on a bench now in front of the lake. Naomi watched the still water, lost in the serenity of her surroundings.

"Yes. I never stopped" she whispered eventually, before recalling something he didn't know about. "I kissed her Mark. I kissed her and it brought back all those fucking wonderful memories. I mean, I may as well have not gone to Asia – not even a world apart can stop me from feeling the way I do about her." She swallowed harshly and avoided his gaze as she felt her eyes well up. She never talked about Emily if she could help it. Her friends were just as much friends with Emily as they were with Naomi. But Mark...he was an outside party and she felt the need to let out some of her grief into someone who couldn't judge her or say anything that may get back to the wrong person. Hell, he'd never even _met_ Emily. She sighed deeply and leant her head back against his shoulder. "I don't know what to do. I don't even know where she is. She won't talk to anyone..."

Her voice trailed off and Mark placed his arm around her shoulder again, pulling her in close. The smell of his aftershave made her nose wrinkle; she had never liked it. But oddly enough it was also familiar and comforting during this moment. He rubbed his hand up and down her arm and clicked his tongue, clearly in thought. Naomi watched as a swan landed pristinely on the lake's surface. _Sometimes I wish_ I _could just fly away..._

They continued to sit there in silence when Mark finally exhaled. "Got your phone handy?" he asked unexpectedly. She didn't even query; she reached into her handbag and pulled out her mobile, handing it thoughtlessly to Mark. It wasn't until she saw him punching away at the keys out of the corner of her eye that she reacted.

"Oy!" she squealed, squirming out of his grip and lunging for the phone. Mark held the phone out of her reach. _Damn him and his tallness! _"Mark stop fucking about and give me my bloody phone!" she cried as he leapt to his feet and away from her. She followed him pathetically as he sprinted away from her and she couldn't shake the feeling that he was texting someone he shouldn't be. "Mark please!" she cried in a last chance attempt, the desperation rattling her voice. He stopped in his tracks at her tone, his back facing her. He had stopped next to a giant oak tree; currently shed of its leaves as the crisp November wind engulfed the park.

She slowed down as she reached him, puffing out ragged breaths. "Mark..." she murmured, clutching at her sides. Fuck if she showed up back to work with sweat-patches. He turned around then, the phone clutched in his hand and a resolved expression on his face.

"Have you contacted her at all?" he asked seriously, his eyes holding hers.

She flinched away from the intensity. "Who...?" she asked meekly, but she knew the answer was obvious. Denial was her only guard at the moment.

Mark's eyes bored even harder into hers then, his grip on her phone tightening as he tried to pull the truth from her eyes. From her soul.

So she broke. "Of course I have!" she exclaimed, her bottom lip wobbling. "But...she...she never replies..." she whispered, her voice breaking. "All my calls go straight to voicemail. She talks to Katie, but Katie leaves the room whenever she rings. She won't talk to _me._ She doesn't even want to fucking _know_ me!" Tears flowed down her cheeks then, thick and fast, and she didn't even care. She ambled over to the oak tree and sat down, leaning against the thick bark. She wiped limply at her eyes as the reality of the situation crushed her. Mark sat down wordlessly beside her.

All this time she had tried to act like she didn't care about Emily being gone. Ever since she'd left...Naomi kept telling herself and everyone else that it didn't matter. That Emily merely needed space. But it wasn't true. Emily was fucking _running _and it was all Naomi's fault. All the blonde wanted to do was to rid Emily of all her doubts and fears; yet she was still too fucking scared to grab that phone out of Katie's hand and scream down the other end to Emily that she loved her.

Fear. It's a complicated thing. It can make even the strongest person turn into a mass of jelly with its presence. Naomi loved Emily. She had _always_ loved Emily; even though she had foolishly tried to push it down, make it nonexistent. Those deep brown eyes, that unabashed smile, that vivid red hair that invaded her dreams every night...all of it was the epitome of Naomi's worst fear. Except it could also be the making of her future. Her blissful future.

Deep down, somewhere in her protected, caged heart, she knew Emily did feel something. But, what exactly did she feel? Was she gone right now into the abyss of the unknown because she couldn't stand Naomi? Like, she was just so aggravated by her presence that now that she had been given the chance to get away, she would come back and not even throw the blonde a passing glance? Or was it...the mirror image of Naomi's feelings? Where Emily was so terrified of everything that had happened and was happening between them that she felt suffocated and needed to breathe?

Perhaps a little from Column A and a little from Column B.

Naomi was never a good judger of people, or of feelings for that matter. So how can she read the extent of Emily's feelings if she barely knew how to contain her own? The unknown was destroying her, devouring her, crushing her with every passing second, hour and day that Emily remained gone. But the fear that she had borne all her life still remained and it was the one thing that kept her from reaching out and grabbing everything she ever wanted and needed.

She was torn in two. She wanted Emily and to love Emily; yet at times all she wanted was to run away again and never look back. Except she wasn't eighteen any more. She knew if she chose the latter option that she'd only end up back here again anyway. She would never be able to stay away.

She would see Emily at some point. She'd make sure of that. Although the fear meant that Naomi wasn't entirely sure if their meeting would be the beginning of something great...or the end of her existence as she knew it.

_Bloody hell, _she thought exasperatedly.

Her thoughts were interrupted as Mark's hand came into view. He was holding her phone up in front of her face and Naomi could see that he had written out a text. She wrenched her eyelids shut. "I can't send that Mark..." she mumbled, rubbing tiredly at her flushed and wet cheeks. Jesus, she had to get back soon and she was a right state.

A rough hand grabbed hers then and she opened her eyes and watched and felt as Mark rubbed his thumb along her knuckles. She looked back up to his face and it looked so warm and concerned that she wondered how she had ever been mad at him at all. Who knew Mark – when not being a cheeky prick – could be so caring?

"You need to Nomesy". He placed her phone forcefully back into her hand and her long fingers closed around it, clutching for dear life. "Just because she's not answering doesn't mean she's not listening." She felt his gaze on her but couldn't meet it. She stared at the message for an eternity, wondering if Emily really would read it and know the sincerity behind it. It was one half of the whole truth, but the other half could not be said over the phone.

_Fuck the fear. _Without a second thought, she hit the 'send' button and crumpled into a heap against Mark's body. His strong arms enveloped her and hugged her close, trying to hold her pieces together.

"Ya sure you can't stick around for a while?" he said teasingly after a couple of minutes. She chuckled half-heartedly through the tears, glancing down at the creased business suit she was wearing and imagining the inevitable grass stains on her arse when she got up.

"Maybe I'll call and make up an excuse. I think I might risk getting fired if I show up like this".

.

She watched with fond eyes as the little boy placed the red circle into its adjacent hole. His face lit up upon noticing that he had three in a row. She didn't say anything, merely smiled to herself. She picked up her yellow piece slowly and deliberately and contemplated for a long time about where to put it. She watched as his brown eyes followed her hand with anticipation, just waiting for her to make a wrong move. She hovered her hand over a spot.

_Sure what the hell. I'll be nice. _She dropped the yellow circle and immediately he grabbed one of his own and placed it in another hole alongside his other red ones. He leapt to his feet and squealed in victory. "Yes! Connect Four! In your face Emsy!" he exclaimed, clapping his hands together animatedly.

She groaned in mock annoyance. "Oh no, I lost again! I guess you're just too good at this Albie" she said defeatedly, sighing for good measure. He looked smug as he turned the frame upside down and all the red and yellow pieces came crashing to the floor.

"Wanna play again?" he asked eagerly.

She chuckled. "Sorry Albert, but I think six times in a row is enough for one day yeah?" She heard a crash come from the kitchen followed by a loud swear. Luckily Albert didn't seem to hear. "Uh...how about you go help your mummy make dinner? I'm sure she'd love your help" she said urgently, cringing again as she heard a pot clang to the floor. Albert nodded and got to his feet, dashing quickly from the room. Emily slid off the couch and knelt down, tidying the game away.

As her eyes took in all the pieces scattered across the floor, she tried not to become distracted by the fact that the mess around her mirrored the mess currently cluttering her mind. How she wished she could just tidy her thoughts away and seal them in a little box too.

She also tried not to imagine the yellow pieces being a few shades lighter. Blonder. And ignored the fact that they were lying so seamlessly with the red ones. Oh how she wished red and blonde could lie peacefully like that all the time.

She snorted. _Comparing myself to a kids' game. Get a life Emily._

She shoved the last of the parts back into the box and jumped at the sudden vibrating sensation coming from her pocket. She hastily grabbed the offending device but tensed immediately at the sight of the name.

Naomi.

She stared at her name for several moments...or hours...she couldn't be really sure. She was perplexed. Naomi had called before, in the beginning, but only a few times. When Emily continuously ignored her calls and voicemails though the girl eventually got the hint. She had only received a handful of texts too and they had been mostly casual, consisting of phrases such as _"how are you?" _or, more desperately, _"where are you?"_

Emily refused to talk to anyone back home except her sister and the rest of her family. It seemed easier that way – it gave her a chance to stop thinking about Naomi. Katie was smart enough not to mention the blonde either whenever they conversed. But Emily knew she could never rid her mind of that peroxide blonde hair and those striking blue eyes. This avoidance strategy was only a way to put off the inevitable. She'd have to face up to things sooner or later.

When she was ready. Not now.

So what did Naomi want? It had been at least a month since the girl's last text and even that had been a little lacklustre. _Still not fighting, _Emily couldn't help but think painfully. Of course, she hadn't replied – no matter how much she had wanted to.

Figuring she wasn't going to answer her own questions by staring at the screen, she hovered her thumb over the 'open' button and pressed it firmly, afraid of what she was about to read.

The message made her heart swell.

"OW!" she hollered suddenly, an excruciating pain ripping through her. "What the..._Albert!"_she growled incredulously. The boy was lingering above her, his fingers tangled roughly through her hair.

"Sorry. You weren't answering" he mumbled timidly, suddenly looking abashed.

He let go and she reached a hand up to her head, rubbing the sore spot forcefully. "How many times have we told you not to pull other people's hair! You're a big boy now, it's not nice."

He shrugged noncommittally. "Whoops. Anyway, mummy says dinner's ready" he said indifferently.

Emily rolled her eyes and ruffled his blonde hair, so much like his mother's. "Okay, but maybe next time just...poke me?" She exhaled and glanced towards the phone in her hand. "Tell JJ and your mum that I'll be out in a minute 'kay?" Albert smiled and trudged out of the room towards the kitchen. Emily sat back up onto the couch and looked at the message again.

_I'm thinking about you. X_

She sighed heavily, her eyes rolling up to stare at the bare ceiling. As Naomi's gorgeous face flashed across her mind once again, her heart fluttered. The sensation was constantly recurring and it didn't make things any easier. How was she supposed to move on if she didn't _want _to move on?

She imagined Naomi's warm and loving smile in her mind just then and tried to believe in it. She tried to believe that Naomi wasn't lying in those four words and trying to torment her by doing this. Maybe, just maybe, she felt half of what Emily felt. But Emily couldn't face her just yet. She had to equip herself for the battle ahead and she still couldn't do that in Bristol; where Naomi's hauntingly blue eyes would be watching her and boring holes through her heart. Whether something would happen between them or not...she had to make sure she was ready for both outcomes. That was going to be even more difficult when she couldn't stop reimagining their kiss...that heart-stopping, breathtaking moment of intimacy where the past was simply forgotten and the only thing in the world had been the two of them in their lover's embrace. Even the little ones after, when they sat things out in the waiting room in hospital, were filled with such compassion and understanding and emotion that she wondered how they had ever been apart at all. Except her rational side had caught up with her and now...she was here. She sighed.

Why did things have to be so fucking complicated?

She read the text several more times, trying to decipher any hidden codes but found none. She tugged a hand harshly through her red hair, trying to make the blonde's beautiful face vanish from her mind. A task that was virtually impossible.

_Me too Naomi. Me too._

She got up and walked to the kitchen, ready to put on a brave face for her adoptive family.

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	16. Chapter 15

_So between my end-of-exams partying/booze-fest I managed to write this. Quite a feat considering I had a bitch of a hangover the other day but...this is how much I love you guys!_

_I was also pleasantly surprised to find that I've recruited a couple of new reviewers to this story. Oh you guys *blushes and looks down modestly*, you make me feel so special._

_A word of a warning that this chapter is FRICKIN LONG. Longer than chapter 3 and that's saying something! I was considering splitting it into two again like the last chapter but then the first part would be really boring on its own so I figured I'd leave it. So here's a massive chapter for you! You might wanna get a glass of water or take a break halfway or something because this could take a while._

_And guys - it's coming. I hate teasing you too. But we're getting there. Slowly but surely. And this one helps speed things up. _

_Enjoy x_

_._

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_._

"Bloody hell Kieran, the thing only weighs like two pounds" said Gina, her and Naomi watching as the Irish man struggled with Naomi's rucksack down the stairs. He let out a loud, exaggerated groan as he finally reached their level and dropped the bag at their feet. Naomi glanced backwards at her mum who rolled her eyes in amusement. "Men. Useless really" she said and Naomi laughed. Kieran let out a huffing noise.

"I'd like to see you carry this Gina – your lovely daughter packs way too feckin' much" he said defensively, flexing a shoulder pointedly. Naomi sniggered.

"Aw poor baby. Would you like a violin to play as background music to your sad little story?" she said mockingly. Kieran cocked his lips upwards into a knowing smile.

"Whatever missy. Just be glad you have a man around the house to carry your bloody clothes and shoes and alcohol everywhere" he said before trudging away into the kitchen.

"You know you love me!" she called after him, sticking out her tongue at his retreating back. She checked her handbag hanging off her shoulder, making sure she had all the essentials such as her keys, phone and wallet. She then looked back at Gina who was smiling cheerfully.

"So, you all set for your trip? You look lovely by the way" she said, eying her daughter's outfit which consisted of a low-cut paisley dress and silver heels. Naomi pulled her phone from the handbag at that particular moment and saw she had a text from Katie that had been sent a few minutes ago.

_We'll b at urs in 10 mins. B ready lezzer bitch. X_

Naomi smiled. _Oh Katiekins, you never change. _She put her phone back and returned her attention to her mum. "I'd hardly call it a 'trip' mum. We're only going for a night" she noted. Gina shrugged.

"Still, it's nice to get out of the city once in a while. Did your boss mind?"

"Nah, he's quite easygoing. It's the weekend anyway so I was only supposed to be working for a few hours tomorrow. He said if I work overtime at some point next week I should be grand." She scratched at her head ineptly, glancing around. "Will you be alright while I'm gone? Can't say I trust the Irish bugger too much sometimes" she said giggling.

Gina smirked shrewdly. "I'm a grown woman Naomi, not to mention _your mother_. I think I can take care of myself. Besides, I'm sure we'll find plenty of ways to entertain ourselves for the night–"

"_Ew,_ mum, NO! Too much information! Ugh..." Naomi shuddered at the horrible mental image that flew into her mind, immediately trying to think of something else, _anything_ else. Gina was laughing hysterically, her statement obviously achieving the desired effect.

"Sorry, couldn't help myself" she said breathlessly, stilling the last of her chuckles. "But on a serious note...are you sure the others are okay with this? I mean, Mark _is _going to be there..." she asked timidly, eying her daughter furtively. Naomi paused.

It was true that she had been worried at first about suggesting this. She and Michelle may have put the Mark thing behind them, but the others certainly – and understandably – hadn't. But she felt it was a great opportunity to get away to somewhere new and have some fun without the burden of jobs or homelife weighing them down. _Or Emily, _Naomi couldn't help but think. Yes, of course the redhead was a major part of Naomi's ulterior motive. The others didn't know that – although she was pretty sure they assumed as such – yet she knew getting out of Bristol could be a great way to clear her head. Or at least get it drunk on alcohol.

After she and Mark had left the park last week following Naomi's somewhat emotional breakdown, they had gone back to his apartment. She had managed to make up an excuse to her office, pleading a sudden bout of sickness and luckily they bought it. So that left them both to enjoy their unspoiled evening together. The Emily subject wasn't broached again, although she knew Mark felt fairly proud at having offered her some helpful advice. He said he was just glad to help but Naomi secretly knew he had wanted to make it up to her in some way after all the trouble he caused. So apparently his idea of help consisted of interfering in love lives and robbing phones. Go figure.

Over tea and biscuits, Mark told Naomi that their friend Lucas from travelling was having a big birthday party the next week in his newly purchased cottage in the Hampshire countryside. He was inviting people from all over the place and Naomi and her friends were apparently welcome to come too. Quite a generous thing to do, considering she would never in a million years think about letting a bunch of randomers into her new home. But whatever floats your boat – it wasn't her problem.

So she suggested the idea to the gang – Tony, Michelle, Katie and Effy – and all of them, bar Michelle, predictably hadn't been too keen at first. No actually, strike that; Tony was about ready to throw a fit when she mentioned that Mark would be going. Katie and Effy were a bit sceptical of course; not because they detested Mark but because they were still unsure of what to make of him. So after major coaxing on her part and the promise that Mark would be on his best behaviour, Naomi finally managed to convince all of them to come. Michelle pulled out at the last minute due to work conflicts, but that left Tony, Effy, Katie and herself to enjoy the festivities.

So now here she was, standing in the hallway staring at her mum and waiting for Tony to call round so they could all drive down to Hampshire together. "They're as okay as they can be, given the circumstances" she said eventually. "It doesn't really matter though. I think we all just want a fucking party to be honest. Animosity or not".

Gina nodded in understanding, her expression suddenly turning cautious. "And Emily? You still haven't heard from h–"

"No" Naomi interjected sharply and Gina flinched. The blonde sighed. "Sorry. But...this is my chance to get away. I don't want to think about her tonight, okay?" Her mum nodded again, her expression now abashed. Naomi smiled apologetically. "Thanks, mum" she said quietly, knowing deep down that although her mum was kooky and sometimes a little bit mad, she could always count on her and Kieran to have her best interests at heart. Her train of thought was interrupted just then by the sound of a horn beeping. "That'll be them. See you soon mum. Don't get up to too much mischief this evening yeah?" she warned jokingly, enveloping her mum in a warm hug.

Gina pulled away and cocked an eyebrow. "I can't promise anything love" she said and Naomi merely smiled and started heaving up her rucksack. The doorbell rang then and Gina stepped forwards to answer it. Tony was standing there in a fancy shirt and chinos as the door opened.

"Hey Mrs. Campbell–"

"Please love, call me Gina" she interrupted, cringing at his formality. Naomi scoffed. _Tony, too chivalrous for his own good. _He smiled softly.

"Right, Gina. I was just looking for Naomi."

"I'm here" Naomi said, stepping into view. "I'm all ready to go".

"Cool. Need help with that bag?" Naomi nodded and handed Tony her rucksack and he quickly started walking away towards his car.

"See you" she said to her mum before following Tony out the door. It was only when she heard the front door click shut behind her did she notice the form of transport she would be travelling in. "What the fuck?" she blurted out, taking in the massive hunk of blue metal that was apparently supposed to resemble a vehicle. She saw Katie and Effy sitting inside it, clearly on the same wavelength as her when it came to her reaction. As Tony came back around from shoving her bag in the boot however, she saw that her opinion was not shared by him.

"Oy, I'll have you know this babe only cost me fifteen hundred pounds. She's pretty damn sturdy too" he said fondly, banging on the side of the van for good measure. Naomi just continued to stare at him, flabbergasted.

"_Only _fifteen hundred? Jesus Tone, you got fucking ripped off! What the hell is this thing anyway?" she exclaimed, her top lip curling up in disgust. She stroked the side of the van and as if to prove her point a fleck of paint came off at her touch. This didn't go unnoticed by the others and Katie burst into full on hysterics – she had clearly been waiting for someone to share her opinion. Effy merely looked bemused.

Tony swiftly turned defensive. "A Toyota van, alri–"

"From when? The stone age?" she cut in, continuing to chip off the paint with her fingernails. Tony batted her hand away sulkily.

"No, it's a '98, okay? I couldn't exactly afford anything too pricy...so sorry if it's not to your oh-so-luxurious taste. Besides, it's taking you down to your precious party. So zip it, yeah?" Naomi raised her hands up defensively and got into the backseat. Katie was sitting up front in the passenger seat, leaving her and Effy in the back. Naomi glanced around, taking in the dreary – and notably musty-smelling – van.

"I know what you're thinking" Effy piped up suddenly. "Trust me – when he first came home with it last week I nearly laughed him out of the house." Tony got in then, slamming his door shut and settling himself in for the drive ahead.

"Everybody ready? Or do we need to go home and get _another _pair of shoes, Katie?" He glared pointedly at the twin who shrank into her seat.

"I couldn't make up my mind! I might want to wear something different when I get there–"

Tony snorted loudly, clearly not willing to discuss fashion any further. "Right so as I was saying, everyone set?" All three of them nodded and Tony started up the van. It came to life with a violent roar and Naomi stifled a laugh as they took off down the road, all of them falling into a comfortable silence.

She glanced out the window at the surprisingly mild evening outside. The sun was just starting to lower in the sky, signalling that the sunset was not too far off. It was always nice to get a rare, windless evening like this in winter. Their transportation may be a mess but that didn't mean their evening had to be.

The silence didn't remain comfortable for long though because sure enough they passed by Emily's flat. Effy had pointed it out to Naomi one day when they had passed by it on a walk, not long after the redhead had left. The flat had looked pretty vacant back then, along with the driveway, where Emily's supposed Fiat Punto should've been. Today was no different; the driveway still remained empty of her car and the window to Emily's flat on the third floor still indicated a room void of human presence.

"So Tone, is Michelle annoyed she couldn't make it?" Katie swiftly asked, noticing the blonde tense in the backseat.

He shrugged. "Yeah, she's swamped at work so she could've done with the time off. But she can't afford it at the moment. She's gonna try and hold out till her Christmas break 'cos her boss is–", he raised a hand in finger quotations, "–being a massive dick right now".

Naomi smiled and returned her attention back to the conversation, shoving Emily from her thoughts once again as her apartment disappeared from view. "We'll have to keep an eye on you then. Just in case you're feeling a bit flirty" she said, slumping haughtily into her seat. Tony chuckled heartily.

"I've played the flirting game Naomes and trust me, there's not much out there. Chelle's the only girl for me right now". This sickly sweet statement was followed by a very false "aww" from the girls and then Effy added to it by patronizingly smacking the back of her brother's head.

"Ow! Fuck, Eff!" he shrieked. "Remind me never to talk about my feelings again" he said irritably.

They all chuckled, except a sinister tone wafted through the sound. "You're a Stonem. You're not supposed to feel" said Effy in a hushed voice. Everyone fell silent at once. Naomi glanced at her and saw that her head was bowed low, her proverbial blue eyes hidden. Naomi knew straight away that what she had said had been a slip up. It was the glimpse of mystery that Naomi still couldn't quite comprehend and that worried her deeply. She met Katie's eyes in the rear-view mirror – trying to ignore the recollection that flashed across her mind of when she'd met Emily's reluctant eyes in the rear-view mirror of that taxi those many months ago – and she saw apprehension and concern laced in them.

Naomi was about to ask the brunette if she was alright when she suddenly snapped her head up and took a deep, resolving breath. "So, 'I Spy' anyone?" she asked cheerily. Her smile didn't reach her eyes. The awkwardness hung in the air for a few moments before Katie stuttered out a reply.

"Uh...yeah, sure."

So that's how it went. They all knew something was a bit off with Effy these past few months but again they refused to broach it. Now was not the time. They were all on their way to have fun and to forget their lives for the night. Naomi couldn't have any more problems cramming into her head – it was hard to keep track of the ones already overflowing her brain. So the truth took a backseat to denial. Nothing new in that respect anyway.

.

"Guys! So glad you could make it!"

The cheery voice of Lucas greeted them an hour and a half later as the van pulled up to his country cottage and they all got out. As Tony started pulling their bags from the boot, Naomi ran up to the tall black haired man and gave him an affectionate hug, along with the champagne and card she had bought him as his birthday present. She hadn't seen him since before the Effy thing (Effy's stint in hospital was now being referred to as either 'the Effy thing' or 'it') and she had missed him. He had always been very pleasant and kind to her.

"Thanks a million for having us Lucas" she said as she pulled away, glancing back around towards her friends. They all walked to her side, bags in hand, and smiled politely at him. "This is Effy, Katie and Tony" she said, introducing them each respectively. The girls leant forwards and each individually air kissed him on the cheek and Tony offered him a gracious handshake.

"Cool. Well you came at a good time – people are all beginning to arrive and the atmosphere is definitely picking up". They all began walking up Lucas' sloped driveway towards the cottage. Naomi couldn't help but notice the buzzing chatter of conversation coming out of its open windows.

"You're a brave man, I'll give you that. Your place looks pretty swanky" Tony said, smiling in amusement. Lucas chuckled.

"Ah well, what's life without a good party? I'm a wreck-head at heart" he said earnestly.

Tony nodded. "I'm not complaining" he said with finality, shoving his hands into his pockets. The girls simply looked at eachother and shook their heads. Men.

They reached the top of the surprisingly long slope and Lucas led them inside where the party was indeed up and running. There were around a dozen people in the sitting room alone where he led them first. She was pretty sure she had glimpsed people outside too, so she had absolutely no clue as to how many guests were actually going to invade. And as she had a look around the lavishly decorated house she realised that Tony was right. Lucas was indeed a brave man.

"Is everybody staying then?" she couldn't help but ask in curiosity. Lucas led her and the others into the kitchen and placed her champagne bottle onto a counter before replying.

"Well, it just depends on how trashed everyone is. I mean, I'm sure there'll be plenty crashed out on the floor–"

"Me being one of them" Tony interrupted. Lucas grinned.

"Exactly. So you're all welcome to stay here till tomorrow. Just have fun yeah? Don't worry about it" he said conclusively, grinning even wider. The four of them glanced at eachother, clearly satisfied with his response.

"Great. So where do we put our stuff?" asked Katie, pointing out the hefty looking rucksack hanging off her shoulder.

"Oh yeah, you can just chuck them into the spare room over there. It's just past the living room". They all did as he suggested, shoving their bags and jackets into the vacant back room which was already beginning to pile up with other guests' belongings. They didn't leave their stuff without extracting booze from their bags though; Tony pulling out a six-pack of lager, Katie a bottle of Pinot Grigio and Naomi – always the classy bird – a litre bottle of vodka. Effy of course didn't have any stocks of alcohol but she nevertheless made up for it in her supply of cigarettes. She pulled out a fresh carton and a lighter, shoving them into the pocket of the jeggings she was wearing.

"Right then, ready to socialise?" Katie asked them as they stepped back into the crowded living room. Even more people had arrived in the last few minutes; a steady stream of music was beginning to pump around them and the drinks were definitely flowing. Katie at this point was nearly salivating at the prospect of mingling. Naomi suppressed a snigger.

Yes, Katie Fitch wasn't the same wannabe W.A.G from college – but she still enjoyed mixing with people and flirting as much as the next girl. Especially if it involved a fit bloke. She broke from her train of thought though as the girl started to move into the throng, obviously not waiting for a reply. Effy, Tony and her ineptly followed suit, not exactly sure where to start first.

Naomi always hated the start of parties; that awkward point in time when you haven't had any drinks yet and you don't know anybody so you're kind of just left there to twiddle your thumbs until you're tipsy enough to go talk to people. And as they settled themselves into the corner of the room, Katie having wasted no time and already chatting to some tall blonde-haired lad, Naomi's fingers were itching on the neck of her vodka bottle.

"I'm gonna go get stuck into this" she said, waving the Stonem siblings off as she made her way back to the kitchen to find a mixer. As soon as she entered the room her eyes fell upon a familiar figure. She crept up behind him and raised a teasing hand, before letting it come crashing down onto his head with a loud thwack.

"Ow! Jesus, watch it mate–" Mark stopped midsentence as he hastily whirled around and caught sight of the smirking blonde before him. "Well well well if it isn't my favourite blonde" he said brightly as he pulled her into one of his infamous bear hugs. He pulled away with a goofy grin on his face before taking a large gulp from the beer in his hand. "How long ya been here Nomes? God, this place is quality yeah? I gotta say, I'm quite jealous of Lucas".

She looked around pointedly as if to agree with him. "It is pretty nice alright. Except I live with my crazy mum so I think anywhere would be better than there" she said, giggling. "But yeah, we got here a few minutes ago". Mark took another sip from his can and Naomi couldn't help but notice the sudden apprehension that flashed across his face.

"Who's 'we'? You know...just so I know and I'm...prepared". He swallowed uneasily and Naomi stared at him with compassion laced in her blue eyes.

"Katie, Tone and Eff. But don't worry; they knew you were going to be here so it's fine. Just stay away from them and they'll stay away from you." Mark seemed to take massive comfort in her words as his expression quickly changed from anxious to happy again.

"Great! So enough with the introductions – you should be getting stuck into that bottle in your hand little missy!" Mark took no time at all to grab the vodka out of her hand and pour some clumsily into a cup for her, drops splashing everywhere. She grabbed a bottle of lemonade on the counter next to her and poured it in as well, allowing both liquids to mix together before taking a large swig. Even with the sweetness of the lemonade, the bitter taste of vodka burned down her throat. Oddly enough, it felt good. Really good.

She fell into her stride after a while. Mark pulled her into a bunch of conversations – being the raving socialite lunatic that he is – and introduced her to loads of people. They were all quite nice too. Well, considering she'd been to plenty of parties where the guests were either unbelievably fucking rude or just basically so stoned off their heads that any attempts at conversation were futile. So she became very much comfortable after her second glass of vodka and lemonade and began chatting away to a friendly bloke from Swindon who actually turned out to be a journalist, which meant she had no problem discussing her job and such.

And as she let her eyes wander around the place – the house was pretty much full to capacity at this point – she let go of any inhibitions and allowed herself to have fun and be free. If she couldn't do so normally then just for this night. She knew Emily was a huge part of her life but Naomi still hated, even now, the fact that the redhead had so much influence over her. And the most aggravating part of that fact was that Emily wasn't even directly _doing _anything to make Naomi so hopeless and forlorn. She was just Emily.

So as her eyes locked with a particularly attractive girl from across the room, with her tentative brown eyes and her coy smile and her wispy golden-blonde hair, she let the vodka pulsing through her veins burn her from the inside out.

_Emily who?_

.

Three-quarters of a vodka bottle later and Naomi was pretty wasted, pulsing along to the beat currently drifting throughout the room. The sitting room had quickly established itself into a makeshift dancefloor and as everybody got more and more pissed, it filled up immensely. She didn't even notice when she fell back against people and had to frequently use them for support, as her flimsy stature drowned in the music and the vodka and the sweat and the heady smells. She felt a lad pinch her bum just then but she merely smacked his hand away, closing her eyes and letting the beat consume her once more.

She had absolutely no clue as to where anyone else was at that particular moment. Mark had fucked off not long after he'd started introducing her to people although she knew that he was no doubt probably trying to cop off with some girl by now. She had glimpsed Katie a few times – and even with her alcohol-muddled brain she couldn't help but snigger upon noticing that the girl had indeed changed shoes – but she was pretty sure she was still off flirting right now. Besides, this close-contact, sweaty dancing wouldn't really be Katie-fucking-Fitch's thing anyway. Tony was – thankfully – looking quite reserved whenever her eyes fell upon him. He had been chatting to a few girls and luckily his body language was in no way flirty. _You have him trained well there Chelle, _Naomi couldn't help but think in amusement. As for Effy, Naomi had no clue where the mysterious brunette had disappeared to. Although she couldn't drink, she normally would have had no hesitation in joining Naomi in tearing up the dancefloor. Nevertheless Naomi quickly pushed her worries from her mind, reminding herself that she was her own person tonight and that she wasn't going to answer to anybody. _You just burn, kid. _

Just then she felt a pair of hands clasp onto her hips, fingers dancing in the paisley fabric of her dress. She knew immediately that they weren't male, because she unfortunately had been groped by rough male hands all throughout the night. No, these were softer...more feminine. And sure enough as she looked down she caught sight of the tinted pink nail polish that could only belong to a woman. "You have pretty good moves" the distinctly feminine voice whispered into her ear, her breath tickling the back of Naomi's neck. She pulled away from her slightly to look around and sure enough it was the fit blonde she had been eying earlier in the night. Her stance was resolved and Naomi definitely didn't miss the lust in her eyes. "I'm Alison" she said smoothly, her tone honeyed. Naomi smiled in spite of herself.

"I'm Naomi" she said, impressed at herself for not slurring the words. She reached out a polite hand and Alison took it and shook it firmly. She didn't let go when the shake ended.

"A beautiful girl like you shouldn't be dancing alone" she continued, her fingers playing nimbly with Naomi's hand. A glint appeared in her eye and Naomi couldn't help but smirk mischievously. She unscrewed the cap from her vodka bottle and took a large gulp before closing it again, the smile still hanging lazily on her face. The song changed; a frantic electronic sound blared from the speakers on Lucas' wall as the pace picked up, the crowd in the room beginning to jump and cheer. Naomi wanted, needed to join in and be one with the rhythm so she answered Alison's hidden question by stepping forward and pulling her close, their bodies locked together as the crowd began to pulsate.

They didn't kiss at first but Naomi bizarrely enjoyed the closeness. In some twisted, fucked-up way it felt intimate to her – this girl wanted to be close to her and relished in their sweat mingling together. She looked at Naomi with lustful eyes and felt at her with wanting hands and Naomi continued to let the music and the vodka burn her, savouring the freedom and the chance to escape. It had been so long since she had been close with someone else – it had always felt wrong in some way in the back of her mind. Especially now with Emily back in the picture. She groaned as a frown quickly overtook her features.

Fuck. Emily.

The redhead had been successfully pushed from Naomi's mind for the past few hours; so she was now dismayed at having let her back in so easily. Now red was all she could see, all she could feel...and Alison was not red. She would never be red. No matter how hard Alison tried to connect with Naomi there on the dancefloor, she suddenly realised it would never be enough. So when the hopeful blonde girl started to lean in, Naomi knew she could not go through with it. It was wrong. She was burning in all the wrong ways.

"Alison, wait" she said, pushing the girl gently away as she got ever closer with her lips. A flicker of disappointment appeared on her face as Naomi stared her straight in the eyes. She should explain to her that this wasn't right, that it wasn't anything to do with her _("fuck, it's not you, it's me. Really Naomi?") _and that she just wasn't feeling it. A part of her felt she was overreacting – the girl was only looking for a snog after all. But still, she suddenly felt very claustrophobic with her thoughts and needed to get away. So she chickened out at the last minute. "I'm...just going to get some fresh air. Hot in here, you know?"

Alison nodded and luckily didn't ask if she wanted to be accompanied so Naomi quickly pushed her way through the mass of dancing people, the frantic beat still vibrating in her ears, and made her way into the garden. She stepped onto the patio and glanced around. Most of the people out here seemed to be having a fag or a chat – and boy could she have done with a ciggie too – but her attention immediately snapped to a person standing at the far corner of the patio. She didn't even have time to mull over why she ran out here; she walked up to him brusquely, not even caring how dumbfounded she must've looked.

"JJ?" she slurred incredulously, trying to make sure her eyes weren't deceiving her. No, it definitely was JJ; albeit an older JJ. He had grown in height so now he was a bit taller than her and his figure and face had filled out into a more masculine shape. More noticeably, his braces were gone leaving a completely straight and white set of teeth. His curly brown hair remained the same however, and as he finally took notice of her, he smiled a bashful smile.

"Hello, Naomi. Fancy meeting you here" he said timidly, seeming just as surprised about this as she was. "How are you?"

She swiftly recuperated from the initial shock, letting the numbing effects of the alcohol wash over her again. "I'm bloody brilliant Jay. Yourself? What are you doing here? Do you know Lucas?" she asked, a genuine smile overtaking her features.

"Yeah, he went to university with me in Cambridge. Really nice guy. I feel quite sorry for him though, with the mess he'll have to clean up tomorrow." He glanced at a pile of cigarette butts lining a small table next to him as if to prove his point. "So, how do you know him?"

Naomi took an unabashed swig from her bottle before replying. "We went travelling together earlier this year. Never thought you two would know eachother though. Small world". She laughed uneasily. _It really fucking is._

"I heard you had gone travelling actually. How was it?"

"Fucking amazing!" she exclaimed loudly and JJ shrunk away a little. She cringed at the sudden awkwardness. She nearly forgot he had always been so gawky and quiet. "Sorry...but yeah, it was brilliant." She blew out a tense breath, fingering the bottle ineptly in her hands. "So...what have you been up to all this time?" she continued.

He paused in contemplation. "Oh, well, you remember Lara don't you?"

Naomi blanched. Yes she remembered Lara, because the last time – which was also the first time – she'd met her she'd managed to continually call her Laura. Well, she was pretty messed up at the time to be fair...it had been right in the midst of that period in time when Emily was treating her like shit over the whole Sophia thing. She shook her head of the thought.

"Yeah of course" she said swiftly, hoping JJ didn't remember the instance as well.

"Well, I've been dating her since college and we're pretty serious and I've even grown quite fond of little Albert and now we're all living together in our new home and it's very wonderful and it's great 'cos now that I've finished my degree I've gotten a job so it's all pretty great really." He took a breath and Naomi giggled. _Still getting locked-on then..._

"Anyway, Lara should be around here somewhere. We came to the party together, along with Emily. They're probably off somewhere inside, it's pretty cool in there I suppose–"

"Hold on" Naomi interjected, her stomach dropping at the middle part of his rant. "Did...did you just say Emily? As in Emily_ Fitch?_" she said, sobering up at once. JJ looked at her in confusion, obviously unclear as to what the problem was.

"Yes...didn't you know? She's living with us. Has been for three months. It's actually worked out quite well to be honest. I mean, she's such a lovely person..." His voice trailed off as he glimpsed her expression. Slowly but surely panic appeared in his eyes, his voice choking up. "Shit...did I just say something I shouldn't have?"

Naomi just continued to stare at him open-mouthed, the wheels turning furiously in her head. _Emily. Emily's living with JJ. Emily's in Britain. Emily's fucking...Emily! _And sure enough when she turned around she wasn't nearly as surprised as she should've been when she saw the redhead in question standing in front of the patio door, JJ's girlfriend Lara by her side and looking between them in confusion.

But Naomi could only see red. _Her _red. And the girl's expression revealed at once that she too knew the jig was up.

They stared at eachother for what felt like an eternity, everything and everyone else drifting away into nothingness. So many unanswered questions drifted between them in that small space; along with the hurt and the betrayal and the fear. Naomi miraculously managed to breathe the name of the one person she never knew if she would ever see again.

"Emily..."

.


	17. Chapter 16

_What did you expect? I mean, of course Emily just HAPPENED to be at the very same party as Naomi. Would you expect any less? Things never go according to plan in ficland, or in Skinsland for that matter. But as _noblsheep _said, it was about time the universe intervened. And by the universe, that means me._

_Hehe, and thanks to the Hampshire fans I've unknowingly made. Glad I pleased you guys =]_

_This one took a while because I basically wrote an entire draft, didn't like it, and rewrote pretty much the entire thing. I'm much happier with this version and I hope you will be too. Enjoy and review! _

_._

* * *

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"Um...what's going on? Did I miss something?"

The baffled voice of Lara sent Naomi crashing down to Earth from her Emily-related whirlwind, the sound of it far away in her ears. She unwillingly glanced at the girl, whose brow was still scrunched up in bewilderment. "Ems, Jay, do you know this girl or som–" She cut off midsentence as her eyes widened. Naomi could see something click in her brain, suddenly seeing the blonde properly. "Wait, you were...that girl from college weren't you? Emily's girlfriend?" she asked disbelievingly, almost grinning. "Fuck me this is weird...are you two still–"

"Lara!" JJ hastily interrupted, finally cutting into the unbearable tension. "Maybe we should go ring the babysitter, you know, see how Albie's doing? Come along..." JJ rushed his girlfriend inside and Naomi couldn't help but watch them go. She also couldn't help but find it amusing that _JJ _had to shoo Lara from an awkward situation. If anything it should've been the other way round. But she knew what she was_ really_ doing was trying to prolong the time before having to confront the elephant in the...garden.

As the two of them disappeared however, her impending doom started to weigh down on her eardrums and the buzzing chatter around her drifted into white noise. She could feel those eyes watching her, searing into her skin. Naomi couldn't meet them; if she met them then all of this would become real. If she met Emily's chocolate brown eyes then she'd lose herself in them and then she would have to lay her heart on the line and feel all the excruciating pain as it got smashed and trampled on. Couldn't she just drift off into oblivion where one feels no pain? Things would be so much easier that way.

Nevertheless she had to meet Emily's eyes. She had to meet _Emily_ head-on and confront whatever this thing was between them. She didn't want to carry on with 'what if's' swirling around in her mind forever. So, reluctantly, she sucked in a deep breath and looked back to meet her fate.

And holy fucking hell was fate beautiful.

Seriously, Emily was bloody gorgeous. Naomi hadn't the time to appreciate her in her entirety before, because in all honesty her mind had stopped working in shock at the fact that Emily was actually _here._ But now that the gears in her head had finally started to move again – albeit slowly – she could fully see what she had missed.

The younger, quieter and, in Naomi's stunned blue eyes, frankly more beautiful Fitch twin was wearing a gorgeous blue halter-neck top that fully accentuated and elongated that – _oh Christ – _kissable neck of hers. This was worn over tight skinny-jeans which only worked to show-off Emily's gorgeous legs; she wasn't even tall and yet they made her legs go on forever. She was wearing open-toed black heels to finish off the outfit. Yet despite all this, Naomi knew in her heart that Emily could wear plastic bags for shoes and a potato-sack and still look fuckable. She managed to drag her eyes longingly up Emily's body – _smooth Naomi, real smooth. Just fuck her with your eyes right here why don't you? _– and back up to her face. Her hair was cascading fluidly over her slim shoulders, the red still as pulsing and intense as when she had last seen it. But it wasn't her hair that caught Naomi's attention, although it did prove a nice distraction. No, it was Emily's expression.

Her face definitely didn't display the sheer awe and desire that Naomi was no doubt sending off in waves. Nor did it hold the aura of shock and disbelief that she had first worn when they saw eachother only moments ago. No...It had morphed into something heartbreaking.

She looked so poignant and fragile and torn, like she too knew the full significance of what was about to happen. Thousands of questions and unspoken words flashed across her brown eyes as she stared openly at Naomi. She wasn't hiding the confusion and caution that Naomi was trying so bloody hard to conceal. She looked and felt just as lost as Naomi secretly felt; the fear stood right in front of her, open and honest and shouting _I'm Emily Fitch. And I'm not sure about you. But that doesn't mean I'm going to hide away. __This Is Me._ And even after all the self-coaching Naomi had gone through, Emily's openness still terrified her. The truth was inevitable. She could taste it. The weight of the situation still threatened to crush her with its intensity. But at least she took some comfort in the knowledge that Emily was feeling just as scared as she was.

Yet Naomi hated it. All she wanted to do was rush forward and envelop the small, delicate little redhead in front of her in a passionate embrace and whisper sweet nothings and promises into her ear of how much she loved her and how she would continue to love her until there was nothing left. Seeing her here in the flesh made Naomi realise how much she fucking missed her. But she couldn't be close to her...not yet...because in reality, Emily had disappeared from her life without a word for three whole months and the both of them had suffered because of it. So, in her desperation to break this awful silence, she let out a nervous laugh.

"So...JJ huh?" she asked meekly, chewing her lip apprehensively. Upon hearing Naomi speak, the honest fear in Emily's face was swiftly covered by that familiar guarded veil to her inner thoughts – the very one Naomi was now used to seeing from this older and more broken version of the redhead. And seeing this expression again only made her all the more crestfallen; she hated seeing Emily so closed off and wary. Wary of _her_. She wanted Emily to trust her, to want her. Not to be bloody terrified of her.

The blonde's attention snapped back to Emily's face as she opened her mouth to speak.

"Yeah...he's been letting me stay for a while." She folded her arms ineptly, again trying to hold onto whatever resistance she had left. Naomi's stomach clenched at the sight.

"That was nice of him" she continued stiffly. "It must have been quite crowded though, what with the kid and all". A half-hearted smile pulled at her lips.

Emily returned the smile with a weak one of her own, her eyes glancing away awkwardly. "Yeah, but it was fine. Kind of gave me a chance to...think". Her dark brown eyes locked with Naomi's then and she felt her heartbeat skip. _Gave me a chance to get away, _Naomi internally corrected her, because she knew that was what the redhead had really wanted to say.

And yet she couldn't answer. She merely started fingering the bottle still clutched in her hands and fell silent, trying to think of something, _anything _else to say that might sound relevant or substantial. Nothing.

_Fucking hell you're pathetic, _her mind scolded her. _You've finally gotten the chance to talk to the woman you're fucking crazy about and all you can do is small talk? Sad sad sad. _Naomi gulped. Her inner voice – albeit quite cruel and blunt – was right. This is not what she had imagined their reunion would be like. She knew it would be awkward; she knew it would be uncomfortable; she knew it would be somewhat unexpected. But she never thought in a million years that it would be at some party in the middle of fucking nowhere and worst of all she would be blind drunk, swaying where she stood. She knew it would never have gone according to plan...but she had wanted it to be significant and more importantly _real._

How was she supposed to tell Emily all that she was feeling when she couldn't even fucking see straight?

She had to try. Staring into those gorgeous brown eyes and actually seeing Emily here in person – and looking bloody fit might she add – made Naomi realise that she at least had to tell her something that they could both grab on to. She couldn't let her run off again; her heart was beating erratically to the old familiar tune – _Emily Emily Emily – _and she couldn't bear the thought of being separated from her again after she had tried so hard to get on with her life. She now knew it was virtually impossible to be apart from Emily Fitch. If only she had figured that out sooner.

The silence stretched on for what must've been several minutes or so, both of them simply averting their eyes from eachother and shuffling their feet. Naomi willed her body to maintain its balance – she had to become reasonably sober and fast if this was going to work.

And as she unwillingly met Emily's eyes again she couldn't help but study their resolution. The younger Fitch twin was egging Naomi on with those eyes; so full of apprehension and uncertainty yet tinged with hope and...longing, yes longing...and willing her to make the first move. Daring her. _Try me, _she was saying. _I dare you Naomi Campbell. Be brave. _So Naomi decided to grow a pair.

She exhaled deeply. "Emily, I–"

"Hey Naomi, babes!"

_Fuck. Ing. HELL. _With possibly the worst timing ever in the history of the world, Alison took that moment to saunter up to Naomi, pushing past Emily in the process, and place her hand shamelessly onto Naomi's hip. Naomi tensed at once but Alison didn't notice; she leaned into her side and started to caress her hip and waist. "How are you feeling hun? Do you feel better now?" she asked kindly, her eyes full of concern and adoration. "If so, wanna head back inside? We can get more drinks". Naomi wasn't listening though. Her eyes were only on Emily.

She watched helplessly as Emily tried and failed to hide the hurt in her expression; the moment Alison had appeared, a flash of pain and dismay crossed over Emily's beautiful face, finally breaking through her hardened exterior. The sight of it caused a wave of sickness to flush over Naomi which had nothing to do with the vodka still burning through her veins.

She never wanted to be the cause of that expression. _But you are, _her mind hissed once again. _You're always fucking hurting her aren't you? You can't even tell her the fucking truth and that's all she wants. Why do you deserve her? It's not like you've proven yourself. _

But Naomi was pulled from her internal barrage of self-hatred as Alison spoke up again. "Babes? Did you hear me?" she asked. Naomi still didn't answer yet she could only watch in horror as Emily quickly steeled over once more, a twisted smile contorting her face.

"Don't worry, _Naomes _is feeling much better" she said, her tone oddly strangled and not laced with that usual husky note that Naomi loved so much. "I'm sure she'd love to get drinks, right _hun? _I mean, she's always so fucking considerate". Emily finished with a dark laugh and Naomi could feel her eyes start to sting. This wasn't how this was supposed to go at all. "I'll leave you to it then" she said with finality, whirling around and heading towards the door. It was then that Naomi finally found her voice.

"Ems, wait!" she cried, drunkenly striding after her in desperation. She managed to grab her wrist – sparks flying at the touch – but Emily merely pulled away from her grip and spun around again, her expression now one of dark amusement as her red hair flew about her face.

"You don't waste any time, do you?" she accused in a sinister tone, sighing harshly. Her eyes looked so conflicted. Naomi shook her head frantically, her vision blurring as she did so. She needed her to understand.

"Emily, that wasn't...she isn't–"

Soft, nimble fingers pressed against the blonde's lips causing them to erupt in tingles and for her to fall silent. She glimpsed Emily's expression. Her classic adorable smirk was now back in place, all menace gone. "I know" she said softly and Naomi continued to stare at her in bewilderment. She must've looked as puzzled as she felt, because Emily's brown eyes studied hers severely. Then Emily's fingers moved upwards from her lips in an uncertain motion and she began to stroke her slender fingers down Naomi's face. Naomi's breath hitched as she felt those exquisite fingers brush down her cheek, her eyes falling shut at the sensations and butterflies Emily was effortlessly evoking within her. Her touch was leaving trails of fire on her skin. She opened her eyes again, her vision hazed, and blue and brown sought eachother out. Emily bit her bottom lip, unspoken words dancing in her eyes. But her gaze suddenly turned conflicted again. "I just...can't. Not right now..." she said weakly. She pulled her hand away and rested it limply by her side. Naomi's skin turned cold at the loss of contact. "Just...give me a while to think." She took a step back, smiling apologetically. "Then we'll talk. I'll find you". With that she turned around again and pushed her way inside through all the people, her vivid red hair disappearing in an instant. Naomi simply stood there, dumbfounded, as the reality of what just happened hit her. She reached up her free hand and tentatively touched her cheek where Emily's fingers had been only moments before.

_I'll find you. _

She sighed and let her heavy eyes fall shut again, suddenly wishing she were at home. This was all too much. Her fragile heart and overwhelmed head couldn't take much more of this agony; once again Emily Fitch had managed turned her world upside-down with no more than the flash of her smile. Yet despite all the conflicting emotions, there was one resounding thought in her head. _You've already found me Emily, _and she knew it to be true. _I just need to hold on to you, to us, this time._

All of a sudden she felt a hand rest on her shoulder and her eyes snapped open to see Alison standing awkwardly to her right. She looked surprisingly sympathetic. "I take it that was your girlfriend?" she asked in a bashful tone, her lips curling up into a half-hearted smile. Naomi felt a pang of guilt as she studied her. She chewed at her lip again hesitantly.

"No, yeah, but...we're kind of..." She paused. _What are we? _she thought. _Almost girlfriends? Halfway lovers? _She glanced back at Alison and smiled coyly. "It's complicated" she admitted truthfully. Alison's smile grew wider and she chuckled slightly. She shook her head.

"It's okay. I get it. You're still hung up on her." She leant forwards then and kissed Naomi on the cheek. Naomi was surprised by the gesture and met Alison's eyes with inquisitive ones of her own. She merely winked. "Shame. You really are a stunner. See you, Naomi". She turned around and followed Emily's path into the house, her wispy blonde hair vanishing amongst the drunken figures of the other partygoers.

Naomi stood there stupidly, awed by Alison's admirable compassion, but suddenly became aware that she was alone again. The chatter around her flowed back through her ears and she wondered how people could be so careless and drunkenly happy when she was dying a little inside right now. The loneliness became heavy, along with the bottle in her hand. Unnecessary.

That thought in mind, she too strode back through the doors. She pushed past a group of lads blocking her way, ignoring their leers and shouts of "oy love! Giv'us a snog yeah?" and tried to spot somebody familiar. It didn't take long – as she walked towards the front hallway she spotted the dark brown hair of Katie Fitch leaning against the doorway, her eyes alight as she talked to the man next to her. It was that same blonde-haired guy from the start of the night.

"Hey Naomi!" said Katie as the blonde got closer. "How's it going? Have you met Keith, he's–"

"Emily's here" Naomi blurted out as she stumbled inelegantly towards her. "I just talked to her". Katie's face appeared vacant at first, as if she didn't comprehend what Naomi had said. It soon morphed into an expression of utter incredulity.

"Emily?" she spat. "As in my _sister_ Emily? That fucking bitch!" Her round face suddenly flushed pink. "Ugh, dosey cow! She never even let on!" Naomi's attention flew from the irate face of Emily's twin to her beau.

"Erm, Katie? Is everything okay babe?" he asked in a gruff, throaty voice. Naomi suppressed a smirk at the sound. She could sense his masculine charm – all the more reason for Katie to stick around. The brunette's anger subsided for a moment as her eyes fell upon him again.

"Yeah Keith, sorry. Just a family thing is all." She sighed. "Why don't I meet you later 'kay? I just have to sort something out". Keith nodded and leant down to kiss Katie courteously on the cheek. A goofy grin swelled on her face as he walked away, only to be rapidly replaced by disbelief again as he disappeared from sight. "What the fuck happened?" she asked urgently, eying Naomi closely.

Naomi swallowed, trying to recall the blurry events of the encounter. "I was talking to JJ in the garden–"

"JJ's here too?" she asked, her voice climbing up several octaves. Naomi quirked an eyebrow. "Sorry...go on" she pressed on swiftly.

"And then he told me Emily had been living with him and Lara this whole time. And then Emily arrived with Lara and we were left alone and..." She trailed off, glancing at the floor.

"_And?"_ Katie urged.

Naomi sighed. "And nothing happened." She continued to stare at the ground for a few more seconds until she heard Katie groan.

"Well that was a big fucking anticlimax" she breathed out incredulously. Naomi looked up and smiled apologetically.

"Well, that's not entirely true" she slurred. "Something was _about _to happen but then some girl I met before came out and interrupted us. Emily ran off and I chased after her and she told me that she needed time to think." A coy smile pulled at her lips. "She said she would come find me". Her gaze flicked over to Katie again, waiting for her response. Surprisingly, the girl actually seemed lost for words for once. Her brow creased in contemplation.

"Fuck" she breathed eventually, seemingly just as surprised by her sister's actions as Naomi was. "So...what are you gonna do?" she asked tentatively. Naomi smiled timidly again and shrugged.

"I'm gonna wait till she finds me, I guess" she said simply, toying with the bottle in her hands. She held it up to Katie. "Here, take this. I don't need it". Katie obliged and grabbed the bottle. It only had a little bit left anyway. "Listen" she continued, her tone suddenly shy and pleading. "If you run into Emily, don't be too hard on her. She's messed up right now." She glanced towards the front door. "Let her know...you know, if she's looking for me...that I'll be outside. Waiting". Katie nodded slowly, studying her sincerity, before shooting Naomi a compassionate smile.

"I will" she promised, and with that Naomi walked out the front door and into the chilly wind outside.

She closed the door behind her and had a quick look around. It was pitch black, the only light being from the gentle glow of the moon hanging lazily in the sky above and from the porch light overhead. It was much quieter out here unlike in the back garden; the party inside became only background noise as she started walking forwards. Out of the corner of her eye she saw several couples dotted around snogging the hell out of eachother – one of the pairs doing other explicit things as well – but she merely passed no remark and stared skyward.

It was peaceful. Just what she needed right about now. Her head was a muddle of questions that longed to be answered...yet all she could do was sit and wait until Emily kept her word and came to find her. She would wait a lifetime for that girl. But the end was coming. The end of what, she wasn't sure. The both of them had been through so much together. The both of them had been through so much _apart_. Something had to give; Naomi couldn't go on any longer not knowing whether or not she and Emily actually had a chance to make things work once and for all. She had been too afraid in the past...afraid of what love meant to her own lonely and fragile heart. She was still scared shitless of the whole thing to be perfectly honest...but all she knew was that breaking up with Emily and escaping away from Emily didn't prove beneficial in the slightest. She was still as lovestruck and infatuated with the redhead as ever. And who could blame her? Emily really was fucking stunning.

In fact, the night around her made her think of the redhead's beauty; serene, understated, gentle and awe-inspiring...yet hiding deadly and dark secrets that had the power to devastate. Emily's smile sparkled like that of the stars hanging lazily above her. Her husky voice drifted through Naomi's ears like a soft wind. And her eyes were like black holes – the blonde could get sucked into those brown pools and drown and she would drown happily. And that may sound fucking cliché and sappy like she had just been pierced with Cupid's arrow or something else along those fucking storybook lines, but she didn't even care. Frankly, she had been pierced with Cupid's arrow a long time ago.

Longer than anyone, even Emily, knew about.

A particularly harsh wind brushed past her then and she shivered, wishing she had remembered to grab her jacket from the spare room. She suddenly noticed her handbag at her hip – she'd almost forgotten it was there – and rummaged through it. Luckily it was one of those ones with a long strap so she could hang it from her neck, meaning it was hard to lose. She pulled out her phone and saw that she had a message from Michelle.

_Hey Naomes. Hope ur having fun. Bored as fuck back here. Hope Tone is behaving himself and you've found someone that tickles ur fancy ;-) Talk tmw hun xxx_

Naomi grinned. _I've definitely found someone that tickles my fancy, _she thought in amusement. Her eyes also wandered to the time – just gone midnight. Christ, she thought it was much later. But sure enough, no sooner had the knowledge crossed her mind, a chorus of happy birthday started up loudly behind her. Naomi grimaced. The loud noise felt intrusive and disruptive to the calm night surrounding her and immediately she felt the need to get away into the quiet again. Her eyes scanned the area around her and fell upon a fence in the distance. She started walking towards it and realised quite quickly that it was a perimeter fence. Except it wasn't the fence that caught her attention.

"Effy?" she asked incredulously, her eyes widening upon noticing her friend. The girl was sitting on the fence, her figure stoic and enigmatic against the darkness around her. She turned around and her eyes looked vaguely in Naomi's direction. A cigarette hung loosely from her lips as those piercing blue eyes settled on Naomi. She smiled a guileful smile as she removed the cigarette from her lips and Naomi watched in awe as she blew a perfect smoke ring. It was eerily reminiscent of the college Effy she once knew.

Effy's scrutinizing eyes regarded the blonde. The lit cigarette in her hand remained the only other source of light around them; the porch light was now too distant to provide any assistance visual-wise. But Naomi could still make out the contours of her face; her strikingly pale skin radiated with an eery glow in the moonlight. Fuck, she really was a beautiful girl. The shadows suited her. They covered her like a veil.

"Well?" she said suddenly, causing Naomi to flinch. "Are you going to sit down?" she asked, gesturing to the free space beside her. She turned around so that Naomi was again left staring at her hunched back. She didn't even bother to see whether or not her request had been carried out. Still, Naomi hastily slipped off her heels and chucked them to one side before clumsily settling herself beside Effy. She breathed in deeply, the cold air filling her nostrils, before Effy wordlessly handed her a fag from her packet. Naomi held it between her lips as her friend held the lighter up to the cigarette. Once sparked up, the blonde took a deep invigorating drag and they both fell silent. They both stared out into the distant countryside and submerged themselves in the stark silence one only hears when out of the city. It should seem pretty fucking creepy to a citybird like Naomi...this unpolluted, clean night air. Except it wasn't.

It was fucking breathtaking.

"So _this_ is where you've been all this time" Naomi said eventually, taking another drag and holding the fag between her fingers. She saw Effy shrug out of the corner of her eye.

"Yep. Didn't really like the atmosphere" she said simply. "Tony ran into Mark and was nearly about to start a fight with him." She paused. "I escaped out here." She looked upwards towards the sky, exhaling a cloud of smoke. It swirled tantalisingly in the night air above them. "I like the country. It's peaceful. Quiet." Out of the corner of her eye, she watched as Effy's eyelids flutter closed. The brunette turned ominously serene and meditative within a few seconds, her face utterly vacant. Naomi's attention however quickly diverted to the darkness around her. The stars continued to sparkle tauntingly above them and she could faintly hear the recognisable noises of circkets chirping. Honestly, _crickets chirping. _It transported her back to those days when her and the others were huddled in a tent in the Vietnamese bush, the eery and frightening sounds of unfamiliar creatures rustling around them. She smiled reminiscently.

"It really is" she agreed softly, brushing a hand up and down one of her arms to relieve herself of the cold a little. Effy opened her eyes again and they met Naomi's. She quirked an eyebrow knowingly.

"And why are you out here?" she asked inquisitively, sucking on the end of her cigarette again. Naomi tensed.

"Emily's inside" she said simply and she watched as Effy's eyes brightened in understanding. She looked back over her shoulder to the house. The front door was open; she could see the yellow light pouring out of it from inside the cottage. "I'm waiting for her" she said softly before turning back around and closing her eyes. She heard no reply. Her senses continued to fill with the smoke from hers and Effy's cigarettes, the nicotine relaxing her a little. That is until she heard the girl beside her take a deep breath.

"Do you ever wish things were just simple?" Effy asked in an oddly hollow voice. Naomi's eyes fluttered open again and she hesitated. She thought about the question for a long time.

Images from the past swam through her mind and they overwhelmed all of her senses. Sophia's body hitting the floor...Emily's face falling as she discovered the truth...Emily crying her heart out and breaking before her...Emily angry and lost as she tried to make Naomi pay for her actions...Emily even more devastated and broken as she left her house forever...Emily's disappointed and torn face as she kissed Naomi in the canteen and left once again. All the while the words _"you've ruined it" _and _"we were special" _and _"this is me" _circled throughout her mind, replaying and replaying until Naomi's heart seized in her chest and choked at her throat. And although she knew she'd had this discussion with Effy before – right before she'd left the mental institution the first time – it didn't make the truth seem any less true.

"Every second of every day, Eff" she whispered harshly, her voice strangled with unbidden tears. _Except you can't change what's already happened, _she added as an afterthought, the fact all too true to her soul.

She may not be able to erase all those memories, those _mistakes_...but she sure as hell could try to start afresh. If Emily let her. Tonight may not have gone exactly as planned, considering she didn't even know Emily was going to be here, but that didn't mean she couldn't make the best out of a bad situation. She felt clearer now. More assured of herself and what she wanted. The only fucking problem now was what she was going to fucking say...

She quickly struggled to distract herself, taking a choking drag from her cigarette. She coughed harshly as smoke spewed from her lips. No...she needed to be strong. Emily was going to come looking for her any minute now and Naomi couldn't be weak for her again. It was all too much already. But she flinched as she felt Effy's cold fingers on her face, wiping at her cheeks and her eyes to still some of the escaping tears. "Thanks, Eff..." she sniffled, wiping at her flushed cheeks as well. She shuddered as another bitter wind crept over her. Fuck she should've brought that jacket. She glanced back towards her friend to see that a pensive expression had now crossed her face. It struck a chord and Naomi's concern from back in the car crept into her thoughts. "Eff...are you okay?" she asked hesitantly, biting her lip. She wasn't really, but it was about time Naomi asked. Effy looked back at her with a half-smile on her face.

"No. But when have I ever been?" she replied, chuckling darkly. Her eyes glazed over and Naomi could see she was again trying to hide something. She decided to push a little, the last of the alcohol egging her on.

"Do you...want to talk about it?" she asked. Fuck she was bad at this. Good thing she didn't do psychology – she would've made an awful therapist. Effy's smile grew wider as she looked away, raising her fag to her lips and taking an unnecessarily long drag.

"No" she admitted bluntly. "I'd only freak you out" she added in a harsh whisper.

Naomi flinched. "Eff, I've heard a lot, okay? You can tell me anything, I won't min–"

"No, Naomes! Okay?" she exclaimed suddenly, stubbing out her cigarette and turning back to her. Her blue eyes had turned icy and electric. "You'll never _know _what I think. It's fucking messed up. So save your concern and your breath. I _really _don't want to talk about it". She looked back out at the scenery as if she hadn't spoken a word, but Naomi just continued to stare at her open-mouthed. It was then that she realised it.

Effy, no matter how hard she made herself out to be all these years, was still a troubled young woman. Troubled and emotional. She had tried to move on; tried to get past Freddie and Cook and all the other shit in her life. But when it _really_ came down to it, she was still Effy Stonem. And not Effy Stonem the mental-case like she constantly claimed. Effy Stonem the mysterious yet broken girl who had loved and lost. And Naomi's heart grew to twice its size upon comprehending what she had missed while worrying about her own fucking soap-opera woes.

They were both as fucked up as each other.

"Effy..." she began softly, smiling warmly. Okay, so Effy didn't want to talk. But that didn't mean Naomi couldn't try to be a good friend. The brunette reluctantly met her gaze; her blue eyes had lost their frostiness and had now turned cautious. As if she knew she had said too much. But Naomi simply stubbed out her fag as well and looked Effy dead in the eye. "Effy you...you know I love you yeah?" she said tentatively, trying not to cringe. Whatever...it was appropriate. Mushy or not.

Effy seemed to think as such; she smiled a coy smile. "I think Emily's brought out the soppy side of you Campbell" she retorted, shoving Naomi playfully. She probably shouldn't have – in her slightly still-drunken state Naomi nearly toppled off the fence. Effy laughed as she wobbled herself back into stability. "Smooth Naomes, real smooth" she said, smirking slyly.

"Fuck you" Naomi bit back, laughing all the same. She laughed herself into silence again. "But seriously...I do. And if you ever–"

"Naomi?"

The husky, alluring voice disrupted Naomi's train of thought and she looked over her shoulder, nearly losing her balance again. Whether from the fence or from what she saw she wasn't sure. Probably both.

Her adoring eyes fell on the shy form of Emily Fitch; she was standing a few feet behind them, her hands stuffed ineptly into her jean pockets. She looked positively adorable as she stood there shuffling her feet, as if embarrassed with herself for disrupting hers and Effy's conversation. As if she would _ever_ prove an unwelcome disruption! Except the one sure thing that Naomi noticed about her now was that she no longer looked conflicted. She almost seemed confident. Decided on something. And this look made Naomi's stomach flutter. She hoped this certainty was directed towards...well let's just say Naomi would be extremely happy if hers and Emily's wants matched.

The redhead smiled coyly as Naomi turned herself around slightly to better see the Fitch twin.

"I've had time to think" she said simply, her eyes shining in the moonlight. Fuck, she looked even more stunning out here. Naomi smiled in what she hoped was an endearing way, when in reality it probably turned out just plain goofy.

"Okay..." she replied stupidly. _Oh, witty Naomi. Real witty. _The niggling feeling of concern however caused her to look back at Effy. The brunette seemed to be enjoying every minute of this non-conversation. In appearance she seemed to be smiling politely at Emily, but Naomi construed it as a sly smirk. Naomi leaned into her side, her lips raising to Effy's ear. "Another time?" she asked, hoping Effy grasped what she meant. She pulled away, her expression soft, and Effy nodded.

"Another time" she agreed, quirking her eyebrows. Her curious blue eyes flickered between Emily and her. "Now go on. Go get your girl" she said smoothly, throwing Naomi a wink. The blonde beamed.

"I love you" she said again, this time more firmly, and Effy grinned warmly. She then hopped down inelegantly from the fence and picked up her discarded heels before brusquely – with as much grace as she could muster – walking towards her awaiting redhead.

Her heart was hammering in her ears as she got closer and closer, knowing that the wait was almost over. Whatever happened between her and Emily in the next few hours would change both of them forever – for either better or worse. But at least they would finally have closure. Emily seemed to sense the growing tension as well as Naomi came to stand in front of her. Her eyes still remained guarded, holding onto the last of whatever defence she still had left, although she was positively beaming as their eyes locked. The moonlight reflected in her big brown orbs and Naomi tried to push words forth as she stared into them deeply. A task that was extremely difficult when she was trying so hard to keep herself from ignoring this unfolding truth between them and instead just kissing Emily senseless. Nevertheless she managed to raise a cautious hand and tenderly cup Emily's cheek with it. Emily's eyelids fluttered closed at her touch, leaning her face into Naomi's hand. Naomi let her thumb grace over Emily's cheekbone as she took a stuttering breath.

"You found me" she whispered in a very soft voice. Emily's eyes snapped open again as a heartwarming smile overtook her face. She brought a sure hand up to Naomi's one on her face and pulled them both away, lacing their fingers together. With this gesture, the love swimming through Naomi's veins threatened to burst forth and cover them both in its radiance – they had been apart for so long, in so many ways, and with this simple holding of her hand, Emily had connected them together in the most innocent way possible. It felt a triumph.

Their eyes locked again and a flash of fear crossed Emily's face as her smile disappeared. Before Naomi could attempt to reassure her though, the redhead uttered in a barely audible whisper, "I think...we should go somewhere". She began moving backwards, her eyes never leaving Naomi's as the blonde was pulled helplessly after her by their interlocked hands.

Naomi didn't know where they were going. She didn't know where they'd end up. All she knew was that she would follow Emily to the ends of the Earth. And in her heart of hearts she knew she would never have it any other way.

_._


	18. Chapter 17

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Love. It's funny. No really, it is. It's funny that something so intricate and passionate and stratified can leave us feeling so hollow and empty and worthless.

See? Ha.

For you see, as Effy Stonem watched her best friend walk away from her hand in hand with Emily Fitch, that's all she felt. Empty.

And oddly enough, it felt like home.

She knew as she watched Naomi's peroxide blonde hair dance away from her in the shining moonlight, that the girl would forever be lost to love. Ohoho, she didn't know it yet – but anyone with eyes could see that Emily and Naomi were made for eachother. Fact. They were like magnets. No matter how hard they pushed or no matter how hard they pulled away from eachother, they always found their way back to one another. No matter how many obstacles stood in their way – fear, pain, continents, bitchy twin sisters – they were always destined to be one whole.

The hole that fit hers.

And that made Effy feel empty. But why? Shouldn't she be happy for them? Shouldn't she be happy that her friend was finally growing some balls and reaching out and actually _taking _what she wanted? "_Go get your girl" _Effy had said with an unabashed wink.

A sharp breeze rushed by the brunette then and she shivered, curling her arms around her small frame. Her soft tresses flew back from her face as the night grew still again; the noise from the party had died down a little and Naomi and Emily were well and truly gone. That and the frisky lovers in the darkness around her had finally managed to pack it in.

She had meant what she said. She wanted only happiness for Naomi. The blonde had come a long way in life for someone so profoundly fucked up; Effy had always been a 'shipper', so to speak, of hers and Emily's relationship when nobody else took them seriously. They had the potential. They had the lust and desire. And most importantly, they had a true and pure perpetual love for one another.

Yet despite this deep, dark love, which threatened to envelop Effy whole with its wholesomeness and warmth and authenticity, all she could think and feel deep down was that _she _didn't have it. She grimaced.

Correction: she had it and lost it.

Unforeseen circumstances had snatched Freddie from her grasp and she had been alone ever since. And Cook? No. Cook definitely wasn't an option. She would feel like a traitor if she tried to start a relationship with him again; friendship or otherwise.

_"Are you okay?" _Naomi had asked with genuine concern. _No, but thanks for asking. _Bless her – her mind had no doubt been flooded with Emily and she still thought to ask how Effy was doing. Plus, she even attempted to convey some of her affection towards her too. How sweet. But poor 'ol Naomes should know better by this stage; any attempts to delve into Effy's core – her irreparably damaged heart and soul – were completely pointless. Delving would only stir the dormant shadows within her. Nevertheless, her friend's genuine concern caused Effy to smile sadly and her heart to swell in modest happiness.

Her eyelids fluttered closed as she inhaled a sharp breath. A feeble attempt to still the whirring thoughts in her brain.

What was happening? Couldn't things ever be_ just simple?_ Why was it that whenever she tried to relax, to gain some stability in her life, something else had to go and rear its ugly head? Couldn't she just be Effy Stonem? The twenty-one year old girl from Bristol who currently lived with her genius of an older brother and one half of the Fitch-twins? _Just Effy Stonem. _Not the girl whose boyfriend died at the hands of a murderer (who had been her own psychiatrist no less) and whose ex-boyfriend was currently rotting away in a prison cell?

Couldn't she just _be?_

She opened her eyes again and lifted a hand to let a strand of hair twirl through her slender fingers. She thought long and hard; distant cheers reached her eardrums from inside the house. Maybe these visions and flashbacks she had been having lately were a sign. An indicator that she should stop dwelling on the bad and stop grieving and instead try to do something practical. Something that could shake her of this loneliness and pain. Nothing constructive came to mind. But...

Perhaps getting away was a start.

She whirled around on the fence and stepped down gracefully, the balls of her feet merely a whisper on the ground beneath her. She felt strangely numb; a combination of the cold and her own deadening pain.

She walked stiffly forwards but her feet didn't carry her back to the cottage. Instead they steered her in some unknown direction; away from the noise, away from the lights and away from the people she loved. Many years ago she had done the same thing for all the wrong reasons.

"_You have to make sacrifices Freds, to get the stuff you want" _she had said to her beloved and at large to a bewildered table full of her friends. And in some twisted turn of events, that time had been one of celebration as well – her friends had been rejoicing in their exam results. Celebrating the achievement of moving up in the world. Unlike Effy – she'd just gotten back from a stint in the loony bin.

And just like back then, she was once more drowning in the mess that was her life.

Her reasons may not be the same now as they were back then – when she actually _had_ the chance to love – but nonetheless the same principles applied.

"_You made me go mad" _she had said desperately to her dejected lover before her. Oh how she wished she could take back that bitter tone. As if she could ever find an excuse to be bitter with him...he had been her world, her shining beacon and the rug was cruelly snatched out from underneath them both...

Except he didn't care about her reasons. He didn't care that she was afraid. He didn't shrink away. Freddie _never_ cowered away from what they had together – even though Effy always tried to. And as always, Freddie had been wise in his own endearing way. So he bit back with the truest thing she had ever known. _"You're making me mad, now, Effy. And that's _exactly _what love's supposed to do"_. And his eyes had been full of such resolution and conviction and _love_ that she couldn't help but believe him.

She sniffled as she continued walking; her ice-blue eyes stung from the wind and the memory. She only had her phone, a few quid, her cigarettes and the clothes on her back. It was just her and the wilderness. She wrenched her eyes shut as one foot fell in front of the other and the pitch black enveloped her once more.

If only Freddie had been able to tell her back then about how to deal with her madness _after_ love.

After the hope had died.

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	19. Chapter 18

_Well it's official...I no longer have the ability to write short chapters. I just seem to have it in me to go off on long Naomily-based tangents. But I guess that means all the better for you!_

_I had a blast writing this one though and I hope you enjoy it too.*grins mischievously*_

_Don't forget to leave a review at the end! They make my day._

_PS. If you haven't already read Rophy's 306 recap, go read it after this. EPICNESS._

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"Whoa...you've...got to be joking. Seriously?"

"I know right?"

The two of them stood staring at the big block of metal situated in front of them, its rusty paintjob doing little to reflect the moonlight shining down on them. Naomi couldn't help but smirk and suppress a laugh at glimpsing Emily's face beside her; she looked completely horrified.

"Wh...just...why?" she asked incredulously, her question coming out in a disbelieving whisper. Naomi chewed on her lip as she bit back her grin, shaking her head.

"The Stonems always were an odd bunch" she said honestly. She expected Emily to reply to this but found her question hanging in the air. She chanced another glance sideways; her appearance had turned contemplative. Naomi could only watch as she stepped away from her and studied the van, her brown eyes wandering over it curiously.

"What make is it?" she asked indifferently, rubbing a hand smoothly over its side. Even more paint chipped off and Naomi giggled.

"A Toyota apparently. Tone said he got it off one of his old mates. Sid or something. Anyway, he kept harping on about how much of a bargain it was on the way down here but to be honest I admire this Sid guy – finally found some git to take the piece of shit off of him". Emily laughed breathily at this little rant and looked up at her, her eyes shining. It made the smug smirk fly right off Naomi's face as her breath caught in her throat. Jesus, every few minutes she was forced to remember how fucking gorgeous Emily was. And this fucking moonlight was doing nothing to calm her nerves – it was bouncing off Emily's hair and turning it a rich, sultry red. Emily quirked a quizzical eyebrow upon catching her staring however so Naomi hastily looked away.

She began pacing away from her and circled the van, her fingers lightly trailing over it. It was only when she came across the right wing mirror did she stop to roll her eyes – it was only being held to the rest of the vehicle by a hefty wad of duct tape.

The two of them had walked away from Effy and the cottage earlier, leaving the buzzing energy of the party in their wake. From there they had just drifted aimlessly down the dirt path, not a word being spoken between them. It was just a content silence; the simple enjoyment of being in one another's company. Emily's hand had remained gripped through hers the entire time and Naomi had to repeatedly remind herself that this wasn't some vodka-induced hallucination and that she really _was_ there and holding Emily's hand. She really was there and Emily wanted to be there too.

But their wandering had eventually led them unintentionally towards the makeshift car park. Well, it was better to wander towards here rather than some woodland where they would no doubt get lost. Naomi had pulled the redhead with her towards the scattered assortment of vehicles. It was then that she had spotted Tony's van sticking out like a sore thumb amongst all the other smaller cars and pulled Emily along, a mocking intent on her mind. And now here she was, staring at the great lump while Emily stood out of sight on its other side.

Her eyes drifted upwards towards the roof and suddenly she was struck with a brilliant idea. "Hey Ems?" she called outwards, hoping against hope that Emily hadn't taken this opportunity to balk and sneak away. She was relieved however when she heard Emily's husky voice tentatively call back from the other side.

"Yeah Naomi?"

"Feel like getting a better view?" she said, her lips pulling upwards into a wry smile. She heard a rustling noise and seconds later Emily's inquisitive face appeared on her side of the van.

"Huh?"

Her smile grew wider as she took the few steps towards Emily – ignoring the obvious tension at the sudden proximity – and stood directly in front of the van, patting the bonnet and removing her heels from her feet. "I reckon we should get a little bit higher" she said simply, her eyes darting upwards towards the roof and back again. She watched as comprehension dawned on Emily's face; her expression turned sceptical.

"Naomes...I don't think it could support our weight. I mean, look at it". She gestured wildly at the van to prove her point. "It's not a good idea" she implored softly, her eyes cautious.

Naomi merely shook her head. "Maybe not. But I feel like a little bit of stargazing myself, don't you?" she said, before extending a hand. Emily stared down at it unsurely, her eyes flickering between it and Naomi's face. The blonde held her expression still but secretly her heart was pumping furiously with hope. _Trust me Emily. Please just, trust me this time. _She stared openly at the redhead, pleading with her eyes to just have faith in her. If she couldn't try this one silly thing with her then how would they ever be expected to build a functional relationship? The seconds ticked on and Naomi contemplated retracting the hand and shrugging off her hopeful assumption. Except before she got the chance to, Emily reached out and grasped her hand, a confident smile playing on her lips. Naomi's heart fluttered. She tried not to dwell on what this meant for them – that in some way or another Emily trusted her judgement – and merely grinned back as Emily gave her fingers a tight squeeze. And with that little squeeze, Naomi knew that Emily was saying _I trust you. For now. _

Not wasting any more time, she pulled Emily forwards and guided her towards the van. The redhead discarded her own heels too before hoisting herself onto the bonnet. Naomi placed her hand steadfast onto the small of her back, ready to steady her should she fall. The movement however caused Emily's halter-neck top to ride up slightly so Naomi's fingers accidentally brushed across bare skin. She felt rather than heard Emily's breath hitch at the contact but just continued to push her upwards towards the roof until she was safely level on it.

Once Emily was secure on her knees, she shuffled around so that her expectant face was looking down at Naomi. Her smile was contagious. "Well, hop on up here Indiana Campbell. This was _your _stupid plan after all". Naomi giggled as Emily rolled her eyes and extended a small hand of her own. She pulled herself upwards onto the bonnet and towards the windshield – made all the more tricky because this type of van had a sloped front end – and reached out a grateful hand to grab onto Emily's waiting one. Their eyes locked as Emily pulled her the rest of the way, Naomi relishing in her mental victory. The van creaked and swayed a bit under their weight at first but quickly stilled itself. Besides, it was only a bit taller than Naomi in height anyway; it wouldn't be a big deal if they had to jump down. She quickly shuffled herself into security as well before sitting cross-legged in front of Emily.

"See? Told you it would be okay" she said smugly, crossing her arms for good measure. Emily waved an airy hand at her superior expression.

"No you didn't. You just said you'd like to stargaze" she countered, her eyes challenging. Naomi quirked an eyebrow and shrugged.

"Okay. But we're up here now aren't we?"

A wry smile pulled at the corner of Emily's mouth before she leant backwards and spread herself flat on the van's roof. "I guess. So I suppose we better get cracking on with that stargazing eh?" she replied, before falling quiet. Naomi observed her immobile form for a few seconds, her head shaking slightly in disbelief, before crawling forwards slightly so that she lay directly beside Emily. She adjusted herself so that they were both looking up at the deep, open night sky above them. Emily breathed out a long sigh and Naomi tried not to concentrate on the fact that Emily's arm lay right alongside hers, brushing inevitable. After a few minutes of contented silence, Naomi saw Emily's other arm raise and point upwards. "So Naomes...are you gonna try and impress me and point out the constellations to me or something?" she asked, a smile evident in her voice.

Naomi snorted. "Well I'm no astrologer but–"

"Don't you mean _astronomer?"_ came the smug reply, her voice choked with a disbelieving laugh.

"Piss off!" Naomi exclaimed, her cheeks burning with a blush. She stifled an awkward cough. "Do you want me to point out the constellations or not?" she questioned sulkily.

Emily halted the last of her giggles before replying with a breathy, "yeah, yeah, okay". Naomi reached up her own hand and began lazily pointing out different assemblages of stars.

"...and that's 'The Plough' and over there's 'Andromeda'–"

"Naomi, I do not believe for one second that you know what the hell you're on about. You just mixed up astronomy and astrology for fuck's sake" came Emily's shrill voice a few minutes later. Naomi gasped in feigned shock.

"Jesus Ems, hit me where it hurts why don't you? My second choice of degree was going to be Astronomy I'll have you know" she lied, grinning madly.

She felt Emily's hand smack her arm playfully. "You're fucking unbelievable!" Emily squealed, turning her head so that she could look at her. Naomi continued to look skyward, enjoying their moment of fun.

"Fine, so I guess you don't wanna know what that one over there is" she said, gesturing aimlessly towards a random assortment of stars. Emily paused for a few moments before curiosity got the better of her.

"What is it?" she asked sceptically and Naomi could see her eyes narrow out of the corner of her eye.

The blonde cleared her throat importantly and feigned an intellectual tone of voice when she said, "well you see the way those stars over there are sort of overshadowing the other ones? Like they're shining unnecessarily bright and covering up the other smaller ones? And then they're kind of arranged in a round shape?"

Emily again paused, but this time in confusion. Naomi watched her as she leant up slightly to see what was being described. Naomi however was trying desperately not to laugh. "No, I don't see anything" Emily admitted eventually, her head turning every which way to see what the fuss was all about. Naomi shrugged, her shoulders rubbing against the van's surface with the motion.

"Well you _should_ know. 'Cos that's 'The Angry Katie'. I have to admit that I'm not exactly an admirer of that particular constellation. Fucking hate it to be honest, smug cunting bunch of stars..." Naomi's enlightening speech was abruptly put to an end as she saw Emily's body shift upright and squirm around so that she was glaring down heatedly at her. She then wasted no time in slapping and pinching and tickling and doing whatever else she could to cause Naomi to convulse and twitch uncontrollably in agony. "Ow! OW! Ems...no wait...no...that hurts– _OW!_" she squealed in between each action, her body folding in on itself in an attempt to shield any exposed skin from the redhead's dexterous fingers.

Emily was relentless though. "That's. My. Sister. You're talking. About" she panted, punctuating every word with a pinch or a tickle. She ceased her movements for a moment to glare down angrily at her again yet with a teasing smile pulling at her lips. "You can't fucking insult my twin and expect to get away with it!" she exclaimed before resuming her assault again. Naomi tried desperately to bat her hands away, her body overwhelmed from all the sensations Emily was creating. Overwhelmed in a bad way.

"Emily...jesus just..._OW_ seriously...stop it...I'm gonna...I'm gonna fall off this bloody roof if you keep this up!" she managed to cry out through the attack, her body squirming wildly. She wrenched her eyes shut in torture as Emily slightly increased her actions before ceasing completely, her hands leaving Naomi's now dishevelled form. Naomi laughed and panted and gasped through her moments of peace, her body shuddering from all the contact it had undergone. Eventually enough air passed back into her lungs and enough coherent thoughts returned to her brain for her to form an articulate sentence. "Fucking hell Em...I was only joking!" she breathed out between the last of her gasps, raising a hand to her cheeks to find that they were flushed from exertion. "God, I'm glad I didn't insult _you _if _that _was anything to go by. Christ, you know I love Ka–"

Her sentence lay suspended in midair when she finally fluttered her eyelids open and took in the sight of Emily's face leering down over her. She was hovering over her, using her elbow as leverage and gazing down at Naomi's face; all traces of humour and anger gone. The sight made the air rush out of Naomi's lungs once again, although for entirely different reasons this time. It became increasingly hard to breathe as she saw Emily's suddenly darkened brown eyes leave her face and drag themselves down the length of Naomi's body, her gaze searing holes into Naomi's skin through the now tousled fabric of her dress. She felt exposed, she felt_ naked_ under Emily's piercing gaze as those brown eyes lingered on the different parts of her body, resting for a particularly long amount of time on Naomi's tits before moving back up to stare at her face. A blush burned fiercely at Naomi's cheeks as her mouth dried up. Emily's eyes flickered over her face as she studied her. The blonde felt small, unbearably small as Emily scrutinised every last inch of her facial features. She couldn't read those dark eyes however – nothing was given away.

A hushed wind brushed past them then, causing Emily's pulsing red hair to fly about her face. Instinctively Naomi reached out a hand to brush the stray strands away from her beautiful face, tucking them behind her ear. Her fingers didn't leave Emily though and upon glimpsing the look that crossed the redhead's face at her touch, she began to caress her soft cheek. Emily's eyelids fluttered closed as Naomi's fingers trailed tenderly over her face, moving from her cheek down to her jawline. She stroked the skin there, taking in every curve of Emily's face with adoring blue eyes and watching her throat work as the girl swallowed a gasp. It slipped out before she could stop it. "You are so fucking beautiful" she breathed, and even Naomi was surprised to find that it almost sounded pained. Emily's eyes flew open and they locked with Naomi's tentative ones, her eyes completely black now. Naomi gulped harshly as she glimpsed the evident desire in those eyes. The time ticking by them was becoming more excruciating by the second.

But Emily didn't make a move to do anything about this sudden heated proximity. She just continued to stare openly at Naomi's face, licking her lips slowly with her tongue as her eyes flickered back and forth between Naomi's eyes and lips. And that's when she realised. This was _her_ moment. She was in the driver's seat; for this moment at least. Emily had run away and was now here – solid under her tender fingers. She had to give her a reason to stick around this time. _Be brave..._Emily's silent pleading rang out in her head as she gripped her fingers tighter around Emily's face. Those brown eyes flashed with fear for a millisecond but then the fear was gone to be replaced by longing again. Naomi knew she had to start taking the steps to ensure that that fear would never appear again. So without any more thought, she slid her raised arm from around Emily's face to the back of her neck and gripped at the hair at the nape. She began gently tugging Emily downwards, their eyes never leaving each other's for a second as she leant up slightly. She paused only right before their lips met, hovering right in front of Emily so that their breaths pushed out against one another's lips. The sensation of Emily's breath on her lips was nearly enough to undo her completely. _Too good to be true, _she thought, her head screaming at her to close the gap and begin the process of drowning in ecstasy. Luckily, Emily worded this need for her.

"Please..." she growled, her tone so hoarse and husky against her lips that the hairs on the back of Naomi's neck stood on end. That was good enough for her. She pushed her lips those last few millimetres forward and closed the gap completely.

It started out slow and delicate but with enough deep heat and passion for Naomi to melt under its intensity. The night and wind melted away from them so that it was only just the both of them held in a solid embrace of want and need. Naomi felt Emily's hand cup her face as she began to push deeper, her thumb stroking lightly over the flushed skin of her cheek. _Jesus Christ, _Naomi thought incessantly as Emily's lips nipped and tugged at her own, all other coherent thoughts pushed aside. She bit down on the redhead's bottom lip, eliciting a moan to pour into Naomi's mouth. She shuddered with want at the sound and hastily licked Emily's bottom lip, begging entry. Emily gladly obliged and Naomi pushed her tongue deep into her mouth, tasting and savouring the flavour of her. Another moan sounded between them but Naomi was surprised to find that she was at fault. Emily didn't care though – if anything it seemed to spur her on. Their tongues melded together deliciously as Naomi gripped harshly at the back of Emily's neck and it wasn't long before she felt herself being pushed downwards. Emily gently guided her down to the roof so that she was lying flat again, only this time with Emily's body pressed flush against hers.

It drove Naomi insane, this feeling; the feeling of Emily's perfect lips kissing hers with fervour and the feeling of Emily's smooth and lithe body pressing down into her. That heated, unforgettable kiss in the club was nothing compared to this. Yes it had been intimate and passionate...but it didn't seem nearly as significant as this. It had been initiated during a time of confusion – where neither Emily nor Naomi knew if the other reciprocated their feelings. Plus, the _'what if's' _played a crucial factor as well – _"what if I kissed her? Would I feel the same as I did all that time ago?"_ The answer turned out to be yes on Naomi's part and assumedly Emily's as well. But this was completely different – this intimacy at this very moment signified them _both_ knowing exactly what was at stake. They had spent an agonising amount of time apart and now they were here. They didn't have to kiss. They didn't even have to hold hands or do anything remotely flirty. But any such romantic action between them this evening was never rejected on either part. So in her core, deep _deep_ down...Naomi knew Emily wanted this – _them_ – as much as she did. She just needed to make her believe.

Transporting her back to the present, Naomi dragged a hand excruciatingly slowly down Emily's back, the motion causing Emily to shiver wildly against her form. Emily's lips left hers then and began to place heated kisses all over her cheeks and along her jawline, Naomi constantly trying to stifle the involuntary gasps escaping from her throat. There was simultaneous intake of breath from the both of them as Naomi's hand found that piece of bare flesh from before at the hem of Emily's top and began to trace deliberate circles across her smooth skin while at the same time Emily moved from Naomi's jaw to lick and nibble at her neck, her lips finding her pulsepoint and sucking harshly. Naomi's eyes threatened to roll back into her head at the rush of feelings she was experiencing – the combined feelings of lust, desire and overwhelming _love _undoing her completely. How could she feel _this much _for one person?

Why did it take her this long to appreciate Emily's perfection in its entirety?

It was when Emily's thigh inadvertently came to press up between her legs however that they both came back down to reality with an almighty crash. Even through the material of her denim jeans, Emily could no doubt feel the heat and wetness radiating from Naomi's centre. It was only with this that Naomi noticed her own evident arousal – she was actually on fire. The feeling of Emily's thigh pressed up against her centre caused her eyes to fly open as she pulled hesitantly away from Emily's lips. Emily was staring down from directly above her, her eyes very wide and dilated. Her breath was coming in short and struggling bursts against Naomi's cheeks and the blonde had to resist the urge to lean up and recapture her rosy lips with her own.

But she just held Emily's eyes with her own no doubt shell-shocked blue ones and waited for her reaction. Neither made any move to extract themselves; Emily's leg remained very much solid where it was and Naomi's fingers remained clenched into a fist against the small of her back. _Say something, do something, _she implored wordlessly with her eyes as Emily's brown ones flickered over her face inquisitively. Emily seemed to get the message, because eventually she smiled a heart-warming smile that made Naomi's stomach flutter and bubble with butterflies. So she didn't even mind when Emily leaned down to press a much softer, more tender kiss to her lips before pulling off of her completely and laying down by her side, the only sound between them being their exasperated breaths.

After a few minutes Naomi reached down a daring hand to cover it over Emily's. Emily's body seized for a moment before readjusting her hand so that their fingers intertwined together. Naomi smiled contently to herself and started to trace light circles with her thumb against the back of Emily's hand. The heat eventually subsided from between the both of them – more notably from between Naomi's legs. _Thank fuck, _she couldn't help but think, feeling slightly embarrassed. It was when questions began to plague Naomi's thoughts however that she thought to interrupt this calm air between them.

"Emily?" she asked in a very soft voice, her thumb still tracing circles against Emily's knuckles. Emily squeezed her fingers back.

"Yes Naomes?" she whispered back, her voice incredibly husky. Naomi swallowed against the surge of lust that ran through her again at the sound and pushed the question up her throat.

"What changed?" she asked simply, keeping her eyes trained on the stars above them. She had no clue what time it was now or whether the party was still going but frankly she didn't care. All she could care about were the seconds that dragged on as Emily remained silent, obviously thinking hard about her answer. Naomi waited patiently. It was no doubt hard enough for Emily to be here, be here _with her – _she needed to give her all the time she needed to figure out what this meant. After several minutes Emily sighed and Naomi felt as she let go of her hand and shifted beside her. Naomi looked sideways to see that Emily was lying on her side to face her, her appearance pensive. But she was surprised to see that Emily's eyes were unexpectedly unyielding again. She didn't question this though; she moved around so that her position mirrored Emily's.

Emily let out another sigh before squaring her expression, her eyes stern. "Nothing changed Naomi. Nothing _ever_ changed" she said, and her voice held no hint of a lie. Naomi's heart swelled in modest happiness, only to be quelled by trepidation. There was a fault in that statement.

"But...you left" she said, remembering abruptly that this was Emily's first appearance since that day in hospital.

Her brow furrowed in thought. "Yes. I did" she said simply. "But did you ever stop to think that I might've needed space Naomi? That this, _us..._was too much?" Naomi's heart leapt into her throat. _Yes. All the time _she thought desperately, unable to voice the words. Her eyes obviously conveyed her confusion because Emily reluctantly continued. "I _have_ moved past things in certain respects Naomi. But...I'll be honest in saying that I never really moved past _you_". She paused, her eyes scanning over Naomi's face before continuing. "But I...I was terrified" she admitted and her voice turned so small that Naomi couldn't help but reach out a comforting hand to her. "No, don't" she said hastily, brushing the hand away. Naomi obliged, curling her arm back into herself sheepishly. "Sorry" Emily said, her eyes apologetic. "I just...I just need to say this". She took a deep breath as Naomi felt herself take one too. "I–"

A loud banging sound ripped them from their bubble as they both started, leaning up to find the source of the noise. Naomi looked around feverishly; adrenaline rushed through her veins from both fear and from the anticipation of Emily's interrupted sentence. Another banging noise alerted Naomi to the cause as her eyes fell upon – who else – Mark in the distance, the banging noise being no more than him angrily slamming his car door. Naomi could only watch in silence as her friend gathered the things he had just pulled from his car – which turned out to be a few bottles of lager – and set about locking it up. It was then that she suddenly realised that he would probably see them on his way back...what with the fact that they were both sat there like sitting ducks. The thought spurred her into action.

"C'mon" she whispered, quietly moving around.

"What? Who is that?" Emily asked in confusion, her eyes skittish.

"It's just Mark, don't worry. I just don't want to talk to him right now if he sees us". She lowered herself surreptitiously backwards down the side of the van, making sure not to make any obvious noises. It was only when her feet hit the ground on the side of the van hiding her from Mark did she reach out both arms towards Emily. "C'mon Em, climb down" she whispered, glancing around for any signs of Mark. The redhead looked down at her unsurely, her form looking smaller than ever. _Trust me Emily, _she thought again, this time more incessantly. Her blue eyes blazed upwards towards brown, wordlessly imploring Emily to have faith once again. Emily cast one more apprehensive glance in Mark's direction before following the blonde's measures to slide down the side of the van. Naomi's hands grabbed at her waist to help her to the ground.

They stayed silent then, Naomi cautiously peeking around the side of the vehicle to see whether or not Mark had left. She balked upon seeing him approach them. _Shit shit shit! Fuck off Mark this is _not _the time to be friendly!_ She was relieved though when she heard his voice addressing someone who wasn't them.

"Jesus what a piece of fucking shit" his voice said incredulously, drifting over them from the opposite side of the van. She heard Mark bang on the side of it for good measure. "Feel sorry for the tit who bought this thing" he concluded, the shuffling noise of his feet suddenly growing quieter. It was only when she heard his footsteps grow more distant and his grumblings become fewer and far between – and she was pretty sure she caught "fucking Tony Stonem..." at one point – did Naomi peek her head around once again. He was gone.

She let out a sigh of relief. "That was close" she said, her lips pulling up into a smile as she turned back to Emily. The redhead smiled sheepishly too, her arms wrapped around herself.

"Yeah. Are you two still not on speaking terms?" she asked, her teeth chattering.

Naomi quirked an eyebrow. "No, we made up. But Em," she said hastily, diverting her attention swiftly, "what the– jesus you're bloody freezing!" she exclaimed as her hand clamped around Emily's shivering arm. Emily raised a meek hand to shush her with a wave.

"I'm fine. It's just a bit chilly. Besides, you're not wearing a jacket either and you're in a dress" she retorted, a coy smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. Naomi shook her head.

"Yeah well, I have good circulation that keeps me warm. But _you_ Ems–," she wasted no time in stepping forward and wrapping her arms around the trembling redhead, "–look like an ice cube". Emily chuckled weakly against her chest, the breath brushing past Naomi's skin causing the blonde to tremble herself. She sighed against her red hair, continually brushing her hands up and down the girl's back. "Okay, it's decided. We're going."

Emily pulled back to look at her face enquiringly. "The party? Really?" she asked uncertainly, her eyes narrowing. Naomi smiled down at her.

"I'm all partied out I think" she said, winking at her. A blush crept up Emily's cheeks but Naomi merely pressed on. "No, we're getting out of here. It's taken Mark's interruption for me to realise that this isn't the time or the place to be having this sort of conversation." Her eyes blazed into Emily's then. Her brown eyes widened with realisation, her head nodding slightly.

Emily bit her lip apprehensively. "But...where will we go?" she asked quietly, looking past Naomi's shoulder as if in search of an answer. Naomi's smile grew coy as she took one of her hands from around Emily's back and instead placed it on her face. The redhead's eyes fluttered closed at her touch, her face leaning into Naomi's hand. Naomi's thumb graced over her cheek, trying to ignore the cold now threatening to envelop her too.

It was her turn now. As Emily stood so fragile and small in her arms, she knew that it was her turn to be the one in charge. Emily had so bravely fought for them when they were teenagers...but the redhead had unfortunately been fighting a losing battle. The tables had turned and now, while Emily was so scared and unsure, Naomi had to show her worth as a person. As a lover.

So she glanced backwards, towards the direction they came, before settling her gaze back on Emily. "We're going to head back and get our stuff" she said slowly, a mischievous smirk spreading across her face as Emily's eyes opened to meet her own again. "And then we're going to scab a ride".

Emily's eyebrows shot up. "A ride? From who?" she asked dubiously.

Naomi shrugged, suddenly realising the flaw in her plan. "Um...I'm not sure. Got any ideas?"

Emily pulled herself from Naomi's arms with a thoughtful expression on her face. After a few moments, a sheepish grin appeared. "I do actually. But I'm going to feel bad about it later" she said truthfully.

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	20. Chapter 19

_Hey everyone! This one is a bit of a filler for what's to come, but a VERY IMPORTANT filler. So I urge you to push on and read._

_Reviews are very much appreciated as you all well know by now. Enjoy x_

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"...statistically more likely to crash or be involved in some sort of accident on country roads than city roads what with blind corners and hedgerows and the fact that there is much more debris which is why I refuse to raise my speed over 50kmh at the moment because we could end up in some fiery explosion and driving here is even more dangerous in the dark because there are no lights around and visibility is poor at this time of night–"

"JJ!" Lara and Emily shouted in unison and JJ halted his speech with a startled jump. Naomi watched and tried to stifle a laugh as his form bashfully lowered into his seat.

"Whoops...locked on again?" he mumbled. He kept his stance staring pointedly out at the road in front of him, his knuckles turning white from gripping the steering wheel so tightly.

Lara extended an affectionate arm and stroked a gentle hand through his hair. Naomi could see one side of her face; it looked surprisingly fond. "Yeah Jay. Locked on again" she said simply, lowering her fingers to his neck. JJ met her gaze for a second with a soft one of his own.

"Sorry, I just want to get all you girls home safely. There is no need to make any rash decisions about my speed when we're all doing perfectly fine." Lara turned to look at him again but this time with a smirk on her face.

"Safety is one thing...but it's also a great way to prolong our time away from Albert". She leaned sideways in her seat to look back at Naomi and Emily. "Seriously, I love the kid and all but sometimes he can be a bit of a pain in the neck." All four of them laughed, Naomi casting an amused glance towards Emily. The redhead met it with a smile of her own.

"Ahh...maternity at its finest" JJ said wisely, earning him a playful smack on the arm from his girlfriend. She leant forwards then to turn up the radio. A bass-filled indie tune immediately filled up the car.

Naomi tore her eyes away from Emily. "Thanks a million for the lift Jay. I– we...really appreciate it" she said hastily, casting another jittery glance in Emily's direction.

"It's no problem at all Naomi" he said over the music. "It's necessary to pass through Bristol to get to our house anyway. Although I was admittedly quite surprised at first when you both asked because I was given the impression that you two weren't on the best of terms but I suppose it could just be convenient for you to get a lift with us and nothing at all to do with the fact that you both used to date–"

"_JJ!"_ Lara shouted again, but this time the noise was not mixed with Emily's recognisable tone. She glimpsed the blush that quickly crept up Emily's cheeks as she pointedly directed her gaze out the window.

JJ's timid voice cut into her thoughts. "Oh...sorry, again. I'm really not very good at this am I?"

Naomi looked back at him. Lara threw her an apologetic smile before patting his arm kindly. "It's okay JJ. You didn't know" she said earnestly, and Naomi couldn't help but think back to earlier tonight when JJ had to rush _Lara _off after making a similar statement. The tables had clearly turned in that respect.

Nonetheless Naomi nodded fervently in agreement. "Yeah. Don't worry about it" she said, throwing in a smile for good measure. The tension eased off then and Naomi became more relaxed as Lara started humming along to the radio. The blonde took the opportunity to stare at Emily properly.

Her eyes were still staring out the window, gleaming in interest as the trees and scenery rushed by them. Although not much could be seen at this time of night, it wasn't all that far off from sunrise and Naomi could just begin to see the first purplish tinges of daylight creeping up to paint the night sky. She cleared her throat nervously.

"So...interesting night huh?" she said casually, trying to keep the edginess out of her tone. She watched as Emily nodded slightly, her eyes still not meeting hers.

"Yeah. It was" she said plainly. Ever since they'd left the car park, things had become much more tense. Possibly from the anticipation about what was going to happen. Possibly from the awkwardness of having been intimately making out not even an hour ago. Possibly both. But Naomi tried not to dwell on what Emily's sudden anxiety meant. Instead she watched shrewdly as the redhead snuggled against the door as the cold crept through her body.

Once they both managed to retrieve their stuff from the cottage, they had hastily thrown on their jackets to relieve themselves of the cold they'd been basking in. The jacket seemed to be doing nothing to still Emily's faint shivers though – Naomi noticed a shudder rip though her at that particular moment. "Em, take my jacket. You still look freezing" Naomi offered kindly, a tentative smile playing on her lips as she slipped off her own jacket from between her seatbelt. Emily curled up into herself more, shaking her head.

"No Naomes, I'm fine. Really" she said and Naomi didn't fail to notice the shakiness of her voice.

"Seriously Emily...take it. I don't want you to go getting hypothermia because of my stupid attempt to be romantic". She held out the jacket and Emily finally tore her eyes away from the window to meet Naomi's coy blue ones. Her shy little smile sent Naomi's heart into a frenzy. She_ should_ feel embarrassed at what she had just uttered but frankly she didn't give a damn. She always turned into a big mushy mess around Emily Fitch.

A desperately in love, achingly lonely mess.

Emily eventually took the jacket, nodding her thanks. "It wasn't stupid. It was lovely" she murmured and Naomi couldn't help but beam. Emily snapped off her seatbelt and shrugged the jacket over her shoulders to cover the other one. The effect looked immediate – the shivering ceased a bit.

"See? You're too stubborn for your own good" Naomi said smugly, crossing her arms.

Emily snorted. "Speak for yourself Miss _I-don't-know-the-difference-between-astrology-and-astronomy" _she bit back, giggling.

Naomi gasped in mock offence. "Jesus you're not going to let that one go are you?" she asked, her brow creasing in irritation.

Emily shrugged, a knowing smirk pulling up at her rosy lips. "Nope".

Before Naomi could retort, JJ cut in. "Actually there is a very stark difference between astrology and astronomy, although they can be considered related. Astronomy is the study of celestial objects such as planets and stars whereas astrology–"

"Is just a big scam that bogus fortune-tellers use to make money. I know JJ, I know" Naomi interrupted, saving Lara the need to shout again. Her gaze swiftly returned to Emily. "So Ems...where are JJ and Lara headed after they drop us off?"

It was a question that tiptoed around the question she actually wanted to ask – _"Whereabouts have you been spending all your time avoiding me?" _

It didn't fool anybody, least of all Emily. The redhead raised a questioning eyebrow as she met Naomi's gaze with a steely one of her own. "Cheltenham. I've been living in Cheltenham" she said plainly, looking out the windshield towards the road ahead. The message was clear as Naomi's mouth fell open in surprise: _Don't mess with me Naomi Campbell. I see you. _The blonde instead decided to direct her attention to the actual statement rather than her own shock.

"Oh...but...that's only over an hour away from me. I...I could've come visit" she said, the timorousness evident in her tone. Her fearful blue eyes watched as Emily's face screwed up and she shook her head. Her eyelids fell closed as she let out a long sigh and turned her head to Naomi again. The indie music drifted away as Naomi's attention completely homed in on the tired-looking redheaded girl before her.

"Exactly, Naomi" she said weakly, her voice barely a whisper. "I couldn't...I _couldn't _tell you. It would've only made things harder". Her eyelids fluttered open again then and Naomi's heart clenched at the confusion and apologies in those brown pools. As she opened her mouth to say something else, Naomi's hand shot out and she rested two gentle fingers against Emily's soft lips. She felt the hitch of surprise as Emily's warm breath came out as a gasp against her fingers, the sensation ripping through her entire arm. She offered a caring smile.

"You're here now" she said in a soft voice, her fingers drifting upwards to stroke at Emily's cheek. The redhead held her gaze as her brown eyes flashed with uncertainty. Naomi shook her head as her fingers danced across soft skin. "I understand" she breathed, before resting her arm down onto the seat and looking away.

Her eyes settled on JJ and Lara in front of her then. Lara's fingers were again playing with JJ's hair as they chatted amicably, clearly oblivious to the tension behind them. Yet not even this caught Naomi's attention the most. It was the glow lighting up both their faces. The glow that Naomi recognised and often wore herself. The glow that she sometimes thought she glimpsed on Emily but still couldn't be sure of.

The glow of love.

Lara and JJ, despite odd first appearances, were indeed in love. Despite JJ's tendency to lock on frequently – even at this age, which Naomi only learned over the past few hours – his girlfriend merely glossed over it with a kind smile or a roll of the eyes. She didn't judge him. She didn't mock him. And more importantly, she wasn't embarrassed by him. Now, that may sound simple enough – like, _of course _she shouldn't be embarrassed or irritated by the person she loves. But after spending so much time with eachother – day after month after year – with a child no less, it was admirable to know that Lara was still as comfortable with JJ today as she was when Naomi first met her when they were seventeen. And the chaste glances between them and the laughs they shared this evening concluded that they were still very much a couple smitten. It made her think – _pray _– that there really was hope for anyone.

Anyone.

Nevertheless Naomi was jealous of them. If she hadn't acted so cowardly all those years ago and instead _let Emily in, _she could've spent her time experiencing all the things JJ and Lara had. Love. Trust. A life together. She had spent four pointless years aching and pining when she could've been living a fun and happy life with Emily. They could've gone to Goa and Mexico together like they'd planned and gone to university together and got a house together and grew into an adult life together.

_Together. _

What would happen tonight – or this morning at this rate – she didn't know. It could be a beginning or an end. But as she felt Emily's hand slide through hers on the seat below and grip their fingers together, she knew something was going to change. Azure blue eyes met auburn brown as she looked apprehensively to her side. Emily was staring at her with a soft and nervous expression on her face. They were both scared. But the red still burned Naomi's eyelids whenever she closed her eyes. She wanted a red she could feel and embrace and physically love.

"I did miss you though" came Emily's small but sure voice then and Naomi brought her hand up to kiss each of her knuckles individually.

"Me too Ems. So much". She started tracing circles with her thumb against the back of Emily's hand as she let the melodies of the radio and JJ and Lara's banter waft over her again. All the while knowing she was driving towards her fate. But at least fate's hand was laced through her own for the time being.

.

She watched with amused eyes as Naomi fumbled with her keys, trying to find the right one and shove the damn thing in the lock. She rocked back and forth on her heels as the cold wind rushed by her. It was Bristol's way of saying welcome home, no doubt. Eventually she heard the recognisable sound of a lock clicking as the door flew open and Naomi turned around to look at her, a haughty smile on her face.

"Voila" she said, gesturing Emily inside. She walked timidly forwards and swallowed, the significance of it all hitting her all at once.

This was the first time she had stepped foot inside this house since that fateful day...the day her heart broke beyond all repair. It had been bad enough when Naomi cheated and even worse when she didn't do anything about it. But when she uttered those fatal words – _I don't think this is going to work out – _her heart collapsed in upon itself completely. She had been holding out for some sort of redemption; where Naomi gave her _something _to cling on to. To spill her feelings forth like a waterfall and show Emily that her heart really did beat for her the way Emily's did for Naomi. That Sophia had merely been a mistake in a cloud of confusion.

But no such salvation ever came. Instead Naomi followed her to the door as she left behind their life together for good. And the girl couldn't even say a word; she could barely look her in the eye and say goodbye as Emily cried and pleaded with her to explain why it was happening. Silence. So all she could do was throw back those goggles and try to rip Naomi Campbell out of her life completely. Well, try and _fail _to rip her out of her life completely.

It was significant now because she never thought she would be here again, let alone be _let in _here by the object of her affections herself.

Naomi seemed to sense the tension as well as she turned on the light and Emily came to a stop in the middle of the hallway and shoved her hands ineptly into her pockets. The blonde put down her rucksack and spoke up as Emily's eyes scanned around the achingly familiar hall – so different with its colours yet practically the same. "Do you...want anything Em? Food? Tea?" Emily smiled as her eyes came to settle on the girl in front of her. Their history seemed to have hit Naomi as well as Emily observed the girl fidgeting awkwardly, twiddling with her fingers as her eyes repeatedly darted away from Emily and back.

"Tea would be nice for the moment" she said softly and Naomi jumped on it at once.

"Tea? Tea. Yes, right. Tea." She swirled around and walked stiffly towards the kitchen but not before Emily heard the shout of "Mum? Kieran? Are you here?" echoing throughout the house.

Emily stood there in the dark and empty hallway for a moment. She probably should have gone into the sitting room and waited politely for her, but for some reason her body was being drawn upstairs. Before she could stop herself, her feet turned her around and started walking quietly up the stairs, her eyes flickering around as she went.

Not much else had changed it seemed albeit some changes in wallpaper colour. Her heartbeat sped up drastically though as her feet came to rest on the landing and her eyes drifted towards that familiar door. She stepped towards it, almost feeling as if she were in slow motion. She took in the sight of the door itself, the simple object bringing back hundreds of memories. Her eyelids fluttered closed as her breath came out slowly and deeply through her nostrils. She reached out a shaky hand towards the handle and clamped her fingers down around it, applying force until she felt the door swing open and away from her.

_Be brave Emily, _she urged herself. It was amazing that she used to plead that to Naomi...yet now it was Emily who needed the confidence and bravery to face the demons of her heart. She stepped forwards blindly with her eyes still wrenched shut and let the weight of where she was overwhelm her. Despite its emptiness, Naomi's scent drifted through her nostrils as she came to a stop a few steps in. It was a sweet, deep scent that wrapped itself around all of Emily's senses and threatened to drown her. She was back in a place that she once considered home and the smell seemed just as much a homecoming as the actual homecoming itself. She wondered if the room _looked_ any different.

This thought in mind, she very slowly opened her eyes. A gasp of shock choked her throat at the sight she was met with.

It was...the same. The colours, the wallpaper, the furniture. It had barely changed at all and the memories that flooded Emily's mind of the many times she had stood here threatened to make her cry. Even the bed looked the same; apart from a change of duvet it was still the same sturdy double bed she had habitually slept in...next to Naomi. She strolled over to it cautiously, as if afraid it would disappear if she got too close. She managed to reach out an unsteady hand to trace over the sheets. She smiled as she stroked over the material.

Naomi's bed. At one time _her _bed also. A bed that had been slept in. A bed that had harboured many breakfasts-in-bed. A bed where deep and meaningful conversations had taken place. A bed where Emily and Naomi had made love for hours and hours; sometimes tenderly and slowly, sometimes frantically and desperately but always passionately. But she grimaced at the other meaning behind this bed. It was also a bed that housed the hidden resentment and heartbreak Emily used to feel when she couldn't even stand to be in the same room as Naomi. A bed where overwhelming love had been marred by distrust and anger.

Emily wondered if anyone else ever slept in this bed with Naomi; maybe when she brought home a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a fling. Her stomach churned at the thought. She didn't want to think of that. It soiled the significance of this moment, this bed. Yet her eyes fell shut and she bit at her lip anxiously as the unbidden thought of whether or not _she _would sleep next to Naomi in this bed again slipped into her mind. Deep down she hoped she would. Deep down she hoped she wouldn't. She didn't know which was stronger.

Her gaze dragged reluctantly away from the bed and instead back around the room, seeing if she could spot any other obvious changes. Her attention eventually became redirected towards Naomi's shelves – she spotted numerous pictures dotted around them and her body drifted towards them to get a closer look. She couldn't help but smile as she took in the images before her; photos with both unfamiliar and familiar faces. Photos with the proverbial yet more youthful faces of her old college friends – Cook, JJ, Effy, her own twin Katie, Pandora, Thomas and Freddie. She smiled sadly. _Oh Freds, you poor soul _she thought and it was a resounding truth. Photos from university – or so it looked because she frequently spotted the figure of who was assumedly Mark, if earlier was anything to go by. Photos from Naomi's travels – elephant rides and backpacking and full moon parties and smiley, sun-kissed faces grinning towards the camera. But as her eyes scanned with interest over all the photos, admiring the subject matter in each one, she couldn't help but feel a pang of grief.

She couldn't see her face in any of them.

Okay, of course she hadn't expected for Naomi to keep some sort of shrine to her Sophia-style. But as she glimpsed the fresh, smiley faces of her old college friends and her own sister no less she figured her face might be peering hesitantly out of one of the photos. Nada. Emily Fitch was nowhere in sight. She wasn't sure how that made her feel. Relieved? Or empty? She wasn't able to discern one from the other right now; they both seemed to be rushing her senses.

She turned around again, a heavy feeling suddenly drifting down her form. She'd seen enough. She probably should head downstairs before Naomi got back with their tea.

She was poised to leave but stopped in her tracks as her eyes fell upon Naomi's nightstand; in her engrossment over Naomi's bed she had failed to see it.

There, pride of place next to Naomi's bed, was a photo of them both. But not just any photo. A photo of them as a couple. A photo that Emily too owned and secretly kept hidden in her drawers. She tenderly picked it up, fingers drifting over the faces.

A younger Emily sat in the glass frame and her eyes shone brightly with the unadulterated prospects of love and hope. And there was Naomi; draped over her shoulders with her lips inching towards image-Emily's cheek, smiling in a carefree and youthful manner. Yet although it was literally staring Emily in the face, she couldn't believe the meaning this photo represented. These two teenagers did indeed look in love. Her own brown eyes gleamed with happiness and even Naomi's familiar azure blue eyes stared out at her in almost a knowing way. And Emily felt her eyes start to well up because this younger Naomi did seem to glow with love.

Did that even matter anymore?

"Mum and Kieran aren't here" came a tentative voice. The sound brought Emily back to her senses as she whirled around and nearly dropped the picture in the process. Naomi – living, breathing, moving Naomi – stood near the door, two cups of tea clutched tightly in her hands as her eyes flickered between the frame in Emily's hand and Emily's face. Her blue eyes were wide but there was also a soft and thoughtful expression on her face. She almost seemed sympathetic. "I made tea" she said simply, her voice very small and cracked.

Emily merely stared at her as she awkwardly moved to place the cups on her desk. Emily's own heart was racing a mile a minute as the impending doom began to wash over her. This is why she was here. She came to get the truth. All throughout this night she had looked into Naomi's eyes and seen brief but readable glimpses – glimpses that read _"I need to tell you." _Well, Emily needed to be told. This was it. No turning back.

She let out a long, shaky breath as she pursed her lips into a firm line. "Naomi" she said severely and the blonde's eyes immediately snapped to hers at her tone. Emily knew, but she needed to hear Naomi say it. "Why am I here?"

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_I had a stroke of genius with the photo of Emily and Naomi - anyone remember it from Chapter 1?_

_Next one is a big one. We're here at last girls. I'm going to try and take my time on the next one (although every time I say that I end up updating like 2 days later, go figure - but I mean it this time). Thanks a mil for all the reviews and faves and alerts so far, I'm sooo glad you are all sticking by me and being so encouraging. __Please drop me a review on your way out. Cheers x_


	21. Chapter 20

_*fingers crossed*_

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_'Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.'_

**_– Neil Gaiman_**

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_._

_Um...what?_

She just stared at her, as if unsure as to whether or not her ears were deceiving her. I mean, seriously? Wasn't it kind of obvious?

"Erm...I'm sorry?" she asked quietly, voicing said confusion. Emily just continued to meet her gaze head-on, not faltering even in the slightest. The photograph of them both was still clutched firmly in her hand.

"Why am I here?" she repeated, enunciating this time. Naomi swallowed nervously as she simply stared right back at Emily. The redhead was still wearing both of their jackets over her slender shoulders and they made her look a lot smaller and more fragile all of a sudden. But she didn't really care about the jackets. She cared that Emily looked somewhat exhausted and cold and hence she really wasn't ready to deal with the bigger picture right now.

Nonetheless she still stood there, disarmed and blindsided, and feebly tried once again to _see_ Emily – the look _behind _the look; to see whether the gears were churning as furiously in Emily's head as they were in hers.

She saw nothing. Emily's tired yet soft and gorgeous face held her safeguard and Naomi then realised that sleeping was definitely not going to be an option. Instead she would be forced to take another blind leap into the unknown. By herself this time...because Emily used to be able to help her. Emily _used_ to be able to give her a nudge in the right direction when things became overwhelming and scary. When things became too much.

Except Emily wasn't that person anymore. And Naomi was the reason why.

So claustrophobia hit her all at once as Emily stared right through her. _Saw her._ A sudden urgency was pooling inside of her and she wasn't sure whether she should crush it down...or finally set it free. It was only natural in normal circumstances for her brain to go with the first option. She had done so her entire life. Dreams and goals became whimsical fantasies that could never be reached. Aspirations became jokes. Wants became fears.

And love became a dream and a fantasy _so_ far out of reach that when she had actually been given the chance to seize it – to actually grab on to it and_ hold on _– it put into question everything she'd ever known. That something as terrifying and impossible and unattainable as love_..._could also be something so warm and exquisite and _there_ in the shape of Emily Fitch.

Naomi's eyes lowered as Emily's piercing gaze became too much. Emily had always managed to unravel her one layer at a time until she was left just a quivering mess...and the worst part about it was that Naomi would never even realise it at the time. By the time she came to her senses it would always be too late to repair the damage already done – because Emily would have knocked down that one wall and would then be moving on to the next one.

Yet in spite of everything, there was one wall left. One piece of the big puzzle that Naomi had always refused to part with – a piece she had clung on to for dear life because if she let Emily have that last piece then she would be done. "_You're not even gonna tell me why you're doing this? You're not even going to _try_ to fix this?" _Emily had implored on that solemn day four years ago and it had taken all of Naomi's courage and strength not to hand over that last piece of her defences right then and there and shout out the truth.

But why didn't she? Why didn't she just lay down her arms like Emily had so bravely done time and time again during their relationship and just say, _"This is me", _like Emily had done that very same day?

Because she was young. Eighteen years old and a part of something that not even she could begin to comprehend. That's why she had always envied and admired Emily. Emily – so young, so naive little Emily – had constantly laid down her arms. She had braced and suffered as much as someone twice her age at the hands of love. She left herself open to attack time and time again and was still there to whisper _"it's okay, it's okay" _when Naomi's heart was pierced and bleeding and she was physically weeping _"I can't stand it, I can't". _She simply endured the pain because she held on to the belief that one day Naomi Campbell would just give in and want her back and _just bleed._ And at one point Naomi did just that...but then she fell even deeper than she ever would have imagined.

That's why she did it. That's why she cut off any ties to the one she loved – because she physically couldn't take it.

But that time of uncertainty and unrivalled fear had come and gone. She was almost twenty-two; four years older – and marginally wiser – and currently standing before a world-weary Emily Fitch, equipped with the knowledge that no one compared. No one held a candle towards Emily. Although the fear and the red still threatened to consume her right there, as Emily silently held her ground, she knew this moment was predestined. She already promised herself and more so to Emily that the piece must fall. Because Naomi knew even after all this time, despite the elusive veils she hid behind, that Emily craved that hidden piece of Naomi. She craved it so badly that she had put herself through hell and back to get it...but without success.

And as Naomi's eyes flickered upwards again to see the first beginnings of the morning sun creep across the room, she felt the piece literally crumbling away. She watched with scared and awed blue eyes as Emily placed the photograph gently back on her bedside table and looked back at her with a warm and open gaze. And then Emily pushed it one step further.

"Naomi..." she breathed, and it sounded so pained and so agonisingly expectant that Naomi's heart was in danger of bursting forth and covering them both in its grief and ache.

The last little nudge.

So she met her eyes with whatever courage she had left, terrified blue meeting soft brown, and silently begged Emily to give her an out – an out that Emily always used to provide to make things safe and neutral, because if Naomi were to start this domino effect now then she wouldn't be able to stop. _I don't think I can do this, _Naomi wordlessly pleaded. _I'll only disappoint you. _

In response, Emily smiled a ghost of a smile that whispered, _I think you can do anything. Be brave. _

She closed her eyes and exhaled a deep, shuddering breath. _Okay. Don't say I didn't warn you. _

She opened her eyes again and clenched her hands, holding up the last of her fortress which she knew she would need if she were to make it through this without falling into a sobbing heap. "Do you...do you remember the first day of Year 8? You know...with Ms. Lyons?" she started softly.

Emily's brow furrowed. "Parts of it...but not much" she admitted. Naomi nodded.

"Yeah well, we all got in there and she thought it would be a great idea to do some arts and crafts as a bonding exercise. Frankly, looking back on it, it was a bit of a twatty idea. I mean, we were twelve for fuck's sake not four and she just shoved some bloody paints and crayons in our faces and expected us to shut up–"

"Naomi" Emily interjected sharply, a disbelieving smirk on her face.

"Right, right sorry. Anyway so we were all painting our pictures or whatever and it was particularly awkward for me because it was my first day at a new school so I didn't know anybody. Then Ms. Lyons with her fucking ridiculous haircut – honestly, all I can remember about the woman was that she always had a bowl cut, fuck's sake – comes and jumps up in front of the form and decides that we should all take turns in standing up and introducing ourselves." She paused for a moment as Emily's smirk grew wider.

"I definitely don't remember that. I must've repressed it" she noted, laughing slightly.

Naomi smiled weakly. "Yeah. Well _I _definitely remember shrinking into my seat thinking 'don't pick me don't pick me' over and over and luckily she didn't at first." She sighed heavily. "But then she got to you..." Emily's smile fell at once at the serious look on Naomi's face. "Katie had just wrapped up her long recap of how her latest prepubescent boyfriend bought her an ice-cream the day before–", Naomi suppressed a giggle as Emily rolled her eyes, "–and then Ms. Lyons called on you 'cos she was like '_ooh twins!' _and I was fucking snoring at this stage." She paused again.

"And...what did I say?" Emily asked self-consciously, her expression becoming apprehensive all of a sudden. Naomi merely shook her head as a large grin overtook her face.

"I don't know what you said to be honest, other than your name". Emily frowned so she continued. "Not because I wasn't paying attention – but because at that moment some stupid girl decided _then_ would be the perfect time to get paint all over herself so that Ms. Lyons had to take her to the bathroom down the corridor to clean up." They both laughed at this, Emily's form becoming less tense by the second.

"Well I'm kind of glad then...saved me the need to stutter myself into an awkward silence until Ms. Lyons put me out of my misery" she said, a relieved smile overtaking her features.

Naomi returned the smile with a soft one of her own. "That was the first time I saw you" she continued. "And even then...I knew there was something different about you." She stepped a little bit further into the room, closing the distance between her and Emily somewhat. Every word brought them emotionally closer. "I never really spoke to you though. At least not until we were fifteen." Emily's eyes immediately flashed with comprehension and Naomi nodded. The redhead took a step closer as well.

"The party..." she breathed and Naomi nodded again. Her stance abruptly became far away – as if deep in contemplation and memory of what transpired that night. It didn't take long before she was back though; she came back to Earth with a loud chuckle. "That was one shit party" she said conclusively and Naomi couldn't help but join in laughing. "I didn't even know whose it was except that Katie invited me along...said I needed to–", she feigned Katie's lisp-addled voice, _"–make some proper friends yeah? And maybe find some fit bloke so you can try to keep up with me. Loser". _She rolled her eyes. "Needless to say neither went very well. I spent most of the night drinking some dodgy alcopops and standing in a corner."

Naomi's expression softened, suddenly feeling a lot more empathetic towards Emily. "I can't say I was having a very good time either, Ems. Some tosser kept trying to feel me up and I was very close to tearing him a new one if he came near me again except..." She hesitated and she could tell that Emily knew what she was going to say. "...Except then, I saw you. And everything became alright again. I'd never even spoken to you – just heard you speak in class or glimpsed you in the corridors but I never even thought of actually going up to you and saying hi. And suddenly there you were." Emily stepped forward again, her eyes a lot brighter all of a sudden.

"But you did" she reminded her and her voice was so soft and adoring that Naomi's unspoken resolve nearly faltered. The glow of a dawn sun was coating Emily's face, tinting her normally pale skin with a faint saffron shine. But she couldn't stop now, despite having just recalled how beautiful Emily always looked in the mornings. Word vomit. She had broken the gate.

"Yes. I did." She raised a hand and scratched ineptly at the back of her head. "I went up to you". She stopped there, because frankly she didn't need to give an account of what happened next since Emily had been there too. When they had been amicably chatting away and then next minute Emily just stopped talking and grabbed her firmly and kissed her. Swept her off her feet. And the look currently in Emily's eyes said that she remembered it just as much if not more than Naomi did. It almost looked like she cherished it actually.

"And then Katie had to go and ruin things by dragging me away from you" Emily interjected and her face screwed up with an unbidden frustration. She looked back at Naomi and her brown eyes looked unbearably soft again. Honestly, Emily really wasn't going to let Naomi finish this speech – her beautiful face and her laugh would destroy her before she would be able to. "She didn't realise just how much that moment meant to me" she whispered, looking down sadly. Wait, no. _That _was going to destroy her. That and the pain that crossed Emily's face as she remembered and voiced it.

_Fuck it. _Naomi closed the space and grabbed Emily's hand, stroking the back of it with sure yet delicate fingers. "It meant a lot to me too Ems. Trust me" she implored and her voice was filled with such unfaltering conviction that Emily smiled contently. Emily tugged lightly back at her hand. Naomi glanced away for a second in thought. "God, but do you remember the song that was playing when I was talking to you? Fucking 'You're Beautiful' by James Blunt. I fucking _hated _that song!" Emily grinned and shoved at her playfully, her touch making Naomi feel all jittery.

"Jesus Naomes, you always knew how to ruin a moment" Emily said disbelievingly. She let their hands fall as she strolled past Naomi and across the room, her attention suddenly focussed on their abandoned teacups. She picked one up and took a prolonged sip. Naomi could only watch as Emily stood there silently with her back facing her...although she didn't fail to notice how heavy the girl's breathing had become. She had no clue what time it was now, but daylight was making itself known with every passing minute; the sunlight, although still low, was pouring in through her window and gently coating her room in its dull orangey-pink tinge. _Sun in November? Bloody unheard of._ "Naomi..." came her barely audible voice a few seconds later and it's delicacy made all thoughts of sunny winter mornings fly from Naomi's brain as her heart rate climbed at once. Emily put down the cup and turned very slowly to face Naomi again, her expression bemused and fragile. If it were possible it made Naomi's heart clench even more. "Please Naomi...these memories are lovely but...", she blinked pointedly, "...what is the point?" She shrugged feebly, wordlessly begging for an answer.

Naomi hated to think that all Emily thought of her stories was that she was merely stalling – when in fact they had everything to do with it.

She swallowed heavily and looked at her feet, her tongue feeling too big for her mouth all of a sudden. _You asked for it Ems. No more lies. _She hesitated. "The...the point is Em..." she began, before taking a steadying breath. She set herself. "That you mean everything." She looked upwards again and saw Emily's eyebrows knit together. That was okay, she'd understand soon enough. The wait was coming to an end. "The point is...is that although I hated James Blunt with a passion, that bloody song was at the top of my _'Most Played' _list on my old iPod mini for two years straight...until it got ruined in the wash 'cos I forgot to take it out of my jeans. 'Cos whenever I heard his sappy voice all I could see was red and all I could feel was you kissing me." She bit her lip. The piece was literally flaking away with every word now. "The point is that when you first stood up to introduce yourself to the class, with your wavy brown hair and your little green bow, _I _was the girl who spilled fucking paint all over herself because something hit me so hard and fast when I saw you that I saw stars. And it was painful and fucking _amazing _all at the same time but then next thing I know I have Ms. Lyons shoving a sponge in my face." Her tears began to sting now and she couldn't hold them back for much longer, but she was almost relieved to see that Emily seemed to be having the same problem as realisation finally seemed to hit her.

Naomi stifled a sob. "The point is that it wasn't a coincidence that I didn't talk to you for three years – it was on purpose, because I was so fucking terrified of you and what I was feeling. Because whenever I see you I still see stars and I can't breathe and my heart has been in agony for almost ten years because I haven't ever felt anything else for you for the entire time I've known you _except _love...and it killed the both of us because I just didn't know _how _to love you. The point is that when you actually gave me the chance to love you back I couldn't stand it because if you ever left me then my life would be ruined because you are _it, _Emily. You're _it _for me. You were the one person who could ruin my life. So I got in there first to protect myself."

Emily stepped forward then, crying freely as the tears poured thick and fast down her pale white cheeks. The sun bounced off her tears and Naomi couldn't even appreciate the aesthetic value of the sight because she could feel the moistness coating her own flushed skin as well. She met Emily halfway and stood before her. The fragile redhead reached up tentative hands, as if her fingers would break this moment between them, to clutch them around Naomi's neck. Holding them there. _Don't run from me this time, _Emily wordlessly pleaded. _Finish this. _But Naomi had no intention of going anywhere now. She was in too deep. The dominos were falling one by one.

"The point is Emily that when you asked me why I broke up with you before you left...I couldn't tell you why because it had taken all my effort not to tell you then what I'm telling you right now. The point is that I screwed that girl Sophia because I was angry..._so fucking angry _at you for having this hold on me and making me a slave to my own feelings." She was trembling now and Emily stroked her thumbs along the soft skin of her neck. She kept her eyes wrenched shut as the tears kept flowing. Her words were being choked out at this point. "The point is that even though I let you walk out my door...out of my life...I've regretted it every day since. Because no matter how far apart we were or no matter who I was with or what I was doing, my heart has had 'Emily Fitch' engraved on it for as long as I can remember–"

"Naomi..." Emily squeaked and it sounded so desperate that Naomi's eyes flew open to be met with red and puffy brown ones. Yet they were also dark and wide and pleading, as if she wasn't sure if this was all real or not. Like every word was killing her slowly. So Naomi couldn't help herself as she pulled Emily's hands away from her neck and kissed each one of her knuckles individually before holding them steady between their bodies and resting their foreheads together.

She continued to pierce Emily with a bright, wide-eyed stare and Emily stared straight back. "Always, Em. _Always_" she breathed out in a strangled whisper. "_That's_ the point. I've loved you since the first time I saw you. Since I was twelve. Since before I knew what love was. And nothing's ever going to change that. I pushed you hard because I loved you even harder." She let out a shuddering breath and let her eyelids flutter closed. "I love you so much it's killing me."

_Boom. Fin. _

She let the sobs wrack her body freely then; her soul had just been set free at last. She was just a shell. The truth had finally been released into the air, into the world, and all she could do was collapse to her knees right then and there and just _feel it _and cry and cry and cry. She didn't even gauge Emily's reaction; relief simply coursed through her as her fortress finally came crashing down. No longer was she Naomi Campbell: cold-hearted bitch, or Naomi Campbell: slave to love.

She was _just_ Naomi Campbell...who also just happened to be hopelessly and devotedly in love with Emily Fitch. And for the first time in her life she had admitted it. And for the first time in her life...she was okay with that.

But she didn't have much time to sob herself into a puddle – although she would've happily done that for a couple of hours or so – because next thing she knew she felt tender hands tugging and pulling at her arms and shoulders.

"I'm asking you for something" came a breathy whisper in her ear. It was husky and laced with something so foreign that it caused a violent shiver to swim freely through Naomi's body. She raised a limp hand to wipe feebly at her eyes before looking up shyly to meet Emily. She was met with eyes so bright and shining and adoring that she found it difficult to breathe with the weight of her stare. It was all red and stars again. "Stand up for me Naomes. I have something to say too." Like a good little girl Naomi obliged and rose to her feet – quite a hard feat considering her legs felt like jelly – and stood to face Emily head-on. The redhead gazed up at her, smiling a genuine and loving smile that made Naomi's heart swell tenfold. _She's not running. She's still here, _Naomi thought disbelievingly as Emily raised hesitant fingers and stroked them down the length of Naomi's wet cheek, wiping at her stilling tears.

But the blonde bit her lip apprehensively. She had forgotten that Emily had her own truth to tell – but she almost didn't want to hear it. This thought in mind, she made to excuse her for the time being. "Emily I–"

Lips. All thoughts and excuses flew from her mind at once because all she could feel were Emily's soft lips unexpectedly crashed against hers. White-hot fire burned all of her senses at the same time as Emily's body pressed up against hers and they kissed softly and passionately. _Point made Ems. _There was nothing forceful or frenzied about it; it was Emily letting Naomi know that all her fears and feelings had been understood and accepted...and reciprocated.

Yet Naomi still didn't feel close enough.

So she felt around blindly with frantic hands and ripped both jackets from Emily's body, wrenching the sleeves down her arms as the garments fell to the floor. She immediately clutched the svelte redhead to her with firm arms around her waist and held her there, kissing her time and time again as one hand drifted down to claw at that familiar patch of bare skin at the hem of Emily's halter-neck. At this intimately close contact, Emily let out a strangled groan. Her hands flew upwards and tangled through Naomi's blonde locks as she forced them even closer and their tongues finally met. It made Naomi dizzy; all she could taste was passion fruit and saccharine and Emily's distinct taste all over again. Needless to say the initial tenderness of the moment had worn off.

Emily hungrily invaded Naomi's mouth with her insatiable tongue as they struggled to get closer than physically possible. Naomi's arms moved from around Emily's waist so that one hand drifted down to graze over her perfect bum ("_I wish those jeans would fuck right off") _and the other came up to cup Emily's cheek, stroking her pale skin which currently felt rough underneath her fingertips from dry tear trails.

But before any more libidinous thoughts could be addressed (along with the fact that the fire between her legs from a few hours ago had returned full force) Naomi felt nimble fingers pull away her hand on Emily's cheek as their kiss slowed down and the redhead pulled away completely. Naomi stayed poised where she was for a moment, lips still pouted, while coherent thought and strangled breath returned to her body. Christ, her declaration of love must have killed her after all – because _that_ was heaven personified.

"Naomi. Look at me". Vaguely hearing the saintly voice, the blonde's eyelids fluttered open and her sight fell upon Emily standing before her, her face bright with wonder and from the sunlight's sheen. Her own hand was still tenderly clutched between both of Emily's. Her normally brown eyes were almost black with desire and her breathing was ragged...but she also looked so sure and so overwhelmed and so _– could it be? –_ in love that it caused another stray tear to slip down Naomi's cheek. At once Emily's hand flew out to catch the tear underneath her thumb. Her thumb stayed there as it began to stroke over soft skin. _Huh...I guess I'm more alive than I've ever been, _Naomi thought sedately as Emily's touch sent shivers through her body. Their eyes locked.

"I love you too" Emily whispered in a cracked yet utterly convincing voice.

Naomi's being threatened to shatter into a million pieces at her whispery words; she suddenly felt weightless, effortless in that moment. I mean, for three little words, they really can and _do_ have a profound effect on the heart. All the fear and all the dread Naomi had been feeling up until this point was immediately wiped away with Emily's soft words and sincere beam. Not only had she finally confronted her own demons...but Emily had just put the big fat cherry on top of this whole thing. Emily Fitch loved her. _Truly _loved her. Her eyes said it, her smile said it...the blonde could see it all. Emily's guard was down at last. For the time being at least.

Nevertheless, no matter how much she wanted to embrace her little redhead and kiss her senseless just then, all she could do was watch in jittery silence as Emily's rosy bottom lip begin to wobble. "I meant everything I said toni– today" she continued softly, her brown eyes brimming with fresh tears. "I mean...how could I ever get over you Naomes? You're...you're just _it _for me too, you know? You're just you." Emily paused then to reach up and plant a soft, emphatic kiss on Naomi's lips before stepping back slightly. The sudden silence between them became resounding but all the while comfortable. Naomi's heart pounded erratically in the quiet room as their hands remained gripped together between them. Both brown and blue eyes sought each other out; those auburn pools continued to sparkle from the sun's glow and unshed tears. But also, Naomi was now assured to say – _holy shit – _from the glow of love. Emily was incandescent right now. Truly a sight to behold.

This thought was quickly disrupted however; Emily's head cocked to one side as she surveyed Naomi from between watery, hooded lids and a flash of something worrying crossed them. "God you...you scare the shit out of me though. It's all so hard and..." Emily breathed out quietly before trailing off. Naomi's stomach clenched as she observed the wonder dissipate from Emily's eyes to be suddenly shrouded with recognisable fear instead. Her hidden uncertainties. But then she shook her head as if to shake herself out of silliness and bit down on her now swollen bottom lip – a lip Naomi preferably wanted to have between her teeth right now_._ "I love you so much" she continued in a choked murmur. "And...and...if you were to hurt me again, I–"

Naomi's finger flew out to shush Emily as it rested gently on her moist lips. She knew where this was going, and she wanted to assure Emily that her anxieties weren't worthy of attention. "Never..." she simply whispered in a soft reassurance, before her shaken blue eyes glimpsed the bed a few feet away from them. Emily followed her line of sight and Naomi watched helplessly as the girl's throat worked to swallow a newly-formed lump down her throat. Naomi wanted to taste that neck, that salty skin underneath her lips and tongue. She wanted to breathe in Emily's smell and hear Emily's muffled groans in her ear and taste passion fruit again and...and...she just wanted _Emily_.

So without a word, Naomi tugged lightly on Emily's hand and guided the nervous, fragile little redhead unhurriedly towards the bed. _Their _bed. Because even after all this time, it had been missing a person. And for once she didn't even feel nervous as those looming prospects and thoughts unravelled in her mind...because she was free.

Finally free.

All she wanted was to soar with Emily at last. Here, in the morning light. A new dawn, a new day. Their new day. Nothing was left to be said; she simply wanted to show Emily just how much she meant to her and just how much she loved her. She loved her emotionally and with every ounce of her torn and broken soul...she just wanted to wrap Emily up in her physical love and make love to her and complete herself – them both – again. To put both of their damaged hearts back together; beating alongside each other as they should be. And it amazed her to think that that prospect had daunted her for years and years...when now it seemed completely possible. Completely natural. Completely inescapable.

No. Completely_ right._

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_Sexytyms in the next chapter. I promise._

_Um...so...*shuffles feet nervously* ...Review? x_


	22. Chapter 21

_Giant Rant Alert!_

_I would firstly like to thank all the absolutely AMAZING people who reviewed the last chapter. I'm not even going to name anyone in particular...pretty much everyone was just __so wonderfully complimentary and thorough in their opinions that I was left smiling for ages. And it was twice as amazing because I also found out I PASSED ALL MY EXAMS with flying colours! No repeats! Woohoo!_ Anyway...I'm just happy I didn't screw the chapter all up! Plus it had the largest amount of reviews for one chapter so far in this story! Thanks =)

_Next, I figured that since this story is based on a song that I should include some more songs. The song I chose for this chapter is 'The Wolves (Act I and II)' by Bon Iver. Bon Iver are brilliant and so is the entire album this song belongs to, but I find that this song fits this chapter particularly well. It's set for Naomi's POV. It's actually made me emotional on more than one occasion - it really speaks to you if you're in the right state of mind. So I encourage you to have a listen to get the feel of what I'm going for here (I've included some choice lyrics below)._

_Finally, I've already mentioned what this chapter would consist of. And may I just say it was quite difficult to write. I've never written any type of actual smut before...none whatsoever...so this came as a real challenge for me. Kudos to those smut writers out there who make such an effortless job out of it, cos I now know it isn't easy at all. That being said, I gave it my best try. I think it turned out okay considering the circumstances, but I guess I'm never going to be compleeeetely happy with it either way...so sorry if it's not great but I really did try. So it goes without saying that:_

_**The following chapter is Rated M for sexual content.**_

_Enjoy! (I hope =P) Don't forget to drop a review!_

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_Someday my pain, someday my pain / Will mark you _  
_Harness your blame, harness your blame / And walk through__ [...] _

_Solace my game, solace my game / __It stars you _  
_Swing wide your crane, swing wide your crane / __And run me through_

_And the story's all over you/ [...] Can't you find a clue [...]_

_What might have been lost_

_._

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Naomi tried not to buckle under the intense feeling of having Emily's lips planting repeated scorching hot kisses along her neck. The sensations evoked burned like hell – or was it heaven? – and it was making the task at hand very difficult...the task which involved removing Emily of her clothing as quickly and as elegantly as possible. But as Emily found the rapidly throbbing pulse along her neck and hastily started sucking on it, she knew being 'elegant' was no longer a possibility.

She didn't know how things had become so heated and frenzied so quickly; one moment they were both painfully anxious and apprehensive and then the next moment Naomi was shoving her tongue down Emily's throat. Huh. It might've begun when Emily had accidentally stumbled into Naomi as they reached the side of the bed, meaning their bodies were pressed flush against one another. The heat had grown between them in no more than a few excruciating seconds, until Naomi's animal instinct had taken over – and now she was throwing Emily's top across the room after finally succeeding in getting the damn thing over her head.

Her assault swiftly moved down to Emily's jeans as she clumsily fiddled with the buttons and zipper. She tried with all her might not to swear with the effort. Typical that she wore jeans at least four times a week and the one time such experience comes in handy...no, comes in as a _necessity_...and she can't even take the damn things off. And to make matters worse, she could feel Emily's urgent hands clutching at her hips and tugging her closer, while at the same time trying to pull the blonde's tussled dress up her body to undress her. Naomi paused her own attack to reach up her arms so Emily could fully remove her of the garment. Their eyes locked just before the dress left her arms; her breath seized in her throat as she caught Emily's lustful glance, the morning sun bouncing in those pools of brown. As soon as the dress hit the floor though, all awed thoughts flew from her mind and Naomi's lips reconnected with Emily's in a frenzy of tongues and heat as the redhead gripped harshly at her blonde locks and Naomi's fingers once again fiddled at Emily's trousers.

Eventually Naomi managed to undo the offending jeans and hastily pulled them down Emily's smooth, slim legs. The redhead stepped out of them so that now the both of them stood only in their bras and knickers. Maybe Naomi should be paying attention to that fact...that this was the first time in god knows how long that she was seeing Emily in her underwear, and not...well, paying attention to leaving angry hickeys all over her neck. But she couldn't help it – she wasn't her own person around Emily. She was falling and soaring all in one breath. Her teeth nibbled and her lips sucked insatiably at the sweet, tangy skin of Emily's neck, which still carried faint traces of her perfume and the beginnings of sweat. Yet the redhead was just as ruthless; those notoriously dexterous fingers were trailing all over Naomi's body. Her thighs, her bum, her stomach, her collarbone...but it was when they reached to graze over Naomi's breasts through her bra that the blonde let them both come crashing down onto the bed together in heap of urgency and want amongst the tangled sheets.

"God Naomes..." Emily groaned into Naomi's ear as the blonde began to place sizzling kisses all along Emily's collarbone. The sound was so guttural and raspy that it caused Naomi to shudder involuntarily...it awoke something so deep in her core that she actually let out a gasp. The strangled breath flew across the searing skin of Emily's chest and caused desperate and needy fingers to curl into Naomi's hair and pull her head upwards. She gladly met Emily's lips again and her tongue slipped effortlessly into her mouth, all the familiar heavenly tastes overwhelming her so that all she could see, taste and smell were passion fruit and honey and so many other magnificent things. Her hands trailed down Emily's sides; the feeling of her bare, flushed skin was almost fluid underneath Naomi's exploring fingers. However, she tried desperately not to let her fingers drift down to where they were so obviously needed, because despite all the crushing emotions of want, need, lust, desire and unfathomable love she was feeling, there was one fact she couldn't ignore.

This was Emily.

This was the girl she had dreamt about constantly – both when together and when apart. Every spare moment had been devoted to this petite redheaded girl. Bottomless brown eyes and blazing red hair invaded Naomi's thoughts and dreams so often now that it was a part of her daily life. And tonight, although with more adequately chosen words, Naomi had _told_ Emily that. Naomi had poured her heart out at last and left herself open to demolition. She had left herself completely naked and exposed for Emily to see. And yet here Emily was – gasping and groaning and shivering under Naomi's lips and fingers. She was _here. _She never tried to run.

Emily actually wanted this. She wanted Naomi.

"Oh Naomi...god..." growled Emily into her ear, as if instantaneously agreeing with Naomi's thoughts. Naomi felt hands pushing at her arms and shoulders, moving her around, until she was staring up at the object of her desire. Raw, black eyes bored down into her and flickered over every inch of Naomi's face and body. It caused the blonde's lust to subside for a moment to be replaced by momentary trepidation. Emily's gaze was so full of everything she could ever wish for – it was longing and yearning and aching to be closer. She was basically fucking Naomi with her eyes. She had never felt so desirable within one moment. And this knowledge scared the shit out of her.

So she could only watch helplessly as Emily raised confident hands and slid them under Naomi's body and along her back. Seconds later Naomi felt her bra clasp come undone and the redhead wasted no time in pulling the straps down along Naomi's arms and off her completely. Naomi watched as Emily's eyes widened upon scanning over her bare breasts, a flash of something hungry crossing her dark eyes. The sight made her gulp.

"What?" she whispered in a pained, nervous voice. Those dark eyes met her fearful blue ones with enough conviction to cause a rapidly growing throbbing sensation to intensify in Naomi's lower abdomen. And then an adorable crooked smile spread over Emily's saffron-tinted, beautiful face as her eyes flickered over Naomi's vulnerable form once again.

"Nothing, it's just I...I almost forgot how stunning you were" Emily breathed out in an unfaltering voice. Naomi felt her heart swell and her stomach flutter with butterflies at her words. Nothing in that face or tone spoke of dishonesty. Emily's guards and veils were utterly nonexistent right now; Naomi could see clearly into her soul. Yes, Emily had said so earlier, but seeing it _there _– in her eyes, deep down in her core – made it indisputable. There was no way of denying it.

Emily loved her.

And that's when Naomi made her rash decision. Without warning, the blonde pushed herself upwards and twisted them both around. Emily squeaked in surprise as Naomi pressed down into her from above again, her own hands following Emily's actions and removing the lace bra from Emily's slender shoulders. A deep growl involuntarily left Naomi's throat as she glimpsed Emily's full and perfect breasts lying there naked for her. They were exquisite – she just wanted to touch them and nibble at them and lick them, they were_ that_ wonderful. But before she could begin to kiss them and grope them as she wanted to, she felt herself being pushed sideways into the sheets. Emily was trying to top her again. But Naomi wasn't having any of it this time – she forcefully but still very tenderly coaxed Emily backwards onto her back again and straddled her hips with strong thighs. The raw desire diminished from those brown eyes for a moment as they stared questioningly and unsurely up at Naomi. But the blonde merely reached out delicate fingers and trailed them up and down along Emily's jaw.

"It's...it's my turn Em" she said in a soft voice as the girl trembled beneath her. Then Naomi reached down and took one of Emily's hands. She glided it up along her body – trying not to shiver as it trailed over her left breast – and placed it over her chest. Covering her rapidly beating heart. Emily's eyes widened at the blatant pounding underneath Naomi's flushed skin and the blonde smiled sheepishly. "I want you to feel what I feel" she murmured in a soft whisper, no lie in her voice. It was clear Emily had understood the significance of the gesture, but Naomi had felt the need to say it anyway.

She watched Emily's throat swallow down a lump before nodding her head stiffly. Naomi suppressed a giggle at the adorableness of it, before leaning down slowly to recapture Emily's soft, swollen lips with hers.

This kiss was different. Deep and loving and tender – just _intimate_. No need for tongues. It was slow and full of longing and it made something melt deep within Naomi's core. And then Emily reached down to glide a loving hand along her heated skin; her fingers traced whispery patterns down along her spine and then around her hip to slither up her stomach. Naomi's centre started to pulse with the sheer intensity of Emily's breathy touch – a molten, passionate emotion creeping up every nerve of her body. As she felt Emily's fingers squeeze one of her tits, her breath hitched and her lips left Emily's – _two can play at this game – _to trace their way down her chin...up along her jawline...under her earlobe...down her pulsepoint...across her collarbone...licking, sucking and slithering their way down her taut, firm abdomen until she paused at the top of Emily's lacy black knickers.

She looked back up at Emily to see if the pace she was setting was okay. She was met with sparkling and begging eyes; her face was coated with a sun-kissed glow. It made the breath catch in Naomi's throat. _Please Naomi, _she was wordlessly pleading, _I need you. _The sight was excruciating, so Naomi didn't hesitate any longer. She tenderly removed Emily of her last piece of clothing and let it fall to the floor before returning hungry eyes to Emily's body – the body that was now completely naked and laid bare for her loving and wanting touch. She leant down slowly and allowed her lips to place ghostly touches up along Emily's inner thigh. The teasing contact made the redhead start to twist and turn in agony and impatience.

But the atmosphere had changed. Naomi – and even Emily, in her abandoned lustful state – knew that. Their initial frantic heat had subsided to be replaced by molten passion. Naomi's own centre throbbed with the anticipation of what was coming...but being slow and tender and loving was now the only thing on her agenda. She wanted Emily to feel physically everything she was feeling emotionally – _I want you to feel what I feel. _So she paused once again directly above her destination, hovering over Emily's centre with hot breath pouring into her. "Please" she heard Emily cry in a strangled voice, her legs spreading wider with expectation. Naomi knew she was being torturous, and who was she to deprive any longer? After all...she wanted this just as much if not more than the quaking redhead below her. So after another teasing kiss to Emily's inner thigh, she lowered her face completely to run her tongue up Emily's folds.

A guttural growl erupted from deep within Emily's throat as Naomi's tongue lapped through her heated core and Naomi could physically feel the shudder that pulsed through the girl's body. It almost sent the blonde over the edge herself. She slid a clawing hand up and around one of Emily's thighs, pulling her closer and keeping her in place as the redhead began to grind against the rhythm that Naomi's tongue was setting. Naomi couldn't help the moans of pleasure escaping her own mouth as she tasted Emily's centre repeatedly with her lips and tongue and struggled against the increasing flinches and trembles overwhelming the redhead as her pace increased. But it was nearly too much for Naomi to bear – this lust, this devastating love for Emily – when she eventually found the little bundle of nerves she was looking for and continued her assault, which caused Emily's hips to buck wildly and a choking cry to break from her lips.

"Oh god Naomi...I can't...I can't even..." she gasped in a pained whisper as her hand came to bundle and tug itself through Naomi's messy blonde hair, forcing her to work deeper and harder. Emily's husky voice in itself was nearly enough to cause Naomi to go insane – so without any more thought, she thrust a strong finger inside, needing to hear the husky voice cry out and groan again because it was her drug. She was hooked, no, _addicted_ to this girl. She wanted to make her tremble and shake and shudder all day long. It was unbearably erotic.

As the predictable howl of pleasure left Emily's lips, Naomi was there to swallow it whole – she slithered up Emily's lithe and svelte torso, kissing and licking sweat-coated skin and then around one of Emily's nipples as she continued her course upwards, before thrusting her tongue deep into Emily's hot mouth. Her finger continued to pump inside of her as her thumb circled the ball of nerves that her tongue had previously been occupied with. Emily's sweet, heady breath was gasping and spurting into her mouth as Naomi's hand continued to work, another sure finger entering her as her thumb resumed circling and stroking across her clit with fervour.

Naomi then brought her lips – swollen and no doubt bruised from their assault with Emily's – to hover directly beside Emily's ear, her stifled breath tickling Emily's electrified skin and causing her to moan in torture. "You are so fucking amazing Emily" she purred in a gruff whisper, watching as Emily struggled to keep her eyes open as the inevitable high started to wash over her. "I want you so much" she breathed again, lowering her head back down Emily's chest to cover one of Emily's nipples with her hungry mouth before moving over to suck and lick at the other one. Her tongue circled around the skin of her bare breast and over her nipple and Naomi felt Emily's hips start grinding up into hers, one of her thighs riding up between Naomi's own legs and provoking the heat to increase tenfold from her own core.

"Fuck, I...Jesus..." Emily panted helplessly as Naomi rapidly changed the pace of her fingers; she switched between rough and deep to gentle and slow. It was driving Emily wild – she was flailing and twitching uncontrollably. Naomi couldn't help herself as she tasted and licked at Emily's fiery hot skin which was now covered with a thin sheet of sweat. The heat enveloping her fingers and the leg grinding against her own centre was doing unimaginable things to the blonde. And as her lips met Emily's again in a frenzy of teeth and tongues and passion fruit and Emily's own taste in Naomi's mouth, she knew she could never feel so much love for one person in one moment. This climax – both physical and emotional – was everything she had dreamt about, yet it exceeded her expectations entirely. So as Emily began to shake as the waves of orgasm hit her, Naomi rode it out with her and swallowed her growls and cries and kissed every inch of her face...her blushing cheeks, her closed eyelids, her sweaty forehead. All the while whispering 'I love you' across Emily's searing skin with as much sincerity as was physically possible in her choked breaths. Because whispering those words was the only thing that mattered.

Those words were the only things in the entire world that made sense.

"Oh Christ...Naomi...I'm gonna..." Emily cried out hysterically, before her body convulsed wildly and her hips trembled and bucked beneath Naomi as she crashed over the edge completely. The blonde's fingers continued to pump, despite her burning bicep, so that Emily could ride out the high as long as she could. Emily still continued to gasp and splutter and moan as the waves decreased in their intensity, but it wasn't too long before the redhead was spent completely. She collapsed limply into the sheets with Naomi collapsing right along with her. It was then that Naomi extracted her fingers and leaned up to place a deep, loving kiss on Emily's lips. It was the same as that raw one from before – the same deep, smouldering passion erupting between them as their heady breaths mingled.

She pulled away and stared down over Emily's face, electric blue eager to seek out those proverbial gleaming brown ones. "Look at me, Ems" she coaxed softly, her fingers flitting over the glowing skin of Emily's face as it shined in the morning sun. After a few painstaking seconds, whereby Emily struggled to regain her breath, her eyelids fluttered open and Naomi's heart nearly exploded.

She looked up at her with such adoration and disbelief and _love _that words were thoroughly lost to Naomi. Not that any words were needed – especially as Emily reached up a hesitant hand to brush back some loose strands from Naomi's face. A beam spread rapidly and authentically across Naomi's face as they just stared at eachother, taking in everything that had been shared within the past while.

Naomi knew she had been a fool for ever thinking she could do without any of this – Emily's love, Emily's naked body scorching beneath her, Emily's cries of pleasure as she called out her name, Emily's adoring and honest gazes, Emily's husky words. She was just a fool for ever thinking she could do without Emily herself.

What might've been lost.

"That was...incredible Naomi..." Emily murmured hoarsely, their eyes still locked as Emily brought Naomi's hand up to her lips and emphasised her statement with a kiss to each of her knuckles. Naomi smiled sombrely, her eyes becoming heavy.

"I could say the same to you" she said surely, placing another sweet kiss onto Emily's lips before resting her head into the crook of her neck. Her nostrils immediately filled with the tantalising scent of vanilla – from Emily's shampoo – and also with the scent of Emily's faint, spicy perfume. "You're so beautiful, and I...I...never want to let you go again" she mumbled, her shaky words flying breathily across Emily's neck. She wasn't even surprised to find unbidden tears flowing down her cheeks then; the significance of the entire night and what just happened hit her all at once. "I love you so much Em. I really do".

Silence fell upon them then, Emily clearly sensing that Naomi needed a few moments to be vulnerable. The stinging tears continued to pour down Naomi's flushed cheeks as she snuggled in closer to Emily, her arm curling around to hug the redhead's small waist. She felt Emily's nimble fingers tracing teasing circles and patterns up and down along her back.

"I know" Emily said eventually, before Naomi felt her body shift beneath her. She felt hands tug at her knickers and pull the offending lingerie down over her legs as Emily rolled on top of her. They fell from her feet and before she knew it she was staring up at the redhead straddling her. Her brown eyes were dark and wanting once more, her flawless skin glimmering in the sunlight beaming throughout the room. She looked glorious. "Now_..._it's _your_ turn" she growled harshly, before leaning down to kiss away the tears coating Naomi's cheeks.

She may have been a fool. But at least she was a fool for love.

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She gazed with loving and adoring eyes over the exquisite body before her. Naomi's form shook with light snores as her face remained peaceful and serene. Emily had gotten up to close the curtains earlier, whilst Naomi slept soundly, so they could sleep in darkness – but there was still one nagging ray of sunlight that just couldn't seem to be avoided. The dull stream coated her pale face in a glistening sheen and highlighted her already peroxide blonde hair. Emily didn't mind at all though; she was thoroughly enjoying the effect it was creating as it set patches of Naomi's skin alight. _She is so fucking magnificent, _Emily couldn't help but think as her wide brown eyes dragged themselves up and down Naomi's gloriously naked body; the blonde's arms and legs were wrapped up into the thin duvet and sheets around her. Emily rarely even used the word 'magnificent' to describe anything – but it was the only word apt for Naomi Campbell.

She was truly breathtaking. That's what made things so hard.

It was hard because she was feeling all these overpowering emotions for this _magnificent _woman...and she wasn't sure if she _should _be feeling them.

Emily was broken from this train of thought as Naomi's body twitched in her sleep and her face screwed up momentarily. It was utterly adorable; Emily couldn't help herself as she reached out to her and ran feathery fingers across the silky skin of Naomi's abdomen. An unconscious smile washed over Naomi's face as she continued to dream undisturbed and Emily couldn't help but smile sadly at the sight.

This..._this _was what she was unsure of. She wasn't sure how she always allowed her guard to falter so easily around Naomi. She wasn't sure how she could be so open and affectionate and tender with her, and vice versa, after all the pure _shit _they had both gone through. I mean, it was never this easy for long, was it? Even when Naomi let herself fall the first time...after the love ball...her insecurities were never far away. Underneath the sugary coating of love and happy smiles there always lay deep and dark secrets.

And Emily wasn't sure if she would have the strength to discover such secrets this time.

She knew she was being unfair somewhat. Neither Naomi nor Emily were the same immature teenagers they once were. Naomi's heartfelt confession proved that – no one person could say such sincere and wonderful and utterly astounding things if the person weren't somewhat older and wiser. No one person could say those words if they weren't anything but the God's honest truth. They say you don't have to have a good memory if you tell the truth. Emily believed that. No one – _especially _not Naomi – could make up the memories that the blonde had come out with this morning. No one could speak of such an undying and brutal love it if they didn't truly _feel _it. And no one in their right mind could or _would _ever admit that they had been in love with another person since they were twelve...if they weren't absolutely and completely head over heels smitten.

Emily _knew _it was true_._ She felt it in her bones.

But she also knew that four years of grief and pain and heartache and longing was not just going to go away in one single night. She had hurt for a very long time and it scared the shit out of her that Naomi could do this – just saunter back into her life and turn her world upside down. Last night being the perfect example; she had run away from Naomi, her job and her _life _for three whole months because the blonde's reappearance in her world was too much for Emily's fragile and wounded heart to handle. And yet within a few hours of meeting again they had held hands down a country path, gazed at the stars together, kissed passionately on a rooftop, confessed deep and rooted feelings for one another and made passionate and mind-blowing love to each other over and over again until they both collapsed contently into a restful sleep in one another's arms.

Except now that Emily's judgement wasn't currently clouded by a libidinous, sex-driven haze, she had gained some perspective. Would it always be this way? Despite any deep-seated hurt she felt in her broken soul, would Emily always just _fall_ right back into Naomi like she had always done? They were both different people now, she was aware of that – Naomi in particular had become more open and honest and willing to share herself. That had to be good, right? Whereas Emily had become more closed off and reserved and cautious with her heart. In ways that was an advantage, but also a curse.

And with this thought, Emily grimaced as she gazed over Naomi once more, her hand pausing its stroking pattern and her eyes widening with realisation.

Their roles had reversed.

Her heartbeat sped up tenfold as she comprehended the truth at last – a truth she had suspected since Naomi had returned into her life but never fully understood. Naomi had changed Emily. Who Emily _was_. For the better...but mostly for the worse. She knew that's what love was meant to do, but did it always have to be so bloody _hard?_ Naomi could make Emily feel so many wonderful things in a single instant...yet take them away in the blink of an eye. She had the emotional scars to prove it – and those scars were the trophies she bore between them both. Naomi had hurt and ached over the years and Emily, of course, empathised with that – but the blonde couldn't have hurt half as badly as Emily herself. At least Naomi knew why she was in pain...she was the cause of it after all...but Emily had only been left with the agonising 'what if's' for company as she crudely put herself back together over the years. And as her heavy brown eyes flickered over her blonde Goddess as she stirred in her sleep, Emily felt a wave of resentment engulf her.

Naomi had taken a piece of her. A piece she would never get back.

"Mmm..." Naomi mumbled contently as she stretched, shaking the blurry edges of sleep from her mind. Emily forced a smile to her face, pushing down the flash of fury now furiously pumping her heart – a flash which was oddly marred by the pained feeling of crushing love. She didn't know which to follow.

"Sleep well?" Emily asked in a flirtatiously hoarse voice, trying to disguise the panic she currently felt. Naomi's glittering azure blue eyes appeared from underneath drowsy eyelids and a lazy grin swelled over her face at the sight of Emily staring down over her. The endearing sight made Emily's heart throb against her will; she propped herself up onto her elbow and beamed genuinely.

"Morning lover. Very well, thank you" she murmured in a sexy, gruff tone. The sound made the hairs stand up all over Emily's body.

"Um...I think you mean _afternoon, _Naomes. We've been going at it all day" she said teasingly. Naomi's brow creased at this information and she inelegantly leant up to reach for her phone on the nightstand. Emily watched her with a quirked lip and a roll of the eyes.

"Huh, four o' clock. Afternoon it is then" she mused in surprise upon glimpsing the screen. She opened up the phone and flicked through it. Emily watched as her eyebrows suddenly shot up her forehead.

"What's wrong?" she asked with concern, reaching out a treacherous hand without thinking to stroke it up and down Naomi's arm. Naomi shook her head.

"Nothing, just some weird message from Effy. That girl is seriously odd sometimes." She placed the phone back on the bedside table and promptly disregarded it, turning over on her side to face Emily with a smug grin hanging off her sun-tinted face. "Now, where were we? 'Going at it' you say? I wouldn't mind another round actually, if you wanted one..."

Emily snorted with laughter and ran a hand impatiently through her crimson tendrils. "You're insatiable Naomi" she said plainly, her hand flittering across Naomi's slender collarbone.

Naomi's smirk grew wider. "And you love me for it" she replied, before shuffling forward and pulling Emily into a soft kiss. Emily felt herself being rolled over and lowered, so that when she eventually pulled away her blonde beauty was pressing down over her. "_Love _me for it" Naomi repeated in a hushed voice, her tone utterly sincere this time as her blazing blue eyes flickered over Emily's face with awe.

Despite the hidden resentment she felt for the blonde, it was completely overridden by want and affection in that moment. Coy blue eyes locked with tender brown and Emily leant upwards to meet Naomi's lips halfway in one of their slow, deep kisses. Her fingers flitted down Naomi's side to pinch at her bum and the blonde gasped out a squeal of shock into her mouth. She hurriedly pulled upwards to glare down at a smirking Emily.

"Oh...you're dead now Fitch!" she growled menacingly before diving in once again to attack Emily's neck with searing kisses and nibbles. Emily giggled and writhed wildly under Naomi's fiery touches and from the cacophony of conflicting emotions she was experiencing; Naomi's blistering lips set every nerve and cell alight across Emily's flesh. But as she tried to remind herself once more that this..._this _was what she was in danger of – this falling, helpless feeling – she coaxed it down.

"I love you" Emily groaned urgently into Naomi's ear as the blonde's strong thigh came up to press between her legs. In response, Naomi ceased her frantic actions for a moment and met Emily's skittish eyes with soft ones of her own and a sincere beam.

"I love you too Ems" she said, before giving her a final loving kiss and sweeping her lips down Emily's torso to their required destination.

Maybe things would be okay. She didn't need to think too far ahead just yet. They had only just properly reconciled. Her fears could be pushed down for the time being; she could simply live in the moment, like she had always wanted. She had a wonderful, beautiful woman willing to do amazing things to her and with her. A woman whom she was in love with and who was also in love with her. _That _was the moment.

They could just sit like this. For a bit.

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	23. Chapter 22

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She listened to the soft patter of Emily's breath against her chest as their fingers danced together, her other free hand twirling and brushing through the flowing red hair of her lover. Emily brought their hands up as Naomi gazed and played with both of their fingers; the back of Emily's small hand cupped into her palm as her own long digits gripped between the redhead's. It was captivating, and Naomi loved that she could openly study and fiddle with every detail of Emily's perfect body now – every line, freckle and curve that made up this gorgeous woman. Her gorgeous girlfriend.

_Girlfriend, _she still thought disbelievingly.

She sighed contently and let her eyelids flutter closed as their hands fell across her stomach. She planted a soft kiss onto Emily's red tresses. The girl shifted beside her so that she was snuggled more into Naomi's body; her head nestled into the crook of Naomi's neck as her tingling breath puffed its way across her warm, bare skin.

Naomi idly played with Emily's fingers while her mind wandered aimlessly.

"What are you thinking about?" Emily's endearingly crackled voice asked a few minutes later. It wasn't accusing, just mildly curious.

Naomi smiled against her hair. "You. And your ridiculously small hands" she replied smoothly, pulling their hands upwards into her eyeline to emphasise her point. A soft, husky laugh shook Emily then and the sound drifted effortlessly through Naomi's eardrums. The throatiness of it was as pure as the softest song. Emily unlaced their hands and crawled her fingers dramatically across Naomi's ribs and up through the valley of her breasts. It felt whispery, almost spidery; it caused an involuntary shudder to rip through Naomi's being. She seized the teasing hand just before it reached to stroke over her moist lips, not failing to notice the malice behind Emily's mischievous giggle as she curled herself more into the blonde's form. "Don't" she warned harshly, but still laced with a hint of amusement. "You know we shouldn't...not when I have to fucking get up soon. I won't be able to function throughout the day otherwise".

It was true. At any other opportunity Naomi would've jumped Emily by now and her hand would've been occupied with something much more important than her hair. But it was Monday...fucking Monday! They had spent a blissful, heavenly two days together – mostly in bed – completely uninterrupted. She had no clue as to where her darling mother and Kieran currently were, except that Gina had text her yesterday evening to say:

_Got some big news. Can't wait to tell you. Hope you had a great nite on Friday x_

She would've been more curious as to what her mother was referring to, but she didn't dwell on it for too long...because not long after she got the text, Emily whispered something obscene into her ear which caused the animal in Naomi to rise once more.

But now she would actually have to return to the reality of the outside world. And it wasn't just any part of the outside world...she had to go to work. Because yes, although she hadn't expected to run into Emily on Friday night, now all she wanted to do was to stay wrapped up in the redhead forever and smoulder in the terrifying yet utterly exhilarating feeling of requited love. And god knows she would never feel any such feelings while around Wheezy Dan all day – her prick of a colleague, who clearly didn't know how to cough or use a tissue what with all the phlegm he seemed to carry around.

_Ugh...disgusting, _she thought despairingly as she tried to redirect her attention to lovely Emily-related matters. Like how good her feathery touches felt across her collarbone and tits. Or how sexy her body looked at this angle. Or how she wished that hand would move a few inches lower...

"Well" came a sharp voice suddenly, snapping her out of her sudden heated, lusting imaginings. Jesus...she _really _wished she didn't have to work now. "I guess you'll just have to do without me then. You know, since I'm _obviously _not that important to you..." Emily made to slink away from her then and off the bed, but Naomi wasn't having any of it. Just as the redhead shifted into an almost upright position, Naomi grabbed her wrist and yanked her back down. She landed on top of Naomi with a flourish and a breathy giggle as Naomi leant upwards to sloppily place kiss after kiss all across her chest. Emily swiftly rearranged herself so that her thighs were locked around Naomi's hips and her breasts were directly below her eyeline. The blonde wasted no time in leaning up and capturing one of Emily's nipples in her hungry mouth while her slender fingers teased the other one. It hardened and crinkled under her delicate touch. "Naomes...fuck..." Emily groaned, her own fingers drifting calculatingly down Naomi's sides.

Just as the pads of those fingertips came to tickle their way up the inside of her thigh though, Naomi pulled back slightly. "No, Ems. We can't. We really can't" Naomi implored, albeit weakly because, really – how was anyone supposed to refuse a bloody dazzling woman like Emily Fitch when she wanted to fuck your brains out? Emily however continued as if she hadn't heard; her fingers resumed their course up towards the radiating heat of Naomi's centre. Naomi ultimately grabbed her hand to stop her. "Emily" she pleaded again, because Emily's fingers were literally a few centimetres from where they were so desperately wanted. But Emily seemed to get the message this time – she abruptly rolled off of Naomi and halfway down the bed. Though Naomi didn't fail to notice the sulkiness of her posture as she leant up on her elbows to observe Emily's back.

"You're no fun" she heard Emily grumble a few moments later. Naomi couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her lips as she watched Emily brood – the petulant effect would've been completed if she had huffily crossed her arms.

Naomi sat up completely and shuffled towards her slightly, reaching out a loving hand to stroke it down the flawless, creamy skin of Emily's back. Her petite form cast a shining silhouette in the early morning sun which coated the room. "C'mon Ems...you know I want to. We can do whatever we want tonight. I promise..." she said, using her best seductive voice and probably failing miserably. Emily indeed snorted at her efforts, but more from frustration rather than mockery. Naomi shuffled up further, hugging her knees to either of Emily's sides and wrapping her arms around the redhead. She pulled her tight against her chest. "I love you" she said sincerely, leaning in to kiss her neck and then nip at her earlobe with her teeth.

The intent worked; she felt Emily's form relax slightly as her resolve melted. She pressed herself harder against Naomi's breasts. "I love you too" she murmured, before turning her head around and meeting Naomi's lips in a soft, chaste kiss.

But Naomi couldn't help but linger on her words – those wonderful, amazing words – and smile to herself. "Do you know when I first met you after I came back from travelling, that I made a promise to myself to be your _friend?"_ she said lightly, stifling a chuckle. The idea seemed utterly ludicrous now.

Emily seemed to think so too; she scoffed. "Well that didn't work out too well now, did it?" she bit back light-heartedly, reaching down and squeezing one of Naomi's thighs.

No, it didn't. Because looking back on their _friend_ship as a whole, Naomi knew they had been doomed from the start – the awkward touches, the lingering hugs, the nervous laughs and silences, that unbearable sexual tension in the air that Naomi thought had been mostly one-sided...but turned out to be entirely reciprocated.

Yeah. That didn't go so well at all.

They both laughed openly at their idiocy...now knowing their reconciliation had been an unstoppable force. But as they chuckled themselves into a content silence, Naomi took the time to enjoy the feel of Emily wrapped up in her; she relished in the feeling of smooth, silky skin pressed up against her and caressable underneath her fingertips. Yet despite this, she couldn't help but let her mind wander once more. To darker things this time. She really should've been following her own advice and getting up to shower, but the question that drifted into her mind next completely erased the good-natured banter they were sharing. And yet she felt the burning need to ask it – Emily knew the depth of _her _feelings after all, so...

"Em?" she began in a hoarse voice, her fingers dancing across the skin of Emily's abdomen. She felt the redhead tense against her due to the failed attempt at nonchalance in her tone.

"Yeah Naomi?" she replied, her voice strained.

Naomi exhaled loudly and rested her chin on Emily's shoulder. "When?" she asked simply.

Emily hesitated. "What do you mean? 'When' what?" she asked uncomprehendingly.

Naomi tried again, more conviction in her tone this time. "When did you first _know? _About me, about us, I mean..."

Naomi didn't need to clarify any farther – Emily's body tautened again in a way that meant she understood. She let out a long, drawn out sigh as Naomi waited patiently. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Emily's eyes turn contemplative and anxious; she was overcome with one of her now frequent urges to wipe Emily of this incomprehensible doubt. But she knew she couldn't. Although they had confessed themselves to one another, Naomi knew some things about Emily – and more importantly Emily's hidden damage – were rooted deep. _I love you __Emily but...what are you _still _afraid of? _she couldn't help but think incessantly sometimes, glimpsing those familiar flashes of fear more often than she would like.

But Emily would come to her about those things when she was ready. And that didn't mean she couldn't ask her _some_ things, right?

Nevertheless as the seconds ticked on, Naomi realised that her enquiry may have been a bit premature. "It's okay Emily, I just–"

"There was no _exact_ moment when I knew – unlike you, Naomes" she began nervously, interrupting Naomi's effort to excuse her and thus startling her. "It just kind of grew and grew until it was something I could barely contain." She paused and Naomi pulled away as Emily moved. She turned herself around so that they sat facing eachother cross-legged on the bed. Her glimmering brown eyes were wistful. "I would just see you sometimes in school and you would draw my eye. I could barely stop myself from looking at you, you were so beautiful..." Naomi reached out and tenderly interlaced their fingers across both their legs. Emily smiled gratefully. "But I suppose...I suppose the one time I truly _felt _it – like, _knew _it _–_ was when we were once in English class in secondary school. I think I had just turned fourteen". Emily's lip quirked up adorably and Naomi's stomach fluttered at the happy look on her face. "I remember our teacher had set up a debate amongst the class. It was so bloody boring though...I can't even remember the topic". Emily's eyes darted to hers then and Naomi's heart clenched anxiously. She squeezed the redhead's slender fingers tightly with her own in encouragement. "But then you got up to speak" she said in a dark voice. It made the goosebumps rise on Naomi's arms. "You were just...wow" she said unabashedly. "And you had just started dying your hair too – it was this lovely golden blonde that really brought out your eyes..."

She blushed with embarrassment upon admitting that little remark. She had clearly transported back into her fond, fancying little fourteen year old self's mind when confessing that fact. But Naomi beamed in a placating way. "I really didn't like the gold, but my hairdresser said it would be a more natural progression before becoming bleach blonde. I'm glad _somebody _liked it anyway" she said reflectively, trying to ease the redhead's anxiety.

Emily smiled sheepishly, yet there was a mischievous glint in her eye that indicated she appreciated it more than Naomi could ever hope to know. "Anyway...the minute you started speaking you caught my full attention. It was like I had just woken up for the first time in a long time" she said thoughtfully, biting her lip. "I had never really heard you talk before...just a few snippets here and there–"

"I didn't talk much" she interjected. "I liked to keep to myself". _And now you know why, _she added as an afterthought.

A soft smile lit up Emily's face; she almost seemed sympathetic upon hearing Naomi's words. But then she continued. "You were just so passionate and outspoken and _captivating..._I had never seen or heard anything more remarkable in my whole life up until that point. And that's when I think I felt more than just a crush...every time I saw you after that, my heart would start hammering and my mouth would go all dry and I would constantly wonder if we really_ could_ be together some day".

Her face fell then, along with Naomi's stomach. To think that Emily had thought the exact same things _she_ had whilst they were both forlorn, dreaming teenagers...

"Em–"

"A part of me thought we could work" she pressed on, ignoring Naomi's attempt to intervene. "And I tried _so hard_ to make it happen. Anyone else would have given up at those scowling glances you used to throw me in sixth form." Her stance glazed over then; unyielding stone lay behind her brown eyes as they locked with Naomi's morose blue ones. "But...but I saw the way you looked at me sometimes, when you didn't think I was watching...and I knew_. _I just _knew..._that you weren't a lost cause. That you felt something for me too".

Emily bit her lip again and Naomi saw the stone liquefy for a millisecond; her eyes shined with withheld tears. It had taken a lot out of her to admit such memories – just as it had for Naomi – and it was clear she had just delved back into painful territory. Yet, to Naomi, it could also be considered a quiet triumph. Emily had just handed over another small piece of herself...meaning the jigsaw of her old, honest self was slowly being put back together with every heartfelt admission.

So Naomi's heart overruled her head in that moment as she got up and tenderly pulled Emily off the bed along with her. She definitely knew she'd be late now...but some things were just too important to ignore sometimes. Like Emily's broken heart, for example.

She led them towards her en suite bathroom before stopping in front of the doorway. She faced Emily with a warm, adoring smile as gentle tears swam down the girl's pale face. The blonde leaned forward to place an emphatic, affectionate kiss to her forehead. "Care to join me?" she asked in a joking voice as she pulled back, although her tone betrayed a concealed guilt.

Emily's eyebrows knitted together as her tears subsided a little. "But won't you be la–"

"Fuck 'em. Who cares if I'm a little late?" she cut in, beaming genuinely. Emily grinned appreciatively and Naomi led them across the cold tiles – both more _naked_ than ever – towards the shower.

Whatever. She didn't need to be _entirely _functional at work, right?

.

Naomi stepped off the cramped bus in relief, a brisk wind welcoming her back into fresh air with a sharp stab to the cheeks. _Thank fuck, _she mused, finally glad to be away from the crying baby she had been unfortunately sat next to the whole ride home. She didn't want to seem blunt, because she did like kids most of the time – just not when they were crying and when she was in a pissy mood due to a surprisingly gruelling day of work, whereby her boss thought it would be a brilliant idea for her to help edit several important articles as a practise exercise. _"I think it would prove a very educational experience for you, Ms. Campbell" _he had said in a revoltingly cheery voice. On any other day she would have been delighted to have gotten such an opportunity, considering she was still just a lowly intern.

But not after the magnificence that was this morning.

For you see, before she had managed to _finally_ drag herself into work (quite late, although nobody seemed to care in the end) and prove as non-functional as she had so accurately predicted, she had been savouring the last of the little love-filled sex bubble her and Emily had created over the weekend. They had had an intimate and...erm..._interesting_ shower together which only added to the ever growing list of things that Naomi definitely wanted to repeat with the vivacious redhead.

But eventually the bubble burst...and Naomi grudgingly left. And now she was strolling her way through town after work, her mind wandering curiously to what her girlfriend was doing at that moment.

After their shower, a much cheerier Emily – not content with being bored and lonely in bed without her all day – decided to take Naomi's absence as a chance to retrieve her belongings. So now she was possibly on her way home from Gloucestershire, having gotten the train up to JJ's to get her possessions back and drive home in her car. Because, in Emily's own words, she was no longer _'a runaway'. _

Naomi smiled pensively to herself as she turned a familiar corner. Things had finally managed to fall into place. Although her heart was now literally laid open for Emily to hold and possibly crush...she felt oddly confident that she was happier with things this way. Her views on life and love had changed over the years and still continued to change all the time. And although there were still traces of her distrusting, scared and broken teenage self rooted deep in her core somewhere...they were purely insignificant now. Because she couldn't deny that Emily made her happier than she could ever remember being.

And she couldn't wait to continue being happy with Emily for the rest of her life.

Almost as if right on cue, she felt her phone vibrate in her trouser pocket just as she walked up to the designated porch. She pulled it out and read the text, using her free hand to ring the doorbell. A wide grin stretched over her face at the message she found.

_Hey gorgeous. Just collectd my car and stuff from J's. Albert cried as I left :-( __On way bk now, just stopd at a petrol stn. I'll c u later love ;-) xoxo_

Naomi suppressed a giggle as her gaze lingered on the winking emoticon. She could just imagine a more devious intent behind that little smiling face...

"Naomes!" exclaimed Tony as the door flew open. Naomi started out of her trance and shoved the phone back into her pocket. She beamed up at Tony.

"Hey Tone. How's it going?" she asked.

"Grand, grand. Here, don't just stand there. Come in, come in" he said, gesturing her inside with a welcoming hand and one of his charming smiles. She stepped past him gratefully and into the hallway, glancing around quickly and purposefully. "So, did you have fun the other night? My head was in bits the next morning. It was a miracle I managed to drive home at all" he said as she turned around to face him.

She chuckled. "Yeah it was...fun...alright" she said modestly, averting her eyes surreptitiously from his gaze.

She saw a leer overtake his face out of the corner of her eye. "I bet it was more than just _fun_. I heard from Kay that you ran into Emily...I can only presume you guys went off together?" he asked knowingly, an eyebrow quirking up accusingly.

Naomi blushed. "Um...yeah, you could say that" she said evasively. She felt quite self-conscious all of a sudden and didn't understand why. If anything she should be repressing the urge to shout hers and Emily's love from the rooftops – but that didn't seem to be the case. Instead, she felt the inexplicable need to guard their relationship and be selfish. In that if she told people, that would mean she was sharing Emily...and god knows Naomi didn't want to share Emily. She was sure this feeling would pass eventually, but she couldn't help it as her lips twitched up into a coy smile. _She's mine, _she thought proudly. _All mine._

Luckily she was saved the need to deflect Tony's attention any further because a familiar figure came bounding into the hallway from the living room. "Naomi!" her friend yelled gleefully as she stood in the doorway. Naomi beamed.

"Chelle!" she cried as well, stepping forward and enveloping her friend in a tight hug. She hadn't seen her since last week, which realistically wasn't very long at all...but last week felt like a lifetime ago after what happened all weekend. She missed her friend, she realised. "How are you hun?" Naomi asked inquisitively, pulling back to grin at Michelle.

"Oh, fine. Not much news really, just a shitload going on at work. But that's not important! What _is_ important is that I heard Emsy was at your party? C'mon, do tell" she said in a rush, smirking on the last sentence. Naomi's blush returned and grew wilder under both of their eager gazes.

"Well, we just...you know–"

"No actually, come inside. I want to be sitting down when I hear this" Michelle abruptly decided, ushering her into the living room with Tony following suit.

Once comfortably seated, Naomi – unwillingly – retold the events of the weekend passed – making sure to gloss over any passionate, intimate detail that cropped up in her train of thought with an "um...anyway" along with a badly hidden blush. Tony and Michelle clearly recognised such attempts to leave these raunchy details out; Naomi caught them exchanging more than a few excited yet sceptical glances. By the time she got to the end of her summary – "...and now me and Ems are kind of going out. Again." – Tony was nearly salivating at the prospect of a lesbian love-in, prompting Michelle to throw a cushion at him.

Naomi wasted no time in dragging the details out of Tony then, scrounging for any gossip that happened at the party whilst she was gone. Not much else happened apparently, but her ears pricked up once he referred to his scuffle with Mark.

"...ran away like a scared little schoolgirl. Honestly, the guy's a pussy. I barely touched him and he got all defensive and squirmy" Tony boasted proudly. The girls listened disinterestedly; they rolled their eyes through most of his explanation. They couldn't really believe that Mark would act like such a wimp against lanky Tony Stonem – a vivid memory flew into Naomi's mind, whereby Mark knocked out some lecherous Brazilian bloke who was creeping on Michelle in some club in Taiwan.

Naomi sighed heavily. "That's great Tone" she said unenthusiastically. "But, come to think of it, I came to see Effy. Where is she?"

She watched them in anticipation, waiting for a response, but was surprised to see Michelle and Tony exchange another glance; this one being a confused one. "But...she's with you isn't she?" Tony replied unsurely, his brow furrowing as his eyes gazed into Naomi's perplexed blue ones. "She text me that night to say that she got a lift with you and Em."

Naomi's words lodged in her throat, not sure of what he was implying. "Err...no, she didn't" she said truthfully. "I was with her outside, at the party. But then I went off with Em. Just us two. I presumed she went home with you..."

Tony shook his head slowly, while Michelle's gaze flickered anxiously between them. Hundreds of bewildered questions floated in the silent air around them. And then, without warning, Naomi felt her heartbeat unintentionally speed up. Panic flushed her veins; it caused adrenaline to surge through every one of her senses. She looked up hurriedly. The look in Tony's piercing, ethereal blue eyes – so much like his younger sister's – conveyed a sudden disbelief and, as the seconds ticked on, horrifying comprehension. Yet one fact rang resoundingly throughout Naomi's brain...and it wasn't about Tony's extremely flawed logic.

Effy lied.

The girl had clearly not come home with any of them – neither Naomi nor Tony and Katie. Which meant she was out there somewhere. In god knows where. And when left to her own destructive devices, Effy Stonem proved a danger to herself. So in that moment, all three of them seemed to realise the urgency and significance of that fact.

"Fuck" Tony breathed incredulously, his tone tinged with fear.

But Naomi's form seized unexpectedly as she recalled something. A sudden yet crucial memory abruptly flashed across her mind as the swelling panic washed over her being. She ignored the blatant movements and words of alarm Tony and Michelle were now exchanging and reached into her pocket, pulling out her phone. For the first time in three days, her mind wasn't occupied with her beloved redhead...and as she flicked through her messages she came across the text she was looking for. She had received it the morning of her and Emily's reconciliation. Although previously discounted as one of her odd musings, Naomi now saw Effy's typed out words in a whole new light.

_I hope you've found the love you've been looking for Naomi. I'm still searching for mine. – Eff x_

She looked up from the screen, her mouth hanging open. Tony and Michelle noticed her stance and threw her questioning looks, but Naomi couldn't think or breathe properly in that moment. Truth and comprehension hit her like a ton of bricks.

_Holy Mother of Motherfucking Christ._

_._

* * *

.

_Dun dun dun... _

_So, where could the elusive Stonem girl have disappeared off to? You'll just have to wait and see... And yeah, I don't believe Emily and Naomi fell in love when they were BOTH twelve. I think it's much more realistic to assume (in my opinion anyway) that Emily spotted Naomi during one ordinary day in school and found her very very attractive. But then she started to see past the front and the walls into something deeper. Something more. And that's where I think Emily's perpetual love stemmed from - from her belief that Naomi could be greater and more amazing than either of their expectations._

_So...this is the second last chapter..._

_...before I go on holiday (haha, hope you didn't think it was ACTUALLY the second last chapter. I'm not that cruel. Or good at rushed endings =S) Anyway, I'll be posting one more (hopefully) before I leave just to leave you brilliant readers with something. I won't be gone for long though, round a week or so, so it won't be much of a delay._

_Once again a massive thanks and big HUGS to those who reviewed. I truly am awed by reviewers' descriptiveness and attention to detail when it comes to this story. It really means a lot to me and makes me believe that much more in my writing and commitment to the characters. But of course, I love anyone who takes the time to read, fave and add it to their alerts too._

_Mucho love, BEBs x_


	24. Chapter 23

_Hey guys, I'm baaaaack! Sorry about the delay, but I simply did not have the capacity to write a chapter before my holiday. Hopefully the writer's block is gone now - we shall see, eh?_

_I had a really...interesting...week. For both good and bad reasons. Good: plenty of drunken fun and glorious sun. Badly needed! Bad: I suffered directly at the hands of someone's unveiled true colours. Honestly, this person just reaffirmed how much I hate fickle drama and blatant bullying. It's just completely pointless._

_Anyways, apologies for the rant, but I had to grit my teeth against that all week. I'm fine though, I'm quite strong when it comes to situations like that. So...here's the chapter! Not so sure about it, but I'll let you be the judge - hopefully it's gotten me back into the swing of things! Enjoy, I'll shut up now haha. x_

_._

_

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_

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She walked quickly and purposefully along the rundown street, avoiding eye contact with the many dodgy blokes who threw sleazy glances her way. She was walking through a derelict area not far outside the outskirts of London – although the person she was on her way to meeting had to be the complete opposite of a place like this. In fact this area, if she were being metaphorical, seemed to suit _her_ more so. It reflected her own mood and thoughts at present; lost, alone, bleak.

Dark.

Yet underneath it all, a diminutive light wished to shine. She deeply hoped it could break through sometime soon – she could sense an old pattern re-emerging and didn't wish to lose herself in it again.

She raised the crumpled piece of paper to her eyes once again and her brain processed the scrawled address for what must've been the fiftieth time. Then her ethereal blue eyes flashed across the numbers on the doors as she strolled briskly past them.

_47...49...51...53..., _she counted rhythmically in her head, her heart rate increasing as the desired number drew closer. And then her sight landed on her destination and an unbidden smile pulled at the corners of her lips – 59. She eyed the exterior of the humble-looking house; not coincidentally she imagined, it seemed to be the brightest house on the entire street. Its concrete walls were painted a sunny – yet worn and crumbling – yellow. The front door contrasted pleasantly; a deep hunter green which yielded a dull, unpolished golden doorknob and a simple golden doorknocker. She strode up the cracked pathway as she scrutinised the small windows; the curtains were all drawn and no loud noises appeared to emanate.

She stepped onto the front step and pulled back the knocker and banged four times; the resulting sound resonated throughout the eerily quiet street. Then her gaze fell upon a modest little flowerpot stood next to the door. Another unbidden smile appeared across her face – the brittle snapdragon limply hung there in the darkness; feeble, lonely yet starkly pretty. She couldn't help but feel sorry for it – on this crisp November evening, it stood out here in the cold with nowhere else to go or hide.

_Guess that's something we have in common then, _she mused pensively as she leant down to stroke the soft pink petals.

"EFFY!" was all she heard next, causing her to snap up in panic and irritation. _Too loud. Too loud. _Her attention redirected from the meek flower to the now-open door. A fresh faced girl stood bouncing in the doorway, her blue eyes shining and her crooked smile as big as her face. Her golden blonde hair flitted about her flushed, rosy cheeks as the sharp wind continuously flew past the both of them into the warm, inviting hallway. "Whizzer! I thought you'd never get here! Jesus, it's bloomin' cold out ain't it?"

Effy attempted another smile. It proved difficult – she hadn't smiled much this past week. Her eyes felt heavy. "Hello Pandora. Long time no see" she said plainly, as if she were greeting an acquaintance rather than one of her oldest friends. Panda didn't seem to notice; her beam shone brighter than the dull orange streetlamps around them.

"Darn right it has been! Well c'mon then silly, don't want you getting the sniffles eh?" She enthusiastically ushered Effy past her and into the house. At once the brunette felt – surprisingly – at ease. Living in cold, dreary hostels and strangers' beds, night in night out, will do that to you. "So Eff, how ya bin? Come into the TV room and I'll make some tea – Tommo's watching some concert on telly. Right weird it is, never even heard of the band." Effy nodded politely and strolled through to what was presumably the living room whilst Pandora bounded off towards the kitchen.

As her feet timidly connected with the carpet of this new room, her eyes wandered around curiously. Unlike the outside of the house, the colour and essence of Pandora had not carried through to the interior. If anything, it looked as if furniture and decorations had been thrown together randomly. A random assortment of fixtures dotted the room – a striped armchair in the corner seemed to severely mismatch the green plastic coffee table situated in front of it. The wallpaper was a dreary lilac colour. The carpet she currently stood on sported a lacklustre cream. A pile of books – all sizes and genres – sat in the far corner. The small aforementioned TV was placed right in front of this book collection; it was indeed playing the _'right weird'_ concert Panda must've been talking about. Although, the sound proved surprisingly pleasing to Effy's ears; the sinewy notes of a dreamy classical guitar pulsed her eardrums. It proved a welcome change from the hardcore electro and garage music she had endured the past couple of nights. Her ears were still ringing.

"You like, then?"

Her skittish eyes flew towards the owner of the deep voice. Her gaze fell upon the armchair she had somehow managed to miss. Selective vision, perhaps. Nonetheless, in the chair right across from the TV set sat a dark, masculine looking man with equally dark and knowing eyes. Said eyes were staring at her with interest. She suddenly felt like she had been caught doing something naughty. She didn't like it – his gaze made her feel small. Known. She straightened herself, crossing her arms over her chest protectively.

"Yes. Much" she said quietly, redirecting her attention to the screen. The lead vocalist's husky voice purred as the song changed. The guitarist's fingers changed speed – a more frenetic beat resounded from his instrument. It beat in time with her heart. "They're good" she said disinterestedly. A tinny of teacups reached her ears from the kitchen. She took an unnecessary step forward into the room and tucked some of her scraggly, unwashed hair behind her ear.

They both stayed silent for a few seconds, Effy refusing to meet Thomas' gaze. She had forgotten how perceptive he could be. Maybe it was a mistake to come here. "You seem cold" she heard him say, his voice soft and factual. She looked at him again. A small, placating smile lit up his handsome face.

She nodded. "Yes, well. It's chilly out. It wasn't easy to find this place" she said stiffly, looking at her feet.

She heard him chuckle. "Indeed. But, you aren't wearing many clothes". Not sleazy. Just honest again. She scoffed. He was correct, of course. She wore no shoes. All that hung from her thin, delicate frame was a large t-shirt she had nicked from one of the guys she had gone home with the other night. And she still wore the jeans from _that _party_..._the moment when it had all hit home. Her mind inadvertently drifted towards Naomi.

What was her friend was doing now? ...and...was Emily with her? Her heart panged. She pushed the thought away.

"No. That I'm not" she said simply once again. They fell silent once more and Thomas seemed to get the message. He resumed watching the telly screen and Effy joined him, just for something to do. She didn't process what was happening though – both Naomi and Freddie seemed to be on flashreel in her mind all of a sudden, both for entirely different reasons. _Go away. Just...leave me alone. _

"Here we go! Whizzer!" came Pandora's obtrusive voice a moment later. Effy glanced at her friend's grinning face and then at the tray in her hands – there were three mugs of tea poured out alongside a cute, almost granny-looking teapot. Effy picked up the nearest one and smiled her thanks, taking a hasty sip. She then begrudgingly crossed the room to sit in the striped armchair, figuring it would seem odd to remain standing. There was no couch, just the two armchairs; Thomas offered his seat to Panda and she sat down gratefully. She pecked him affectionately on the lips on her way down and Effy's heart clenched. She caught Thomas' eye before looking hurriedly away.

"So Thomas, Panda...when did you get back to England?" Effy asked politely, feeling the need to fill up the tangible atmosphere her awkwardness was creating.

Pandora beamed again. "Oh, well, I finished up my history degree just before Summer started. I graduated Magna Cum Laude, ain't that bonkers?" she said excitedly, looking up at Thomas with glee. The brunette observed as he sent her a praising smile and stroked her shoulder affectionately.

Her lip pulled up at one corner; the resulting smirk was demure. "Yeah, I remember you telling me over the phone Panda-Pops. But, to be honest, I'm not really surprised – you're our sneaky little genius, aren't you?" she murmured slyly, winking at her old friend before taking a drawn-out sip of her tea.

Pandora blushed furiously. "Yeah whatever, I guess...anyways, Thomas finished the year before. I tell you – he'll be in the Olympics soon enough if he keeps running like he does. He's a cheetah, this one". She stared up at him adoringly to which he looked away awkwardly. "And after I was done, we hung around America for a while. We got to see all the places we didn't really have the time to see before – New York, Chicago, L.A., San Francisco. The lot". She slurped on her tea loudly. Thomas rolled his eyes. "And then we got well bored and wanted to go home, so we came back to England." She bit her lip in thought. "But...we didn't have a lot of money. Both of us were on scholarships, and it was a wacker job trying to work while we were studying. We had to take out loans and everything." Effy's gaze flickered between them as they exchanged a wistful glance. "We wanted to be somewhere near the city, and London seemed pretty cool. Except we couldn't afford a lot of places, but then we found this one". She smiled bashfully. "It's only temporary, until we can find a nicer one. Plus, I like the yellow outside. Don't you Eff?"

Pandora stared at her hopefully, but something in Effy's all-knowing brain told her that her friend wasn't merely asking about the house. She set her cup down beside her chair and allowed a genuine grin to stretch across her pallid, tired face. "It's lovely, Pandora. It's a lovely place". Pandora smiled, but it wasn't as wide as usual – it seemed relieved. _I missed you, Panda, _Effy couldn't help but think suddenly as she surveyed her friend's bashful yet cheery smile.

The noise from the TV filled up the following silence. Thomas quickly switched it on mute before asking, rather pointedly, "So Elizabeth–", she winced at the use of her actual name, "–what have you been up to all this time? Seen any of our old college friends lately?"

A flash of heat coursed over her at his knowing stare. His eyes were still as black and curious as ever. Damn, age really had done Thomas the world of good. _Fucking hell._ "I see them a lot actually" she said defensively, rising up in her seat. She smirked dangerously. "I just felt like I needed some time away" she said, surprising herself with how honest her tone sounded. Thomas – rightfully – wasn't convinced; he sat down on the arm of Panda's chair and fell quiet, his lithe fingers beginning to dance playfully through his girlfriend's long blonde hair.

Pandora looked between them anxiously. "Um, is everything okay guys?" she asked timidly. It was clear that the pieces had finally come together in her mind.

"Fine" they both said simultaneously. Effy's eyes narrowed. _Nothing's wrong. You're wrong, _she challenged as spectral and sharp blue eyes bore through deep brown. Thomas' lips twitched. Pandora's innocent blue eyes flickered between them again.

"Right...well...um, you can stay as long as you want Eff. We have a room set up and all!" She abruptly bounded out of her chair. She grabbed Effy's cold hand and dragged her up out of her seat, leading her out of the sitting room and away from Thomas' inquisitive stare. "We'll have a whizzer time Eff! We can talk and share secrets like we used to and we can play twister and bake cakes and you can tell me everything that's gone on at home cos I 'aven't got a clue. And me and Tommo were thinking of going out for dinner later, if you wanted to come? It would be just like old times – except without the crazy stuff and the drugs and whatnot since you went bonkers and you're still on the pills, yeah?" All this was said in a flurry of speech and Effy only comprehended it all as they came to stand in what she presumed was now her living quarters. The room was as unexciting as the rest of the house – faded baby-blue wallpaper with strips hanging down in places to reveal brown plaster behind. A dull, brown oak floor lay beneath their feet. The corner of the small room was occupied by an innocent-looking single bed. An old set of drawers was located next to them beside the door. "Bloomin' heck Eff...where's your luggage? Didn't you bring none?" came Pandora's suddenly bewildered voice a moment later. Effy glanced sideways to see her friend eyeballing her questioningly.

Effy turned her head towards Pandora and smiled a guileful smile. "I travel light" she merely muttered. Pandora mulled over this for a second and Effy worried that her statement would be analysed. But, this being Panda, she – luckily – disregarded the bigger issue.

"Okie Dokie. 'Kay, so it's seven now. Maybe be ready in an hour?" There was a caring note to her voice and a twinkle in her eye, and that's when Effy remembered that Pandora was definitely not as passive or unintelligent as she appeared. She_ did_ go to Harvard, after all. So the brunette couldn't help herself as a wave of emotion washed over her – she pulled her dear friend into a hug and held her close. She breathed in her scent. Watermelon and strawberries. Pandora felt real and steadfast under her own delicate fingers. That's all that mattered. She was real. She was here. She was now.

"Thank you, Panda. I will be". She pulled out of their embrace and avoided her friend's gaze, preferring to step into the room and busy herself with rooting around. It took a few moments, whereby she felt Panda's concerned eyes on her back, before the door shut with a soft click.

Then Effy walked over to the bed and sat down limply. Her eyes immediately bored through the blank wall in front of her. The space around her was empty. Lonely. Cold. Like her. She felt strangely comfortable here. It was unfamiliar yet oddly unthreatening. She could do with this, she _needed _this – to get away from her ghosts.

But suddenly, as though on cue, her phone buzzed from her pocket. She reluctantly pulled it out. It had buzzed about a million times this week, like she had first expected it would. It first started happening on Monday evening – when everyone had clearly realised that her presence was no longer among them. She barely remembered returning to civilistation in actuality – all she remembered was hitchhiking a lift to _"anywhere that's busy and has good music". _Her driver – a quiet middle-aged man, from Cardiff apparently – assumed that meant London. He dropped her off just outside the city and left on his merry way, leaving her to drag herself around the clubs from there. It was Saturday now. She had spent the week flitting from hostel to hostel; club to club; bed to bed. She felt nothing, _felt like_ nothing the entire time. An old, familiar process – but why did it prove any less comforting?

She opened what seemed to be the hundredth message from Naomi...not even counting the amount received from Katie, Michelle, Tony and her mum.

_Plz, Effy. Where r u? Come home, we're all worried. xxx_

A lone, offending tear slipped down her cheek and she wiped it away aggressively. She then put her phone back in her pocket without answering. _I know you're worried, Naomi. I know. But I don't think I can, _she thought helplessly.

She didn't know where home was. She hadn't felt at home in a very long time.

"You are sad, Effy Stonem."

Her head whirled around at the honey-laced voice. She hadn't even noticed the door open, yet there stood Thomas – innocent in the doorway, his brown eyes scrutinising her once again. This time however, Effy found herself unravelled by his words. She smiled weakly.

"Yes, Thomas. I am sad" she replied straightforwardly. She looked forward then, not gauging his reaction. A few seconds later she felt the bed shift underneath her as he sat down next to her.

"It's okay to hurt, Effy" he said softly. There was a pause as he took a deep breath. She waited. "But...it's also okay to heal". She nodded slowly, her lip tucking apprehensively between her teeth.

Brown eyes and jet black hair and olive skin and a gleaming smile swam in her peripheral vision. Her heart hammered against her ribs. "I don't know how..." she whispered truthfully. Another lone tear slid down her pale cheek. She let it run this time.

Another pause. She felt his warm fingers brush her cheek as he pushed some of her limp hair back from her face. She was so very tired.

"That's okay too" he mumbled eventually. The bed shifted again and wary blue eyes watched as the man walked his way over to her door. He turned around and grinned genuinely, and it was then that Effy finally took inventory on him. He had grown in height; a few inches, leaving him a respectable 6'3". His shape was lean and sturdy – the build of a runner. He wore a simple t-shirt over toned muscles and breezy shorts over strong legs. When her eyes drifted to his face she saw the sparkle of a knowing and wise young man in his dark eyes and a content happiness in his smile. His hair was still short – no different from when she last saw him.

He had aged well. Yet...she couldn't help but let her mind wander to Freddie once again. If he had lived...would age have caressed him as lovingly as it had done Thomas?

She grimaced. _I guess I'll never find out, _she thought bitterly.

Thomas seemed to sense where her mind had wandered to – his tone grew agonisingly soft as he spoke next. "Just remember Effy...I miss him too. We _all_ miss him. But...there will come a time when it'll be best to let him go". Effy looked up at him urgently.

"When?" she asked desperately, cursing herself at how frantic she sounded.

When, indeed. Enough time had passed and yet she still felt weak over Freddie Mclair. The voices were returning as well, breaking her fragile resolve even more – she hadn't taken any pills this week. They were back in Bristol on her bedside table. Yet, even now, she wanted to be stronger. She tried _so hard_ to be strong. For herself. For everyone.

But above all else...she wanted to be free. She wanted to be Effy again.

Except Thomas merely shook his head. Her heart sank. "I cannot answer that, Elizabeth". She winced again and he smirked. "Until you figure it out, though...your friends will be here." He turned around completely then and left the room, shutting the door gently behind him. His response hung in the air. It choked and suffocated her.

_When? _she continued to cry out in her head. _When can I let him go? _

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	25. Chapter 24

_A long one. Hope you like, reviews much appreciated as per usual. x_

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"Yo Campbell, you almost done with that write-up yet? The Chief wants a look at it".

Naomi steered a menacing glare towards Dan, who was not aiding her mood at all right now by hovering around like a buggering little mosquito. Her pen continued to scratch feverishly across the page while her colleague continued to stand there impatiently.

"_Yes, _Wheeze. But it'll be done when it's done. And it's not gonna get done any faster if you stay glued to me all the time like some ugly mole on my back". An unpleasant analogy yes, but the smirking blonde still couldn't help but suppress the urge to laugh at the look of horror that flashed across Dan's face. Whatever, he deserved it – Dan was a bloody selfish prick.

She heard a loud sigh as her eyes drifted back down towards her hastily written article. "Naomi! Fucking hell, I told you to stop calling me that!" he said defensively.

Naomi shrugged. "Well, maybe that'll teach you for pulling up my skirt in front of everyone at the Christmas party, eh?" she retorted, scribbling her last sentence with an over exaggerated flourish. She grabbed the piece of paper and shoved it into his limp hands, grinning at the dumbfounded look on his face. "And give Chief my regards" she added with an unabashed wink.

She watched as her colleague turned around – not failing to catch his irritated cursings and mumblings of _"just a little fucking sinus problem..."_ – and walked past the other desks and off towards their boss' office, leaving Naomi with some peace and quiet at last. She didn't mean to be so...well..._mean..._but she couldn't help it. A combination of factors had her mood in a tizzy all day today.

One: Wheezy Dan really was a prick. Not even including the Christmas party incident – whereby she was left humiliated in front of her entire staff _and _Emily – he had made it his personal goal to annoy her and make fun of her at every little turn. Sure only two days ago he nearly left her purple with rage after purposely throwing a paper plane at her, thus causing her to spill the cup of coffee she happened to be holding all over herself in surprise. He was only lucky their boss had been in the room at the time...otherwise Dan would no doubt be sporting a very impressive black eye right now.

Two: She was tired. Fucking exhausted actually. She had originally only been expected to work a half-day today, but one of her other colleagues called in sick so she was left with most of his leftover work instead. Plus, it was Friday. Today had come on top of an already arduous week and she wanted very much to go home, crawl into bed and die. Okay, so maybe _die_ was taking it a bit too far...but even at the moment she was counting down the seconds until she could leave. It was almost six now – she could just about taste her freedom.

Three: She missed Emily. A lot. Truth be told, she hadn't gotten the chance to spend much quality time with her girlfriend as of late. Schedule conflicts from both sides meant they barely got the time to have a conversation let alone be expected to hang out together as a couple. But this weekend – she was fucking relieved to say – the both of them were free for the first time in weeks. And Naomi planned to make the most of such an opportunity; a lazy grin swelled on her face at the thought of being able to do absolutely nothing with her girlfriend for an entire weekend. Well...nothing amongst _other _things.

Her heart palpitated excitedly at the thought.

So as her eyes drifted towards the ticking clock on the far wall a couple of minutes later, she almost squealed with delight upon noticing it was two minutes to six. _Fuck it...two minutes my arse._ She shot up from her seat and immediately started shoving her things into her handbag. The sooner she got out of there the better.

She could almost see Emily's smiling, porcelain face already; almost hear her unbearably husky laugh; almost feel her smooth, velvet skin...

"Oy, what's the hurry?" exclaimed Dan suddenly, startling her out of her Emily-haze. She didn't even notice him return from the boss' office. The blonde hastily glanced up at him with cold blue eyes just as he let out a loud, grotesque snort. Her lip curled up in revulsion.

"Well, Dan...I'm getting the fuck out of here because I'm wrecked. Plus, I'd very much like to get home quickly so I can fuck my girlfriend, alright? Which is more than I can say for you, I imagine. Ta". With one last onceover to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything, Naomi ignored Dan's – once again – gobsmacked face and whirled around towards the door. She strode right through the wide office, her mind now firmly set on her goal of enjoying her relaxing weekend.

She didn't slow her pace until she was literally outside of the building; a cool wind brushed past as her feet hit pavement, causing her blonde curls to flow gracefully back from her pale face. It was Summer now, early May to be exact – today was pleasantly warm for once and as Naomi strolled briskly down the street towards her bus stop she took the time to appreciate the fact that she didn't need to wrap up in a jacket.

The bus stop came into view and she was relieved to see that it wasn't as busy as it usually was; knowing she had a few minutes until her bus arrived, she pulled out her phone as she came to stand next to an elderly woman and dialled the number she knew off by heart. It picked up on the third ring.

"Hey you" came the dreamy voice she had been looking forward to hearing all day. Hooray for Caller I.D.

"Hey yourself" she replied smoothly. A small smile tugged at her pink lips. "How's work?"

She heard her girlfriend release an aggravated groan on the other end of the line. "Shit. One of the employees messed up an order so we didn't have enough stock to meet demand. And it was on a fucking bestseller too! Christ...not letting him deal with that stuff again for a while, lemme tell you". She sighed and Naomi giggled.

"You sound stressed love" she said casually, her eyes suddenly redirecting their attention towards the arrival of her bus.

"Tell me about it. But..." She hesitated. "...I'm afraid to say I might be in here for a little while longer because of that fuck up–"

"Ems!" Naomi exclaimed in irritation as she dispensed her change for a ticket and stepped through the aisle of the bus.

"Sorry Naomes, but I can't leave now!" Emily wailed apologetically. Naomi sat down heavily in a seat at the back. "It'll just take an hour or so. I promise. Then I'm yours for the entire weekend..." This last sentence was said rather flirtatiously. Naomi's eyebrow shot up with intrigue.

"Hmm...okay" she mumbled sulkily. "But you better make it up to me when you come home...I'm having Emily withdrawal symptoms." She grinned wildly upon her last few words; her stomach bubbled happily upon hearing the breathy laugh that erupted down the line.

"I will, no worries" Emily said exasperatedly, still giggling. "You just head back to your mum's and chill out and I'll ring you when I'm done. I'll see you later. Love you".

"Love you too" the blonde said before hanging up the phone. She placed it back into her handbag and stared contentedly out the window. Her mind quickly began to wander as the buildings and people rushed by her in a blur.

Six months. A whirlwind of sorts. A lot had happened in that period – not even counting Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's Day, her own 22nd birthday and Easter – and she barely even noticed the time slip by: her mum's _"big news" _had turned out to be very big indeed – she and Kieran got engaged. _"Five years...about bloody time!" _were the first words out of Naomi's stunned mouth, followed by a collective laugh from her, Gina and her future stepdad. The wedding was planned for early next year, which Naomi found bloody ridiculous after they had spent enough time in an equally ridiculous limbo. Apparently they didn't want to 'rush' things. _Whatever floats your boat mum, _Naomi had thought exasperatedly upon hearing the idea.

Yet aside from her mum's life, a lot was going on in Naomi's too. Within the passing months, her boss became so impressed with her contribution to the company that she was promoted from humble intern to fully-fledged columnist. She wrote bits and bobs on everything; from culture, to reviews, but mostly sticking within her passion frame – politics. And despite the Dan issue – _seriously, why has that cunt not been fired yet? _she continued to wonder incessantly – she really loved her work.

Things had picked up similarly in Emily's career life; she had miraculously managed to secure her old job back at 'Opal Books' and within no time at all she surprisingly became manager. Emily claimed she had no idea why she was presented with such an esteemed position after – in her words – "fucking off" for so long. Naomi had her suspicions though – if the guys down at 'Opal' were anything like herself, then they knew the valuable contribution Emily made to people's everyday lives. That phone call being the perfect example; the redhead was authoritative, committed and never afraid to take charge, yet she always did so in a calm, polite and endearing manner. _That's my girl, _Naomi couldn't help but think fondly and possessively.

The bus stopped at a traffic light and Naomi glanced out the window. She watched with soft and warm blue eyes as her gaze lingered on a mother leaning down to scoop up and embrace her young daughter. The little girl was beaming and squealing while her hair shone brightly in the now dimming evening sun; a pleasant auburn hue which gleamed blonde in the correct light. A pensive smile pulled up at the corners of Naomi's lips at the touching sight, leaving her feeling oddly sad as the bus continued past them.

Not everything had run so smoothly over the past while of course, as to be expected. After a harrowing week of panic and worry and phone calls to the police back in November, Tony received a call from none other than Thomas Tomone. Tony naturally didn't know who the fuck he was at first, but Naomi quickly explained that he was an old friend from Roundview. It turned out to be anything but a random call however – the mystery of Effy's disappearance was unexpectedly solved by Thomas.

Tony was only so lucky though – because, honestly, how dumb did he have to be to think that Effy would be staying with Naomi over the days following Lucas' birthday, when it was evident that the only thing she would've been doing during that time was having sex with Emily? No one – not even her best friend – would be able to bear sticking around once Naomi's animalistic sex-drive was roaring and all systems go.

But anyway, stupidity aside, Effy had apparently come to stay with Thomas and – you guessed it – Pandora. Jesus, at this rate so many people from her old life were turning up that Naomi wouldn't have been surprised if her world suddenly broke out into some massive 'Saved-By-The-Bell-like' reunion.

The information was understandably startling to them all however, and no sooner had Thomas rang then all of them – she, Anthea, Tony, Michelle, Katie and even Emily – rushed on over to London after he indulged them with his address. Effy was predictably none too pleased to see any of them; it took two hours for her to begrudgingly unlock herself from the bathroom when Anthea came in guns-a-blazing.

But Naomi wasn't mad that her friend had runaway, unlike Effy's mum and Tony. No...she was concerned. Because when Effy eventually came out of that bathroom, she looked a shadow of her former self; brittle, scared, tired and lost. Her eyes had become worryingly bleak in no more than a week. Emily had noticed too – when the desolate brunette had walked by the both of them in Thomas' and Pandora's hallway, Naomi's girlfriend had clutched their hands together tightly. A silent exchange had passed through their fingers. _"What's happening to her?" _Emily wordlessly asked, her thumb circling the inside of Naomi's palm. Naomi had a vague idea...Freddie being one major factor...but she still responded honestly. _"I wish I knew" _she mutely squeezed back.

The bus came to a halt at her stop and Naomi momentarily became disrupted from her musings; she swiftly jumped out of her seat and skipped down the aisle and out the door, beginning the quick walk back to her mum's house.

Effy didn't return home. After much arguing on everyone's part, Thomas suggested that for the time being Effy stay with them for a change of scene. Naomi and the rest weren't so sure of such an idea, but eventually they relented – and Effy was still living with Thomas and Panda at this very moment. Naomi visited often, every few weeks or so, and rang every couple of days. Yet despite the blonde's initial wariness of the proposition, Effy_ did_ seem to improve. Thomas and Pandora seemed to be good influences; Effy now had a small job in London, paid rent, still continued with her prescriptions and whenever Naomi paid a visit she generally seemed happier and more content in herself. It was bittersweet to see – the fact that her best friend was becoming more positive sans her presence – but Naomi of all people knew how Effy felt; sometimes the best thing to do in a difficult situation is to get away.

The despair could turn into poison otherwise.

Her house came into view and Naomi quickened her pace, swiftly rushing up the front path. Once at the front door, she impatiently wiggled her key in the lock. It clicked and the door flew open with a loud creak. "Mum? Kieran?" she called out at large. No answer, though she abruptly remembered that they weren't expected to be home until later. Kieran had parent-teacher meetings tonight and Gina was meeting an old friend who was in town. She picked her phone out of her handbag, chucked the bag carelessly to floor and began trudging up the stairs with her feet dragging as she went.

She was so fucking shattered. She couldn't wait 'till Emily rang so she could head on over to her girlfriend's flat and begin the exhilarating process of doing fuck all for the weekend; get some takeaways, watch some DVDs, have some fun in the bedroom...

"Ouch! Fucking HELL!" she yelled abruptly – she had stubbed her toe on the top stair. She hobbled the remainder of the way into her bedroom, cursing and muttering under her breath before thankfully reaching her warm, inviting bed. She threw her phone aside and collapsed into the sheets fully dressed, gladly letting her eyelids flutter closed.

This moment – right here and now – was heaven. Things may have gone to shit in the whole Effy department...but at least Naomi had one thing to smile and rejoice about at this point in time. She was fucking head over heels in love and didn't care who knew about it. Next week was coincidentally hers and Emily's six month anniversary – a fact she was thrilled about. She never felt more loved, more adored, more cherished or more _free_ than whenever she was with Emily. And later on Naomi would be able to relish in that knowledge because they would be spending a wonderful, intimate and, more importantly, stress-free weekend together.

She smiled against the soft sheets. _Emily, _she thought dreamily, the name twirling and dancing around her frazzled brain like a delicate ribbon. _Sweet, lovely, sexy, adorable Emily, _she reflected, her tongue poking out to lick over her dry lips.

Any moment now her phone would ring and she would rush over and gladly jump into her lover's arms. Any moment now...so maybe if she just rested her eyes until then, the time would pass quicker...

"Get up!"

Naomi jerked upwards due to the feel of a sharp smack on her arm and the shrill voice in her peripheral area. She looked around frantically for the source of such a disruption; Emily stood glaring over her, her brown eyes fiery with annoyance. Though this said annoyance was betrayed by a roguish smirk pulling up at her lips.

"Wha...what's going on? How'd you get in here?" Naomi murmured groggily, her voice thick with sleep. She blinked rapidly as her girlfriend sighed in frustration.

"Nothing is going on, Naomes. _That's_ what's going on! And I let myself in, key remember?" The redhead brandished the key in question; Naomi had given her a spare one a few months into their relationship. "You fucking fell asleep!" she continued in an incredulous shriek and Naomi smiled lazily upon watching the redhead struggle to bite back a chuckle.

Naomi shook her head. "No I didn't" she said half-heartedly, stifling a yawn behind her hand. She sat up a bit as Emily scoffed.

"Oh really? Have you checked your phone?" Emily said sharply, and Naomi could tell she was about to be proven wrong. Sure enough as she retrieved her phone from across the covers did she glimpse the evidence – there were five missed calls and two messages from Emily. She bit her lip sheepishly as she reluctantly met her girlfriend's smug gaze. The girl's eyebrow was raised and she had her hands on her hips as if to say _"Well?"_

Naomi sighed deeply. "I'm sorry Em...I guess I was really really tired" she said honestly and she was relieved to see Emily's stance soften. She snapped out of her sleepy daze however upon catching sight of the time. "Nine o' clock? Fucking hell! No wonder you're so pissed off!" Naomi said disbelievingly. Emily giggled.

The blonde stared blankly forward as Emily turned around and walked towards her wardrobe. _Nine? Jesus, so much for starting the weekend early, _Naomi continued to think in amazement. Her self-deprecation was cut short however as a piece of fabric came to land over her head; she tugged the garment away and stared at it as Emily came to crouch down in front of her, a mischievous glint in her brown eyes.

"What's this for?" Naomi murmured questioningly, unfolding what appeared to be one of her dresses. It was one of her favourites; a baby, almost pastel blue with frills coursing throughout cottony fabric. It was the perfect summertime dress.

But what did this dress have to do with anything?

As if reading her mind, Emily reached out a lithe hand and brushed feathery fingertips seductively up and down Naomi's arm. The blonde gulped as goosebumps rushed up her skin.

"Put that on" said Emily simply and Naomi's eyes flashed upwards in confusion to meet her girlfriend's certain ones. She was smirking. "We're going out". She twirled around with a flourish and began rooting around Naomi's room, her first destination being the blonde's jewellery box.

Yet Naomi could only sit there slack-jawed as the dress continued to be held between her limp fingers. "What do you mean _going out?"_ she asked sceptically.

.

"Fuck's sake Naomi, are you going to take that pole out of your arse soon or what?"

This delightful comment was made by none other than the number one Fitch-Bitch herself, Katie Fitch. Naomi grimaced and rolled her eyes while she set down her empty glass. "Well maybe I wouldn't have a pole up my arse if you and your sister hadn't dragged me to this god-forsaking shithole in the first place" she snarled back, letting her eyes drift around the crowded club in disgust.

She heard Katie scoff. "Whatever babes. But if your shitty mood is anything to go by then I reckon you needed a night out" she snapped. Naomi's eyes flashed around to glare at the Fitch twin. She stood there innocently with her hand holding tightly onto her boyfriend Keith's; the coloured lights from the all around the club flashed across her petite form every so often and set her deep brown hair alight with different hues. Naomi attempted to shoot daggers at her, but one eyebrow quirk from Katie and they were both in stitches.

Figures...the blonde just couldn't be angry or hold a grudge against the girl anymore. Plus, the whole situation was rather funny when she thought about it. Not that she'd ever admit that.

Keith looked between them incredulously. "Bloody hell ladies, you both are barmy. One minute you're bitching at eachother and the next you're laughing" he said disbelievingly. Naomi grinned whilst Katie cocked her head to one side.

"That's women for you hun" she said plainly and Naomi nodded fervently in agreement before they all started to laugh again.

"What's so funny?"

Naomi's head automatically whipped around towards the familiar voice and despite her pissy mood she couldn't help but beam. Emily had returned from the bar, two more drinks clutched in her hands and a brilliant smile on her face. Naomi's stomach fluttered.

"We're just marvelling over the intricacies of women, ain't that right Katiekins?" Naomi said whilst Emily handed her one of the two drinks. She looked around to see Katie shrug.

"Maybe just the intricacies of _you, _Naomi_kins. _Now if you'll excuse us, me and Keith are gonna go dance". Naomi rolled her eyes in astonishment as she watched Katie and her fella push themselves into the crowd. It wasn't long before Emily's twin vanished amongst the pulsating throng of dancers. Her gaze swiftly returned to her girlfriend, who was now sipping her drink ineptly.

"Remind me why we came here again?" Naomi murmured impatiently, taking a gulp of her drink too. Vodka Black 'n' White – one of her favourites. Emily smiled coyly and took a step forward, sliding an arm around Naomi's waist and pulling her closer. Naomi wrapped an arm around Emily's shoulders in turn, looking down at her with a no doubt goofy grin spread over her flushed face.

"Because I thought it would be nice for a change" she began simply. "We're always staying in whenever we have time off and for once I felt like dancing and having a couple of drinks with my girlfriend" she said in a rush, taking a long sip of her drink and staring back over the crowd.

Naomi leant her head forward and her lips planted a soft, lingering kiss to Emily's temple. A small smile lit up Emily's face at the sweet gesture. "I understand that Ems. But...it's just...I'm fucking knackered! All I wanted to do was curl up with you and watch a movie or something..." she said timidly, her gaze deflecting to some couple snogging the faces off eachother a few feet away from them. She could feel Emily's scrutinising stare on her face.

"You are such a girl" Emily accused teasingly, pressing herself more into Naomi's frame and hugging her closer.

Naomi shrugged noncommittally. "Guess that makes you the bloke of the relationship then" she retorted cheekily, grinning smugly. She giggled as Emily smacked her arm lightly – her brown eyes were sparkling when the blonde eventually looked down. Then they stood like that for a while; they listened to the songs play throughout the club and sipped their drinks. All the while both girls obliviously exchanged touches; Naomi's fingers came to twirl themselves through Emily's long, pulsing red hair – which blazed even more starkly under the club lights – whilst Emily's nimble fingers stroked themselves unknowingly up and down Naomi's back.

"Let's dance" the redhead stated eventually, her hand coming up to brush Naomi's cheek. As she met her gaze, Naomi's heart throbbed frantically because of the sudden dark and intense spark that had appeared in Emily's eyes.

She quirked an eyebrow. "And if I refuse?" she challenged, piercing Emily with a hard stare. _Try me Fitch, _she thought smugly. But Emily was right on the ball – she smirked dangerously. Naomi's throat grew dry at the intent behind her leer.

The petite redheaded girl cleared her throat as her hand calm to rest just above one of Naomi's tits, causing a feverish gasp to croak out of her throat. "If you refuse..." she began, before suddenly raising her glass to her lips and knocking back the remainder of her drink. She lowered it again. "...then I won't do the thing I was planning to do with you later tonight" she said in an utterly alluring tone. She extracted herself from Naomi's arms and placed her empty glass on a side table. Naomi watched her the entire time with an open mouth.

"And...and what would that _thing _be?" she asked in a choked up voice when Emily came to stand by her side again. Another smirk pulled at Emily's tantalisingly rosy lips before the red-haired girl leaned upwards to whisper in Naomi's ear. The words that drifted through her eardrums next – along with the agonisingly sexy voice that uttered them – caused the blonde's azure blue eyes to widen to the size of plates.

"Dance. Now" she barked at once. She too chugged down the rest of her drink and put the glass aside and then promptly wrenched a sniggering Emily by the hand towards the dancefloor.

They couldn't get there quick enough – the sudden mental image that Emily had just put into her mind had Naomi's whole body in a frenzy. Her centre was throbbing and her throat was dry and her palms were sweaty and her feet were clumsy as she tugged Emily into the middle of the dancefloor, her mind continuously filling with images via slideshow of a ridiculously naked Emily...which contrasted greatly to the completely clothed version that had now started dancing in front of her.

"Loosen up Naomes, you look like you've seen a ghost" taunted the redhead, whose glowing crimson hair bounced under the dark lights. Naomi returned her gaze to Emily's face and was slightly enraged to see how smug the girl looked. It was clear she knew exactly what to do in order to drive Naomi crazy. And her dancing didn't help matters either – Naomi could only watch with unconcealed lust as her girlfriend swayed enticingly in front of her; the gorgeous black dress she was wearing clung to her body in all the right places whilst she moved with surprising elegance in her high heels. And as if that weren't bad enough, Naomi's eyes couldn't help but become fixed to her girlfriend's chest too; the locket pendant at the end of the long gold necklace she wore had taken to bouncing dangerously close to the valley of her breasts. Naomi continued to gawp even as Emily decreased the rhythm of her sultry movements. "See anything you like?" she teased again, and Naomi caught her audacious wink.

Naomi swallowed. _Everything about you is what I fucking like, _Naomi's brain gallantly chanted. She continued to be captivated by her girlfriend's twirling and swaying for several more minutes. She was nearly getting off on just watching her. But eventually she just couldn't take it anymore.

So the blonde strode deliberately forward – _this will wipe that smirk off her face _– and scooped Emily into her arms, pulling her closer than physically possible. The redhead gasped as the liquid courage in Naomi's system helped spur her on; she unabashedly grazed a hand over Emily's bum while the other gripped roughly through her hair. She brought her lips to Emily's ear and growled harshly before starting to place sizzling kisses just below her earlobe.

"Jesus...fuck...Naomi..." Emily panted as they both began to sway together, Naomi's fingers not relenting with their grip as her lips and tongue ravaged their way down the salty skin of Emily's neck. A guttural groan erupted from Emily's throat as Naomi found her pulsepoint and sucked hard; the music and the lights and the noises were all but background noise to the erratic beating of the blonde's heart as she caressed Emily openly with her love. And Emily didn't seem to mind at all; Naomi felt slender fingers tangle roughly through her peroxide blonde locks and then the redhead pulled her head upwards to crash their lips together fervently. As they both continued to bend to a distant tune, Naomi moaned deeply into Emily's mouth as their tongues met and melded together; sweet and addictive tastes swam through every one of her senses. They carelessly wrestled with eachother right there on the dancefloor while the beats continued to pulse. Emily's hands tugged forcibly through Naomi's hair; Naomi's hand clawed at Emily's back; lips and tongues and teeth gnashed together for supremacy; deep and white-hot fire burned Naomi's body from the inside out as her core pulsed with wild desire and she struggled to get even closer–

"Holy fuck you two! Get a room!"

Their lips pulled apart rapidly upon hearing the incredulous voice and Naomi looked around indignantly for the source of such a rude disturbance. Katie and Keith were dancing about six feet away from them and their expressions were so priceless that Naomi had to struggle not to laugh – Katie's mouth was hanging open in disgust and pure horror while Keith's entire appearance...screamed horny.

"Erm...Naomes?"

Naomi looked back down slightly when she heard the coy sounding voice. She was met with a rather abashed-looking Emily. The blonde glanced at her surroundings then and that's when she understood – they had attracted quite a bit of attention with their heated antics. Many of the guys nearby were still whooping and cheering as they stood there embracing whilst some girls close-by looked full-on gobsmacked. A burning heat crept up every fibre of Naomi's being which eventually settled in her cheeks...yet she couldn't help but laugh awkwardly.

"Ugh, god...I wouldn't expect any less of _you _Naomes. But Emsy? How can I even bear to call you my sister now?" Katie spat in revulsion. Her brown eyes were still bright with amusement though.

"Ah here now Kay, bit harsh don't ya think? I say if the girls wanna get jiggy on the dancefloor then who are we to argue?" Keith chirped in; he wiggled his eyebrows in a way that would put Cook to shame.

Naomi rolled her eyes and stepped back a bit from the redhead, instantly grabbing her hand and intertwining their fingers. "C'mon Ems, I think everyone's seen enough" she said tartly and walked stiffly past everyone. She tried not to grin as she heard a collective groan of disapproval erupt from the crowd and instead focussed her efforts on dragging Emily through the club as quickly as possible. They didn't stop until Naomi felt her heels clack onto the distinct feel of concrete; she whipped her head around and smiled when Emily stopped timidly beside her. Her cheeks were as red as her hair.

"Well that was...um...interesting" Emily mumbled in a barely audible voice, her eyes boring holes through her feet.

Naomi scoffed. "_Interesting _wouldn't be the first word that comes to mind" she said, her heartbeat picking up at the mere thought of what had just transpired – which was further spurred on by the alcohol in her system. She watched with a bashful smile as Emily tried to avert her eyes; the girl only dared a glance upwards through her long eyelashes.

"I can't believe I got so carried away" she muttered, and Naomi could sense a bitter edge to her tone. She didn't like it. She stepped forward and enveloped her little redhead tightly in her arms, brushing her arms up and down Emily's back. Her girlfriend's heartbeat was frantic and strong through the thin fabric of both their dresses; like a hummingbird trying to escape from her ribs.

"So what Ems? We don't know any of those tossers in there. Their opinions don't mean shit to us" Naomi stated acrimoniously, squeezing the girl tighter to her chest. "Katie I'm not so sure about...but still..."

She trailed off once she glimpsed Emily's expression; she was biting her full bottom lip and had a faraway look in her eyes. Then she let out a long sigh. "I dunno..." she mumbled quietly. "I guess I'm just not used to being that _public _anymore. I'm probably just overreacting...it was pretty funny, I suppose..."

She rocked forwards a bit so that her face came to rest in the crook of Naomi's neck. Naomi rested her own cheek against Emily's forehead and breathed steadily, silence befalling them – but the blonde's brain was currently set on overdrive.

_Anymore._

Months. Months just _gone_ and it still hurt. Emily's walls still hurt her. _Emily_ hurt her like a bitch with her mixed fucking signals...and there was barely anything she could do about it.

The girl clearly had no idea as to how she had been coming across all this time but...Naomi could read her like a book sometimes. Emily's worry right now wasn't about being overtly 'public' with Naomi – hell, once or twice Emily had been at risk of nearly molesting Naomi in the street with her PDA's. No...what she was_ really _worried about was getting _"so carried away". _Carried away with her feelings, because god forbid that she actually _let go _completely like Naomi did.

Everything became quite obvious when Naomi really looked at Emily. The indisputable love that Emily undoubtedly felt for Naomi continuously became marred by her old insecurities and worries. Sometimes Naomi could just see it there in her brown doe eyes – the wondering, the waiting she felt. The expectation for Naomi to screw up or do a runner again.

Yes, all became obvious when Naomi really looked _through_ Emily.

After all, Naomi had once borne the signs herself – _"Oh, fuck it. Go ahead and disappoint me."_

"I'm sorry" came the feeble little voice a few minutes later. The blonde glanced down to see sheer chagrin splashed across Emily's face; behind that beautiful coat of light, subtle make-up lay a sudden regret. The redhead had seemingly realised that she had revealed too much.

Fighting back her hidden frustration, Naomi forced a smile to her face. "It doesn't matter" she muttered. _Liar. _"Let's head back to yours, eh? And maybe, if you're up for it, we can do that _thing _you promised me..." Her attempt at being light-hearted seemed to work; Emily latched onto it in desperation. A lax smile stretched across her pale cheeks.

She rocked forwards again on tiptoe and placed a firm, almost apologetic kiss on Naomi's lips before saying, rather forcefully, "you got it, love". Naomi nodded stiffly. She wrapped an arm around Emily's waist and led her towards the curb, sticking her arm out to hail a taxi.

Love was hard. Naomi knew that more than ever now. The thing she had feared her entire life was indeed as difficult as she had first assumed. But...not in the way she had imagined. Half the time, the wonderful and amazing overruled the bad. Emily herself overruled the bad. But it was hard when it was her lover who was hurting; she could still see that sad, broken little teenager in Emily's sparkling brown eyes every so often, just like a few minutes ago.

Naomi held out though. She had to. She had promised Emily that this time around things would be different. So she continued to let her girlfriend repair her heart in peace. Without her interference.

But moments like those outside the club just then were always devastating. Six months...six months and still Emily expected Naomi to fail. For them to fail. And as the both of them sat there silently in the backseat of the taxi, Emily's fingertips tracing absent circles along Naomi's inner thigh, the blonde couldn't help but let out an aggrieved sigh.

Hope. That's all she had to go on. Hope that Emily would one day – hopefully sooner rather than later – put aside her grief and ache and just fall. Fall into love like Naomi did all the time now. Their anniversary was next week...maybe that milestone would make Emily come to her senses.

"You okay babe?"

She glanced sideways and saw Emily studying her with a cautious look in her eye. Naomi smiled weakly. "Yeah Emily. I'm more than okay" she lied in a soft voice. She grabbed Emily's hand on her thigh and squeezed her fingers.

Blind hope could be her saviour. Or her downfall.

.


	26. Chapter 25

_Hello again everyone! My extreme apologies for this one being so delayed...the real world caught up with me and I had barely any time to think let alone write with work and other stuff cluttering up my time. Plus, I got a nasty case of writer's block with this chapter in particular, so hopefully you can understand why it was hard for me to find the motivation to write with all that other stuff going on._

_I do hope this one's okay though. It's another massive one; honestly, I don't know HOW my chapters end up being so huge. I just don't like ending them in the middle of nowhere I suppose, so everything just seems to write itself until I've written out an essay-length chapter..._

_Anywayz, here ya go! I thought some familiar faces were due an appearance__ in this one. Enjoy... x_

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A mild summer breeze hit her the moment she stepped out of the car and shut the door. Then she registered in some vague area in the back of her mind the sound of the other car door slamming shut and being locked and before she knew it Emily had come to stand next to her. The redhead rapidly intertwined their fingers in an encouraging manner, her thumb gently stroking across the back of Naomi's hand. The blonde looked sideways toward her girlfriend, who shot her a warm smile that made her insides flutter. She smiled weakly in reply and the both of them started to walked down the familiar lane.

Their hands swung freely between them while they strolled, yet the lovely, relaxed atmosphere of this scene lay in stark contrast to the cacophony in Naomi's brain; her thoughts were whirring around and bouncing recklessly against her skull.

She tried to keep her expression neutral as these disapproving and apprehensive thoughts plagued her, but she knew there was no use; almost as if the tension was continuously travelling like a current down her arm and then passing up through Emily's, she felt her girlfriend's inquisitive stare suddenly pierce the side of her face.

Emily squeezed her fingers reassuringly. "Hey" she said and Naomi reluctantly met her gaze. Her auburn eyes were soft and bright. "It'll be over before you know it. We've done it plenty of times before" she said in a soft yet matter-of-fact voice, trying to ease the blonde's nerves.

Naomi sighed and smiled warmly, squeezing Emily's fingers in turn and stroking her thumb over her knuckles. "I know" she said plainly. She looked straight ahead and couldn't help it as a sudden grin overtook her face. "Doesn't make it any less horrible though" she said tartly, smiling even wider. This earned her a sharp jab to the ribs when Emily's elbow connected with her side. "Ow!" she squealed, but Emily merely laughed and wrapped the arm that had hung between them instead around Naomi's waist. Naomi also moved her now free arm and placed it around Emily's shoulders, gripping her farther shoulder and giggling softly.

"Play nice" Emily merely muttered, looking up at Naomi with an eyebrow raised.

The blonde rolled her eyes and groaned. "You know I always do" she said innocently, and she wasn't surprised to hear Emily scoff. Silence fell between them again once their destination came into view; the house in question looked misleadingly picturesque in contrast to the horrors – in Naomi's opinion – that lay behind the front door. And to think that only a few hours ago she had been curled up in the comfort and warmth of Emily's duvet and Emily _herself_, her body completely and utterly relaxed after having had plenty of sleep and food and sex and her mind in a dreamy haze propelled by pure love and serenity. Except this picture of perfection had been wholly marred by the knowledge of Emily's bombshell earlier this morning...

"_We're having dinner at my parents' this evening"._

_Naomi's sharp blue eyes immediately shot upwards to where Emily was sitting – yet her girlfriend continued to idly sit there reading her newspaper on the other side of the island as if she hadn't uttered a word. No dice...the spoonful of cornflakes Naomi was holding now remained paused halfway towards her mouth in sheer shock. All thoughts of eating had now flown from her mind._

"_Excuse me?" she shot back incredulously as she lowered her spoon back into the bowl._

_Emily's eyes glanced up warily at her tone but soon returned to skimming the newspaper article she was reading. Then she sighed heavily, her chest rising up against the thin t-shirt she was wearing. "Mum rang me last night when you had gone to get some wine and asked us over for Sunday dinner" she said in a rush, still not looking up. "I tried to refuse but she guilted me into it. Said I barely ever come round to see them except when I drop by the boutique–"_

"_Emily, your mum _hates_ me" Naomi interjected with indignation, repressing the urge to scoff over the absurdity of this turn in conversation. But Emily was sharp on the uptake; almost as if she _had_ laughed, the redhead shot Naomi a warning look that made her toes curl. She suddenly wished she hadn't said anything at all. So the blonde then softened her stance and pushed her cereal bowl away from her. "Look, Emily" she began gently, and Emily also visibly relaxed at the shift in her tone, "Why do we have to go again? This is our weekend. _Ours._ As in, you and me–", she gestured flippantly between them across the countertop, "–and I don't particularly want to waste _our_ time trying to avoid your mum's glares or tolerating your brother making pervy digs at me, when we _could_ be spending that time...alone...instead". _

_A pink blush crept up Emily's cheeks at the last breathily-muttered bit and Naomi was certain that her girlfriend's mind was on a similar track to her own right now – reliving their 'alone time' all throughout yesterday and earlier this morning..._

"_I know Naomes" Emily said, snapping the blonde from her blissful train of thought. "And mum doesn't hate you. She just...doesn't like you" she said unconvincingly, shooting Naomi an apologetic smile. Naomi rolled her eyes. "Anyway", she continued in a more self-assured voice, "I think it would be nice of us. Plus, she said she's roped in Katie and Keith to come too, so it's not as if we won't be the only couple there wishing that we _weren't _there". She smiled innocently and fluttered her long eyelashes._

_Naomi couldn't help but smile back whilst resting her chin lazily against her hand. "But...I want you to myself..." the blonde argued sulkily, pushing out her full bottom lip into a pout. Emily stalled for a second, a pensive smile pulling at her lips and an unsure glimmer lighting up her eyes. It made Naomi's heart tighten in alarm for an instant, but then the redhead let out a loud chuckle and hopped off her stool, putting the paper down on the counter as she did so. _

_The fear was gone as soon as it had come, because Naomi now watched with rapidly widening eyes as Emily slunk agonisingly slowly towards her around the island; her girlfriend's body swayed in a leisurely fashion, causing the blonde to become abruptly aggravated over the fact that Emily's nakedness was currently being hidden beneath an oversized t-shirt and knickers. Her hips rocked from side to side seductively while her fingertips skimmed over the surface of the counter. Naomi's heart hammered against her ribs at the seemingly slow-motion approach. The uncertainty in those brown eyes had now been swiftly replaced by a captivatingly demure glint; they were now darkened to a rich, irresistible chocolate shade. _

_The redhead eventually stopped right beside Naomi on her side of the island and the blonde felt herself shrinking helplessly into her seat as those dark eyes bored into hers. Her pink bottom lip tucked enticingly between her teeth. _

_And then the glint changed, and her entire stance became deceptively innocent. "Please?" was all she murmured in that notoriously husky voice. She slithered her arms around Naomi's neck and pulled herself closer so that their faces were mere centimetres apart. All thoughts of breakfast and Fitch family dinners promptly flew from Naomi's mind once Emily's sweet breath began to caress her face. Almost unthinkingly, she opened up her legs to which Emily took full advantage; she pressed herself flush to Naomi's body. But it was when soft, caressable skin became accessible to her touch that Naomi caught herself – when brown and blue locked again, she felt her own eyelids narrow suspiciously._

"_What's in it for me?" she mumbled just before a croak betrayed her – Emily's fingers had found the whispery strands of hair at the nape of the blonde's neck and were now twirling through them endlessly. A small smirk threatened to pull up at those rosy lips when Emily leant forwards – she was now so close that she was able to leave caressing, ghostly touches to Naomi's lips with her own. The sensation nearly caused Naomi's eyes to roll back into her head._

"_Well..." the redhead whispered, kissing her chastely before staring into her eyes again through hooded lids. Naomi's hands had now unconsciously taken to rubbing themselves up and down the backs of Emily's bare thighs – and then a hasty squeak erupted from Emily, the result of Naomi's greedy hands gliding over her girlfriend's flimsy knickers and squeezing at her bum playfully through the fabric. "We...we _do_ have...the entire afternoon to...to...ourselves" she breathed out in a fluster, regaining herself and emphasising her statement with another chaste kiss. _

_Naomi suppressed a smirk as her mind wandered off into bliss again. "Um-hum..." she mumbled just as Emily's face buried into her neck; her girlfriend began placing soft and lingering kisses just below her jaw and along her pulsepoint. "That we do" she said in a cracked voice while she let her eager hands drift up and under Emily's shirt. She was sure this was all a part of Emily's bribe and took full advantage of that fact; she heard and felt the redhead inhale a sharp breath when her palms gently and lovingly stroked over the soft skin covering Emily's ribcage and then lightly cupped her bare breasts. This only further intensified Naomi's dislike for the large t-shirt getting in her way, and she could feel an intense heat creeping up her skin as Emily gasps and growls increased in fervour._

_And just when she was finally about to run with her growing urge to get rid of her obstacle, Naomi found that her hands were instead left hanging in mid-air – Emily had scampered halfway across the room in no less than a second. Naomi's expression immediately contorted in confusion and annoyance. Her dilated blue eyes followed Emily's hasty pathway and landed on her grinning little redhead; her girlfriend wasn't even trying to hide her laughter and her eyes were flashing wildly._

"_So you better make the most of it, tiger" she purred seductively, adding a saucy wink for good measure. She whirled around with a flourish and skipped the short distance off to her bedroom, her long and tossed crimson hair bouncing along behind her. Naomi's awed gaze followed her the entire way, and even though Emily's room was not far away at all given the size of the apartment, she became increasingly aware of the distance the redhead had cruelly put between them. _

_That thought in mind, Naomi's 'tiger' instinct took over as she literally bounded off of her stool and hunted after her elusive little redhead who had so callously ran off to the bedroom – practically _their _bedroom at this stage – without her. A wild grin took over her face once she hurtled through the doorway and spotted Emily; she was wearing a look of pure lust and desire and had already fulfilled Naomi's silent wish of doing away with that shirt..._

The sound of a doorbell awoke Naomi from her passionate recollection and she had to keep herself from swearing in aggravation. But whilst trying to minimise the blush and heat that had now crept up her skin, Naomi quickly realised that they had indeed arrived at the Fitch house and were now standing at the front door – Emily had rung the doorbell while she had been off in her own little fantasy world. Luckily the redhead didn't seem to have noticed.

The blonde took that quick moment to regain herself and her thoughts. It wasn't that she disliked Emily's family or that she was afraid of them or anything...like she used to be. No. It was just that these get-togethers made her feel uncomfortable. She wasn't a very social person as it was and it was only the people who truly _knew_ her – like Emily and her mum and her close friends – who got to see her softer, more likeable side.

So naturally, why _should _she be eager to visit her girlfriend's parents again? Out of all the times she'd been to theirs before, all she had been able to do was hope to god to not say anything stupid. Or, more importantly, do anything to remind them that she was the prick who had broken their daughter's heart.

Nervous? Why would she be?

She swallowed. "This should be interesting" she mumbled ineptly, echoing her pessimistic thoughts and sliding her arm down from around Emily's shoulder. She lowered it and placed her hand gently to the small of Emily's back.

An unreadable expression flashed across Emily's face at her soft-spoken words and she too dropped her arm and let it fall to her side, mimicking her other one. Just as quickly as the flash had come though, it was gone...and before Naomi could contemplate this for what it was, Emily had hit her with a mischievous smile. "Play nice" she repeated, looking back towards the door upon hearing inevitable footsteps approaching from the other side. Before getting the chance to retort, Naomi's eyes snapped up as the door flew open to reveal a beaming Rob Fitch.

"Emsy! Naomi! How great of you to join us!" he said genuinely and enthusiastically. Although some grey hairs were sprinkled through Mr Fitch's hair nowadays and some age lines had appeared throughout his face, his teeth remained as pearly and gleaming as ever while he appraised them both standing there. Naomi attempted an authentic smile of her own but it just came out plain crooked and shy.

Emily happily piped up. "Hey dad" she said just as earnestly, Naomi's hand falling from her back as the redhead stepped forward to embrace her father. He leant down and scooped her tightly into his arms, almost seeming to crush her with the strength of his hug. Naomi stifled a laugh. _The infamous Fitch hug. Glad Em gets a taste of her own medicine for once, _the blonde thought smugly, remembering somewhat bitterly the amount of times she's had the breath squeezed out of her whenever Emily hugged her that bit too hard.

After a few seconds Emily was released from his vicelike grip and she returned to Naomi's side notably breathless. Lucky for Naomi she didn't have to suffer the same fate – Rob extended a friendly hand.

"Good to see you again Naomi" he said, his voice suddenly gruff while she grabbed his hand and shook it hard. "I know Jenna's been asking for you" he said, and she didn't fail to notice his eyes divert to Emily for a second and back. Naomi bit her lip. _Yeah right, _she thought scornfully. _Probably asking how on Earth your daughter is still going out with me. For half a year, no less._ She let go of his hand and lowered it ineptly to her side, coughing awkwardly.

"Glad I could come" she said plainly. She felt a surprisingly small yet legitimate smile tug up at the corners of her lips. She'd always liked Rob – he had always been the softer of Emily's parents. Naomi recognised a lot of his traits residing within Emily, whereas Katie seemed more like their opinionated mum. Hence why she preferred Emily to her brash sister.

Rob nodded. "Well, c'mon in. Katie and Keith aren't here yet but you can hang out in the sitting room." He stepped aside to let them pass and Naomi tentatively followed Emily in. She felt Emily latch onto her hand again almost as soon as they were in the door – an instinctive mechanism Emily did nowadays whenever they visited her old home. Naomi didn't question it, but it did bother her sometimes that her girlfriend still felt the need to outwardly prove that they were a couple. Especially since the entire Fitch family – not so much Jenna, of course – were more than accepting of that fact now. _She's just feeling a bit insecure, _Naomi kept telling herself.

Although Naomi couldn't help but secretly worry that Emily wasn't trying to prove their relationship to her family with this action, but instead to herself. This thought always got pushed down vehemently.

They stepped into the living room as advised and Rob followed them from behind, the sound of the front door closing resonating in Naomi's ears. "Make yourselves comfortable" Emily's father said and the two of them obliged; they both sat on the big couch, their hands mutually falling away from eachother's, and Rob sat to their left in an adjacent armchair. "So Naomi, Em tells me that you're doing really well as a columnist. How's that going?"

Just as she was about to answer, they were all interrupted – James had just entered the room and Naomi had to suppress an eye roll upon glimpsing his reaction to her presence. A goofy, ecstatic grin swiftly overtook his pubescent face.

"Naomi!" he said in an almost breathless voice. She ignored Emily's snigger from beside her. "How're you? Jesus, if I had known you were coming I would've put on something more special" he said, and she repressed a shudder when his grin turned into a leer.

She sat up a little straighter. "I'm great James" she said tightly, ignoring his last sentence. "How's school?" she asked politely. Naomi liked James, that was a fact alright...but she just hated spurning his advances and his flirting every time she came over. It made her feel – even more – uncomfortable; particularly because Emily would more often than not be close-by at the time and even more particularly because he was her little brother. She knew nothing would ever happen, but she just wished he would grow up a little bit faster. She'd already had to deal with similar incessant innuendos from Cook back in her teenage years – she didn't need to deal with them again when she was now in her twenties.

Nonetheless undeterred, James' smirk grew wider. "It's okay. Bit shit at the moment – studying for A levels, ya know?" he grumbled, rolling his eyes. He finally shifted and sat himself in an armchair opposite his father's. "There isn't much going on in the ways of parties either, 'cos everyone's freaking out over the exams." He hesitated and Naomi's eyes narrowed at his change in expression. "But, I was thinking..." He shuffled forward in his chair and Naomi felt herself tense and Emily shift slightly beside her. His brown eyes – creepily alike to both his sisters' – were suddenly hopeful. "Maybe, when I'm done, you can come to an end-of-exam party with me? My mate Gordon McPherson is throwing a massive blowout then and you're more than welcome to come..."

_Oh fucking hell, not this again, _Naomi thought exasperatedly. She readied herself to retort with one of her fallback replies – but to her surprise, there was no need for her to say anything at all.

"Listen up, git" Emily unexpectedly interjected. Naomi's gaze redirected towards her girlfriend, who was now staring at James with something close to contempt in her eyes. All traces of her previous amusement had now disappeared. "Naomi is _my _girlfriend, alright? And the sooner you get that through your thick little head–"

"Emily" Rob cut in, trying feebly to alleviate the suddenly tense situation. Naomi's gaze flickered awkwardly between all three of them as the temperature in the room unexpectedly climbed up several notches.

"–and stop fucking perving on her like she's a piece of meat every time she comes over, the better" she continued, her scathing tone almost one to match her twin sister's. "It's downright embarrassing, and it's no wonder you can't get a girlfriend of your own if _that's _your attempt at flirting–"

"Doorbell!" Rob suddenly squealed just before jumping out of his chair, making all three of them jump. Naomi almost didn't register what he had said at first, but when she heard the front door open again thus revealing the sound of new yet recognisable voices, she knew that Katie and Keith had arrived. She waited with baited breath for their entry into the room, because she couldn't stand the sudden deathly silence that had swallowed the three still in here – Emily and James were looking anywhere but at each other. James' appearance in particular looked quite angry and humiliated once Naomi's shaken blue eyes glanced over to him; his dishevelled, fair blonde hair failed to distract from his suddenly scrunched up and flushed face.

But luckily she didn't have to wait long for the tension to be quelled – her eyes lit up once she watched Katie's familiar stature hobble into the room in her heels with Keith and Rob following closely behind. She could only see the back of Emily's head when she looked over to watch Katie, but by her suddenly relaxed posture she could tell that Emily was also glad to see her twin.

"Sorry we're late" Katie wailed in a fluster, plonking herself down right next to Naomi at the end of the sofa. "But Keith's car almost broke down 'cos the mong forgot to fill it up with petrol, so we had to go find a station." Naomi grinned at Katie's explanation and turned her head to look at Keith; he was standing next to Rob's chair, his expression a cross between amusement and exasperation.

"Cheers babe. I'm sure everyone needed to know what a twat I am. Not in particular your father, I might add" he said sarcastically and everyone else laughed. Naomi glanced back at Katie, who was smirking and staring at him through narrowed lids.

"You're welcome babes" she replied, winking unashamedly. Naomi's gaze then returned to Emily, whose tense demeanour had eased considerably. She was now smiling contently and observing Keith engage her dad in conversation about a recent footie match. Naomi reached out a hand to stroke it over her thigh, which was unfortunately covered by her trouser leg. Emily's head snapped round at the tender contact and her eyes swiftly flickered down to Naomi's hand and then looked up to meet her soft gaze. Her smile grew sheepish once their eyes locked, her expression almost abashed. _My family, eh? _she stated wordlessly, blinking slowly and deliberately. A coy smile pulled up at the corners of Naomi's lips and she gave Emily's thigh a tight squeeze. The sincerity and pride in her fingers as they continued to flitter up and down Emily's leg caused the redhead to blush.

This intimate and private moment was abruptly interrupted however when they heard a rustling noise disturb the room – Naomi looked around, her hand still on Emily's thigh, and her eyes fell upon the form of Jenna Fitch. Mother Fitch had come in through the double doors from the kitchen, which resided just behind James' chair. James ceased his conversation with Katie and both siblings looked up at Jenna.

"Oh brilliant, hi everyone" she greeted in a surprisingly cheerful voice. Age had graced over Jenna's features as well over the years, Naomi noted as she stared up at her, but she carried it off superbly. To quote the woman herself, she looked like fierce._ Bloody cow,_ Naomi couldn't help but think enviously. "This _is_ everyone, isn't it?" she continued, and Naomi thought this question was wholly unnecessary because she was clearly taking roll call anyway as her eyes flickered over all of them. Her gaze lingered on Naomi a second longer than anybody else and the blonde repressed the urge to groan. _Yes I'm fucking here, Jenna. Get used to it._

Nonetheless, James chirped up. "Yeah mum, we're all here" he stated and Naomi watched as Jenna's eyes lit up excitedly.

"Excellent! Perfect timing then, because dinner's just about ready. If you'd all care to move into the kitchen...?"

Everyone got to their feet and followed Jenna through the double doors; the entryway gave way to the large Fitch kitchen, complete with state-of-the-art appliances and swanky units. Then Naomi's attention diverted to the large glass dining table as James and Keith took their seats, closely followed by Katie and Rob. It was indeed a lovely kitchen for a lovely house – especially since Emily's family didn't even have a house to call their own at one stage.

Yes, because although the Fitches may have been hit hard initially by the recession a couple of years ago, it was amazing how quickly they had bounced back from what Emily had told Naomi. They'd had to climb back up from the bottom of course, but eventually they found stability again. And they got their house – _this_ house – back. So nowadays Jenna's boutique and Rob's managerial position of a gym kept a steady stream of income flowing into the house. And although the twins didn't live with their parents anymore, it meant all the better for James and all the better for their relationship as a family whenever they were all together.

"Coming Naomes?" Emily's voice said, piercing through her musings. She looked up to see that Emily was still standing and waiting to sit down with her. She had her hand outstretched for Naomi to hold. The blonde merely grinned contently in response and grabbed Emily's extended hand. They then took two of the last remaining three seats and sat next to each other; among the seven seats situated at the table, Naomi sat in between Emily and Katie, James and Rob sat opposite her and a seat remained empty in front of Katie for Jenna. Keith sat in an odd chair at the top of the table in between Katie's and Jenna's seats, which had clearly been pulled from somewhere else to make up the numbers. This assuming thought was disrupted however when Naomi heard a soft giggle from beside her; she looked to her left to see Emily looking thoroughly amused and somewhat contemplative while she stared in Keith's direction.

Naomi's eyebrows shot up. "What's so funny?" the blonde asked in a confused tone, her gaze repeatedly switching direction from Emily to Keith. If this was a joke, it wasn't funny. But when she glanced back at her girlfriend, the redhead merely shook her head exasperatedly.

"Nothing, sorry. Just an old joke, it's stupid really" she said dismissively. Before Naomi could question further though, everyone looked up to see Jenna approaching with two plates in her hands. The smell of the food reached Naomi's senses before the actual sight of it; it made her mouth water.

"I'll help you serve, mum" Katie offered and she quickly hopped out of her chair. Her mother placed the plates in Rob's and James' places respectively.

The two served the entire table quickly and within no time at all they were all sipping the wine that Rob had poured out for everyone and tucking into their plates – fillet steak with all the vegetable trimmings. Although Naomi didn't appreciate Jenna's treatment of _her_ sometimes, she _did _appreciate her excellent cooking skills. A lot – she couldn't help but release a moan of approval from deep within her throat after shoving a forkful of steak into her mouth. She glared sideways at Emily upon hearing her girlfriend chuckling at her expense.

"Hey, shut u–"

"You look very nice Naomi".

Naomi's snarky comment died in her throat when she heard which voice had spoken. Just to make sure she wasn't hearing things though, her blue eyes whipped around to meet Jenna Fitch's pair across the table. The woman was smiling awkwardly, almost looking embarrassed at having paid the compliment. But despite being slightly embarrassed herself, Naomi shot Emily's mum a tentative smile.

"Thank you, Jenna. You look lovely yourself" she replied politely. The two women stared at eachother for a moment. The others became part of the background to the silent exchange occurring between them both. Then, almost infinitesimally, Jenna nodded. Naomi nodded back in response. Then Jenna addressed Keith, and conversation carried around the table as normal while they all ate.

_Wow_, Naomi thought disbelievingly. _That was unexpected._ Even as Katie's shrill voice nattered away in her ear, she couldn't help but let her mind drift off while she sat there chewing her carrots.

That exchange may not have seemed like much, but Naomi knew otherwise. She and Jenna had always been tolerating of each other up until this point...always engaging in this courteous little dance so as not to upset Emily or make her feel uncomfortable. And Naomi knew she had to play along because she couldn't step out of line. Emily got on with her mother a lot better nowadays, and the woman was a lot more accepting of the fact that she was gay. Jenna didn't like it, but she understood. So Jenna's problem with Naomi didn't stem from her disapproval of Emily's _life_...It stemmed from Naomi herself. Because Naomi had wronged Emily before...deeply wronged her in the worst way imaginable. Jenna knew that and held on to that like every good mother should. If anything, Jenna probably should consider Naomi as enemy number one.

But little by little they were getting there...both for Emily's sake. Six months had gone by and it was clear that Naomi wasn't going anywhere yet, so Jenna had no choice but to concede defeat for the time being. Because, really, their love for Emily was all they really had in common...apart from their stubbornness. So they both abided by the rule, that, _"if you make Emily happy, then there's really nothing I can do, is there?"_

"Get lost Emily! I want the last potato!" Naomi heard James squeal, and her attention immediately returned to the here and now. Her eyes fell upon James' and Emily's forks doing battle over the last potato in a bowl in the middle of the table.

Naomi glanced sideways and tried not to laugh at the devious smirk on Emily's face. "I'm the _guest,_ James" Emily spat, grinning even wider. Naomi heard Keith and Rob chuckle.

"You used to fucking live here! You're not a gue–"

"Language!" Jenna chimed in hurriedly, but upon glimpsing the woman's expression Naomi could see that she was highly amused at this blatant 'sibling' behaviour.

Eventually, after a bit of fork wrestling, Emily won the potato and placed it triumphantly onto her plate. "Sorry loser, better luck next time" she said tauntingly and James merely stuck his tongue out at her before they both erupted into laughter. Naomi tried not to roll her eyes at their behaviour, even though she secretly envied them. She didn't have any siblings and sometimes she just wished she could have playful, guiltless exchanges with someone without their being long-term repercussions. Because at least with family it's easier to forgive.

Whenever _she_ splashed about, she usually got other people wet. And more often than not they didn't dry up.

"More veg, Naomi?" Rob suddenly asked, snapping Naomi out of her train of thought once again. _Fucking hell, I'm turning into a right space cadet here, _she thought in amusement before taking Rob up on his offer and taking the bowl he was holding out from him.

The rest of the dinner and dessert thereafter passed by without much further incident and afterward they all moved back into the living room. It had been a pleasant evening on all accounts and Naomi nearly couldn't believe her luck. She'd even found it easier to chat to Jenna this time around.

But the atmosphere unexpectedly took a turn while they were all having some tea and biscuits. Naomi was sitting next to Emily on the couch once again and listening with a contently full belly to Keith regaling them all with one of his stories, when next thing a buzzing sound erupted throughout the room. Naomi saw Emily pull out her phone and hastily answer. After a couple of seconds, recognition crossed over Emily's face and her eyes widened for a second before quickly glossing over again.

"Sorry, I have to take this. Be back in a mo". She hopped off the couch and Naomi heard her footsteps echoing up the stairs. She thought nothing of it at first and continued to listen to the others as they chatted.

After about fifteen minutes however, curiosity got the better of her. "I might just go check on Em. See if everything's okay" she said to the room at large before getting to her feet and leaving the room. She peered up the stairs for any signs of Emily's return and saw none, so she tentatively ascended the familiar steps.

When she got to the landing she looked around and saw that Emily's old bedroom door was ajar. She stepped closer and a thoughtful smile stretched across her face at the memories this room brought to mind – the late mornings they both spent in bed together when Katie had had the courtesy to bugger off; all the times she'd snuck in the window with a pack of garibaldis stowed under her arm; the off-chances whereby she would have to hide under Emily's bed in fear of getting thrashed by Jenna if she'd found out she was there...

And Naomi knew that she'd have had even more memories in Emily's old house if she hadn't been such a twat and fucked everything up. But all these reminiscent thoughts, both good and bad, were wiped from her mind at once when she heard Emily's hushed yet excited voice drifting out the door just as she came to stand outside it.

"...really thrilled about this. I don't even know what to say. Just, thanks, I guess." A pause in Emily's side of conversation, and Naomi held her breath as the adrenaline in her veins started to unexpectedly race. She knew she shouldn't be eavesdropping, that it was wrong to betray Emily's trust this way...but she was only human. And humans are naturally curious. "Cool. Okay, well, feel free to ring me anytime this week about it. This is brilliant, I look forward to hearing from you again." Another pause and Naomi could just make out the sound of the voice coming out of the receiving end of the phone. If her – hopefully unbiased – hearing was anything to go by, she was pretty sure the nattering voice was female.

_Oh fuck...okay, don't get paranoid Naomi. It could be a telemarketer or something for all you know, _she thought urgently_. _She quickly reviewed that possibility and deduced that it was completely unlikely. Not to mention ludicrous. Because One: when Emily first answered she'd said _"I have to take this"_, and no one usually _has to_ take a call with a telemarketer. And Two: no one she knew was ever _that _courteous or excited about talking to a telemarketer. Ever. Sure, Naomi always hung up on them whenever they rang.

"Okay, no problem. Thanks again. Bye" Naomi heard suddenly and panic swept through her. She leapt back from the door as quietly as she could and rushed for the stairs. She had gotten three-quarters of the way down before, "Naomi?"

Naomi froze at the bottom of the steps and wrenched her eyes shut. _Shit, _she silently cursed and turned around slowly. She tried to wipe the 'caught red-handed' expression off her face when she came to face Emily; the redhead quickly descended the stairs to meet her and stared up at her questioningly.

"Ems, uh...hey" the blonde muttered ineptly, cursing herself again at her inadequacy to form an intelligent sentence. Emily smiled in response but it was gone from her face quickly. She was gazing at Naomi with another unreadable expression on her face.

"Hi" she merely said. Her eyes glanced to the living room door behind Naomi and back. "Were you looking for me?" she asked flatly, but Naomi picked up on some accusation and urgency in her voice.

The blonde set herself. "Yeah" she said plainly. "Just wondering where you were, that's all. You were gone for a while. Anyone important on the phone?" she said, and now it was her turn for her voice to betray her; a challenge was laced throughout her words.

Emily smiled that same swift, empty smile again, and Naomi was surprised to feel her heart clench at the sight of it. She was used to seeing only love in Emily's smile – now all she currently saw was deception. "No. Just a friend" she said in that flat tone again. Naomi tried to keep her face neutral when Emily glanced back to the door again. "Shall we head back inside?" she asked, her voice climbing an octave and sounding painfully polite. The change in tack caught Naomi off guard.

"Yeah, sure". Emily nodded and led the way back in, Naomi following behind in a lethargic fashion.

"Who was that Emily?" Jenna asked when they both re-entered the room. Everyone's gazes flickered to them as they both sat themselves back on the couch next to Katie. Naomi's eyes flashed to the side of Emily's face while she replied.

"Just a friend telling me some news. Naomi caught me just at the end of the call. Nothing too important anyway". The room nodded at large before James quickly brought up another topic of conversation. Naomi didn't join in however, because the only things comprehensible to her at the moment were her own muddled, confused and angry thoughts.

There she was again. Cold Emily. Closed-off Emily. The Emily who consistently made her heart hurt for reasons unknown...and in doing so kept her from the Emily who made her heart flutter and her whole body soar and her breath hitch and her palms sweaty and made her believe in them and believe in _love._

In layman's terms, this Emily was the Emily she despised.

Naomi had purposely put that incident outside the club on Friday night out of her mind, thinking that maybe Emily would learn from her mistake and remain optimistic about their upcoming anniversary next week. But no...Emily was still willing to cut daggers through Naomi's resolve in front of the Fitches – her own family no less. It was bad enough trying to convince Emily's loved ones that she was worthy of Emily's heart and trust...but even worse when she was trying to convince _Emily_ of the same.

It wasn't even the phone call that bothered her most. It was the secrecy and lack of shame in Emily's reaction. Though Naomi didn't really believe the redhead capable of cheating after everything they'd been through...but still...what could possibly be so bad that Emily had felt the need to openly and blatantly lie to Naomi a few minutes ago in order to cover it up?

Finally, clearly sensing her discomfort and emotional absence from the room, Emily's head turned to look at Naomi. The blonde lifted weary yet harsh blue eyes to meet her girlfriend's and gave her a tight smile. Emily's eyes immediately liquefied from their stone-like state and instead shined in apology and...panic?

She reached out a hesitant hand and laced her fingers through Naomi's, clutching hard. "I'm sorry" she whispered, not wanting to draw attention from her family around them. Naomi nodded, too emotionally exhausted to nitpick or argue. Emily seemed to be saying sorry a lot lately. Maybe it was a sign.

Nevertheless, the blonde squeezed her fingers and nodded slightly, looking back around. "So Katie, how's the boutique going? I might have to pop in and grab a few things if you have nice stuff in" Naomi said to Emily's twin, and she took comfort in the glow that lit up the brunette's face at the mention of her business. Katie took the bait and jumped headfirst into a long-winded conversation about fashion. Naomi sat there listening politely and nodding where required, thankful for the distraction. Who would've thought that by the end of this evening in the Fitch house that it would actually be Emily to cause Naomi grief, and not her judgmental mother? If she had known so this morning, would she have come here?

Either way, Naomi couldn't take much more of Emily's walls. Something had to give, before the both of them got hurt.

Yet almost ironically, Emily's hand remained firmly gripped through hers in solace throughout the rest of the evening. But Naomi's mind still couldn't help but linger on her girlfriend's words while she sat there in the growing reality of Emily's secrets and lies.

_Why are you sorry, Emily? _she thought, pain clutching at her chest while she sat surrounded by Emily's loving flesh-and-blood. _What are you hiding?_

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_There...you made it to the end of that behemoth! Hope it was (somewhat) worth the wait. As you can no doubt tell, there's angst on the horizon (again) for our beloved lesbians. But I promise I'm going somewhere with this, and I promise I'm not purposefully trying to make Emily seem evil. There's two sides to every story...and Naomi's no pushover either, as we all know. She will get her justice somehow._

_So...yay for the Fitches (and six seater +one tables!) Especially James, gotta love the pervy little creep. FOUR for you, Glen C– erm...James Fitch! You go, James Fitch! And none for Jenna Fitch, bye. _

_On a slightly irrelevant yet related note, I presume people have seen the new cast? I dunno how I feel about them...I'm an objective person, so I'm gonna give em a go. I only jumped on the Skins wagon in Gen 2 myself, so I've never had to go through the issue of getting a new cast until now. Ironically enough, the very first episode I ever watched of Skins was 3x09. It's a sign that I was destined to love Naomily._

_Ahem, rant aside, review? Pwease? Virtual hugs on offer! Reviews might whip me and my writer's block into line again. Cheers for reading, as always =)_


	27. Chapter 26

_Okay guys so...this chapter is quite the intense. I know it's a lot to take, but I hope you'll like it nonetheless._

_I'm also reverting back to the title song/prologue right now. I'm actually ecstatic that this song worked out so well in regards to this story as a whole. It really really fits. _

_Hope you don't hate me by the end...*prepares self for flying tomatoes*... Please drop a review on your way out. Oh, and any business names mentioned are fictional. x_

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_And I was struggling to get in / Left waiting outside your door / I was sure / You'd give me more_

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"Mark, would you hurry the hell up? I feel myself getting old just standing here waiting for you".

Naomi stared incredulously at her friend while he trudged his way out of the homestore – three heavy bags hung from his burly arms yet the expression on his face suggested that he was not at all happy to be carrying them. Naomi glanced sideways at Michelle and they both exchanged an exasperated look.

"He's a weakling in reality" Michelle stated plainly, smiling at him in a patronising way when he finally came to stand beside them. He dropped the bags carelessly at their feet and Naomi couldn't help but let out a gasp.

"Watch it! I paid good money for those!" she shrieked while crouching down to see if any damage was done. She glimpsed inside the bags at the boxes filled with crockery and glasses and such – no visible damage was apparent, but she'd have to see about that when she opened the boxes later. She looked up again to glare at Mark. "Dickhead" she snarled.

He shrugged. "Sorry. But I don't see _you _carrying those fucking heavy plates Nomes. Try it yourself and then we'll see who the dick is" he said defensively. Naomi rolled her eyes and turned her back on him, walking away quickly and purposefully.

Michelle joined her a few moments later. "Relax, Naomi. Everything will be fine, I promise" her friend said reassuringly. She glanced sideways again to see Michelle smiling warmly and Naomi, despite her mood, couldn't help but return it.

She sighed. "I know Chelle. I'm just nervous, that's all. I want everything to go perfectly tonight. You don't know how much is riding on this" she said honestly, and she winced at the bitter edge that crept into her tone on the last sentence.

Luckily Michelle didn't seem to pick up on it. "She'll love it" she replied softly, and Naomi heard Mark's noisy footsteps behind her before finally catching up to them. "I know she will. She loves you."

Naomi sighed deeply again, trying desperately to believe Michelle's words. She was right. Emily _did _love her. Naomi knew she did. But a part of her couldn't shake the feeling that something was going to go wrong tonight. All the tension over Emily's secretiveness had amplified tenfold within the past couple of weeks – the countdown to their anniversary – and she just hoped it would be annihilated once and for all tonight. Maybe if Emily saw Naomi's commitment to her and to their relationship – completely laid bare and honest – she would finally let go and let herself love without any hindrances.

"Fucking hell I'm starving" Mark suddenly exclaimed, snapping Naomi from her internal battle and causing her to jump. "Can we go to Burger King or something? These bags are draining my energy". Naomi gave him a hard smack to the chest at his over exaggerated whining, which caused him to whimper loudly – but she couldn't help the amused grin that overtook her face when she looked away.

"No, Mark" she snapped. "We have to get home and sort all this stuff out. Emily will be home in a few hours". He groaned in annoyance and the blonde heard Michelle giggle from beside her.

"He's a bloody baby, this one" she mused and Naomi nodded fervently in agreement.

They all fell quiet then – Mark taking Naomi's pissy attitude as his cue to shut up – and paced quickly towards Michelle's car, which was now within eyeshot across the road. They had already gotten the groceries before going to the homestore, so when Mark opened up the boot he plonked the 'fucking heavy' bags in with the other shopping bags and closed it with a loud thud. Naomi then jumped into the passenger seat, Mark into the back and Michelle behind the wheel. The brunette then started up the car and pulled out of her space and onto the road, driving steadily through the unexpected bout of traffic.

Naomi relaxed within a few minutes; she'd always found driving soothing, particularly when she was a passenger. Whenever she wasn't talking to others in the car, she would be looking out the window or absentmindedly listening or humming along to the radio. Her mind would wander to serene and calming places while the people and the scenery rushed by.

She liked it when things were at peace that way.

Today was no exception – the three of them listened to the radio contently while a chart tune blared out of it and her mind predictably wandered as per usual. It drifted vaguely towards Effy. What was the brunette doing now – was she happy? Content? Feeling stronger in herself? Naomi didn't dwell on these thoughts; Effy always let her know these things in her own twisted, intriguing little way. So instead, Naomi let her mind wander towards something else...remorse. "Sorry for being such a bitch today guys" Naomi said eventually in a blunt fashion, biting her lip and glancing at the both of them. "I've never done anything like this before" she added coyly.

She felt a consoling pat on her shoulder from a sturdy hand. "Don't worry 'bout it Nomesy. Heck, it's no different from the way you usually treat me" Mark replied in a sly tone. Naomi turned around in her seat to glare at him, but her eyes betrayed a quiet amusement. _He's right, of course, _she mused. "Just saying" he said whilst shrugging, although he sank into his seat a little when her glare lasted that little bit too long.

Michelle chuckled. "Mark's right...erm...about the worrying part" she said, hastily correcting herself when Naomi shot her a surprised look. "Everything you're doing...it's really sweet and romantic". She stopped at a traffic light and took the opportunity to change station – an old 90's dance anthem filled Naomi's eardrums. "Come to think of it" she continued, and Naomi looked back at her. "I'm quite jealous. Tony wouldn't know romance if it came up and kicked him in the arse". Mark and Naomi laughed loudly at this, and Michelle blushed while she continued to drive through the now green light. "I'm serious" she said defensively. "Sure just last month he thought it would be funny to buy and give me a t-shirt that had _'brunettes like it fiesty' _as a logo_". _She shook her head exasperatedly while Naomi and Mark continued to roar with laughter. "I threw the shirt at him and didn't talk to him for a day and a half".

The rest of the drive continued with this general banter and it eased Naomi's nerves considerably. She was grateful for friends like Mark and Michelle sometimes; they knew when not to take things seriously and when to just have a laugh, and even while Naomi was in a state of panic about tonight – for reasons more significant than either of them knew – they proved the perfect antidote to the debilitating poison of self-doubt and apprehension seeping through her veins.

"Yeah, just left here" Naomi said when they began to approach the destination they were aiming for. Michelle followed Naomi's guidance and turned left, leading them onto Emily's street. At Naomi's insistence, Michelle then pulled up alongside the curb and parked there – the car was now opposite Emily's block of flats. She immediately noticed that Emily's car wasn't parked outside – the redhead was clearly still at work then. The three of them got out and walked around to the boot and opened it. Naomi took out the bag she'd packed earlier with her belongings and cosmetics and stuff, and then they divided the rest of the shopping bags between them. Naomi led the way over to the building.

"This block is quite nice" Mark noted in an impressed tone while the three of them exited the lift on Emily's floor a few minutes later. "Not like the shithole I live in" he added and Naomi sniggered.

"Her flat is quite nice too. Small but cosy" she replied. They approached Emily's apartment door at last and Naomi stopped outside it. "Hold on. Let me just get the key" she said over her shoulder before leaning upwards. She stretched an arm above her towards the thin ledge bordering the top of the door. Her fingers skimmed the edge before coming into contact with what she was looking for – she seized the spare key in her hand and leant back down to stand normally. "Emily usually leaves a spare key" she explained when she caught Michelle and Mark shooting her curious looks. She pushed the key into the lock and jiggled it. "I normally give out to her about it, saying it's dangerous to leave it lying around". The door clicked and swung open, revealing Emily's flat. "But given these particular circumstances, I'm willing to take those words back" she said with a smug grin.

Mark and Michelle stepped past her into the flat and Naomi observed as their heads turned every which way to examine the apartment. Naomi followed them in and dropped her bags beside the door, taking a long look around herself.

Emily's apartment wasn't gigantic, but it was definitely just the right size for one person – in particular for a _small _person like Emily. The three of them currently stood in the main room, which housed both Emily's kitchen and living room; the kitchen, in the right half, was small, tiled and reasonably modern with an island and two stools situated in the middle. In the left half was the green-walled and wooden-floored sitting room, which contained a small breakfast table (which would be converted into a dinner table for tonight) set against the wall and two chairs; an old TV set that Emily had taken from her old family home; a petite-sized bookshelf which held all of Emily's favourite books, from _'Pride and Prejudice' _to _'Catch 22'_; and a loveseat couch with an adjacent armchair beside it. There were two other rooms as well – the bedroom and the bathroom. Mark's eyes seemed to be flickering around impatiently, and she repressed a snort upon realising why. He was looking for the former room. _In your dreams, _she thought in amusement.

Only _she_ got to experience the wonder of Emily's bedroom. With Emily.

Her blue eyes snapped up however when she heard a thumping sound; they fell upon Michelle, who had placed her grocery bags on the island. "What do you want us to do now Naomes?" she enquired, gesturing around the flat. "Any way we can help?" she added. Mark walked up to her side and he too plonked his bags alongside hers. Naomi's gaze flickered around, thinking of ways they could make themselves useful. Emily would be home from work in about two hours, which in theory left her little time to get both the flat and herself ready for their surprise evening. Perhaps her friends could help speed up the process.

"Okay, here's what you guys can do..."

Forty-five minutes later and Naomi stood leaning against the kitchen island panting and out-of-breath. Michelle and Mark were sitting just as breathless on the couch, glasses of water clutched in their hands and a look of achievement on both their faces. Naomi couldn't help but smile right along with them.

The flat had been transformed. Gone was the cluttered looking kitchen-lounge area and in its place a romantic haven; the dinner table – formerly the breakfast table – now sat in the middle of the room with a red-and-white chequered tablecloth draped over it. The two accompanying chairs were tucked neatly against the table opposite eachother and the table itself had all the suitable apparatus for a romantic dinner set on top of it – new plates, fancy cutlery, napkins, wine glasses, a small candle and a miniature vase that held a single white rose. The room itself had been dolled up considerably as well; apart from a single lamp in the corner, the entire space was being lit by nothing but soft and glowing candles dotted throughout the room. _Fire hazard my arse, _Naomi had thought stubbornly while lighting the candles. The amorous effect looked perfect for what she was going for and she couldn't be more pleased with how everything had turned out.

"Thanks a million Mark, Michelle" she said honestly, her voice choking up a bit while her azure blue eyes flitted around the room again in awe. "I love it. She'll love it".

She saw the both of them nod in reply, soft smiles lighting up their faces. "Glad we could help" Mark said, getting up and setting his glass aside while he paced towards her. He wasted no time in pulling her into a fierce hug. "Anything for my favourite little lesbian" he cooed, ruffling her blonde hair.

She pulled away and grumbled under her breath, yet she couldn't help but chuckle a bit. "I'm not _that _little" she retorted, shoving him playfully.

He shrugged. "Fine. My favourite _big _lesbian" he corrected, earning him another slap from the blonde.

Michelle stepped toward her then, putting aside her glass too. "Ignore him. He's just bitter that he won't be getting to see how tonight works out" she said, winking at Naomi unashamedly. Naomi felt a heat creep up her cheeks whilst she leant forward to hug her friend. When Michelle pulled away however, Naomi's brow furrowed upon seeing an despondent expression on her face.

"What's wrong?" she asked with concern.

Michelle looked back at her and smirked. "Nothing...it's just...this–", She gestured around the flat, "–reaffirms my jealousy. In fact...maybe _I _should become a lesbian – girls seem to be way more considerate on the romantic stuff" she said bluntly. Mark howled with laughter at this, closely followed by Michelle herself. Naomi gladly joined in as well and the chuckles that shook her body immediately eased her anxiety once again. Her friends really knew how to make her feel better.

"Well, as _revealing _as that little fact may be, Michelle," Naomi said eventually with a smirk, "I think that maybe it's time for you two to head off. But who knows – if Ems is up for it one night, we could take you out on the pull? We know some great places" she said jokingly while they all walked towards the door.

"Fair enough. I'm sure Tone won't mind" she said mischievously. "Just as long as you stick to my tastes, yeah? I don't like butch girls" she added in a playful voice. Naomi rolled her eyes and opened the front door.

"I'll keep that in mind. Now, bugger off. I'll text you two tomorrow". They both stepped out of the apartment graciously and Naomi waved them goodbye before shutting the door on them. She then turned and leaned back against the door, her skittish eyes darting around the now ominously empty room. The significance of its appearance hit her all at once. _Fucking hell, _she thought in worry upon realising how much she had to do. Lucky for her that Emily normally didn't mind her using her things; she had to have a shower and get the dinner started and get dressed and do her make-up and make sure everything was perfect.

Tonight had to be perfect. There was no room for error.

So she leapt off the door and started rustling through her groceries, pulling out the ingredients for the pasta dish she was making.

Another half an hour later and everything was going swimmingly; the pasta was set and ready to be boiled, the carbonara mix was simmering away and the cheesecake was in the oven, leaving Naomi free to get ready. She had just gotten out of the shower and was now adding some flourishing touches to Emily's bedroom; with dainty and tender fingers, she sprinkled her girlfriend's bedcovers with bright red rose petals – _Christ I'm a right sap _– and stepped back to observe the effect. A contemplative smile tugged up at her lips while she hugged her towel closer to herself.

_She's really going to love this, _she thought happily, the first confident thought to hit her all evening. _We might finally be able to move forward. _This reflective train of thought was interrupted however by the annoying sound of a phone ringing. Realising that it wasn't her own mobile, Naomi grudgingly crossed back over into the living area and approached Emily's belling house phone.

"Hullo?" she hastily said upon answering it, water dripping down from her hair onto her bare shoulders.

"Hello, is this Emily Fitch speaking?" a polite sounding female voice replied.

Naomi hesitated. "No, it isn't. She's not at home right now. Can I take a message?" she replied in a falsely courteous voice, her attention suddenly elsewhere – the carbonara mixture was starting to bubble threateningly.

"Oh alright, no problem then. Just tell her that Ms Georgina Evans called and wished to speak to her – I had been talking with her last week about her enquiry into a possible position in our company. Do you know when she will be available to get back to me?"

Naomi's brow furrowed in confusion, all thoughts of the gurgling pasta dish and the sudden smell of burning flying from her mind. "She might be around later" Naomi murmured in a quiet voice, her heart rate climbing without warning. Two and two were coming together in her mind while water continued to trickle down her flushed skin. "But...um...if you don't mind me asking..." she continued, before faltering slightly.

"Yes, Miss?" Ms Evans asked a few moments later, a cautious edge to her tone at hearing Naomi's sudden hesitation.

The blonde swallowed. "Well...not to sound prying, Ms Evans" she started off shakily. Then she took a confident breath and set herself. "But...may I ask what it is exactly that Emily's applied for?"

.

Emily stepped wearily out of the lift onto the third floor, grunting a half-hearted goodbye to Mr Dawson behind her before the doors closed on him – his apartment was on the fifth floor. Then she continued trudging towards her flat, her body and brain wanting nothing more than for her to collapse onto her couch and take a well-deserved nap.

Work had been gruelling – _two _of her employees had called in sick which meant, as manager, she had to tie up all the loose ends. She even ended up leaving later than she'd anticipated – she was now stopping in front of her door half an hour later than she had been intending to.

Nevertheless, at least it was Friday. And although she had to work on Sunday, she was still free to enjoy a lazy Saturday tomorrow. But there was also another reason she was excited to be home at last, and it had nothing to do with her tedious job.

Today was hers and Naomi's six month anniversary. Emily almost couldn't believe it sometimes, but it was fact. After everything they'd been through – the fears, the quarrels, the uncertainties – they were still very much together. They were still very much in love. And a part of Emily felt quite relieved by that while she took out her key from her bag and shoved it into the lock.

She had text Naomi earlier on her way home confirming what the plan for tonight was, and Naomi had just replied with a frank: _just go home and get ready and I'll meet you later. _They had originally planned to go to dinner, yet Emily had thought that text odd at first...Naomi normally ended her texts to her with at least one 'x'...but then she thought that maybe Naomi was just nervous or distracted. Maybe she even had something _else_ planned for them?

Still, thinking nothing of it as the lock eventually clicked, she briskly stepped into her apartment. It was only when she was two or three steps in however that she stopped dead in her tracks and her mouth fell open.

The room was...stunning. Everything. Amazing. It had been transformed into a divine love-nest; there were soft-lighted candles glimmering about the room; the tantalising smells of both sweet and savoury foods swept continuously around her; a romantic table for two was positioned right in front of her, completely decked out with new cutlery and plates and an unopened bottle of wine. There was even an elegant white rose sitting idly within a glass vase in the middle, whose sight made a coy smile pull up at Emily's lips unbidden.

But after a few moments of standing in the room alone, Emily sensed that...something wasn't quite right. The space was oddly silent; no cheesy R&B tunes were wafting around as to be expected. The smells were coming from cooked food alright, but when she followed her nose to the source, she found that the food wasn't set out at all – it looked to be hastily thrown out onto the counter and forgotten about. In fact, when she stepped a little bit closer, she could whiff a burnt smell. But the oddest thing about this whole setup right now was that it was missing something even more significant.

"Naomi?" Emily called out in a somewhat strained voice, her apprehension seeping into her throat. No answer. "Naomes, are you here?" she tried again, more conviction in her tone this time. Her adrenaline started to pump. What if something bad had happened? What if, in the middle of setting up this surprise, something had happened to Naomi? Something bad?

Her heart tightened and squeezed painfully in her chest at the thought of such a thing. She couldn't bear the thought of being here, in this magnificent room, without Naomi..._her _Naomi...not when they had so much to celebrate tonight. Not when she wanted to be brave for once and show her how much she loved her. She knew she had been a bit shitty with her mood swings these past couple of months...it had all been a bit silly really...but she had been worried that they would never have made it this far.

Yet despite all these insecurities and worries and fears over Naomi, this giant romantic gesture proved how unnecessary her anxiety was. This room proved exactly how much the blonde was in this, in them. It proved that Naomi was in this for the long haul. _It proves how much of a cunt I've been, _the redhead added as an afterthought and knew it to be true.

That's why she needed to know where her love was. She needed to show her that she had been wrong. She needed to show her that she was in love with her, completely and truly.

She needed _her._

But then she suddenly heard a rustling noise and whirled around. Her heart soared in relief and her face lit up with love and elation and adoration upon glimpsing her girlfriend standing idly in the doorway leading off to her bedroom. She looked absolutely stunning, although this inadvertently made Emily feel self-conscious about the lacklustre uniform she was currently sporting – Naomi was donning an LBD with a low-cut neckline and a thin pearl necklace was also wrapped around her slender neck. This was accompanied by equally dark black heels which did much to elongate and accentuate her gorgeous figure. Her hair was curled in soft waves, the blonde highlights shimmering under the candlelight which radiated throughout room. Her girlfriend almost looked _too _gorgeous for just a simple, intimate dinner in her apartment, yet Emily appreciated the effort all the same. She _really _appreciated it. But it was when her warm brown eyes dropped to glimpse Naomi's face that reality hit hard and fast.

Naomi's expression didn't convey the awe and adoration that Emily's did. No. It conveyed the opposite. Her pale face – beneath the light coat of beautifully applied make-up – was cold and menacing and contemptuous. Her normally soft azure blue eyes were icy and filled with disdain, and Emily felt her stomach sink and her heart clench in agony at seeing Naomi looking at her like that.

Naomi _never _looked at her like that.

"Naomi?" she asked for the third time, her voice feeble and broken. Naomi's lips pursed into a tight line and it took all of Emily's strength not to buckle under the seething anger emanating from the woman in waves. _What the fuck is going on? _Emily wondered in bewilderment, the seconds ticking by excruciatingly.

The blonde eventually stood up straighter and stepped stiffly away from the doorway. Her hands were held tightly behind her back and her appearance remained as stony as ever.

"Emily" she said shortly, her voice emotionless and detached. Emily bit her lip and wrenched her eyes shut for a moment, her breathing deepening while she tried to keep her composure. She had to keep it together. At least until she knew what was going on.

"What..." she started again, trying to muster up some courage and opening her eyes. "What's going on?" she asked quietly, her shoulders shrugging weakly. She almost wished that she hadn't asked – those cold blue eyes shot to hers and narrowed. Emily couldn't help but feel the flame – the one that burned for and _only _for Naomi – in her heart dwindle underneath the overpowering ice in her girlfriend's glare; Naomi was looking at her like she was her enemy – not her lover. Not her best-friend.

Her lip curled up in disgust. "I don't know, Emily. I don't know what's going on" Naomi snapped in a dark voice. "But, that's the problem, isn't it? I _never _know what's going on with you. Y'know...since you never feel the need to share anything with me". Her stance faltered slightly and Emily saw a flicker of despair cross her eyes. The flame inside of her flickered strongly once more at that glimmer of hope. She urged the pain to break through those seas of blue. It had to, Emily _wanted _it to. She needed to see the love again, the love in Naomi's eyes which she so desperately craved. She needed to know what was hurting the fragile girl before her...because it had been a long time since she had stood so close yet felt so far from Naomi all in the same instant.

"Naomi, please" she pleaded helplessly, taking a tentative step forward and reaching out a hand. The blonde tensed and recoiled at once. "Please, just...tell me" she murmured, dropping the arm hopelessly. "What's gotten you so upset? What is it that I've done?"

Their eyes locked again and Naomi's expression wavered even more. She looked so conflicted, so torn...and as Emily watched the girl bring her arms up to cross them protectively over her chest, she abruptly realised what she had already done. Naomi didn't need to say anything else...sure, _this _instance might be entirely unrelated...but Emily could see what she had done to Naomi while she stood there poised in trepidation and pain.

She had pushed her away. She had kept her own insecurities and fears locked up and hadn't let Naomi in to help her work through them. She thought she had been protecting herself...but in reality she had been making herself worse. While Naomi had been taking ten steps forward, she had been taking ten steps back.

It was the one thing she said she would never do, yet here it was staring her in the face. In a matter of years – no, in a matter of _months _actually_ –_ their roles had reversed completely. And Emily felt a wave of disgust engulf her body just as Naomi took a deep breath in to speak.

Naomi was the brave one now. Not Emily.

"Somebody called for you earlier" she heard vaguely through the fog of her revelation. Her shaken brown eyes shot upwards and her brow furrowed in confusion. Naomi's cold stance had softened considerably now; she simply looked broken and tired. "On the phone, just over an hour ago...she was from 'Lloyd & Bennett Ltd.' You know, your _'friend'_ who rang you last week? Ring any bells?"

They stared at eachother for a long moment, the throbbing of Emily's heart unexpectedly intensifying. _Fuck, _she thought, panic hitting her for an entirely different reason.

"Oh" was all she could say. She had been found out.

Naomi's head rolled back and Emily watched as she breathed in deeply, her nostrils flaring in exasperation. Then she rolled it back down, blinking back some escaping tears from her eyes.

"London, Emily? _London? _You fucking applied for a big PR job in London and didn't think to tell me?" she exclaimed, the anger piercing her voice again. Emily flinched, her tongue too big for her mouth all of a sudden.

"I...I..." she stammered, before collecting herself. "Dad...knows someone in there and he...he told me they had a vacancy. The pay's good and the company is well established and...and...I just thought it would be a great opportunity. I just...I didn't want to say anything in case I didn't get it" she reasoned feebly.

"Bullshit" the blonde growled, and Emily winced again. She shook her head in frustration and repugnance, her lip tucking between her teeth in an aggravated manner. "So your dad knows too? Fantastic. I suppose Jenna does as well then?" she spat disdainfully, nothing but loathing in her tone. Emily tried to hold back her brimming tears while the flame continued to flicker feebly. "Oh, and I bet if I gave Katie a buzz right now then she would be able to tell me all about it, eh? Hell, I'm sure bloody _Albert _knows about your fucking '_great opportunity' _by this stage!" The blonde's chest rose up and down rapidly whilst her rage continued to overwhelm her. "No, I get it Emily. _Of course _you don't need to tell me about your new job. Sure, just move on up to London without telling me. I won't mind. Why would I mind? I'm only your _fucking girlfriend!" _

She turned away from Emily then and walked towards the table; the redhead swallowed a sob back down her throat and repressed a whimper when her girlfriend's fingers began to stroke delicately and tenderly at the rose's petals in the middle of the table.

She could physically feel Naomi slipping away from her. She didn't know what else to do. "Naomi, I wanted to tell you..." she began, trying to claw her way back up from rock-bottom.

Naomi scoffed and looked halfway over her shoulder. "Yeah? But you didn't, did you, hon?" she threw back carelessly. Emily blinked her eyes shut. Everything was going wrong. She should have just told her. Why hadn't she just told her? "Emily..." she heard suddenly and her eyelids popped open again at the change in Naomi's tone. Its soft sound added fuel to the burning in her chest. And then her girlfriend turned around unsurely and looked at her with open hurt and confusion splashed across her face. But before Emily had the chance to feel even worse about this expression, Naomi asked her something. "Why _didn't _you just tell me? I mean...you love me, don't you? You're _in love _with me" she whispered, her voice breaking on 'in love'. Emily's chest constricted at the doubt in her voice. "Why is it so hard for you to tell me things? Why is it so hard for you to trust me?"

She stepped forward then, beseeching Emily with her now wild and flashing blue eyes for an explanation. Emily stared up into them helplessly, feeling a whirlwind of emotions coursing through her. She felt ambushed, confused, scared, conflicted and...sorry. She had caused a ton of shit without even realising it. Naomi wasn't mad about the lies, the redhead knew that. This instance was just the straw that broke the camel's back – she was, in reality, mad about Emily's avoidance of the truth. She was mad about Emily's lack of trust in her. Emily _knew_ that...because she had once felt all those things herself.

Yet as she continued to gaze up into those big blue eyes – so torn yet still so full of love and expectation – she couldn't help but feel something dark and toxic bubble beneath the surface of her skin. It was an overwhelming and suffocating sensation and Emily could feel it smother the love and want burning deep within her heart. It was that familiar feeling of resentment washing over her upon realising what Naomi was doing – taking her control away from her, crushing her with her emotions again.

_No, _she thought firmly, a mind block rising up in her brain. _I won't be hurt again. I can't be. I can't let it happen. I _won't _let it happen._

She exhaled deeply and took another step forward, disregarding Naomi's sudden hopeful look. She had asked for the truth, now she was going to get it. So Emily set her jaw and breathed out the four worst possible words she could say. The words which were no doubt the epitome of _Naomi's _worst fears.

"You did it first".

Silence.

Emily felt all the air immediately get sucked out of the room while she watched Naomi's previously pleading blue eyes widen to the size of plates. She saw a flash of fire cross them whilst the pale skin of her face blanched and her lips pursed into that thin line once more.

Yet Emily didn't say anything. She made no move to correct herself. She was numb. The fire was numb. Every nerve and cell in her body felt dead as she watched pain silently rip through the woman she loved right in front of her.

And then Naomi took a shuddering breath in and fluttered her eyelids closed, and when they opened again they held the same stone that Emily was so used to seeing when she looked at herself in the mirror nowadays.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Emily" she said tightly, her tone climbing several octaves. Its sound pierced daggers through Emily's immobile form, yet she still didn't flinch. The blonde sighed heavily and looked away. "Don't worry though...I'll make this easy for you." And with that she shot across the room like a lightning bolt, Emily watching with wide eyes the entire time while the blonde bustled around and started gathering some things around her. She shoved them hastily into a bag.

And Emily still couldn't move or speak. Her words were nothing but withered and crumpled autumn leaves stuck in her throat while the conflicting wants battled over each other inside her. Head versus heart. Logic versus love. Fire versus ice.

Naomi versus loneliness.

But before either side got the chance to triumph, Emily's moist brown eyes looked over to see Naomi standing beside her front door. She looked so beautiful, so elegant, so sultry in her black dress...but her face held the appearance of a tortured soul.

"I left a present for you in your bedroom" she whispered, her voice losing all of its strength and anger and resolve. "You probably won't need it now though...since you'll, you know...be starting your big cushy job and all". Those dejected blue eyes pierced her then and Emily felt something stir inside her once more. But then Naomi exhaled a drawn out sigh."This is me, Emily" she murmured with a crooked smile, and the redhead stifled a gasp at the proverbial echo. Naomi shrugged meekly and bit her lip before continuing. "I know you're broken. I know you're scared. I know you're afraid that I'll hurt you." She paused to see if Emily would respond. She didn't. "But...I'm scared and broken too. And you're hurting me. And I can't cope anymore." With that, she leaned down and picked up the bag at her feet. Then she revolved defeatedly towards the door and put her hand gently onto the handle. She pushed it down and the door swung open. She took a step forward almost in slow-motion. The tears began to silently trickle down Emily's porcelain cheeks.

"Wait..." she croaked out at last, but she wasn't sure how to finish the sentence.

Naomi seemed to understand – she didn't turn around. So Emily watched, powerless, as the blonde's shoulders rose and fell in a heaving sigh. The flame started to blaze her insides again when she realised what was coming. The heat of it seared everywhere, everything. It scorched her soft skin through the tears flowing down her cheeks.

"Happy anniversary, Em" Naomi breathed out quietly, before shutting the door behind her completely.

.


	28. Chapter 27

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The supple, sinewy notes fluttered around her and wrapped themselves around each of her senses; a content smile tugged up at her lips while the sounds processed their way through her mind, making her limbs and muscles feel floaty and at ease.

She wished life, she, could be like this all the time. The atmosphere, the noises, the sights – they all made her feel comfortable. Calm. Although, she couldn't help but notice...things seemed a lot easier in her life nowadays. She didn't feel nearly as tense as she used to. Even without this sound of strumming guitars ringing in her eardrums.

"They are good live, yes?"

Her weary eyelids fluttered open and ethereal blue eyes scanned around for the deep voice. They fell upon her tall, dark-skinned friend beside her; he was looking down at her with something close to warmth in his eyes, a pint of beer clutched in his strong grip.

Her lazy smile stretched further in response. "Very" she answered simply, her gaze drifting back towards the stage. The handsome lead singer was purring into the microphone, his voice raspy and pleasant on the ears. In his hands sat a large semi-acoustic, which he was plucking away at as if it were mere air. His bandmates – insignificant in comparison – played away in tune behind him.

Thomas snorted. "He makes it seem so easy, you know?" he said, echoing Effy's own thoughts. She looked up at him inquisitively, her eyebrow cocking up.

"Jealous?" she asked. "Can you play an instrument?" she added softly. It wasn't taunting, just genuinely curious.

He shrugged slightly and glanced away. "Yes" he said confidently. "Even some you Britons wouldn't be familiar with" he said, cocking his head toward her a little and winking at her. She laughed. "But seriously. We played music all the time in my village, when I was a boy. Unorthodox instruments to yours, yes, but it was all music nonetheless. The sound...it was beautiful". Effy's eyebrows knitted together slightly upon glimpsing the sudden wistful expression on his face. He looked away once more. "Sometimes I would just sit at the edge of the circle, while everyone would sing and dance and drum, and I would just listen. Just...breathe it in, you know?" he said, and she spied a twinkle in his eye. "Music has a fantastic way of just lifting you away from the world. I think it's one of the most magical things there is." He stared at her again, the look on his face a searching one. She stared him in the eye for a moment or so before tilting her head forward again and looking past the numerous people in the crowd before her.

The singer continued to caress the room and the audience with his endearingly raspy and coarse vocals. Everyone remained captivated while they watched him. Effy never used to enjoy music that much, she realised. It had always been noise. Just noise. Just something for her to dance to or something to fill up the void. The voices...they had been her music. _They _were her escape from the world, whether she had wanted that escape or not. But now that they were gone, silenced...she found during the years passed that sounds such as these ones around her were proving a welcome substitute.

The band changed song again and Effy abruptly comprehended what Thomas was trying to imply when a grin overtook her face unbidden. Music could be pleasant. It didn't hurt her. It was nice. So when she looked confidently back toward his soft dark eyes, she nodded infinitesimally. He smiled in return.

"Bloomin' heck guys! That queue for the bar was whopper long" squealed the exuberant voice of Pandora in her ear, and she was startled from hers and Thomas' moment. She looked around to her bubbling friend – blonde hair quiffed and bouncy like the girl herself – and chuckled when she came to stand between them with two drinks in her hand. "Here's your coke Eff" she said, handing the brunette her beverage to which Effy nodded her thanks.

The three of them stood there without speaking for a minute or so, sipping their drinks, before Effy turned to address Panda. "So, what do you make of the band then Panda-Pops?" she asked politely, taking another sip of her drink.

Pandora shrugged. "They're alright, I guess. Still think they're bloody weird though – didn't think you'd be into 'em at all Eff, like Tommo 'ere" she said truthfully and Effy grinned.

She and Thomas exchanged a look. "Guess they're not for everyone then" she said plainly. "But there's always something for everyone" she added cryptically. She looked away just as Pandora's brow creased.

"I dunno Effy...never bin into all that indie stuff, y'know?" The brunette saw Pandora's face light up suddenly out of the corner of her eye. "But I used to love the Spice Girls! Had their posters up on my wall and everythin', except mum made me take 'em down after a while 'cos she thought they were too promiscuously dressed..."

But Effy wasn't really listening anymore whilst Pandora continued to rattle on about her love of Baby Spice. Her animated voice became mere white noise and was rapidly tuned out as the brunette unthinkingly gazed around the crowd. Her eyes were now – inadvertently – caught in the gaze of a bloke halfway across the room. He was tall, pale and genuinely handsome; he had a lean stature and was wearing plain jeans and a t-shirt. Dark and coarse brown hair sat tussled and messy around his strikingly masculine face. And his eyes...those bright green eyes didn't leave hers for a second while she continued to hold his stare. But it was when a friendly, honest smile stretched across his face that she jerked and hurriedly looked away.

That feeling...that odd panging feeling. It seemed familiar, yet unwelcome. She didn't want to feel it. Didn't care for what it did to her; it made her feel inexplicably warm and fluttery.

_Not yet, _a slightly frantic voice thought resoundingly in her head while she tried to distract herself by watching the band again. _I'm not ready yet. _

She didn't even have time to register the slightly sympathetic look Thomas was shooting her then – clearly having witnessed the exchange – because the perfect diversion arrived in the form of her phone beeping. "'Scuse me. Phone call" she said hurriedly to her bemused friends while she pushed her way past them. It wasn't until she arrived at a quieter area in the back that she pulled out her phone and glimpsed the screen. Her brow furrowed in confusion before raising the phone to her ear and answering.

"Naomi?" she asked, her voice betraying her surprise.

The only reply she got was in the form of muffled sounds; sniffles and whimpers were all that pierced her eardrums from the receiving end of the line.

"Naomes? Are you okay?" she tried, worry now setting in as the sobs increased in fervour. Nothing was comprehensible as the brunette continued to listen urgently; if she concentrated closely, she could just about make out a rustling noise and a sharp, clapping sound – probably akin to heels steeping against hard ground. "Naomi, listen to me" she said more forcefully as the clapping continued and got louder. "What's happened? What's going on?"

She heard the unmistakable sound of a car rushing by, confirming Effy's assumption that her friend was outside and on the move. _What the fuck could've happened? _she thought unrelentingly. Had she been mugged? Had her house been robbed? Had she been in a fight? Effy gulped as an even more horrible thought stabbed at her mind. _Raped?_ Well, either way, Naomi sounded rough if her ragged breathing was anything to go by.

She tried one last time, for the set behind her was just starting to finish up and she wouldn't be able to hear anything soon over the sound of people leaving and talking. "Naomi" she began sternly. "You have to tell me what's happened. You have to, because I can't help you otherwise–"

"I need you" said a shockingly small voice in her ear, and the sound made Effy's heart stall. The three words...they sounded feeble and broken. And that's when it clicked.

_Emily._

She sighed deeply while Naomi's incoherent snivelling continued to travel down the line. "Where are you?" she asked next, immediately making a decision in her mind. There was a pause on the other end while the blonde presumably took stock on her surroundings.

"I don't know" she said honestly and quietly, and Effy repressed a groan of worry and frustration. She tried not to panic upon comprehending that Naomi sounded slightly drunk.

"Okay, don't worry. Just...stay put. I'm coming to find you, alright?" she said defiantly and ignored the sound of Naomi's protesting. "No buts. Stay where you are. I'll be there as quick as I can" she said, before swiftly hanging up the phone. She repressed another growl of frustration as the fear and urgency of the situation hit her at last.

This wasn't like Naomi at all. She rarely got drunk, unless she was out with friends. Unless she was enjoying herself and having a good time. Something bad must've happened with Emily. Really bad. And sure, perhaps it seemed a bit over-the-top for Effy to be even contemplating dashing off to Bristol from London at this hour. But this was no ordinary circumstance. Because...Naomi never really admits she_ needs _people. And then Effy's heart clenched as a painstaking thought crossed her mind.

She's never admitted she's needed _her_.

"Effy!" she heard suddenly and redirected her now wild and frantic blue eyes towards the voice; she watched while Thomas and Panda pushed through the exiting crowd bustling past her. They came to stop, notably out-of-breath, just in front of her. Thomas' eyes were probing and concerned once again. "Who was that? You look startled, Elizabeth" he said matter-of-factly, yet with a softness to his voice. Effy glimpsed Pandora's expression to see that her friend looked just as concerned. Then she glanced between them both and exhaled a long sigh, a guilty look appearing on her face.

"Guys, I know this is kinda unexpected but, uh..." she began, before pausing. The two of them continued to stare at her, wordlessly imploring her to continue. She coughed awkwardly, before setting herself. "I'm gonna need a lift to Bristol. Right now". Thomas and Pandora exchanged a surprised yet sceptical look.

Effy's smile grew crooked in feigned innocence.

.

She stomped down the dark street belligerently, not even caring enough to register the appalled and alarmed glances she was receiving from passersby. Her mind was a whirlwind of broken and muddled thoughts and they didn't help at all in the process of directing her feet. A rum bottle hung loosely from her hand. She had bought it soon after leaving..._hers_...because she realised she would need sustenance of some sort if she were to keep her grief-addled body from falling apart completely. Her bag was held in the other hand. Both swung lazily from her arms while she blindly turned a corner and continued aimlessly down another new and unfamiliar street.

Her heels were dragging by this stage, so much so that they made harsh scraping noises against the ground. She had no idea where she was going, no clue what she was doing...but all she knew was that she needed to get away as fast as her dragging feet would carry her from the source of her current anguish and pain. She had to get as far away as possible before she crumpled beneath her devastation completely...because, as she was very much aware by this point, she now knew that it was entirely possible to have your heart broken more than once by the same person.

"Watch where you're going you clumsy bitch!" yelled some chav in her ear when the blonde inadvertently bumped into her on the street. She barely noticed her, looking around vaguely towards the source of the angry voice and setting eyes upon some large girl in a horrendously green tracksuit.

"'M sorry...'S my fault" she mumbled in a rush, waving the rum bottle in her hand slightly and continuing to stagger forwards. She heard the girl growl _"fucking drunken cow"_ before she walked away completely, and Naomi resumed on her endless path to nowhere. She wrenched the cap off her bottle and raised it to her lips again, the remnants of her efforts sloshing against the glass before pouring past her mouth and squarely hitting the back of her throat. The sensation burned harshly, yet the tangy sweetness felt unbelievably good as it warmed her insides on its way down. She liked it, revelled in it. It took away from the other burning sensations trying to consume her alive.

But then her limbs completely gave out on cooperating with her inebriated mind; at that moment, she stepped awkwardly onto her right heel which caused her to teeter forwards and come tumbling down. It was a circus of flaying limbs and flying bottles and bags as the blonde fell into a heap on the pathway. She splayed herself out tactlessly, her drunken stupor making her unaware of why she was suddenly horizontal. Her belongings were scattered around her.

"Hmhmwha..." she mumbled unintelligibly, her head lolling from side to side while the cold night air pierced the tear-stained skin of her flushed cheeks. And then a giggle bubbled up her throat out of nowhere. "I'm duh-runk" she muttered to nobody in particular as the intense orange lights shone down on her from the streetlamps above. She chuckled deeper, the laughter gurgling in the pits of her rum-warmed stomach. "Huh huh...ya hear that Ems?" she said, her tone growing louder of its own accord. "I'm _drunk _Emily! Fucking drunk! What do ya make of your girlfriend now, eh? Eh?" she said, the laughter becoming hysterical. As she turned her head to the side, she saw some elderly couple watching her from across the road with disapproving looks on their faces. She stuck her tongue out at them and they shook their heads in a judgemental manner before hobbling away. "Oh no, wait, that's right" she continued, raising her bottle and unscrewing the cap and pushing it to her lips again. She squealed when the liquid missed her mouth and trickled down her jaw onto her neck. Horizontal. Right. "Yeah...yeah o' course...I'm not your girlfriend though am I? No, not really, no...'cos...'cos you're a _fucking liar!" _she bellowed. This time it didn't harbour any of the playfulness from before. It was bitter and angry and broken-hearted and it made fresh tears spring to her eyes and roll down her cheeks while red and brown continuously coursed through her thoughts once again.

She was in her own stage of self-oblivion. The rum was warming her where her heart was trying to freeze her from the inside-out. She didn't know one person could feel so much pain. Again. It had been bad enough the first time around. But the difference was, Emily knew this time_._ She had known how much her words affected Naomi, how much her words set Naomi alight in either the right or the wrong way. The redhead was fully aware of that fact...yet she'd had the audacity to stare Naomi straight in the eye – while the blonde had been pleading with her, _begging _her to open up – and then rip her heart in two.

The phone call had been too much for the blonde's already distrusting heart to take. She'd almost given up on them the moment she'd put down the receiver. Yet, she'd still held an inexplicable faith in Emily. A faith borne out of pure love. So that's why, despite her reservations and bitterness, she gave Emily an opportunity. She gave her that one chance to come clean and say outright that she was scared and hurt and having trouble forgiving. The feelings that Naomi was aware the redhead was experiencing, but trying so hard to conceal from her.

Except, instead, Emily voiced the one thing that epitomised the depths of Naomi's remorse. The one worry and regret that Naomi suffered against, deep down in the wracks of her being...but forced herself to dismiss out of pure hope. Those four tactlessly thrown out words...the mere thought of them was enough to make the bile rise up Naomi's throat while she lay there crying softly on the cold hard ground.

_You did it first, _her befuddled mind recited in a surprisingly accurate impression of Emily's husky yet notably empty voice. The burning crept up her throat again, the feeling enough to make white-hot tears pour ceaselessly down her face. _Oh no...wait, _she thought abruptly when the sickening taste lingered in her mouth. _I think...I think I'm gonna be–_

Her stomach lurched then and the contents of it lurched right along with it; she rolled over onto her side and heaved up everything – which wasn't much besides alcohol – onto the pathway beside her. When her hazy brain deduced that her body was pretty much spent however, she angrily wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and forced herself into a sitting position. Her moist and drowsy eyes glanced at herself and her surroundings; when she looked down she noticed that the dress she was wearing was ripped from her fall and splattered a little with vomit. No matter...it wasn't as if anyone was going to appreciate it tonight anyway. Then her eyes lifted up and she saw her bag lying several feet away from her, thankfully clean after being spared from her spewing fit. And finally, the rum bottle lay next to her hip _–_ except she noted it was mercifully almost empty. She was glad. She didn't feel like shoving anything down her throat anytime soon what with the taste currently left in her mouth. She pushed it away just in case and it rolled down the tarmac road next to her and out of sight.

And then, inexplicably, a smile stretched across her pallid features. But it wasn't a happy or humorous smile. It was sadistic and empty and twisted. Because, even through its pounding and throbbing, her head was slightly less foggy...so she could now regretfully recall why she was currently sat dizzy and lost on a public street. Alone.

_Fucking lost, _she thought hopelessly. _Fucking alone. Fucking nowhere to go. _She sniffled and wiped her nose clumsily on the back of her unsoiled hand. Then she unintentionally started to take inventory on her options. _Can't go to Chelle's...she fucking helped me out with this bloody disaster of a night in the first place...can't go to Mark's either...they'll both only start asking questions. _Her choices began to spring up all over the place; they were spinning around her head so fast that she suddenly sympathised with JJ. _JJ! _she thought ecstatically, before her shoulders slumped again. _Oh yeah...too fucking far away. _She lay back down on the ground, careful to avoid the pile of sick next to her. _Home? No...mum'll start asking questions too...nosey cow...and my room still smells like E–. _She rapidly changed tack. _Effy?...but she's in Pandora's, isn't she?__ Nah, too fucking far away as well. Or maybe Tony's? _she thought, before being hit with disappointment again. _Not his..._she _lives there. And she looks like her and she's related to her and I don't want anything to fucking do with her!_ bellowed her anguished voice inside her thudding head. The thought of Katie Fitch was almost too much to bear. Or, more importantly, the thought of Katie possibly being _nice _was too much – because if Katiekins decided to believe her and be nice and sympathetic with her then she would just end up reminding her of...Katie's twin...being nice as well and then her heart would break all over again and she couldn't stand the thought of breaking over red again because everything was already too much to handle and – _fucking tits fucking bollocks! _

She curled into the fetal position and urgently wrenched her eyes shut while her mind became an incoherent mass of cursing and swearing. Typical...now all she could feel and see and breathe was Emily again. Sweet, amazing Emily. Adoring, loving Emily.

Her Emily.

But she grimaced as her girlfriend's vacant and drained face reappeared in her mind unbidden. At the same time, her mouth spoke those despicable words again. Oh, that's right...Cruel, sadistic Emily. Brutal, heartless Emily. She fucking _knew! _Her words were enough to destroy Naomi...enough for Naomi to know, after everything they'd been through in the past couple of months, that she _still _wasn't good enough. That she wasn't forgiven.

Her worn blue eyes appeared from beneath dreary eyelids as the sorrow ate away at her once more, the rum no longer able to mask the ache of it.

She would _never _be good enough. She would never be forgiven.

She swallowed harshly. She didn't know what to do with this feeling. Before, when she had run away from her undying love, she'd had only herself to think of. She'd had nothing, and hence nothing to lose. Except it had all been pointless in the end...because she couldn't help but let herself want Emily anyway. Need Emily. So for the first time in her life she had allowed herself to build something and to be happy. Something out of pure nothing. They, she and Emily, had built the most magnanimous love out of _nothing._

Yet...Emily had torn it all down. In the blink of an eye. And as Naomi lay there in this dark and lonesome street with only the alcohol to warm her belly, she wondered if she had been right all along. Was her naive teenage self possibly less naive then she'd first assumed? Her eyes started to sting again when the tears threatened to brim once more.

Maybe...maybe love wasn't worth it after all. If_ this_ is what came out of it.

She was interrupted from her pessimistic musings however by a vibrating sensation. She leant up slowly – very slowly, because her head was protesting vehemently – and listened for the noise. After a few seconds she realised it was coming from her bag. She reached out clumsily for it and pulled it toward her. She began rooting through it belligerently and tossing things out left and right, the alcohol still making her vision and actions blurry and tactless.

Eventually her fingers closed around what she was searching for; she pulled the phone out of the depths of her bag and held it close to her face, her vision taking several seconds to clear before she could read the screen. She could see that she had around seven missed calls and eleven new messages from...Effy. _Effy? _she thought in confusion, her brow furrowing. She was staying in Pandora's, wasn't she? That fact was already accounted for. So why would she be ringing– _Oh, Effy! _she realised, a dopey smile reappearing on her face. She had almost forgotten she had called the brunette a few hours ago...and then she'd said– _Holy shit. She's trying to find me, _she comprehended suddenly, her chest seizing in shock. But when she went to ring the girl back, her phone lit up again without warning. Except it rang not with Effy's number, but with a number she didn't expect to see at all. In fact...she froze upon glimpsing the name, before tentatively clicking 'accept' and raising the phone to her ear.

"What?" she said bitterly, the word slurring.

A hesitant pause, before, "Naomi? Are you okay?" asked the concerned voice on the other end. It made her heart stammer slightly against the ice.

"Why?" she shot back, her tone still carrying disdain. This was one conversation she didn't want to partake in. She wanted her bed, she wanted sleep and most of all she didn't want to stink of sick anymore–

"Em called and she...she sounded pretty upset...asked me to check up on you" the coy voice answered, clearly noting Naomi's anger at last. Naomi didn't – couldn't – reply; she just sat there in her own resentment. "Naomi..." Katie started again, the soft sound making a tear slip involuntarily from one of her shaken blue eyes. Jesus she was crying a lot tonight. "What's happened?" the girl asked hesitantly. "I...I know it was your anniversary tonight...Emily won't tell me but...did you guys have an argument or something?"

Again, Naomi failed to reply. Now her heart was anew with anger. Fucking hell. Emily was making her sister do her dirty work. Her sister, who would naturally take Emily's side no matter what. Emily didn't even have the balls to ring her up herself and see whether or not she was okay. _Probably just making sure I'm alright so she can send me off on my merry way, no strings attached, _the blonde thought bitterly as the silence stretched on. She saw a car pull up to the curb on the other side of the road and watched it as a distraction before she heard Katie let out a defeated sigh.

"Listen Naomes" she muttered softly. "I'm not sure what's going on and I know you might not feel it right now, but...just so you know...Emsy loves you". Naomi let out an aggravated growl but Katie pressed on nonetheless. "She does. I don't know what's going on in her mind right now–"

"Yeah, well, neither do I!" she spat back angrily, her breathing becoming ragged as red pulsed her vision once more. Some people got out of the car across the road, but she couldn't make them out. "She's been fucking lying to me Kay!" she continued, her voice still slurring and cracking somewhat. "She doesn't trust me, she can't even bring herself to let me_ in_–"

"She will" Katie said at once, and it left Naomi speechless for a moment. Katie took it as her opportunity to continue. "Just...give her the chance, yeah?" she said quietly, Naomi almost straining to hear her. This was unexpected. Katie was actually listening to her, sympathizing with her; she had been expecting some sort of tirade of abuse consisting mostly of _"what the fuck did you do to my sister?" _but it didn't seem to be coming. She even found, for an instant, that she was unwillingly trying to believe in the twin's conviction. But then her defences shot up again.

"I've given her enough chances already Katie! I can't do this anymore!" she shrieked, her voice choking on the rum and the ache even further. "She's...I'm fuck...I'm fucking..." she slurred, but she couldn't finish her sentence. The pain and alcohol overwhelmed her brain completely at that moment. Katie didn't breathe another word; she just cooed and whispered comforting sounds down the phone while the blonde sat there shaking and sobbing into the phone, her mind unable to form any coherent thoughts. But after a few moments she felt something tug on her hand; she looked up, startled, to see someone hunched over her. Her heart stalled when she recognised it was Thomas, who was staring at her with one of the softest looks she'd ever seen. Just behind him stood Effy and Pandora, whose expressions were equally as warm and understanding.

"That's all, Naomi. I'll talk to her now" Thomas said in his caressingly honeyed voice. She barely registered what he was talking about because she was so lost in his dark eyes – but then she realised that the stroking fingers against her hand were wordlessly asking for her phone. She loosened her grip and he pried it gently from her hand, immediately raising it to his ear and walking off to talk to Katie.

She looked down then, unable to meet the others' piercing stares. All of a sudden she was acutely aware that she was covered in puke and drink and looked a right state. The shame began to emanate from her in waves. But almost as if reading her mind, she felt a cool, comforting hand push her hair back from her face and smooth it back over her head; the caring gesture caused Naomi's tired blue eyes to flutter closed. She sighed softly, drowning in the affection which she so desperately craved. When her head inadvertently rolled back in a relaxed manner though, she let her eyelids flicker open again. Effy was crouched over her, Panda hovering at the brunette's shoulder, and they were both wearing earnest and compassionate smiles.

"You didn't need to...I'm sorry about..." the blonde started feebly, before Pandora fervently shook her head and Effy brought her delicate fingers down to her lips to shush her. She stroked over her lips and along her chin gently, wiping away some of the sick that Naomi had missed. She tried not to blush in embarrassment.

Yet all the thoughts of humiliation flew from her mind when her eyes locked with Effy's again; the blue in them had turned steely and assured, automatically stirring up some conviction in Naomi as well. "You'd do the same for me Naomi" she said simply, crouching down further and pulling Naomi tightly to her chest. The blonde's form slumped immediately as she blew out a long, worn breath against Effy's shoulder. She felt those gentle, nimble fingers continue to brush through her blonde locks while they both remained huddled in their embrace. "It's okay to need, Naomi. I don't always like to admit it but...I need people. I need _you,_ too" the brunette whispered softly against her ear, and it took a moment for Naomi's – still slightly intoxicated – brain to realise what she was referring to. _The phone call. Right, _she recalled with a small smile.

Ten minutes later and they were all stuffed into Thomas' compact Renault Clio; Pandora sat in the passenger seat and Thomas in the driver's, while Effy and her were cuddled up in the backseat. Naomi's stuff was in the boot. Her head was pressed lazily against Effy's chest whilst Effy's arm was draped loosely around her shoulders. Her pleasant and appealing scent continuously wafted through the blonde's nostrils, relaxing her muscles and her mind considerably. Effy's scent was spicy and woody and heavy. She didn't smell like Emily at all. Naomi welcomed that fact.

"She really does love you, you know" Effy mumbled suddenly, accentuating her mind-reading abilities. Her tone was quiet; she was clearly trying not to alert the two up front of this turn in conversation. But Naomi couldn't help but chuckle lightly. She hadn't mentioned Emily at all to Effy yet. Typical all-knowing Eff. See? Mind-reader. That's the Stonems for you.

But then her laughter halted and the bitterness crept up her throat once more. "She hurt me, Eff" she whispered severely, not willing to discuss things in-depth just yet. It didn't help that Emily's smiling face was taunting her behind her eyelids.

But Effy merely shrugged, the action causing Naomi's head to bop upward in turn. "And you never hurt her?" she simply replied, and Naomi repressed a groan of surprise from leaving her mouth. She mulled over that for a second.

Yes, Naomi had hurt Emily before. That's why she was stuck in this mess in the first place – because Emily couldn't just fucking _forgive _her. She was trying so hard for them, and Emily wasn't having any of it. But Naomi didn't get a chance to voice her protest; Effy took hold of her hand and pulled it into her lap, her thumb brushing tenderly across the blonde's knuckles. "You both need space. But...she'll come round. It'll get better for you".

Naomi looked up at her slightly then, her forehead gently brushing against the girl's neck. Effy glanced down and met her eyes, shooting her a warm smile at the same time. "How?" she whispered tiredly, more-so to herself than to anybody else. Sleep was starting to overtake her at last, so she didn't expect much of a reply. But she got one anyway; Effy planted a kiss to her forehead just as her eyelids started to flutter closed and then she murmured, in the softest of voices:

"It just will. Sure, it got better for _me_, didn't it?".

Those solemn words were the last ones that Naomi could discern before the fog of sleep engulfed her limp and fatigued body entirely. Yet whilst Thomas' and Pandora's voices drifted through her peripheral subconscious, all she could really see, feel, was red. It didn't hurt as much now...because Naomi had someone else here. Next to her, holding her close. Someone who loved her in their own special way. Someone who embraced her pain instead of spreading the flame of it further.

But no matter how good a friend Effy was...the last thing the blonde thought of before her mind totally shut down, was Emily. Emily with sparkling love in her eyes. The Emily she loved, despite herself. And, unfortunately...the Emily she would _always_ love – no matter how much it hurt and ached her to do so.

Love is a bitch.

.


	29. Chapter 28

.

Gravity was pounding down on her from every angle. It was booming in her ears and throbbing in her head and sending streaks of red across her eyelids. It was an oddly disconcerting feeling; her body didn't feel her own, merely a heavy sack attached to her neck that proved no use in allowing movement or feeling.

"Rise and shine Sleeping Beauty!" she heard through this vacuum, the sound shimmering unpleasantly in her peripheral subconscious.

Christ. Of all the things she felt like right at that instant, a 'beauty' was definitely not one of them.

Yet the cheery sound did achieve one other effect; the sound pierced through her crushing vacuum and caused a rippling sensation to swim through Naomi's body. It travelled up her deadweight legs, surged through her heavy arms and eventually reached her neck muscles, causing them to shift and thus allowing her throat to release an agonising _"Ugh" _of pain from her cracked lips.

The vacuum shuddered further and things suddenly became clearer in her aching brain – she was hungover. _Seriously _hungover. Her breath was sitting stale in her mouth and her lips were dry and chapped and her limbs were numb and her head was burning with pain. And despite all this, she could still distinguish the noise of someone bustling around the room.

This thought in mind, she – very grudgingly – cracked open an eyelid, trying not to wince with the pain that ensued.

A whirl of golden blonde hair was the first thing she saw, followed by bountiful colour. As the seconds passed and her vision cleared even further, Naomi eventually made out the buoyant face of Pandora grinning down at her from over her bed.

"Whizzer Naomi, you're awake! Thought we'd lost you for a while there, we was getting worried" she said cheerfully, plonking herself down at the end of the bed. The movement caused Naomi's limp body to bounce slightly, causing even more pain to stab through her head.

She groaned loudly. "No Panda, I'm alive" she just about managed to murmur, although it was said more-so to her pillow. She let her other eyelid flutter open. The vibrant colour she'd noticed previously was in fact coming from the dress Pandora was wearing. Its intense design of blues and reds and pinks pricked at Naomi's stinging eyes. She deflected them instead to the girl's face; Pandora was observing her with concern etched across her almost childlike features.

"Jeepers Naomi...you look rubbish" she said bluntly. Her words made an impetuous chuckle erupt from Naomi's dry lips. It shook through her sensitive head in the process. She quickly stopped but let a smile linger on her face anyway.

"Cheers Pandora, guess I can't rock the 'just rolled out of bed look' then, eh?" she replied light-heartedly. She shifted her body whilst Panda giggled; she figured that now she was returned to consciousness she might as well get up. She rolled around and unsteadily raised herself into a sitting position, leaning herself against the headboard.

"You feeling any better?" Pandora asked next, albeit with caution. Naomi understood why – there were two answers to this question. She ignored the lingering flash of red that danced behind her eyelids and answered the easier one.

"Kind of. Still a bit shaky though, y'know?" she said tiredly and the girl nodded. They both heard someone's footsteps then and they glanced towards the bedroom door. Seconds later and the proverbial figure of Effy appeared in the doorway, a coy smile stretched across her pale face and a glass of water in her hand. Despite the throbbing in her head, Naomi couldn't help but softly smile back.

"Hey" the brunette said in a gentle voice, her blue eyes gleaming and still as penetrating as ever.

Naomi disregarded the intent in her gaze. "Hey yourself" she simply replied, shifting awkwardly against the headboard.

A moment of silence passed between all three of them while they all averted their gazes ineffectually, before Pandora suddenly shot to her feet. "I'll let Tommo know you're awake then Naomes. He can make you breakfast – he makes a whacker full English, lemme tell ya!"

Naomi ignored the unappreciative gurgle that her stomach emitted just then at the thought of a big, fatty fry –_ feel fucking queasy already – _and instead smiled politely up at Pandora. "Yeah sure, thanks" she answered. Pandora then happily strode past Effy and out of the room, leaving just Naomi and her notoriously cryptic friend alone together.

They both remained silent and unmoving for a minute or so while Naomi's brain continued to throb and she struggled to regain some clarity. Eventually Effy stepped into the room.

"Rough night?" she joked, sitting down gracefully at the side of the bed and raising a teasing eyebrow.

Naomi grinned and shrugged. "You could say that" she said evasively. Effy handed her the glass of water along with two tablets. Naomi downed both quickly and wiped clumsily at her mouth before placing the empty glass on the nightstand next to her. The water immediately relieved the desert that was her throat and mouth. Effy observed her while she raised a hand to wipe at her eyes, only to lower it a second later to see a big black smudge on the back of it. It was clearly from her leftover eye make-up. Maybe that was why her eyes felt so heavy and prickly. Another thought came to mind at this. "How long was I asleep?" she asked cautiously, almost afraid of the answer.

Effy bit her lip and confirmed Naomi's suspicions when she let out a long sigh. "A day" she said frankly.

Naomi choked on her breath. "A _day?" _she repeated in a strangled voice.

Effy nodded. "You were gone. Comatose. Although Pandora told me last night that while I was at work yesterday, you woke up to throw up on the floor at one point before falling back asleep again–Oh, don't worry, she cleaned it up!" she said, abruptly changing tack at the embarrassed look that crossed Naomi's face. "Other than that, you were dreaming like a baby. A drunk baby" she continued on candidly, an amused smile overtaking her face.

Naomi was pretty sure her expression had contorted into horror.

"Fucking hell" she breathed, rubbing her clammy forehead with her hand. "I'm sorry. I don't normally get that bad when I drink" she said quietly, cursing herself at the pitiable excuse.

But Effy simply chuckled and rolled her eyes in amusement. "You drank a whole bottle of rum by yourself, Naomi. _And _I'm pretty sure you hadn't eaten anything beforehand either – you're just lucky you didn't need to have your stomach pumped" she replied wryly, to which Naomi scoffed.

They both fell quiet again then and Naomi looked down at herself. She noticed for the first time that she wasn't wearing what she had on...that night. Instead, she was wearing an old t-shirt. Curiosity getting the better of her, she pulled the covers up and surreptitiously glimpsed her legs. She seemed to be just in her knickers, and without needing to check she could also tell she was still wearing her bra – she could feel the sore spots from where her bra had clearly dug into her ribs whenever she had lain in an awkward position.

She smiled to herself. She felt a bit sorry for Effy and Pandora – she couldn't remember much of the other night, even now when the hangover was starting to make itself scarce and hunger was quickly beginning to wrack her body. God knows she must have been out of it, which meant they would've had to have dragged her up and into bed and wrestled her lifeless body out of her clothes. And it wasn't as if it was her _own _house either. Actually, looking around the room now, she could clearly deduce that it was Effy's from the knowledge of her previous visits. But...if she was sitting in Effy's bed..._this _bed, then...

"Where did you sleep?" she asked suddenly, catching Effy off-guard.

The brunette smiled and cocked her head to one side. "With Panda. We kicked Thomas out. He slept in the living room. It was fun, I haven't had a girly sleepover in a while" she replied dismissively, almost coolly. Effy then looked down at Naomi's hand lying motionless on the covers and reached out tentatively to grab it. The hesitation and warmth of the gesture struck Naomi for any further words.

She then slowly looked up; both pairs of eyes locked and searched for answers. "How are you?" Effy asked softly, the blue in her gaze soft and understanding. She accompanied it with a soft stroke of her thumb across Naomi's hand and it made the blonde's heart swell and clench at the same time.

But then she sighed harshly, scratching ineptly at her neck. "Pretty fucked up, Eff" she admitted honestly, her tone monotonous. Effy paused, clearly expecting her to continue. When Naomi didn't, she reluctantly spoke again.

"Thomas talked to Katie. She said that you both were pretty upset. You and...and her" she murmured, eying Naomi furtively.

Naomi cleared her throat, her eyebrows scrunching together in confusion. "When was I talking to Katie?" she asked, refusing to acknowledge the main subject in her friend's words.

Effy smirked. "Just one of the many thrilling conversations you partook in on Friday Naomes" she replied smugly. Naomi blushed. She had absolutely no recollection of what she might of said to the twin, which worried her to no end. As if sensing her discomfort, Effy squeezed Naomi's hand a bit tighter. "Don't worry, you didn't say much" she said softly. "Just enough for Katie to know that her sister screwed up big time".

The blonde tensed at once. Her eyes darted away from Effy's as her heartbeat suddenly doubled in velocity. But Effy didn't give her the chance to be overcome by her grief again; Naomi felt a cool hand brush through her hair and she got an incredible sense of déjà vu all of a sudden. She didn't know why.

They both sat like that for several minutes, enveloped in a terse silence, before Naomi eventually brought her sheepish gaze back to Effy's face. The brunette was watching her with an odd combination of resolution and sympathy etched into her expression.

A small smile tweaked at her lips. "I know I'm no expert in this department but...do you wanna talk about it?" she asked hesitantly, her eyes flickering back and forth between Naomi's skittish ones.

Naomi shook her head meekly, like a child when they're in trouble. "Not particularly" she mumbled, trying to push down the lump that had now formed in her throat. An image of Emily – defeated, broken Emily – from the other night had inadvertently flashed across her mind and now it was all she could see. It made her stomach clench. The hand brushed through her hair again and Naomi's eyelids fluttered closed.

Next thing she knew however, she was hearing Effy murmur out some indistinguishable words. Her eyelids popped open again and she eyed her friend quizzically. Effy merely smirked and sighed, locking eyes with Naomi once more. "I said, 'Il y a seulement un bonheur dans cette vie, aimer et être aimé' – '_There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved_'" she recited in a throaty, if slightly broken, French accent. It did nothing to quell Naomi's bewilderment; her eyebrows rose halfway up her forehead.

"Since when do you speak French?" she asked disbelievingly, struggling not to scoff or grin. Effy indeed looked a little bashful now, but it quickly disappeared to be replaced by her enigmatic aloofness.

"Thomas told me that one. It's a quote from some French Romantic writer or something. Thomas is quite poetic like that, believe it or not" she said wistfully, her eyes losing focus for a moment. Naomi wordlessly implored her to continue by tugging at their still interlinked hands. Effy smiled pensively. "It's actually been a bit sickening living here. I mean, Tommo and Panda – they're like the _epitome _of that saying. They're still so in love. It's almost disgusting".

The bluntness of Effy's statement made laughter bubble deep in Naomi's stomach. It left her lips as a low chuckle, to which Effy quickly joined in. _We're such cynical old fuckers, _Naomi thought in amusement and it was then that she realised how much she had missed Effy. They shared similarities on many things – opinions, cynicisms, humour, beliefs, views on love. Being around her again made Naomi feel inexplicably warm, considering how frozen her insides felt.

She wasn't alone.

But then the laughter stopped, and Effy unexpectedly caught her eye again in a hard stare. "My point is, Naomes, that...they've made me face it. They've made me face myself. What I've been running from". This unexpected turn in Effy's mood caught Naomi off-guard; the blonde slowly pulled her hand away, her gaze flickering back and forth between Effy and the walls of the room. But the brunette wasn't stopping. "They didn't mean to. I couldn't get away from it, from them, because I'm living here. It was unintentional. But...watching them, studying them – I see how much they really do love eachother. And after everything they've been through I'm now, for the first time in a long time..._happy _for them. Like, accepting of what they have." She paused and took a deep breath and Naomi felt her adrenaline start to race. "I'd been spending so much time resenting others for what they have, _who _they have and what I'd lost...that I...I lost myself in the process instead." Naomi met her gaze squarely then, astonished by this omission.

Was she actually getting an insight into the enigmatic mind of Effy Stonem?

When Effy didn't continue though, Naomi found herself pushing. She wanted to push. "You've been through a lot Effy" she said in a cooing tone. "You're allowed to be confused, you're allowed to be angry. Because...love is unfair" she said, and was surprised by the honesty in her voice.

Effy's eyes flashed then and Naomi was worried she might've said the wrong thing. But no – an unexpected grin stretched over Effy's pale face, causing a glint to light up her empyreal blue eyes. "I don't think I'm the only one that speech pertains to, Naomi" she said ingenuously, almost arrogantly. Comprehension swept across Naomi's face and she blanched. Effy had once again caught her in the snare of her omniscience.

Touché.

Now knowing she couldn't avoid the topic any longer – _an eye for an eye – _Naomi exhaled harshly. She was trapped by this. In more ways than one. "She hasn't forgiven me, Eff" she whispered in a soft voice, diverting her gaze to her hands. She saw Effy's hand dart into her eyeline and watched as the girl entwined their fingers once more. Naomi bit her lip apprehensively. "I didn't want to admit it but...deep down, I knew she never had. There was always something pulling her away from me. Herself. Her mind. She'd be there with me, loving me...yet not be there at the same time. It's like she's torn in two". She sighed again and let her eyelids slip closed, moistness brimming and threatening to pour forth. "I just couldn't take it anymore. It, she, was suffocating me. I've given her so much and...and I know she loves me but...it's not enough. For both of us, anymore". A tear spilled from underneath one of her lids then but _–_ once again showing an uncharacteristic spell of concern _–_ Effy reached out delicate fingertips to wipe it away. Naomi let this gentle moment drift on for another minute or two before she let her eyes flicker open again; they met Effy's curious and understanding blue ones and she felt a coy smile pull up at her lips unbidden.

She was about to say something else upon regaining some solidity in her thoughts, but something in Effy's expression stopped her. It looked conflicted, like she wanted desperately to admit something but couldn't or didn't know how to. Didn't know if she should. Naomi was about to press her on this, when–

"NAOMI! BREAKFAST'S ALMOST READY!"

They both winced at Pandora's loud and obtrusive voice sounding from downstairs. They glanced at eachother and grinned, both giggling awkwardly. The moment was gone and Naomi knew it, but she was almost slightly relieved – the word 'breakfast' had made her realise just how hungry she was; her stomach gurgled in an aching way. Her head still felt immensely heavy too, although she knew she'd probably feel better after some food. She was now surprisingly looking forward to Thomas' greasy fry.

She shuffled to the side of the bed and Effy took it as her cue to get up as well. "You want me to bring it up here? Breakfast in bed?" she asked in a caring tone.

Naomi shook her head fervently, which she regretted a moment later when her vision shook as well. "Nah, I've spent long enough in bed" she said, scoffing. Nevertheless, Effy gripped a steadying hand under Naomi's upper arm while the blonde shakily rose to her feet. The motion caused her head to swim even more uncomfortably. "Whoa" she breathed out when she stood fully upright.

Effy chuckled. "Bit of a mess there, eh Naomes?" she said frankly and Naomi gasped in feigned offence.

"Nonsense! You only wished you looked this chipper after a night out" she retorted jokingly and Effy rolled her eyes. The humour didn't linger on Naomi's tongue for long though – a few steps toward the door and she rapidly realised how weak she really was. Her body was spent of any energy. Effy clearly noticed too; she still had her fingers clutched under Naomi's arm and could feel every one of her sluggish movements.

"Bathroom maybe?" she suggested tentatively.

Naomi mulled for a second. "Yeah, okay. But mostly just to take this shit off my face – it feels like someone rubbed a bunch of crayons on my face and I've slept on it for two days".

Effy laughed throatily just as they approached the bathroom door down the corridor. "Funny, 'cos that's exactly what it looks like too" she said teasingly. Naomi snorted and stumbled into the doorframe. She turned back towards Effy, who was wearing an amused yet affectionate look on her face.

"Tell Panda I'll be down in a minute. And to save me plenty of sausages" the blonde said, taking a few wobbly steps towards the mirror. When she finally glimpsed her reflection however, she didn't even attempt to stifle her gasp of horror; her pale face looked worn and drawn, with absolutely none of her foundation left anywhere and her eyes so smeared and smudged that it looked like she had been given two shiners. Similarly, her hair was tangled and greasy looking. "Holy fuck!" she exclaimed several seconds later, the shock catching up to her. She heard Effy giggle and Naomi whirled around on her, the blue in her eyes flashing and electric. "Effy, how did you even talk to me seriously when I looked like _this?_" she squealed, now internally agreeing with Effy's previous statement. "I look like something out of a horror movie. Or a clown" she mumbled, watching as Effy's laughter doubled up and the girl rolled her eyes. She turned back to the mirror, raising a shaky hand up to her face and running her fingers slowly down her cheek.

"Relax babe, just wash up and you'll be back to normal after your fry". Effy reached out towards the door handle and pulled it towards her, clearly aiming to give Naomi some privacy. Just before she shut it however, whilst Naomi was running frantic hands through her disgustingly matted hair, she hesitated and let out a drawn-out sigh. "This isn't your problem anymore Naomi. It's hers. Emily's" she murmured. The use of the redhead's name made Naomi involuntarily flinch. She abandoned her hair for a moment to look dubiously at Effy. The brunette shot her a soft smile. "So just...give her some time. Give _yourself_ some time. I thi–I _know _that, despite what you might think...she knows she's in the wrong here. You've chased after her, you've given as much of yourself as you can give". She paused for a moment, eyeballing the blonde closely. Naomi didn't say anything; the tiles now felt inexplicably cold against the soles of her feet even though the rest of her body had suddenly caught on fire. She could see red again. Feel it. Taste it.

"I know..." she found herself whispering, much to her surprise.

The soft smile grew crooked across Effy's face while she pulled the door those last few inches towards her. "So let her chase after you this time. It's her turn to give herself to you. Again". And with that she shut the door with a soft click. Naomi stood staring at it for several more seconds, almost as if Effy were still there. Still there blowing her mind.

"Christ" she muttered in exasperation to herself, spinning around unsteadily in order to face the mirror again.

Yet even when Naomi's face was fresh and clean a few minutes later, her skin tinged pink from the hot water and her eyes still bloodshot but now a lot brighter, she could still feel an odd heavy feeling gripping at her chest. A heaviness that was nothing to do with her hangover or her weak state. Because deep down, she knew Effy was right. She knew _she_ had been right when she'd walked out on Emily, despite how much it had broken her heart.

A new fear had gripped her now while she stared at herself in the mirror. Her azure blue eyes gazed openly back at her; bright and clear yet trying to hide a sense of loss and disappointment that Naomi could physically _see _right there. She wanted Emily. So much. Yet...she couldn't help but wonder; would Emily rid her of this fear, this loss, this crushing disappointment? Would she release her of this loneliness and pain with her bright, beaming smile and her dark brown eyes and her rich red hair? Would she want to?

Would she _try?_

Naomi swallowed and closed her eyes, shutting off the view of her reflection and thus blocking her of the sorrow blinking back at her. And then, not for the first time, a prayer ran across her mind. And not for the first time, Naomi prayed for Emily to be brave and to want her back.

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_It is entirely possible to be very very ill with a hangover in bed for 24 hours. I unfortunately experienced that last week *shudders*, so I can relate to Naomi. And wow. I actually wrote a chapter that's relatively short instead of a behemoth. That's quite an achievement on my part, you have no idea!_

_Okay, but on a serious note, I'm going to have to be the bearer of bad news when I say that this story is soon coming to its end. I don't know whether people may have already gathered that from the direction I was heading in, but yeah – I'm almost done._

_Not yet though, don't worry. I reckon there's another three/four/five chapters left in this bad boy, but I can't be too sure. Knowing me I'll inadvertently drag it out! We shall see how things pan out. _

_But once again, thanks so much for all of the support and reviews and faves etc. They've really kept me going and it makes me all the more determined to finish this fic off properly. You guys really are brilliant! _

_Hope you enjoyed this one and leave a review! x_


	30. Chapter 29

_This one goes out to _Naoems, _whose lovely review I cannot reply to because they're anonymous. Hope you enjoy this update! (Along with everybody else, of course! :P)_

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Naomi and Effy watched in exasperation along with concealed amusement as Pandora hopped around in alarm, her hair bouncing wildly in the air and her expression one of sheer terror. Thomas stood calmly beside her, waving and swatting his hand near her head.

"It was just a bee, Panda. They're more afraid of us than we are of them" Effy said in an even voice, yet her words crackled with repressed laughter. Naomi glanced towards Thomas again and saw that his face was unworried – he was clearly on the same wavelength as Effy.

"It's gone, darling. You can stop dancing now" he said soothingly and with a light chuckle while he lowered his hand. His deep, reassuring voice must have tapped into Pandora's senses; in no more than a few seconds she calmed down and became still, yet with her breathing ragged and her cheeks flushed pink.

"Blimey, thank god that's over!" she breathed out heavily, wiping at her forehead with a shaky hand. Thomas stepped closer to her and wrapped a consoling arm around her shoulders. Naomi found herself smiling at the quiet fondness twinkling in his eyes while he stared sideways at her.

Then Effy stepped forward and grabbed one of Pandora's hands. "C'mon Panda-Pops. We can all get an ice-cream. It should help you calm down after your...'ordeal', yeah?" Effy said jokingly, nudging Pandora in the side. She stuck her tongue out at the brunette in response. Naomi and Thomas laughed heartily, before Pandora eventually joined in as well.

"Okay" she agreed enthusiastically and, crisis now averted, all four of them continued down the pathway. Thomas' arm fell away from Pandora and Naomi watched as the girl strolled alongside Effy, their hands firmly intertwined and swinging in between eachother.

Thomas fell back until he was walking beside Naomi, but the blonde took no notice; her eyes were flickering around at her peaceful and serene surroundings. The lake water lay undisturbed and still on one side and the trees rustled quietly on the other. She let out a content sigh unbeknownst to herself.

"You are feeling better then?" she heard a few minutes later and looked around. Thomas was watching her, his dark eyes curious yet exceedingly soft. Naomi looked forward again and her eyes trained on Effy's hair bouncing along behind her. She became captivated by the frayed and slightly curled ends as they swayed in the gentle breeze. It was this momentary distraction that allowed Naomi to answer unthinkingly with a straightforward and honest:

"I am, actually". Her eyelids fluttered closed for a moment while another soft wind blew by. She thought the question might have stirred up her still very raw wounds, but something about Thomas' presence seemed quite settling to her. She opened her eyes again and saw Pandora and Effy laugh about something up ahead. A confident smile tweaked at her lips. "Today's been a good day" she said softly, surprising herself.

And she was telling the truth. Today _had_ been a good day. Now, at this very instant, was the first time in days that she had felt genuinely...lighter. Happier.

It was Thursday now. After eventually recovering from the mother-of-all-hangovers, the reality of her situation set in and hit Naomi at last. She had left Emily. _Physically _left her. And once that fact had finally sunk in, Naomi – unsurprisingly – became somewhat angry and depressed. Said depression consisted mostly of her lounging around and moping throughout Thomas' and Pandora's house.

Hence why today had been a group effort everyone's part; Effy, Pandora and Thomas had all happened to have the day off from work. The Stonem girl had unashamedly called their effort Operation 'Get-Naomi-Off-Her-Arse-And-Back-Into-The-Real-World', in fact. So here they all were in Hyde Park, currently taking a relaxing break from everything else Naomi had been subjected– Sorry, _treated _to today. They'd started early this morning, whereby Naomi had been dragged into the city centre by her alarmingly enthusiastic roommates. Well, temporary roommates. They'd been to Harrods, Piccadilly Circus, Trafalgar Square, the London Eye. You know – the usual tourist spots. It was only when Naomi pointed out that she wasn't a tourist and had in fact been to see all these places numerous times before whenever she'd been in London, that all four of them conceded defeat.

All Naomi had wanted to do was to go back to bed and to mope some more about her miserable life – always the enthusiastic, of course – but instead she had been forced into a compromise. Hyde Park first, then home. She had sulked, naturally, but now that she was here – surrounded by the sun and the scenery and the breeze and her endearingly loyal friends – she had a chance to reflect. She may have been half-hearted about all of this at first, but in reality this was just what she'd needed – something to distract her from the turmoil in her head and the fracture through her heart. Not that she'd ever tell Effy that.

She was cut from this train of thought however when she heard Thomas chortle. She looked back up towards his grinning face and raised an eyebrow enquiringly. His eyes shot to hers. "Sorry, I just remembered what happened earlier. When Elizabeth nearly fell into that fountain" he explained, suppressing another laugh. Naomi couldn't help but beam and stifle a giggle herself at the recollection. The brunette had been sitting at the edge of one of the fountains in Trafalgar, ever the enigma as usual, when a pigeon had unexpectedly flown by her head and nearly caused her to fall backwards into the water. She had caught herself just in time, but the sleeves of her cardigan weren't so lucky. In an attempt to save herself she'd had to dunk her arms underwater to balance herself. The results were still evident even now as Naomi's gaze diverted forwards again. Effy's cardi was draped over her free arm, the colour of the sleeves still much darker than the rest of the garment.

Her face at the time had been a picture, and the memory of it caused Naomi to erupt in full-blown laughter. Thomas continued chuckle as well, but it wasn't long before their antics attracted attention. As if reading their minds – _nothing new there – _Effy stopped and whirled around to glare at them both, her blue eyes cold and narrowed. The look silenced both Thomas and Naomi as they came to a halt. Their faces were plastered with innocence while they met Effy's glower. Pandora looked curiously between all three of them. Then a tiny triumphant smirk pulled up at Effy's lips. She tugged on Panda's hand again and they continued their way down the path towards the Refreshment Point. Naomi and Thomas followed suit, both with smirks on their faces.

"Yes. Today has been a very good day indeed" Thomas said eventually, voicing Naomi's thoughts.

Ten minutes later and the four of them were sitting on a bench facing out toward the Serpentine and eating their ice-creams. Thomas sat at the edge of the seat beside Pandora and once again he had his arm draped around her shoulders while they both licked at their strawberry cones. _"Matching fucking ice-creams. How much more couple-y can you get? It's sick", _Effy had said in an aghast stage whisper. The statement had resulted in Naomi needing to muffle her laughter behind her hand. Effy sat on Panda's other side nursing her plain vanilla cone. Naomi sat at the other end of the bench next to Effy, happily licking away at her mint-chocolate-chip ice-cream. She'd always loved mint, ever since she was a little girl. Whenever her mum took her out for an ice-cream it had always been her first choice. The other flavours could get to fuck.

"So Naomes" Effy began out of nowhere, her voice breezy and casual. "Today wasn't so bad in the end, hmm?" she said, a slight cockiness creeping into her words now.

Naomi heard Pandora giggle. She rolled her eyes and licked her ice-cream again. "No, I guess it wasn't" she conceded, her voice heavy and monotonous. Lick. "But I still don't want to go to the West End tonight – mum took me to see _'Mamma Mia'_ a couple of years ago and by the end of it I nearly wanted to kill myself" she said bluntly. The others laughed loudly at this – with Thomas nearly choking on his ice-cream – and Naomi felt a slight blush creep up her cheeks.

"Okay okay" Effy said eventually, her words strangled through the last of her chuckles. "We don't need to go see that. Something else, though? You might as well. It would be a great end to our day out". She nudged Naomi in the side with her elbow and the blonde watched as she wiggled her eyebrows coaxingly. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Thomas and Panda eyeballing her expectantly.

Lick. "I'll see" she said finally, to which Effy groaned.

"Which is the universal answer for 'no'. C'mon Naomes, don't be a funsponge!" Effy pushed, biting at her cone.

Naomi scoffed. "Since when are you into musicals Eff? We're both about as cheerful and bubbly about these things as Kieron is whenever he teaches" she snapped. Lick.

The analogy was not lost on the brunette. She sighed harshly. "I'm trying to do something nice here" she said in a quiet voice, avoiding Naomi's gaze and looking back out over the water. A rowing boat paddled by and Effy trained her lucent eyes on it, but Naomi didn't; she felt her own blue eyes widening as she saw the girl in a new light.

"Oh" was all she could say.

It was then that she realised. All three of them – Effy, Pandora and Thomas – really _were _trying to cheer her up. They'd given up their day off just to entertain her and her sodding misery. For all she knew, they didn't want to be here right now either. Yet they still remained so positive and upbeat about everything. Hell, Effy hated this stuff just as much as she did.

She felt her heart swell in her chest at the sudden and piercing thought that hit her then; they really _cared. _They cared about her. They cared about her happiness. They cared about what happened between her and Emily. They cared about their effort to fix it. Or, more accurately, fix her. She didn't ask them to. They were just being incredibly supportive. Being fucking good _friends_ to her.

The thought made her feel horrendously guilty.

"I'm sorry" she mumbled after a few beats, gripping her cone tighter than necessary. She wasn't really sure what she was apologising for, but it didn't seem to matter; she saw both Thomas and Pandora smile softly behind Effy and saw the brunette's lips twitch. She then slowly turned her head to face Naomi again and the blonde immediately felt less tense at the warm look in her eyes.

Before either could say anything else though, Pandora chirped in. "If you don't like _'Mamma Mia' _Naomes...and I'm guessin' you don't like 'Abba' neither...then we could see summit else! Ooh, how about _'Wicked'_? Tommo and me saw it last year! It's, well...bloody wicked!" she squealed in a rush, flapping her arms around eagerly. Naomi suppressed a snort and an eye roll and she likewise saw Effy smirk out of the corner of her eye. Thomas merely laughed in an affectionate manner.

"I'll see" Naomi repeated once more, but this time with a more humorous note to her voice. Effy caught it; her eyebrow cocked upwards and she smiled just before taking a final bite of her ice-cream.

"Well in that case you better hurry up and finish that Naomi" Effy said, getting to her feet and indicating to the rapidly melting mint ice-cream in her hand. Her damp cardi swished along her arm at the movement. "Cos if we do persuade you to come out then you'll have to arrive in something nicer than_ this_" she added, this time gesturing flippantly to Naomi's half-assed attire of baggy jeans and an old t-shirt of the brunette's. She hadn't thought to bring many clothes when she'd stormed out of Emily's. In fact, she was down to her last pair of underwear. Her throwing her clothes all over a public street back in Bristol whilst drunk didn't help matters either – post-hangover, she was pretty sure she recalled leaving one of her tops there accidentally.

Nevertheless, she gasped in mock offence. "Cheers, Eff. Well considerate" she replied jokingly before getting to her feet as well. Thomas and Pandora followed suit and quickly ate the last of their cones. Naomi began walking alongside Effy down the path, back the way they came. "I'm gonna need to borrow one of your dresses then" she said after a few minutes. She shoved the last of her cone into her mouth and chewed. "Can't say I'm too equipped for a night on the town right now" she continued after swallowing.

Effy let out an almost maniacal laugh at her statement and Naomi quickly realised her mistake. She wished she hadn't said anything now. An image of herself with her bum hanging out of one of Effy's notoriously short skirts abruptly came to mind. And as if to confirm her suspicions, she glanced sideways at her friend to see a positively deviant glint in her eye.

Naomi gulped uneasily.

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Effy tugged at her sleeves. They were still damp – _fucking fountain! – _and proved no help in protecting her from the chilly wind that was brushing by. She tried to ignore it; she hugged her arms around her waist and puffed out a long breath.

They were all on their way home from the city and were walking through some familiar derelict streets. Effy remained unfocused on these surroundings however. It wasn't intentional – Pandora was seeing to that. She was still rattling on about her favourite Disney movies – a conversation that had started up on the Tube in order to keep the mood light, but was now proving to be no more than an indistinguishable buzzing in Effy's ear as Pandora continued to bounce along animatedly beside her.

"...always hated 'Bambi'. It's too sad. Every time I watched it when I was little, mum had to fast forward past the part where his mum dies. 'Snow White' ain't too bad though. I always thought it'd be cool to have little animals running around the house to help me clean up! 'Cept I don't think it woulda worked in the long run. Animals don't like me much – one time I tried to pet my neighbour's cat and it full-on attacked me! I don't like cats much no more..."

And while the word 'cats' caused Panda to move on to 'The Lion King', Effy still remained disinterested. Partly due to her dislike of Disney, but not entirely. No, she was staring ahead.

Thomas and Naomi were walking a few paces in front of them, engrossed in conversation. Effy couldn't help but notice that they'd been chatting together a lot today and the effect seemed to be a positive one. Even now, observing Naomi's face from a side view, the brunette could see a genuinely open smile on her friend's face. She seemed less burdened. More like herself.

Then her acute eyes flickered to Thomas. A wide smile was stretched across his handsome face while he listened intently to whatever Naomi was saying. Effy couldn't help but feel oddly contemplative at this. She knew Thomas had a weird effect on people – herself being a prime example – but she had never gotten to see him in action from an outside point of view. And even as they all turned the corner into his and Panda's road, Naomi took no notice. Because that was the effect he had – he calmed people. Naomi seemed to have entirely forgotten why she was here in first place, if the glow on her face was anything to go by. She'd forgotten _who_ made her come here. Just for the moment, at least.

A pensive smile tugged up at Effy's lips at the thought.

"...really wanna watch 'em now. Whaddya reckon Eff? We can make a day out of it. You, me and Naomes could all have a pajama party like we used to and watch old Disney movies and eat popcorn and– Um...what's going on?"

Pandora ceased her rambling upon noticing that everyone else had abruptly stopped dead in their tracks. Effy could feel her confused stare on the side of her face as it flickered between her and the other two, but the brunette didn't acknowledge it. She only had eyes for Naomi.

The blonde's gaze had become fixed straight ahead of her and even from this angle Effy could see that her skin had turned as white as a sheet. Effy could see Thomas' mystification etched all over his face as well while he tried to read the situation, but Effy knew that neither he nor Pandora would be able to figure out what had caused this change in Naomi. Effy only knew herself because she had followed Naomi's line of sight to a car parked just outside the yellow house they were wandering towards, just beyond Thomas' Clio. _Moment gone, _she thought gravely. Her comprehension pushed her legs into action.

"Naomes, listen to me" Effy said in an urgent whisper upon reaching the stricken girl's side. Her friend's breathing had become fast and shallow in a matter of seconds. Effy gripped at her arm hard. Naomi needed to feel it. She needed to feel that she was there with her. "Don't panic. I'm here, just–"

"I can't Eff, I just can't. It's too much. It's too soon" Naomi said in a rush, her words garbled and choked through her increasingly ragged breaths. Effy felt her heart clench at the sudden despairing look that had appeared on her face. It was as if this entire day had been for nothing.

"What is the matter? Naomi?" came Thomas' concerned and resounding voice in Effy's ears suddenly. It was only then that she realised that both he and Pandora had shuffled closer around them. Effy's reply was cut off however – she could only watch and feel as Naomi tried to pull away from her and back down the street. Her expression and movements were not unlike that of a caged animal.

"Please, let me go. I can't guys. I just can't, I–"

Effy watched a dry sob wrack the blonde then, and it cut off her muffled words completely. But Effy didn't let go. She gripped fiercely at Naomi's fingers just before the girl tried to pull away completely. Those wide azure blue eyes met hers then and suddenly the street, the noises, Pandora and Thomas all fell away. Effy could feel the fear. She could feel it pouring out through Naomi's fingertips and up through her own. It was etched all over her face. The worry. The disappointment. The hidden yearning. But underneath it all, Effy could see something else.

And that was why she knew Naomi couldn't run from this. She had to face this head-on.

This resolute thought in mind, she entwined Naomi's fingers tightly with her own and pulled her closer. "Trust me" was all she said, and she watched sombrely as the blonde's eyelids fluttered closed. She took this opportunity to glance quickly behind her and saw Pandora and Thomas staring at her intently. The nonplussed looks on both their faces indicated that they had picked up on what was happening. Effy nodded at them infinitesimally.

Her gaze flashed back around however when she heard Naomi release a shaky sigh. The blonde's eyes were open again now; the blue in them was dim and fogged. Resigned. A solemn smile tugged up at Effy's lips unbidden as she stroked her thumb reassuringly over the girl's knuckles.

"Okay" said Naomi eventually in a defeated whisper.

Effy took charge then. She walked forwards and Naomi listlessly followed her by their interlinked hands. She couldn't hear either Pandora's or Thomas' steps following them, for which she was grateful. And as they got ever closer to that familiar red Punto, Effy felt her heartbeat unexpectedly begin to race. She was practically worried _for _Naomi, not that she'd ever voice it. Because she knew she had to be strong for Naomi, because Naomi was at her lowest right now.

So even when they walked past the car and toward the front gate, Effy remained resolute and self-assured while she took in that first glimpse of the petite figure hunched on the doorstep.

Emily was sitting in an awkward crouch on the concrete step, her back against the green front door and her head and both elbows resting against her knees. Her normally vibrant red hair looked dull and matted, even from this distance, as it splayed out in front of her legs. But Effy was soon interrupted from her observations when she felt Naomi's fingers twitch against her own. Not even a moment later she heard a seemingly involuntary intake of breath; it was sharp and constricted and caused Effy's head to whirl round. Her eyes were met with a pained and conflicted looking Naomi – it looked as if she was torn between wanting to hug Emily and wanting to hit her.

Effy knew the feeling.

But Naomi's sharp inhalation had apparently attracted someone else's attention too.

"Naomi?"

Emily's feeble voice broke through the terse silence and caused a shot of adrenaline to pierce Effy's system; the normally melodious tone to the redhead's voice was instead cracked and weak. Naomi must've thought so too – Effy felt her friend's fingers twitch again of their own accord and she watched a flash cross those suddenly darkened blue eyes. Then she slowly looked around and felt an almost painful sensation ripple through her at the sight she was met with. The redhead was gazing up at them both now, her face no longer concealed by her legs and her messy hair. Yet her appearance was almost one to mirror Naomi's; her face was pallid and tired looking, like she hadn't slept in days, and with her body less obscured Effy could see she was wearing drab, plain three-quarter lengths, a pair of banged-up converse and an old tatty hoody that looked strangely familiar.

But her eyes. Her eyes told a story of their own.

As she anxiously and openly stared at them both standing there, Effy could practically see the millions of thoughts running through her brain underneath that tangled mess of red hair. Through those wide brown orbs she saw relief, happiness, surprise, regret, hope, pain, love and desperation all cross her dilated pupils in a cacophony of flashes. But one emotion stood out far greater than the others, and it was not only present in Emily's eyes but also in her weary expression and in her posture as she rose unsteadily and nervously into a standing position.

Remorse.

Naomi was blind though, apparently. "What are you doing here?" Effy heard from behind her, and it was said with such venom and disdain that she actually had to look back to make sure she knew who it had come from. Naomi's conflicted expression was now wiped clean from her face and in its place was just plain _ugliness. _Her lips were pursed and her jaw was hardened and her brow was taut. And if looks could kill, Emily would be lying in a pool of cold blood against the concrete right now.

Effy instinctively looked back to Emily, and the Fitch girl seemed to be just as taken aback by Naomi's tone as herself. Except the brunette couldn't say that she felt any of the excruciating hurt and grief that flashed across Emily's face. After a few moments though, Emily seemed to regain herself. "I came to see you" she muttered quietly, like it were the most obvious thing in the world. The following look she offered was a beseeching one.

Naomi merely snorted. "Oh right, _now _you care about me. _Now _you decide to see how I'm doing" she snarled in that same menacing tone and Effy watched helplessly as Emily winced. There was nothing substantial in Naomi's words though; the brunette could feel her friend's hand trembling while it remained clutched in her own. "Well that's just fucking great Emily" she continued, and her voice choked up slightly on the girl's name. "So, you see me. Here I am. I'm fantastic, see? Fuck-ing-fan-tastic" she growled, almost spitting on the last enunciation.

Effy was about to cut in and stop this madness – Naomi's whole arm seemed to be trembling now, along with her words – but Emily got in there first. "Naomes, please" the redhead said in a broken voice, like her whole heart had just been pierced open. The sound caused both Effy and Naomi to flinch. "I _needed _to see you. These past few days...I mean, I've been going mad. The way we left things...it's just unbearable" she mumbled, finally taking a step forward and closing the distance between them all somewhat.

Despite the fragility and honesty in Emily's words, along with her accompanying expression, they seemed to prove no use. In fact, her sentence seemed to have been the wrong thing to say altogether. "Unbearable? _Unbearable?" _Naomi abruptly spat, finally wrenching her hand away from Effy's and taking an angry step forward. Panic flashed through Emily's brown eyes whilst she shrunk back from this peroxide blonde fury. "_You_ think it's been unbearable? You think _you've_ been going mad? Fuck you! You made this happen Emily! You had no bloody right coming up here for your own selfish reasons" she said, her seething words almost reaching a yelling volume. Every syllable seemed to be drilling a hole further into Emily's chest; her face was white and her eyes were shining with unshed tears.

"I understand that you're upset" she managed to croak out in a watery voice. "I can't say I blame you, but–"

"You're too fucking right I'm upset!" Naomi interjected with a shriek, and her voice was bordering on hysterical now. She whirled around on Effy, causing the brunette to step back instinctively. "She thinks she can just waltz on up here and try to suck me back in like she always does" she growled, gesturing flippantly backwards toward Emily. "But I'm not having it this time. I'm tired. So sick and tired of it". Then Naomi started full-on pacing in front of them, and before she could push out another outburst and cause Emily to blanch any whiter, Thomas appeared out of nowhere. He stopped just behind Naomi and his commanding presence seemed to stifle her rage somewhat.

"You need to calm down, Naomi. You are irrational" he said evenly. Effy looked around and saw that Pandora had suddenly appeared at the gate as well. Her expression was sombre. But then the brunette noticed something else beyond Panda's shoulder. The situation, and Naomi's manic voice, seemed to have attracted attention – an elderly couple were stopped across the street and were observing them like they were putting on some sort of performance. Some chubby bloke in a trackie was also standing a couple of houses down and was watching this turmoil with an almost amused look on his face.

Effy looked back around and saw Naomi shuddering in her attempt to suppress her grief.

"Tommo's right, Naomes. Maybe we should have this convo inside?" Panda suddenly chirped, voicing Effy's proceeding thought. "I could make us all some tea and we can have some biscuits – I'm pretty sure I have a packet of Jammy Dodgers somewhere, they're well yummy!" she said, her voice rising in forced enthusiasm. Effy repressed the ludicrous urge to hug her at her ability to make light of the most awkward of situations. But it seemed her effort was no use – all four of them watched as Naomi shook her blonde head of hair fervently.

"I'll go inside, yeah. Not with _her_ though. She's caused enough damage already" she said in a dangerous whisper. Effy's stomach constricted at her tone, and likewise she could only watch hopelessly while Emily's face fell in pure agony.

She should feel angry at Naomi, feel frustrated that her friend was treating another human being this way – her _girlfriend _no less. But she couldn't. She knew what Naomi was feeling, knew every helpless and agonising thought that was passing through her head right now. Of course she knew; she used to _live _these thoughts, epitomise these thoughts for half her life. It was only now, in the past while, that she was coming out the other end. What she was staring at was a girl ridiculously out of her depth; Naomi was lost in a sea of heartache and broken promises. Lost in a lack of control. Because that's what Naomi always craved, when it all came down to it. Control. It's what drove Emily away from her in the first place, all those years ago. And when she had finally decided to let it go at last, Emily had done the worst thing possible; she had thrown Naomi's vulnerability back in her face. Ironically, for the exact same reason.

Except Effy wasn't angry at Emily either for this. Because she could see something in Emily that Naomi clearly couldn't – even though it was currently plastered all over the redhead's face in the form of a shattered expression. And that's why she needed to push Naomi, because both her and Emily were scrounging for control now. What they didn't know however, was that control wasn't going to fix this. The battle for control had ruined them. Twice.

Emily needed to let go. Naomi needed to give her the chance to let go.

So Effy stepped forward, ignoring Thomas' attempt to speak. "Enough" she said firmly, putting a calming hand down on Naomi's shoulder. It was the first word she had uttered in ages, before this little 'reunion' had begun. It ironically exemplified the last words she had spoken – "_Trust me". _The gravity of Effy's hand on her body seemed to suddenly ground Naomi back down to earth; both sets of blue eyes locked, and Naomi's suddenly appeared skittish and afraid. Her body had clearly not been her own in the last couple of minutes. Again, Effy could relate. Unfortunately though, Emily probably wouldn't feel as empathetic – as Effy looked past Naomi's head of blonde hair, she could see Emily's stature looking shockingly small despite her already petite height. The life had been sucked out of her eyes. Effy grimaced at the sight.

"Key" said the blonde out of the blue, her voice much quieter now. It took a couple of moments for any of them to comprehend what this meant, but then Pandora stepped past the gate and up the pathway towards Naomi. She swiftly handed her a jingling set of keys and Naomi whirled around at once. She brushed past Emily, not even acknowledging her existence as their shoulders touched, and marched up to the front door. A few seconds later and she was gone, but not before leaving the door open a few inches for the rest of them to get in.

Effy knew, deep down, that she had just witnessed months of pent-up frustration stomp through that door.

Silence followed Naomi's dramatic exit, along with a bitter tension. Effy, Pandora and Thomas continued to stare wordlessly at the crushed girl in front of them. But Emily couldn't meet their eyes; hers were instead trained on her battered shoes and even from this angle Effy could see tears glistening in them. She cautiously stepped forward and reached out a tentative hand. She let it hover in front of Emily's face for a moment before letting it settle on her cheek. Her fingertips gently glided down her skin. Emily flinched at first at the contact, but soon allowed Effy to continue this form of comfort without complaint. A tear spilled forth from one of her eyes after a while and the brunette caught it underneath her thumb. Then Effy brought her arm from Emily's face to around her shoulders – ignoring the remaining moistness of her sleeves – and enveloped her in a side hug. She squeezed the girl close to her body and Emily relaxed into it after a moment or two.

They stood like that for a few minutes; Effy felt Emily's anguish seep over her while they both stayed rooted to the spot. She tried to train her mind to other things by letting her empyreal blue eyes flicker around. Eventually she let them wander toward the sky. Dusk was approaching; the sky was starting to tint a light shade of pink. The redhead's soft breath puffed out against her chest all the while.

Peace never remained in Effy's world for long though, of course. "Guess we're not seeing _'Wicked' _then. Bummer" Pandora said out of the blue, her disappointed voice piercing the calm like a knife. The randomness of the statement caused all four of them to laugh, breaking the palpable tension between them. Effy grinned in spite of the interruption.

"So" she began strongly once the laughter subsided completely, looking down at the redhead. Those uncertain brown eyes lifted up to meet hers and Effy let her smile grow wider in encouragement. "How about those Jammy Dodgers?" she joked, and was delighted to see the girl grin herself. The brunette relinquished her from her half-embrace.

Then Emily rolled her eyes. "I think Naomes made it pretty clear" she said severely, yet with a tremble to her words. "I'm not welcome".

Effy glanced upwards to see Thomas shaking his head. He had a pitying half-smile on his face. "It's not her house though, is it?" he said matter-of-factly, and Effy watched Pandora nod her head eagerly in agreeement.

Emily scoffed from beside her. "She's pretty pissed off" she stated in an apprehensive tone.

Effy shrugged. "She's like that a lot. Sure, _you_ know the 'Naomi Campbell hissy fit' better than anyone" she replied and all four of them chuckled again. Then she turned serious. "Just give her a while to cool down. She misses you, I do know that" she said honestly, and she felt her heart clench at the sudden hopeful look in Emily's eyes.

The redhead sighed as they both turned slowly around and walked back up the path. "I've missed her too. So fucking much" she murmured shakily. She paused. "I feel terrible" she added gravely just as they stepped onto the doorstep.

Effy nodded in a sober manner. "I know" she said in a delicate tone. Just before they both stepped through the doorway however, with Pandora and Thomas following closely behind them, a streak of colour caught Effy's eye in her peripheral vision. Her eyes flickered upwards to her right.

A flash of peroxide blonde crossed her own bedroom window, only to be gone a moment later. A bright, confident smile stretched across Effy's pale face.

All hope was not lost just yet.

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	31. Chapter 30

_Another behemoth...quite nervous about this one. HELLA nervous actually. Eeee...I hope you like it, I really don't know how people will find it. It's quite in-depth and...dark, in places. Please review at the end and let me know whether I'm just being paranoid haha. _

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It was two hours later when Naomi heard the door creak open and then shut with a soft click. She was lying on top of Effy's bed with her back facing the door, leaving her unable to see who this new visitor was. It wasn't as if she didn't know right away though – I mean, how could she not? She recognised those quiet footsteps pressing against the oak floor at once, along with the light breathing that was coming from behind her. And those soft noises still managed to make a shiver run down her spine against her will.

Fuck. Would she ever learn?

She still didn't glance around though. She simply continued flicking through the old pictures on her phone, resuming her submergence in a world full of Emily. The redhead's beaming face looked up at her through those compositions of pixels, taunting Naomi with her happiness. Yet she would happily trade these versions for the one she was about to face. Wishful thinking never did her any favours though.

So it was only when she felt the bed dip underneath her that she clicked out of her images – the last one being one of her and Emily spread out on a bench together when they had spent a relaxing, couple-y day at the park – and hastily shoved her phone back into her jeans pocket.

Nothing was said at first. She merely remained laying there. After a few moments though, her body began to prickle and tense at the knowledge that Emily was sitting right next to her, easily within touching distance. The thought made Naomi's blood simmer while she tried to push down the mixture of anger and longing running through her system.

This feeling only intensified while she listened intently to Emily's breaths; they were steady and rhythmic, conveying none of the tension that's Naomi's breaths held. She briefly wondered how Emily was remaining so calm. Because this tension, this emotional distance...it was slowly destroying Naomi from the inside.

"So" Emily mumbled at last. The abruptness of it caused Naomi to start. She wrenched her eyelids shut at her body's betrayal, trying to steady her breathing and her emotions once more. She couldn't get wound up again, not like in the garden – she didn't like what those emotions turned her into, she didn't like how her rage made her act. That lack of control...it was unnerving to her.

After several minutes of silence, whereby Naomi refused to acknowledge Emily's sole word, the redhead spoke again in a meek voice. "I was having tea downstairs with the others. Thought I'd give you some space. But Thomas and Panda, I forgot how nice they were. Panda sure does make a mean cup of tea, but I'm sure you know that. And Eff, well...she didn't say much, but that's nothing new, is it?" Emily mumbled in a rush, her voice wracked with false buoyancy. She was desperate. Naomi could sense that. The blonde was never good at judging emotions, but even she could feel Emily's distress radiating in waves from beside her. This attempt at light conversation was merely a distraction from the real problem at hand. And Emily wanted her to make the first move.

Naomi couldn't. She'd been making the first move for months now whilst pandering to Emily's insecurities. As much as it pained her to just lie there and ignore Emily's silent plea for forgiveness, she knew she couldn't back down.

Effy was right. _So let her chase after you this time. It's her turn to give herself to you. Again, _her mind whispered in an eerie impression of her friend's voice.

No sooner had her mind recited this remembrance than Emily cracked. "Naomi, talk to me. Please" she heard suddenly from beside her, and she tried not to flinch in surprise at noticing how fragile Emily's voice had become or how much closer it was now. Acknowledging the latter, she started to feel Emily's breath puff out across her bare arm. She repressed a shudder.

"Why should I?" Naomi managed to croak out. She heard Emily sigh loudly and the blonde had to stop herself from turning around and looking at her. Her curiosity to see the redhead was overwhelming her, but she knew if she turned around straight away then her resolve would crumble. She was never any good at being strong when she was around Emily. The girl always managed to crash through her walls with a single probing look. Naomi knew right now would be no exception.

She was wrenched from this train of thought when Emily made to speak again. "Because I'm dying right now" she breathed out in a quiet voice, and Naomi had to stifle a gasp of surprise. There. Now she could feel it, her stare; those brown eyes were boring through her back and the feel of them on her skin threatened to set her on fire.

She bit down on her lip hard. "And whose fault is that?" she mumbled in an empty voice. She hated this, hated being so cruel and pitiless. But she couldn't help it – her heart kept thumping hard against her chest, reminding her with each beat as to why it was aching right now. It was thumping along to the girl beside her, that's why.

Emily let out another frustrated sigh. "Mine, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear?" she asked impatiently. "I fucked up Naomes, I know I did". Emily paused and waited for a reply. Naomi's stubborn nature got the better of her though – she let out a grunt in response. "Naomi. Look at me!" she said firmly this time, her voice pleading. "I'm still Emily". Naomi's heart threatened to stammer to a halt. She felt her eyes moisten whilst a painstaking thought crossed her mind. _I'm not sure that you are, _a feeble voice in her head whispered. Naomi sniffled in spite of herself.

That did it.

All hell broke loose then as Naomi felt her body being wrenched around. Before she knew what was happening, Emily was leaning down over her and pinning her arms down to the bed. It was dark out now; Emily's form was cast in shadow as she bored down over her. She blocked them both from the tiny lamplight glowing throughout the room. Yet even through this shadow, Emily's sparkling brown eyes were electric and blazing into hers.

"Ems, what the fu–"

"_Look _at me" Emily repeated in a deep tone, and the sound of it resonated all throughout Naomi's body before settling somewhere in her abdomen. She continued to struggle against the redhead's deceptively strong grip, remembering with disdain about the Fitch family's misleading strength. But she couldn't meet Emily's gaze, not properly at least, so she shut her eyes. She would become lost in those bottomless pools and Emily knew it – she'd use it to her advantage. But Emily still didn't relent; she held Naomi steadfast in her grip and pressed her body further into hers while she struggled.

"Em, get the hell off me!" Naomi choked out, her words garbled through her increasingly laboured breaths. She swallowed a curse when she felt her eyes stinging with tears. It was getting harder to hold them back now and she was beginning to lessen her resistance to Emily's grip.

Emily felt so too – Naomi felt the redhead's fingers loosen around her arms when her body began to relax slightly. It was only when she became completely limp that Emily spoke again, her tone much softer this time. "Please" was all that she said. It was coarse and husky and everything Naomi loved about Emily's voice, everything she loved about _Emily. _It was this thought alone that caused Naomi's shaken blue eyes to appear from beneath her watery lids. Her heart really did stall in her chest this time once she was confronted with the sight above her.

Emily was still leaning over her and her luxuriously red hair was cascading down around her porcelain face, amplifying the shadow pouring over them both. The frayed ends tickled Naomi's cheeks. But Naomi's wide eyes immediately became fixed on Emily's expression. Her face was the softest she'd ever seen it, with every stage of grief flickering through her eyes. It was the most emotion Naomi had seen from Emily in months and she wasn't sure if her frazzled brain could process it at the moment. She _could _process a vague alarm going off in the back of her head however, signalling her to push Emily off. She was in the danger zone and she knew it.

"Emily..." was all that she managed to breathe out instead. It was weak and lacklustre and it did nothing to deter the redhead. In fact, Emily seemed to take it as a positive sign – her flashing eyes began to flicker all around Naomi's face before eventually settling on her lips. Naomi could feel her breathing amplify again, only this time it was spurred on by the sudden rush of desire through her system rather than anger. A white-hot heat crept up her nerve endings upon abruptly realising that Emily's body was pressing flush against hers. She could feel the patch of skin underneath where Emily's fingers were starting to burn and flare. "No, don't, I..." she mumbled ineffectually as the girl started to lean down agonisingly slowly. There was no power in her words and as Emily's lips grew ever closer – all moist and pink and juicy looking – all thoughts of protest flew from Naomi's mind. She fluttered her eyelids closed again just as Emily's sweet, hot breath came to trickle over her face and a moment later she felt tender lips pressed against her own.

Red began to flash across her eyelids and suddenly she was drowning, drowning in the heat and the tastes and the smells while her senses became overwhelmed by everything Emily. Overwhelmed by the raw familiarity of Emily's lips pressing passionately against her own. Those soft lips moved slowly against hers at first, both of them gauging the other's reaction, but then the urgency began to seep through. Naomi let her lips melt against Emily's as their breaths began to mingle and she couldn't shake the feeling of elation from engulfing her body as Emily's petite stature began to meld against her own. Unthinkingly Naomi let her hand rise upward and into Emily's tousled hair; she let her slender fingers grip and tug at those red locks while her mouth continued to do battle with Emily's. In response Emily parted Naomi's lips with her tongue and before she knew it Naomi could taste Emily completely. It intoxicated her, made her dizzy when she felt Emily's tongue brushing against hers and she briefly wondered if this was what heaven tasted like. Though when she heard and felt Emily release a moan into her mouth she was pretty sure she got her answer.

They stayed like that for several minutes, kissing and touching and stroking and brushing, with Emily's lips currently on Naomi's neck whilst she sucked and licked at her pulsepoint. Naomi's hands were likewise clawing at Emily's sides whilst she tried to get a steady grip through the enormously large hoodie the redhead was wearing. But it was when Emily's hand left the unobjectionable point of place on her hip however and instead began to drift further down that alarm bells started to go off in Naomi's muddled and hazed brain again. Her body seized and she could only lie there ineffectually while Emily continued to kiss and nip at the salty skin of her neck and her dexterous fingers flitted across her jeans. They eventually came to rest at the top of her waistband.

It was only when her fingertips made contact with the soft skin of Naomi's lower abdomen however that the blonde's body finally reacted. "No!" she cried out as she jerked upward. She pushed Emily violently off of her, releasing a loud groan of exertion as she did so, and sent the redhead tumbling to the floor. "Fuck. _Fuck!" _she growled when her mind finally caught up with her body – she was sitting in a crouch on the bed, panting and huffing heavily, and staring down at Emily who was currently lying in a heap of astonishment and disorientation on the hard wooden floor.

Several moments passed by before either of them could gather any coherent thoughts. Emily chose to verbalize such thoughts first. "I, um...I mean, that was..." she murmured unintelligibly, her skittish gaze refusing to rest on Naomi and darting everywhere else instead. Naomi felt a flash of rage surge through her upon hearing Emily's husky voice again. She suddenly comprehended why she had put up a fight in the first place.

"You shouldn't have done that" Naomi said coldly, keeping her gaze trained on the blank blue wall in front of her. She could feel Emily's uneasy stare pierce the side of her face then, but she didn't meet it. She was stewing in her own self-hatred. _How the fuck did I let that happen? _she thought in bewilderment.

The silence ticked on, before, "No. I shouldn't have". The dejectedness of the voice caused Naomi to glance sideways in spite of herself. Emily was looking at the floor now and shaking her head. The little red-haired girl looked just as confused and fearful as Naomi felt. Yet without warning, Emily abruptly jumped to her feet and came to stand directly above her. Naomi flinched and scooted backward against the wall, needing to put some distance between her and Emily after what just happened. Those auburn eyes were frantic and beseeching again when Naomi looked up at her conflicted face. "I'm sorry, okay? I got carried away. I just..." She trailed off, before taking a deep breath in and starting again. "I just wanted you to listen to me" she whispered defeatedly, and the sudden sincerity in her expression made Naomi's stomach flutter unwillingly.

Except the anger got the better of her once more – Naomi leapt to her feet as well and sidestepped an abruptly dumbfounded Emily. She stomped to the other side of the small room and came to stand next to the set of drawers, allowing herself to seethe for a moment while she faced the wall. She stared at a book lying on top of the chest just for something to do, yet not really focusing on it. All the while she heard Emily's strained breaths ring out from behind her. Once she was somewhat composed however, she allowed herself to ask something.

"Give me one good reason why I should listen to you" she said monotonously, still not turning around. She heard Emily exhale deeply and braced herself for the answer.

"Because, I lo–"

"_No!"_ Naomi shrieked wildly, the rage swelling inside her again. She whirled around on Emily until they were nearly nose to nose. She tried to disregard Emily's hurt and panicked expression. "Don't. You don't get to say that to me. Not after _that. _And especially not after what you said to me" she snarled, her voice breaking on the last of her sentence. She turned away, not wanting Emily to see the sheen coating her eyes.

But Emily didn't cave. Her tone remained calm and steady when she said, "Okay. I won't say it. But I do, just so you know". Naomi's eyes squeezed shut and her heart faltered at the earnestness behind Emily's words. She heard the redhead take a few steps and then a creaking sound – Emily was sitting on the bed now. "I don't know what else to say, Naomes. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean what I said, not really. I just...I don't know what's wrong with me" she murmured feebly, her voice low and hoarse.

Naomi bit her lip and sighed. "You do, Emily. I know you do" she said firmly, still staring at the light casting over the baby-blue wall. She didn't hear a reply, so she continued. "I know you're sorry. But there's something you're not telling me Ems. I need to hear what it is – otherwise this, we...can't work". She slowly revolved around then and was met with Emily's pained brown orbs staring up at her.

"Are you saying that you don't want to be with me?" the girl said in a anguished voice and Naomi felt her chest seize at the openly devastated look that crossed her face.

She shook her head vehemently, silently growing frustrated at Emily's incomprehension. "No, I'm not" she said frankly, rolling her bottom lip between her teeth. Their eyes locked. "Come on, Emily. It's easy. Just tell me something true" she plainly asked whilst trying to keep the plea out of her voice. Emily just continued to stare up at her for several beats. The pain dissipated from her eyes with each passing second, but Naomi was aggrieved to see that they were beginning to gloss over once more; her fragility from the last while was all but vanishing, only to be replaced by the familiar stone that the blonde was so used to seeing.

Frustration bubbled underneath Naomi's skin. This was not the time for Emily to be retreating into herself again, not after all the shit they'd gone through. She was about to voice as such when Emily unexpectedly let out a strangled sigh and fluttered her lashes over her veiled eyes.

"Easy? You think it's easy?" she asked incredulously. "You...you really don't know how fucking terrifying you are, do you Naomi?"

Naomi's brow furrowed. "Pardon?"

Emily blinked deliberately. "No, no. Of course you don't. You wouldn't though, would you?" she said cryptically, and Naomi tried not to let her eyebrows shoot up at the almost Effy-ish look that washed over her face. But then Emily's eyes grew dark. "You want to hear something true, Naomi? Fine: I haven't been to work since you left. Well, actually, that's only half-true; I tried to go in on Monday but the rest of my staff thought I looked so ill that they convinced me to take a few days off". She paused for a moment, her dark eyes gleaming in the lamplight. Naomi crossed her arms over her chest ineptly and remained silent. Emily continued. "Not good enough? Okay then: I've barely taken this hoodie off all week. You know why? Because it smells like you. It's warm like you. It wraps itself around me and keeps me safe like you". Naomi held her gaze, her throat becoming increasingly dry. She could physically feel the ice melting from her eyes as she let them flicker down to Emily's chest. There, emblazoned across the front of the old tatty hoodie Emily was sporting, read 'Goldsmiths University of London'. Naomi wondered why it had looked so familiar, but she gathered that she'd been so mad at Emily that she'd failed to register why. A wave of emotion swept over her unexpectedly.

"Emily, I–"

"No, more you say?" the redhead cut in, seemingly unable to stop herself now. "Okay, here's the big one: did you know that I once thought about killing myself after we first broke up?"

Truth. Boom.

Silence descended upon them while they both remained frozen in their positions. A streak of moonlight peaked through the curtains, but Naomi couldn't concentrate on it. She could only concentrate on the sudden spike of adrenaline in her system and the rapid thumping of her heart against her ribs. Whatever Naomi had expected to hear next, that was _not _it. Seriously, where the fuck did that come from?

"W-w-what?" she stammered meekly, her throat constricting the word.

Emily shook her head fervently, her expression conveying regret at her omission. "Yeah" she admitted quietly. "It's true. But..." she continued, her harsh tone growing softer. "I couldn't go through with it, I never would have. I mean, how could I? I had too much to stick around for". Naomi vaguely registered Emily staring up at her then, and out of the corner of her eye she could see the redhead's previous hardness melt completely. Naomi's silent meltdown was obviously chipping away at her exterior. "I was at my lowest...around three or four weeks after I'd left your house for good. My initial indignation and anger had worn off and instead all I was left with was this hollow _emptiness_. All I could think about was how I would never be able to touch you again, talk to you, feel you, kiss you..." A faraway look swept over her face then and Naomi took this pause in speech as an opportunity to find her voice.

"How...I mean, _how?" _Naomi asked, flabbergasted. "Seriously? How could you even _think _about doing such a thing, Em? Didn't you even stop to think about the effect it would have? On your family? Katie? Your friends?" Naomi stopped and took a big, shuddering inhalation in. "On me?" she asked in a hushed whisper.

Emily's stance hardened once more; she abruptly rose to her feet and took a threatening step forward. "You have no idea what I was going through Naomi. _None. _And of course I didn't think about what effect it would have on you...because for all_ I_ knew, you didn't give a flying fuck about me!" Naomi felt her mouth fall open as Emily whirled around to face the concealed window. The redhead stayed silent for a moment or so, but then Naomi's indignation flared up.

"That's not true and you know it" she growled dangerously. Then the blaze simmered slightly. "I told you why I broke up with you Emily. It was shit, yeah, and it was for all the wrong reasons. But I cared for you more than I could say. I loved you. I still do" she said in a broken voice, her crestfallen eyes falling to the floor. She heard Emily's breath hitch then, and she suddenly realised what she'd let slip. _Fuck...you can never control your mouth around Emily. I thought you were supposed to be playing hardball here? _a vindictive voice scolded inside her head. But Emily didn't seem to be jumping, much to her relief; Naomi glanced back up to see the redhead still facing away from her.

"It was a fleeting thought. A sheer moment of insanity, perhaps" Emily said curtly, continuing her explanation. "I was in the house alone – the rest of my family were getting sick of my depressed attitude, so they'd gone out for the day. I was there in the kitchen, barely functioning. Barely alive. I was so overcome with anguish that I didn't know who I was anymore. I had no appetite either, so I dunno why I was in the kitchen in the first place. But then...then I spotted the knife block, and curiosity getting the better of me I took out a chef's knife". Naomi felt a lump form in her throat, and watched with baited breath while Emily's shoulders started to shake. "I thread it through my fingers. I wondered what would happen if I just let it _slip_. Just got it over with; quick, easy, painless. Anything had to be better than the pain I'd been suffering with, literally_ anything. _Death became a tantalising option".

Naomi could feel a cold sweat starting to coat her skin as the utter bewilderment plagued her body. Was this really happening? This didn't sound like Emily, not at all – in fact she briefly started to wonder whether or not Effy had secretly snuck into the room and possessed Emily somehow. There was no other explanation for it...because Emily was strong. Emily was a rock. Emily was just _Emily. _

As if reading her mind, the redhead took that moment to turn around and meet her gaze at last. Her eyes were considerably brighter now, but they were coated with a moist sheen as tears trickled down her pale cheeks. "It was all too much. You have no idea how vulnerable I was, Naomes" she whispered, and Naomi felt her heart constrict. "The loneliness overwhelmed me...I'd been waiting months and months for you to prove yourself, for you to prove _our_ worth as a couple. To prove that you really did love me...But then to have you just _give up_ on us was too much for my already wounded heart to bear. I had to run back to my family with my tail between my legs and I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand that my mum had actually been right, as far as I could tell. Add that to everything else, and I think you can get a fair idea as to why I humoured such a fate..."

She stared openly at Naomi then, wordlessly imploring her with her wide and shining eyes to say something, anything. Naomi was completely spent of thought though; Emily had pretty much fried her brain with that little tidbit of information. "So..." she mumbled out eventually, chewing ineptly on her lip. "What...what made you change your mind?" she asked softly, forcing down the stinging sensation in her throat.

Emily smiled a watery smile. "Like I said – I just couldn't do it. I couldn't sacrifice myself so selfishly...there was Katie to think about, mum and dad. I even sympathised for James a bit, the pervy little bugger". She chuckled uneasily at this, but Naomi refused to join in. Nothing about this was funny. Emily quickly discerned as such, because she stopped at once. "I...I knew I was better than that. I'm not Effy" she said, before physically cringing. Her stance grew apologetic at that, but she pressed on nonetheless. "I was devastated of course...but I knew that things wouldn't always be that way. So I put the knife back. You'd made your choice, so it was up to me to make mine. And mine was to fight. A Fitch never backs down from a challenge" she said in a firm voice, her moist eyes flashing on the last bit. Naomi smiled crookedly in spite of herself.

The smile was short-lived however, because no sooner had Emily stopped speaking than a sudden recollection drifted into Naomi's subconscious. Katie's voice started ringing in her head, and the twin was whispering something that exemplified Emily's admission all the more. _"I had to pick up the pieces after you two split up – I don't want her falling into the same trap again if I can help it". _It had been said on the night of Mark's birthday all those months ago. The night Effy was hospitalised.

The night she'd first kissed Emily since they'd met again.

This naturally stirred up a new question in her mind, but she was reluctant to ask it. Her mind felt like a flimsy ball of fluff after everything Emily had just dealt her with and she was tempted to keep schtum if it meant she had more time to process things. But then again, she also knew that Emily was in her own stage of word vomit and that it could stop at any time. She figured she might as well gather as much information as possible now and then try to sort through it later.

She let out a long sigh and raised her fingers to her temple, rubbing softly. "Why did you take me back then?" she asked in a hollow voice. She then lowered her hand to find Emily surveying her from beneath hooded, watery lids. Then she started to slowly walk toward Naomi, and the blonde abruptly became nervous at their close proximity. She could still feel Emily's kiss tingling on her lips.

But she walked right by Naomi and instead steered toward the chest of drawers. She picked up the book Naomi had been staring at and remained facing away from her, and it was only then that the blonde recalled that the book hadn't been here earlier. Nevertheless she watched with apprehension as Emily released a few puffs of breath. "After that...incident...I made a promise to myself that I'd get better. That I'd grow up. And after a lot of healing, I did manage to get over us". She paused. "I got a life outside of us. I worked, I socialized, I lived. I got a new sense of self-worth". Naomi waited patiently, but she was acutely aware of the fact that this explanation did nothing to answer her question. In fact, it was making her feel more and more confused if anything.

"Emily...that still doesn't explain things" she pointed out quietly. She heard Emily scoff, and then the redhead turned around. She had a knowing look on her face.

"I said I got over _us. _I never said I got over _you" _she said astutely. Naomi felt her eyebrows knit together. Emily saw so and continued. "I grew up, yeah. I got a life. But, even so...the little teenager in me still wanted you. I think that's why I never left Bristol – a part of me wanted to keep that connection to you, and if I left then I knew it would be severed. Plus...I'll admit that the hopeless romantic in me still wanted me to bump into you again. The only chance of that happening was to stay put". She hesitated. "What I didn't expect was to be swept away all over again" she said coyly, and Naomi's azure blue eyes shot up to hers. They were utterly sincere and shining with her unshed tears. Naomi felt her stomach flutter despite how shaky she was feeling. But then Emily's bright expression darkened once more. "There was a sacrifice I had to make in order to be with you again, though. I needed to protect myself. I knew I couldn't be weak like I was. I knew you loved me, you told me you did. You _showed_ me you did. All the fucking time, actually. But I had to build a wall. I fucking hated it, really I did. All I wanted was to be open with you, to share myself fully with you. But I took a leaf out of your book in order to keep myself safe. What I didn't realise at the time was whether or not, in protecting myself, I'd actually be hurting you, Naomes." She sniffled then, and Naomi was finding it harder and harder to keep her cool. Emily spilling forth all these emotions and secrets was blowing her mind. It needed to happen, of course. Yet she was also very much raw and tender over the emotions she'd been feeling over the past few days. It was all quite overwhelming.

"Huh, um..." she mumbled unintelligibly. She blinked her eyes shut for a moment, composing herself. When she opened them again, it was to see Emily looking oddly tense. Her dark eyes were wide and apprehensive while she gauged Naomi's mood, her pupils bouncing in the lamp's sheen. Naomi set herself. "I...I still don't know where I stand, Em. I mean...am I forgiven? What are we?" she asked in a tentative murmur, not exactly sure how to phrase what she wanted to say.

Emily comprehended at once; she wiped fiercely at her moist cheeks and looked Naomi straight in the eye. "It was never about forgiveness Naomi, not really" she said surely. Then she glanced down at the book in her hand. Her fingers stroked along its spine and Naomi couldn't help but watch, captivated. "It was about how much of myself I wanted to give. But...you...you made it pretty fucking hard, let me tell you". Naomi looked up again and was surprised to see Emily suddenly standing closer to her. Except the blonde didn't flinch away. "You were rather fucking wonderful" she said sincerely, a sheepish smile tweaking at her cheeks. "You told me all these lovely things and you treated me well and we did all the things that every other couple do. It was everything I could've wanted, yet everything I was afraid of at the same time. And you were telling me you loved me and being so fucking considerate of my pissy mood swings and buying us fucking trips to Goa for our anniversary!" she exclaimed, and Naomi grinned bashfully. _Goa, huh. I nearly forgot about that, _she thought to herself, but then Emily continued. "I was afraid that if it was all snatched away, I wouldn't be able to cope this time around. But...I know now that I was wrong. And if you need any proof of my feelings for you–", she placed the book in Naomi's limp hands, "–then I think this will more than suffice" she finished in the softest of voices.

Naomi stood staring ineptly at the object for a few seconds, breathing heavily, before opening its cover with shaky fingers. It was only when she had flicked through the first few pages that she realised the full significance of it. Her blue eyes flashed and grew wide as they shot up to Emily's for an explanation. The redhead simply surveyed her with a wry smile, yet with a hint of anxiety in her gaze.

"You...you did this?" Naomi asked in a dumbfounded whisper.

Emily nodded imperceptibly. "All me. All for you".

Naomi looked back down at the book, astounded. Any rage she had left in her was extinguished in an instant.

It was a scrapbook. _Their _scrapbook. Their entire relationship had been lovingly documented by Emily by means of old photos, journal entries, little quips and tidbits, ticket stubs from events and concerts they'd gone to and all other kinds of reminiscent paraphernalia. Old and new. And Naomi couldn't hold it back any longer; a sob forced its way up her throat and out of her mouth as she watched one of her tears fall and stain the page she was currently looking at.

And although it wasn't necessary, Emily chose to speak. "I found it when I was looking through my old room a couple of months ago. I'd started it when we first started going out, back in college. But I stopped when..." She trailed off and Naomi grimaced. "When I found it again, I continued from where we'd left off. And despite what I'd been feeling, despite all the worries I had about your sincerity...I _wanted _to. I couldn't help myself. Because, no matter what I told myself...I was fucking head over heels for you" she said earnestly.

Naomi glanced back up at that and met Emily's sparkling eyes. Her own blue ones were brimming now. With joy; with astonishment; with confusion. She bit her lip. "Well...that's definitely something true. Uh...well done" she said feebly, chuckling nervously. They both smiled knowingly at the meaning, but then Naomi grew serious. "I don't know what to say Ems, just...wow" she said quietly, wiping at her watery eyes.

Emily nodded slightly. "You don't need to say anything Naomes. Your face says it all" she said in her notoriously husky voice, and Naomi suddenly noticed its absence throughout most of this conversation. She'd missed it, she realised. Except Emily's stance grew cautious then, like she had suddenly awoken from a haze. Naomi winced at the possibility that Emily might panic now after having revealed so much. That she'd do a runner and regret saying anything at all. But luckily her fears remained unfounded. "How do you feel now? About us, I mean, 'cos...don't feel like you have to jump back into anything right away, just so you know" she babbled. "_'_Cos I did fuck up pretty badly. I mean, you didn't deserve how I treated you. You were perfectly lovely and I was just being a selfish cunt and–"

Emily's breathless and self-deprecating rant was swiftly cut off by Naomi's lips pressing forcefully against hers. Emily initially let out a squeak of surprise into Naomi's mouth, before rapidly responding to Naomi's warm and enthusiastic kisses with fervour. The blonde wasted no time in pushing her tongue past Emily's lips and tasting her hot mouth with a feverishness that was not normally seen on her. It was nothing like their kiss earlier, because now it was full of want from both sides; she felt Emily slide her hands up and around her neck and grip hard at its nape, clawing at the flushed skin there. Naomi dove her hands underneath Emily's – no, _her – _billowing hoodie and pulled it up and over her head, revealing a plain tee beneath. She then clutched and scratched at the soft skin of Emily's abdomen under the shirt, relishing in the spurted gasps and moans being released into her mouth in response.

Her actions and thoughts were abruptly cut short however when she felt something cold wrap itself around her neck. She pulled away from Emily's lips slightly, leaving a hair's breadth between them, and eyed the redhead quizzically. "What...what are you doing?" she managed to croak out weakly. Emily had a cheerful gleam in her eye and was staring at Naomi's neck; the blonde felt those nimble fingers flit across her collarbone while the redhead fiddled with something. Naomi looked down. The shine off a piece of jewellery drew her eye, and she raised tentative fingers to toy with the heart shaped pendant now laced around her neck. She didn't even see how Emily would have such a thing on her person, but nevertheless there it was – now hanging around her own neck. "What's this?" she asked in a blunt fashion, confusion laced throughout.

She looked up and saw Emily bite her lip shyly. "The other half of your anniversary present. It's white gold" she said, a vague smugness to her tone. "You didn't think I'd end up giving you _just_ a silly book, did you? Pfft, not a chance! I like to spoil my girl" she said flirtatiously, trailing her hand down Naomi's arm to her hand and linking their fingers together. Naomi continued to stare in amazement at the pendant clutched in her fingers, her mind completely and utterly blank now. Emily must've misinterpreted her silence, because she cleared her throat nervously after several moments. "Do you...do you like it?" she asked in a painstakingly timid voice. The sound tugged at Naomi's heartstrings.

Their eyes, electric blue and deep brown, locked. "Stay with me" she said.

It wasn't a question.

Naomi watched Emily physically gulp. The redhead hesitated, her eyes flickering across Naomi's utterly assured face, before murmuring, "You're sure?"

Naomi replied by leaning in and capturing Emily's rosy lips with hers again. She didn't deepen the kiss though, merely remained pressed against Emily's lips; she tried to pour all of her certainty into that one gesture. She may have been confused. She may have been somewhat shocked and flabbergasted with what she'd heard over the past hour or so. But her heart was thumping a million miles a minute right now, and she was choosing to follow _it _instead.

So ten minutes later, while the both of them were lying together in bed – Naomi spooning from behind – she let herself feel it. Feel them. And even though they both remained silent, with Naomi tracing whispery circles across Emily's hip continuously, the blonde could already tell that Emily was starting to _let_ herself feel it – them – too. She was utterly relaxed; utterly calm; utterly receptive to Naomi's touch. No restraints. They'd never had that before. The thought made Naomi grin lazily against Emily's hair.

"I do too, just so you know" she whispered into those crimson locks before pressing a kiss to the side of her head.

Emily shuffled backward and pressed herself further into Naomi's body. Then she reached around for Naomi's hand on her hip. She glided it up her abdomen and across her chest, lying it directly over her heart. Naomi felt the organ pumping furiously beneath her palm; it was beating so hard and fast beneath Emily's skin that she wondered how the redhead was functioning at all.

"Yeah, I know" Emily whispered into the darkness, and Naomi let her heavy eyelids flutter closed.

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	32. Chapter 31

_Can I just reiterate how fabulous you all are? The reviews for last chapter were awesome, they really put me at ease on a chapter I was really anxious about. So thanks._

_Anyway, back to the story! I'm back in college now, which naturally means I'm quite the busy. This also means that I hope to wrap this up soon, just so I'm not giving myself too much to do and also not to keep you guys waiting unnecessarily. Don't worry though, that doesn't mean I'm going to finish this sloppily. I never post something I'm not happy with. So I reckon there's about two chapters left after this one, and then the customary author's note and possibly an epilogue._

_Oh yeah, and in regards to this chapter...another bit of naughty stuff to come**. **Haha, bit of a giveaway, but just to be safe. Don't wanna get in trouble! Enjoy ;-)_

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"Christ, this is like the thirtieth time she's text me this week! Give it a rest woman!"

"Well, you _did _fuck off before, you know. Without initially telling her why. She's bound to have been concerned. Oh, and aside from that, there's also the little fact that she's _your mum_."

Effy watched Naomi with an amused smirk playing on her lips while her friend shoved her phone cantankerously back into her pocket and continued making them all tea; she stirred each cup with a little more force than necessary however, causing droplets of tea to splash out and onto the counter. She looked like she was about to retort to Emily's statement, but was thinking better of it – her face was contorted with a grimace while she picked up two of the three cups and walked over to them both. She handed Effy one while she sat perched in her armchair and then turned around and handed the other to Emily who sat on the couch across from her. Effy observed as Naomi's grimace turned into a rogue smirk and she rolled her eyes.

"I suppose..." she drawled mockingly, before heading back over to the counter to retrieve her own cup. Emily shot the blonde an exasperated glance while her back was turned, but her expression quickly became amused as she raised her cup up to her pouted lips and took a cautious sip. Effy followed suit and took a hasty sip of her tea, the hot liquid stinging as it poured into her mouth and passed down her throat. She smacked her lips together and her eyes abruptly refocused on Naomi as the girl returned and made to take her place beside Emily on the couch.

The blonde tried to leave an honest space between them, but nevertheless her free hand still managed to brush against Emily's on her way down. Effy then heard Naomi's muffled groan and Emily's hitch of breath, which both were quickly followed by conflicted expressions. Naomi's face flashed with panic as she settled into the cushions, but as she took a drink from her cup Effy glimpsed a vague sadness in her bright blue eyes. Emily similarly looked just as startled and she forcibly cleared her throat, yet her porcelain features swiftly became marred with longing. Effy's acute blues flickered between them both for a few more seconds while a terse silence enveloped the room.

She didn't pass comment.

"You're lucky it's only thirty" she said. "My mum contacts me so much nowadays that I wonder whether or not her phone bills have reached astronomical proportions. Although, I can't say I blame poor old Anthea; having a psychotic daughter who's at risk of fucking off whenever she likes is bound to stir up some maternal instincts in her" Effy said casually, eliciting a – notably grateful – chuckle from the two girls sitting across from her.

"You're not a psycho, Eff" Emily said softly, a kind smile tweaking at her lips. Naomi glanced at the redhead, a perceptibly fond expression flashing across her face, before looking back to Effy.

"She's just being a tit. I mean, I _live _with the woman. I saw her this morning before I left for work for fuck's sake! She's being paranoid" Naomi said huffily, setting down her teacup on the side table next to her and then crossing her arms petulantly.

Effy cocked an eyebrow. "With you as a daughter, I can't say I blame her" she replied simply.

Naomi shrugged and began fiddling idly with the heart pendant of her necklace. "Whatever" she said, sinking back against the couch and letting out a content sigh.

Silence ensued once again, the only noise being Naomi's light breaths and Emily and Effy sipping their tea. Except Effy couldn't help but notice Emily becoming increasingly fidgety the longer she sat next to Naomi; her fingers were twitching upon her cup, which turned her knuckles white in the process. A devious thought crossed the brunette's mind then; one which she knew would rock the boat a little.

Time for omnipotent Effy to show her true colours again.

She put her cup down and allowed a stoic expression to glaze over her pale face. "So, Em. Did you take that job in the end?" she asked innocently, trying to hide the amusement in her voice. She watched as her words achieved the desired effect; Emily's brown eyes widened slightly whilst Naomi's previously relaxed form seized against the cushions and her fingers stopped playing with her necklace.

The redhead threw Naomi a hesitant glance before speaking. "No...I, I didn't" she said in a small voice.

Effy tucked some hair behind her ear while she let her eyebrows knit together in mock confusion. "Oh, but...weren't you supposed to have an interview or something? Naomes was telling me all about it" she said, trying not to revel in the growing discomfort sweeping across the room. She chanced a quick glance at the blonde in question and saw that her eyelids were narrowed over those azure blues. Her glare did nothing to deter Effy though; a faint wry smile tugged at her lips as she looked back at Emily.

"I...I turned it down" Emily said tentatively. Another glance toward Naomi, only this time she let her eyes linger. Effy observed as, out of nowhere, the redhead's stance grew resolute. "It wasn't what I wanted. Not really. I'd much prefer a trip to Goa" she said in an unwavering voice. Naomi's glare dissipated and she looked back at Emily. Effy's gaze flashed between them both as they exchanged a meaningful look. Naomi's fingers resumed their caressing of the pendant. Yet something about the quiet sadness still lingering in her eyes irked the brunette.

But she didn't get the chance to stir things up any further.

"_Gah!" _exclaimed Naomi suddenly as she jerked upright. Emily flinched away from her reaction and nearly spilled her tea in the process. Effy's slight annoyance only intensified at the disappointed look on her face. But then the cause of the blonde's jolt became clear – she angrily shoved her hand into her pocket and pulled out her phone, which was flashing madly. "Fucking hell...it's my darling mother calling again" she said in an irritated tone, shaking her head exasperatedly. She sighed heavily and threw an apologetic look at the both of them. "I better take this. Maybe I can get rid of her" she said hastily, before whirling around and heading towards Emily's bedroom. She cast a nervous glance over her shoulder just before disappearing, and then Effy and Emily were left alone.

Effy's eyes remained glued to Emily. She could tell the redhead was becoming increasingly uncomfortable under her surveillance. After a few moments though, Emily took another awkward sip from her cup and then met Effy's piercing gaze.

"So...how've things been back home–"

"What the hell are you playing at?" Effy interjected, leaning forward in her seat to drill her stare even further through the redhead.

Emily winced and swallowed. "Sorry?" she asked blankly.

Effy sighed in frustration and shook her head. "Both of you. Honestly...you fucking baffle me" she exclaimed, crossing her arms and smirking. "You're both given all the tools to make things work and you still _won't make them work. _I feel like I'm dealing with children here."

Emily continued to stare vacantly at her. "Eff, no offence...but I've no idea what the hell you're on about" she said truthfully.

Effy let a kinder expression sweep over her face. "You love her. But you still don't know how to" she said simply. Comprehension slowly swept across Emily's features; her mouth twisted into a frown and her brown eyes grew dark.

"That obvious, huh?" she asked in that small voice again.

Effy's lips twitched. "Doesn't take a genius to work it out" she said straightforwardly, and Emily's eyelids dropped in shame.

It was blatantly obvious. To everyone. To everyone _except_ Naomi and Emily of course, but they were always quite oblivious as to how they were both coming across. But Effy had watched this – whatever _this _was – engulf them both. This hesitation, this trepidation, this awkwardness.

It hadn't been that way at first though – on their way home from London, Effy had watched with silent glee from the backseat of Emily's Punto as the two lovebirds made the most of their rekindled flame. Naomi could barely keep her hands off Emily all the way home, which in turn caused the redhead to nearly crash the car countless times until Effy had felt the need to cut in for their own safety. It was as if none of that dark stuff had happened, yet things seemed all shiny and new between them at the same time.

The start of something different.

That was two weeks ago. Whatever had happened between then and now had made things considerably tense between them. Effy wasn't entirely sure how it arose in the first place – Emily and Naomi's business was their own after all – but she had a vague idea as to why.

Their fear was no longer about protecting themselves in their relationship – it was more about protecting the other.

As if to reaffirm her suspicions, Emily looked up sheepishly through her lashes and Effy felt her stomach knot slightly at the open uncertainty in the redhead's eyes. "I'm afraid, Effy" she said quietly in her husky voice, setting down her teacup and then clasping her fingers together in her lap. "It's all out in the open now. There's nothing left to hide. I'm an open book" she said, chewing on her lip. "I just worry about what she thinks of all this...I mean, she can be quite fragile sometimes. I don't want to scare her off or push her away with my past habits again. I'm trying to be stronger but...it terrifies me, to be honest" she finished softly, imploring Effy with her honest gaze to understand.

Effy paused. She nearly felt the need to scoff at Emily's words, but not in a sadistic way. They were just so unfathomable. _Fucking hell these two are blind, _she thought exasperatedly. But then she ran a hand through her messy brown locks and fixed Emily with an assured stare. She set herself. "Emily...do you wanna know part of the reason why I ran away?" she asked.

Emily's brow creased. "Um..." she mumbled, her expression torn between curiosity and reluctance.

Effy disregarded her lack of an answer. "Everything was too much" she explained. "Before, I was stationary...yet secure. I had my boring life, boring job, boring existence. But when Naomi came back...it not only stirred things up for you, but it turned my whole world upside-down too". Emily's eyebrows shot from a crease to up her forehead instead. Effy elaborated. "Yeah sure, my life was boring before. But at least I was _safe. _After Freddie...you know...I kind of numbed myself with this simple existence. It wasn't drugs, but it was something else to deaden the pain. I became accustomed to this safe kind of life. There was nothing new or startling to stir up those old and horrible things inside of me." She stopped for a moment when she glimpsed Emily screwing up her face.

"I don't understand...What's that got to do with Naomes?"

Effy licked her lips. "Naomi came back" she repeated firmly. "And with her came that blinding love you both shared. It was devastating and glorious all at the same time. I had spent so much time in a numb, safe state-of-mind that I had forgotten how brightly love could shine. And there was no love that compared to yours and Naomi's" she murmured surely, her stance wistful. "It awoke all those memories in me that I used to cherish about love. That I used to cherish about Freddie. And even though you guys couldn't see so–", Effy smirked at the ironic déjà vu aspect of that statement, "–I could. And it threatened to bowl me over again. Threatened to tear me apart because of what I'd lost. So I had to get away from it. From you. From Naomi" she said, her expression turning more sober and contemplative. "So on the night of that party, I made a flippant decision. I seized some of my old recklessness and just took off. It was a silly decision looking back, yeah, but I don't regret it. 'Cos it took me to Panda and Thomas. And, in a way, they kind of showed me that love could be blinding – but you could also bask in it without getting burned, you know?"

Effy let out a long breath at the end of her little speech. All of that stuff had just come pouring out of her without her consent. It was as if her tongue had become disconnected from her brain. But it was the God's honest truth – and by the look of Emily's flabbergasted face, she could tell it had been the right thing to say.

"You really are something else" said the redhead eventually in astonishment, her lips curling up at the sides.

Effy shrugged dismissively. "I'm not. I'm a normal girl at heart...but just kind of lost. I'm getting there though" she said brightly. Then she smirked knowingly. "But my point is that you two need to get there a little faster. This stupid limbo you two are constantly dancing in is driving me crazy" she stated unashamedly, getting to her feet. At the sudden movement, Emily looked up at her in surprise before standing as well.

The redhead hesitated with her next words. "I don't know where to start. I mean...what would I even say?" she murmured, her voice wracked by that familiar huskiness.

Effy's knowing smile grew wider. "C'mon Ems, we both know a Fitch is never shy with her words" she said lightly, winking. Emily rolled her eyes and giggled. "You've told the truth before. You'll figure it out, again" she said in a more serious tone and then strolled past the redhead towards the front door. She heard Emily following behind her, but no sooner had she reached the door than did she hear another voice.

"Phew, glad that's over. Told mum to sod off...well not like that, but I asked her to stop being such a nag and to– Hey Eff, are you leaving?" came Naomi's voice from across the room. The brunette turned around to find Emily standing directly in front of her, her stance conflicted, and Naomi standing in the doorway across from her.

"Yeah, told Tone I'd be home for dinner by seven. He's trying out a new recipe that he wants to make for Michelle but he wants to test it out on me and Katie first". She rolled her eyes. "Pray that I don't get poisoned". The others chuckled, but Effy couldn't help but notice the strained pitch of Emily's laugh.

"Hate that" Naomi said, grinning. "Alright well, if you're heading then I might go have a shower. See you Eff" she said with a wave, before turning around and walking back through the doorway from which she came. Effy's lip tugged up at one corner and she reached behind her to push down the door handle. Emily eyed her apprehensively as she stepped out of the apartment.

"Thanks for coming over. And for, you know..." she said quietly.

Effy nodded and quirked an eyebrow. "No worries. Just don't be a muppet. You guys could be so much happier if you just let yourselves _be_" she said pointedly, taking a few steps backwards and down the hall. As Emily slowly pushed the door closed however, Effy managed to glimpse the redhead's sly wink before she fully shut the door. The brunette had faith that her words would be put to good use.

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She stood in front of the door, her hands clenched tightly into fists and her breathing tight and constricted. She was gathering every ounce of bravery within her to do what she was about to do, but she knew she couldn't turn back now. Effy was right. It was time to take a leap out of this dreaded limbo she'd – they'd – been placed in.

So with one last long inhalation in, she nudged the door open with tentative fingers. Immediately the sound of rushing water pierced her ears, followed by the sight of condensed steam floating about the room once she stepped in. The heat hit her face and caused her cheeks to flush, but she wasn't concerned about the stifling warmth. She only had eyes for the scene in front of her.

Behind the misted, opaque shower screen stood Naomi's blurry silhouette. Emily could just about make out her curves through the foggy glass – and her equally as foggy brain – and the sight of Naomi twisting and turning, thus elongating those curves, caused an even deeper flush to creep up Emily's skin. Spurred on by her sudden lust, Emily cautiously began to remove her clothing.

She tried desperately not to alert Naomi of her presence but the blonde didn't seem to notice anything odd. She continued to wash away. So when a completely naked Emily went to push the screen aside, it was with unfaltering conviction.

Naomi was facing away from her, her body deliciously lathered with soap and her hair slicked back and soaking. She was humming an indistinct tune to herself and Emily's body was humming right along with her as the redhead noiselessly slid the screen door closed and took a step closer; she was now standing directly behind her girlfriend, and if it weren't already so warm in here then Naomi probably would've been able to feel Emily's ragged and hot breaths puffing across her shoulder blades.

She didn't know how it had happened. When they'd gotten back from Thomas and Pandora's, things inexplicably hit some sort of lull. One moment they were fine and optimistic about what lay ahead, and then the next they were tiptoeing around one another.

Naturally that also meant that the intimacy between them had all but disappeared too. Neither of them wanted to broach the romance issue given how wary they were of each other and Emily didn't want to push Naomi away again. But the redhead sensed that Naomi's trepidation stemmed from deeper issues. After all, she'd told the blonde about her old suicidal thoughts when they were back in Panda's – if she were to guess, Emily assumed that Naomi didn't want to take advantage of her because of her vulnerability and what she'd admitted about her past. But the emotional and physical distance they'd created _because of_ these issues was slowly killing the redhead. The most they'd done since they'd gotten back was hold hands, hug or, at most, kiss chastely.

So Emily allowed herself to stew in this moment, this erotically charged moment for as long as possible. She let her desire wash over her body just like the beads of water that were physically washing over her skin. She loved Naomi, _needed _her. She craved being close to the blonde. She was Emily's drug. And Emily planned to relapse right now.

This thought in mind, she eventually allowed her hands to rise slowly upward before sliding them languidly around Naomi's waist. She felt and heard the blonde's breath hitch, which was then followed by a thumping sound – Naomi's sponge had dropped from her hands to the floor with a loud splash.

"Ems...wh-what are you doing?" Naomi asked in a high-pitched voice. She didn't turn around, nor made any move to extract herself. Emily took this as encouragement.

She slipped her arms a little further around Naomi's waist, leaving them in a sort of half-bear hug. Then she let her head bob forward a little, which in turn allowed her lips to place a soft kiss to Naomi's back, right along her spine. The blonde shuddered at the contact. But no matter how charged she felt right now, Emily knew she had to get this thing off her chest.

"We're both scared" she said, mumbling the words against her girlfriend's moist skin. "We've both got a lot of skeletons in our closets. But...those skeletons are out now. No secrets" she said, and she reveled in the feeling of Naomi's back arching against her lips slightly. The water trickled rapidly down their bodies. "Maybe that's what we're afraid of – the judgement, the scrutiny. The fact that we're completely laid bare for the other to see. And I don't know about you...but I'm worried that, now that you know literally _everything _about me, you might suddenly decide that I'm not worth the effort. That I'm too broken to fix. Yet another part of me knows you'd never feel that way, but old habits die hard". Emily let out a sigh against Naomi's skin and waited apprehensively for her response. A single water droplet trickled its way down her forehead and it soothed her burning skin.

She could've missed the mark completely, but deep down she knew that was more or less their main problem – because, despite first appearances, they were quite alike in some ways.

They just matched.

"We've never had this before" she heard suddenly, and before she could reply she felt Naomi's body shift in her arms. She unclasped her hands and a large spray of water hit her from the shower head as Naomi moved. Then she found her girlfriend facing her; her expression was open and honest and her smile was sombre. The redhead let her gaze drift down slightly and she felt her heart swell upon glimpsing the necklace still laced around Naomi's neck. "There's never been a time in our relationship, past or present, where we haven't had something to hide" she murmured softly, and Emily glimpsed a guilty look creep across her face when she looked up for a second. "So yeah, I agree with you – I think once we realised that this was it...no more secrets...we kind of closed down a little". Emily bit her lip tentatively, knowing full well that Naomi was right. The thought made her feel sick. But then she felt wet, tender fingers tugging at her chin and next thing she knew she was staring right into Naomi's electric blue eyes. The sight stole her breath away. "We've both fucked up. A lot" she said strongly, and Emily felt her head nod of its own accord. "But all we can do is try. I love you more than anything, Em, and all I want to do is move forward. Once and for all. No more games, just a clean slate. Whaddya say?"

Emily held Naomi's piercing stare for what felt an eternity. The shower continued to sprinkle away behind the blonde, resulting in even more steam clouding over them both. But eventually Naomi's resolute stance faltered, and even through this damp mist Emily could see a flicker of doubt cross her face. It stabbed at her heart like a hot knife.

No. Enough was enough.

The redhead stepped agonisingly close to Naomi then, the lengths of their bodies pressing firmly against each other. She let a hand caress its way up Naomi's drenched yet silky smooth abdomen – the blonde's breath constricting at the touch – and up through the valley of her breasts, before finally letting it come to rest on her collarbone. Her fingertips fiddled with the thin necklace there.

"I say...that I want you" she said simply, before pulling Naomi's head down by her neck and fiercely pressing their lips together.

Almost immediately the heat in the small space around them intensified and all but exploded; it felt like Emily was now being scalded by the tiny droplets of water continuously trickling down her skin. Naomi's breath was sharp and heady as Emily let it pour into her mouth while they kissed, the taste of Naomi sending inexplicable chills up her skin despite the fire growing between them. She let the hand gripping at Naomi's neck drift upwards and into her wet hair. She tangled her fingers through those slick locks and clutched hard, pulling Naomi's lips even closer if it were possible. Then she felt a hand snaking its way across her hip and then further down, and before she knew it she was letting out a muffled groan at the feeling of Naomi's hand gripping at her bum.

"Fuck" Naomi growled in a hoarse voice when Emily's hand began to palm her tit. The sound of Naomi's purrs and pants in her ear caused a throbbing sensation to start bubbling deep within Emily's abdomen. And then Naomi slid her tongue forcefully into Emily's mouth in retaliation, and despite the spray of water still showering over them both Emily suddenly felt numb with desire. She massaged Naomi's tongue with hers and reveled in the addictive taste. Her whole body was tingling, the space between them all but crackling with electricity. When her fingers on Naomi's breast came into contact her nipple however, she didn't hesitate in pinching and rolling it between her fingers. The blonde let out another deep growl at that and it caused the throbbing in Emily's lower abdomen to increase tenfold.

It was becoming too much. Her need was growing, and Naomi's teasing touches and hot kisses were enough to provoke the animal within Emily. It didn't help that Naomi had now attached her lips to Emily's moist neck, kissing and sucking away at the skin there relentlessly. A shudder erupted up Emily's spine and then she thoughtlessly allowed her hand to drift down from Naomi's breast. It glided down her taut stomach and came to hover just at her hip.

But before she could flutter her fingers down any further, Emily felt something wrap around her wrist. She tilted her head slightly – away from Naomi's ruthless lips – and glanced downward. The blonde's slender fingers were gripped around Emily's wrist, holding her hand in place. A sharp pain ripped through Emily's chest at the sight and she pulled back slightly to eye her lover. She had no doubt that her expression was one of confusion and disappointment. But, to her surprise, Naomi was smiling.

"I'm cold" was all that she said, a coy smirk lighting up her face. Emily knitted her brow together, now utterly confused. 'Cold' wouldn't be a word she would use to describe the atmosphere between them just then. But as the seconds ticked by, Emily suddenly understood. With their bodies no longer pressed together, she could now feel that the heat had all but evaporated around them; all that was left was just cold water pouring over them both. All the hot water was gone.

Emily met Naomi's grin with a small chuckle of her own. "Oh" she said, brushing back a damp strand of red hair and tucking it behind her ear. Naomi's grin grew soft and she reached out her hand for Emily to take.

"Let's get you dried up Ems" she whispered hoarsely. Another shiver ripped through Emily at the sound. She took her girlfriend's waiting hand and laced their fingers lovingly together. Then Naomi turned off the power while Emily slid the screen back. They stepped out onto the tiles together.

And from there on everything fell into place. Everything felt right.

Everything felt right as Naomi wrapped the two of them up in a large towel and dried them both off. As Emily took Naomi's hand again and led her out of the bathroom. As they both slowly and tentatively made their way to bed. As Naomi pressed herself flush against Emily's naked body and kissed every inch of her skin. As Emily grabbed fistfuls of Naomi's damp hair and touched anywhere else she could reach. As their mouths wrestled for dominance, leaving them both sweaty and breathless. As Naomi's fingers came to slide down and through Emily's wet folds, eliciting indistinguishable sounds of pleasure to erupt from the redhead. As Naomi circled her clit with her thumb and thrust two strong fingers inside of her, pushing the redhead to her limit. As Emily cried out in ecstasy and clutched Naomi to her while she came, shaking and shivering and convulsing uncontrollably.

And then...as Emily wrapped herself up in Naomi's long limbs and hugged herself impossibly close. As Naomi placed a tender kiss to her forehead and breathed out "I love you" in the softest of voices. As Emily tucked her face into the crook of gorgeous girlfriend's neck and replied with an equally as earnest "I love you" in return. As they both drifted into a dreamless sleep in one another's arms.

This was where Emily and Naomi were supposed to be. It may have taken a long time for them to get here – where they were both, figuratively speaking, laid bare and exposed – but their journeys had made them who they were now. Emily knew things wouldn't always be easy from here on out, because every relationship came with its problems no matter how well-matched the couple...but, for the first time in a long time, she was certain. She was certain that this was what she truly wanted. What she'd _always _wanted. And she'd almost thrown that all away because of her fears. But despite that, she knew one other thing for sure as well. One thing that would never change.

Naomi was hers. She was Naomi's. And she wouldn't have it any other way.

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	33. Chapter 32

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It finally happened. This place must have finally done to him what it had done to so many others already – made him fit enough for the loony bin.

I mean, honestly – _Am I seeing things? Is this a fucking dream or summit? _he continued to think incessantly as the seconds ticked by excruciatingly slowly. He could barely look up in fear of the scene before him still being there. But a part of him – a much greater, adrenaline fuelled part – also feared the sight vanishing altogether.

He'd dreamt of this moment for years. Yet he still felt entirely ill-equipped.

But it was while he was staring unwaveringly at his hands that he suddenly questioned whether or not he was hearing things too.

"Aren't you going to say anything?"

Another jolt in his chest. It caused him to glance up against his will.

There she sat, in all her ethereal glory. He got a better look this time around, because before he could barely keep his gaze up long enough to see her at all. But now he could see it, clearly defined – she was older. Not in a bad way, but her appearance definitely accentuated the years that had passed by; there were faint lines across her skin now, mostly concentrated around her lips and forehead. There were traces of frown lines along her brow. Her complexion looked tired and weary, like life had taken a beating out of her. Her hair was frayed and slightly limp. Her frame was still thin and fragile.

Except...her eyes. He couldn't get over her eyes. Despite the dark hollows circling underneath them, her irises shone brightly; a magnificent, crystal blue hue. They shone with a quiet confidence. He couldn't recall ever seeing them that bright before. They almost looked out of place in regards to the rest of her stature. The thought unnerved him and comforted him all at the same time.

It was this that caused the truth to pour from his lips. "You know I normally would babe...but I think this is one of the few times where I'm left fucking speechless" he said in an even voice. A smile flashed across her face fleetingly then, and the sight of it made a knot form in his stomach. He shuffled in his chair. "Why do you want me to say somethin' anyway?" he wondered aloud, his eyes narrowing while he stared at her.

Their eyes locked briefly, and he experienced that same soul-searching feeling he used to always feel when around her. Another shot of adrenaline pierced his system. But then she shrugged and blinked. "Dunno...might make this seem more real, I guess" she said in a hushed tone, and at that his eyebrows shot up his forehead.

She'd mirrored his thoughts. And he couldn't help it; a wild laugh erupted out of his mouth, the sound of it reverberating all around them. It shook him to the core. He couldn't remember the last time he laughed like this. But then she shot him a look that was a cross between confusion and exasperation, to which his laughter simmered down slightly. "Sorry Eff" he said, still chuckling. "But you still fucking amaze me" he said earnestly, wiping at his watering eyes.

A wry smirk pulled up at her thin lips. "Didn't know I was _that _funny, Cook" she said, her words challenging.

He grinned. "Trust me babes – this is the funniest thing that's happened to me in a long time" he said truthfully.

They both fell silent again then, the initial tension easing off considerably. He could stand to look at her now, drink her in. _Still looks well mint, _he noted to his heart's dismay as he surveyed her pert tits pressing against the thin blue top she was wearing. If she noticed his gawping, she didn't say anything; she shifted in her seat, which in turn pushed her tits out a little further – _fucking tease – _and cleared her throat.

"So...how've things been in the slammer?" she asked in a dramatic fashion.

Cook scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Just tops, in' they?" he said sarcastically, gesturing around the room with his hand. He watched as she took a quick glance around and he didn't fail to notice the grimace that tweaked at her mouth for a millisecond.

They were sat in the visitors' hall, the only furniture consisting of big steel tables and chairs lined up in rows. There were several groups of people dotted around the room, consisting of prisoners and their corresponding families or friends. And of course, there was the all but too familiar presence of several officers lined around the walls of the room. Their judging eyes were boring holes through him right now – probably wondering why a beautiful woman such as Effy would be sitting with a worthless scumbag like him.

The thought made him feel inexplicably angry. "Listen Effy...I know you didn't come here to make small talk so just spit it out, yeah? Why did you come 'ere?" he said bluntly, taking out some of his pent-up rage on the brunette in front of him. Her gaze shot to his and he saw indignation sweep across her expression. He felt guilty at the sight, but the flash was gone as soon as it had come; her stoic stance was back in place once more.

"I came to visit, didn't I?" she said, and he wouldn't have been surprised if she'd added a 'duh' at the end. Nevertheless, he scoffed again.

"Well, that _would_ be nice if the gap between this and your last visit wasn't so long. What's it been, oh, I dunno – five years maybe? But who's countin' really" he said just as directly.

Her eyes narrowed. "It's none of your business why I came" she said dangerously.

Cook didn't back down. "Naw, naw" he said, shaking his head disbelievingly. "Ya see it is, innit? 'Cus you can't fuckin' walk on in here and expect me to be okay with it. Five years, Eff. Five_ fuckin' _years I've been wondering how you were, how you were doin'...and then to have you just come in here like nobody's business...it's twisted, yeah?"

She leant forward then, so that her palms were lying flat on the table. "That's all well and good for you to say Cook. But, you see, while you were locked up in your cosy little cell" she began in a condescending tone. "I had to live through my own worst nightmare. You've no idea what it's been like out there for me" she said, and her voice lowered to a lethal whisper.

Cook sighed. "Yeah, you're right. And that's the problem, innit?" he challenged. They stared at each other in a tangible and terse silence, neither breaking eye contact. There was a giant elephant in the room...and Cook unexpectedly got his answer from the depths of Effy's crystal pools. "This is about Freds" he said.

It wasn't a question.

Effy visibly winced in shock, but her characteristic aloofness quickly jumped back into place for the second time. "Yes" she said unflinchingly.

Cook chewed on the inside of his cheek. "Well, spit it out" he repeated. "What's that got to do with me?" he asked, his anger subsiding slightly.

Effy's lips pursed into a thin line, and for the first time since she'd arrived Cook glimpsed an uncertain look glimmering in her eyes. His heartbeat faltered; he abruptly remembered how fragile she really was.

As if reading his mind, Effy chose to speak then. "I've been doing a lot better" she said firmly. "I got out of Bristol for a while...I went to stay with Pandora and Thomas, they live in London now–"

"Ah, so Panda's still with Congo-Cock then? Quality" he said jokingly, chortling noisily. Effy ignored his less-than-polite statement.

"I'm back now. Staying with my brother and Katie again. I see Naomi and Emily all the time now too. Everything's just...okay, for once" she explained.

Cook eyeballed her suspiciously. "So?" he asked, still confused.

She sighed heavily. "I felt it was the right time to see you".

She paused and Cook continued to stare at her, his expression unreadable. After a couple of moments though, he put two and two together. The blood beneath his skin started to boil. He grinded his teeth together before spitting out, "That's it? Is this what this is? I'm just part of your fuckin' _'to-do'_ list or summit?" He ran a hand through his short, sandy hair. "Oh, 'course – One: Take out the bins. Two: Visit Cookie in prison. Three: Buy stamps" he began listing off on his fingers, his words mocking and sardonic.

Effy remained cool and calm. "That's not what I meant" she said evenly. "I wasn't strong enough before...but, I felt I could handle this now. Seeing you. Dealing with what's happened." Effy's words held no hint of a lie, but Cook couldn't help it – he was still miffed.

"I suppose you haven't been to see him then?" he asked next, knowing the brunette would automatically know who he meant. "He next on your list? Well, bit late don' ya think? ...rotting in the ground by this stage..."

Effy blanched. Cook immediately regretted his choice of words. He felt disgusted with himself._ Sorry Freds, _he thought pleadingly, wrenching his eyes closed. When he opened them again it was to find Effy glaring at him with a menacing glint in her eye.

"I couldn't visit him in that horrible...place..." she said in a choked whisper. "Not with the way I was...he deserved better. He deserved better than me being there just because I felt guilty. I fucking loved him, oka–"

"AND I DIDN'T?–"

"_'_Scuse me?"

Cook shuddered while he tried to suppress his disbelief and grudgingly looked up. There to his left stood one of the burlier security officers, his stance challenging and his murky brown eyes hard. Cook clenched his hands into fists under the table. "Yes, officer?" he asked in a falsely polite voice.

The officer's eyes narrowed. "Is everything alrigh' here?" he asked, and the caring sentiment behind the words was all but cancelled out by the menacing tone they were said in. The question was directed at Effy. Cook's gaze diverted to her and he saw that her expression was impassive. One bad word from her and he could get done in – no hot meals; one shower a week, cold of course; no time outdoors. It was bad enough in here as it was, but there was still the potential to have it become so much worse.

He had all but lost hope in this turning out positive for him when Effy cracked a tight smile. "No sir, everything's fine. We were just having a discussion" she said graciously. Cook stared at her in awe and he could only vaguely register the officer's gaze flickering between them both.

"You're sure, Miss?"

She nodded. "Very. Thank you" she said, a slightly dismissive edge to her response. The officer hesitated for a moment longer and Cook could feel it again, that judging look probing through his skin – _Why the fuck is a bird like her talking to a little shit like you? – _before the miserable son-of-a-bitch stomped his way back over to the wall. Cook quickly forgot about him and looked at Effy again; her face was still unreadable, but her arms were now folded across her chest in a defensive manner.

He sighed, his stance softening. "You didn't need to do that. That was a shit thing to say" he admitted quietly.

Effy blinked deliberately and didn't meet his eyes. "Forget it. Let's talk about something else" she said evasively, now looking at her fingernails. Cook stalled for a moment, racking his brain for something else to bring up. His mind quickly fell upon something Effy had said before his little outburst.

"How are Naomikins and Emilio anyway?" he asked, genuinely curious. He couldn't help but have a soft spot for those two – Naomi was one of the few people to pay him consistent visits, besides his little brother Paddy. Hell, his mother didn't even visit him anymore. But Blondie was different. He hadn't seen her in a while now, but around every month or so she'd drop in. She'd chat to him and have a laugh with him and essentially brighten up his day.

And although they'd never admit it to each other, they really were two of a kind. Naomi acted all hard and brash on the outside in order to conceal the pain she undoubtedly felt on the inside. Yet on the inside she was as soft as a kitten. A lot like Cook himself. So whenever she did visit, he'd always feel so much better than before – because Naomi was one of the only people who just _got _him. Who made him feel like he wasn't in prison. Who made him feel like he was a normal human being.

Who made him feel like he had a friend, that he wasn't so alone in this world.

Emily had come with Naomi the past few times too. Although her and Cook had never really been good friends back at Roundview, he could tell why Naomi was so into the little redhead; she didn't judge, she didn't condescend. She merely sat there, albeit not saying as much as Naomi, and treated him with dignity. Treated him as if he'd just made a big mistake and nothing more.

Naomi was lucky to have somebody like that.

He was snapped out of his reminiscing when Effy let out a low snigger. "They had a massive lovers tiff there, not too long ago" she said plainly, a knowing look shining in her eyes.

Cook's eyebrows rose. "Yeah?"

"Yeah" she said with a smirk. She ran slender fingers through her long, dark tresses and Cook couldn't help but become mesmerized by the sight. "They're okay now though, I think" she continued, her gaze growing wistful. "I think they sorted things out. For good, this time".

Cook nodded. "What happened?"

Effy's blue eyes met his and his stomach gave another lurch. "They were scared" she murmured simply. "And they loved each other too much".

Cook's face paled. _Fucking hell, _he thought exasperatedly, his palms growing sweaty. And that's when he got it. That's when he knew what Effy was trying to say before. Before he'd gotten angry and selfish.

Effy had been scared. And she'd loved Freddie too much. It was only now that she was fully capable of dealing with this fear head on – it was what he'd seen in her eyes earlier. A confidence in herself that he'd never seen before. That she'd never _had _before. And before resolving herself over Freddie, she had to come see him.

Because Effy wasn't his. She'd never been his.

He bit his lip and rubbed at his nose roughly, trying not to despair and become upset at that fact. All hopes of her visiting him to actually see_ him_, because she _wanted _to see him, were now thoroughly quashed. But, oddly enough, he knew it was always going to be that way deep down.

"Okay, Eff. I get it" he said defeatedly. He sighed harshly. "It's cool. You can leave now, if ya want".

The brunette's brow furrowed. "What?"

He scratched ineptly at the stubble on his chin. "We don't chit chat. We never 'ave. So I'm saying you can go, it's fine. Just...send him my regards, yeah?" he said with a wink.

Comprehension crept across her face then, along with a tentative smile. She rose uncertainly to her feet, but before she was fully upright she hesitated. She fixed Cook with a curious stare and he met it with a puzzled look of his own.

"Cook?" she asked, her voice dubious. "Do you still love me?"

His breath caught in his throat, causing an audible groan to erupt from his mouth. Whatever he'd expected to hear from Effy Stonem today, that was not it. But as he stammered and stumbled his way to an answer, Effy's gaze didn't waver. It unnerved him. But he knew she deserved the truth.

"Yeah babe. I do" he said eventually, his voice unfaltering.

She nodded shortly, as if this were some sort of confirmation. "Don't" she said simply, before finally turning around and pacing away from him.

Cook's jaw fell open and, in contrast to Effy's command, his heart swelled.

That was it. She was giving him permission to let go – something she'd never let him do the entire time he'd known her. It had always been a game with her, always a competition to see who loved Effy the most. Freddie and him had fought in it, and Freddie ultimately lost his life because of it. And despite how angry he should feel because of that, Cook never stopped loving Effy. She was the first thought he had when he went to sleep in his cot and the first thought he had when he woke up. She was what made this place bearable and unbearable all at the same time.

But now she was handing him his freedom back. Although he couldn't help but be honest again as he watched her walk away.

"Easier said than done Effy" he shouted across the room at her. His chest constricted at the winning smile she shot him over her shoulder. Then she was out through the door and gone.

He sunk into his chair then, his head a whirlwind of thoughts. He felt oddly numb. He briefly wondered whether he had been right in the first place, and whether she _had _just been a figment of his imagination. But when he caught sight of that burly officer glaring at him from across the room – jealously pulsing through his gaze – he got his answer.

Not sure what to do now, Cook unsteadily rose to his feet and began to head toward the door. The confinements of his cell seemed oddly tempting for once – at least he might be able to reach some clarity on this new found freedom in peace. Sobering thoughts raced through his mind however while he walked through the door and down the ominous prison corridor.

Effy might not ever come here again, he understood that. He wasn't sure if he would ever be able to stop loving her either...but at least now he knew he had the option.

And for the first time in a long time, Cook felt some pity for Effy Stonem. He hoped that she could try to move on, try to get some closure over Freddie at last.

He hoped they could both let go.

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_I felt Cook needed another inclusion after Chapter 6...hope you liked his POV, thought I'd try something different. Review? x_


	34. Chapter 33

_Well guys, this is it. We've come to the end of our story. *Sniff*...I'm going to miss it._

_I'll be putting up an Author's Note eventually, for my acknowledgements and what-not. But for now I'm leaving you with this. Another behemoth, what else? It's my biggest yet though b/c I didn't have the heart to split it into two...it's GARGANTUAN – so clear your schedule, strap yourselves in, take a break if you need one...and don't say I didn't warn you. Hope you enjoy it and I'd love if you left a REVIEW to tell me how you liked the chapter or even the story in general. It's been a pleasure writing for you._

_BEBs xx_

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"OW! Fuck's sake Emsy, watch it with your suitcase. That was my foot!"

"Sorry".

"Ugh, don't you watch where you're going? You can be such a dozy cow sometimes".

"Well, maybe _I'm _not the dozy one Katie...if you'd have watched where you were putting your clumsy feet then perhaps you wouldn't be having this problem".

"Ha! That's rich coming from you...you were always tripping over yourself when we were younger. Sure I remember this one time..."

Effy eventually tuned out the sound of Emily and Katie's voices until their aggravated bickering became mere white noise. She glanced to her left and saw that Naomi seemed to be doing likewise; her bright blue eyes were glazed over and were flickering around rapidly as all four of them strolled through the Gatwick terminal.

"What time is check-in?" she asked the frenetic blonde beside her.

"It started at 10:30" Naomi replied curtly, her attention still occupied while she frantically glanced around. Then the brunette watched as Naomi's eyes lit up. She followed the girl's line of sight and her eyes fell upon the flight schedule screen.

They were both hastily scanning down the destinations list when Effy suddenly heard some ragged, huffy breaths behind her. Katie and Emily seemed to have abandoned their fight long enough for them to join her and Naomi. "Any sign of Dabolim?" Emily asked hurriedly, her tone laced with her lingering irritation.

Naomi shook her head. "Dresden, Dubai, Dublin...Nah, can't see it" she replied, her tone resembling Emily's now. Effy watched the blonde fiddle with her necklace absentmindedly, before she herself returned her eyes to the board.

She glanced over it for a few more seconds before striking gold. "There" she said, pointing straight at the board. She felt Emily step closer to her and she followed the brunette's finger with her eyes. Naomi did the same.

"Oh yeah" the redhead said excitedly after a few moments. "It says that check-in is at point 7".

"Well enough of this mucking about then. Hurry up! I wanna sit down, my feet are killing me thanks to Em" exclaimed Katie. She trudged past all three of them in the direction of the check-in point.

Emily rolled her eyes. "C'mon, don't wanna keep Miss Considerate waiting" she said, grabbing hold of her suitcase handle and grudgingly following her twin. Effy and Naomi exchanged an amused look before trailing after the Fabulous Fitch sisters.

Forty-five minutes later and the four of them were sitting comfortably in one of Gatwick's many cafes. Both Emily's and Katie's grumpiness had simmered down considerably. In fact, Katie appeared to be quite melancholy all of a sudden. Effy took notice.

"Something on your mind, Kay?" she asked nonchalantly.

Katie's eyes looked up sheepishly from where they'd been focused on her coffee. "Yeah" she said honestly, not bothering to hide the gloom in her voice. That roused the other two's attention; Emily shifted in her seat and looked at Katie with a perplexed expression on her face.

Katie heard the redhead's silent question. She sighed heavily. "Well...this is it, isn't it? I mean...you two will be gone soon. I won't have my baby sister around anymore" she said, her voice growing quieter with each passing word.

A small smile tugged at Effy's lips and she sipped at her coffee. It wasn't very often that Katie Fitch showed her soft side, but when she did it was dumbfounding. Naomi seemed to think so too; her eyebrows were halfway up her forehead and her cup was poised halfway towards her mouth. Emily however didn't seem to share in such awe – a smirk quickly stretched its way across her porcelain-skinned face.

"Katie, as much as I appreciate the sister sentimentality" she began lightly, a humorous note to her husky voice, "I can think of a few things wrong with that statement. First, I'm not your _baby _sister. We're twins. I'm only younger than you by a few minutes. Next, we've been apart from each other before. It's nothing new. And lastly – I'm only going for a month! I'll be back before you even realise I'm gone".

Katie bit her lip. "I know we've been apart before, but...never for this long. We used to share a womb for fuck's sake and now you're going halfway across the world!" she wailed, her cheeks flushing slightly. "It'll be weird not having you in Bristol...just a phone call away. Do they even have phones in India? Whatever...what I'm trying to say is...I'll miss you, Emsy" she finished, her words barely above a whisper now.

Effy waited for the inevitable giggle to erupt from either Naomi or Emily, but it didn't come. Instead everyone remained deathly silent. She observed as Katie set down her coffee and diverted her attention to her hands; as Naomi's expression contorted with both shock and admiration; as Emily's eyes widened and began to shine. The softest of smiles crept up her cheeks and that combined with her glowing brown orbs made her brighter than any sun.

"I'll miss you too Katie" she said earnestly, setting down her cup and rising out of her seat. She quickly and purposefully made her way to where her twin was sitting and leant down to give her an affectionate hug. Katie returned it gratefully albeit somewhat embarrassingly. She clearly didn't share many PDA's with her sister anymore and Effy and Naomi's presence didn't seem to help in settling her. Nevertheless, Effy merely exchanged another knowing look with Naomi. _That Katie Fucking Fitch...always full of surprises, _they both stated wordlessly with their quirked eyebrows.

"Hey" Naomi cut in eventually. Emily pulled back and the two sisters looked at her questioningly. "No hug for me Katiekins?" she asked, feigned offence quickly sweeping over her expression.

Katie seemed thankful for the interruption. She latched onto Naomi's remark at once. "You wish, Campbell" she scoffed. "You must be fucking insatiable if one Fitch doesn't do it for you. Now you want two?"

Effy smirked at the exchange. She was going to miss this.

"Oh, trust me...one Fitch is _more _than enough Katie" the blonde replied saucily, taking a long sip from her cup and licking the foam from her lips in a seductive manner. "Just thought you could do with some Naomi Campbell lovin' as well" she added, winking.

"Bleh, fuck you" Katie spat with a grimace. Effy's smirk grew wider at the look that flashed across Emily's face then. The redheaded girl practically pranced back over to Naomi's side and wasted no time in taking the blonde's cup away from her and plonking herself into her lap.

"Sorry sis. That's my job" she drawled in a lust-filled voice, before capturing Naomi's lips in an overtly filthy kiss. Naomi appeared taken aback at first, but her hesitation quickly subsided as she lost herself in the moment. Effy remained nonplussed and openly amused by the whole thing while Naomi's hands began to roam, but Katie's loud and over exaggerated retching noises quickly cut into the mood.

"Jesus fucking Christ, you guys are disgusting" she said, her lisp flaring up in her frustration. "Can't you lezzers save it for later?"

Effy watched Emily pull away from Naomi's lips for a second. The look of pure unadulterated love that passed between them was enough to melt the heart of even the coldest cynic.

"We plan to" Naomi mumbled hoarsely from between them. The expression of sheer delight it caused to appear on Emily's face and the one of sheer disdain it caused to appear on Katie's was enough for Effy to finally break her silence and chortle loudly.

"Okay okay, as much as I'm enjoying this little 'show' you three are putting on", she started, a grin twitching at her lips, "I think you guys might miss your flight if you continue in this little grope-a-thon".

Naomi reached down in between her and Emily to retrieve her phone from her pocket. "Holy shit, you're right!" she shrieked, almost sending Emily to the floor as she jerked. "Ems, the gate opens in fifteen minutes".

Emily slid languidly to her feet, clearly not as panicked as her lover was about their tardiness. "Relax babe, the plane's not gonna leave without us".

Naomi didn't seem to care – she jumped to her feet and ran a hand roughly through her peroxide locks. "Yeah, okay but...can we go anyway?"

Emily took the hint and rolled her eyes while her jittery girlfriend shuffled her feet. "Guess we should say our goodbyes then" the redhead said in a hushed voice. The poignancy of the situation seemed to set in at last. Effy watched as the girl turned towards her, her brown eyes deep and piercing. The brunette put down her coffee and slowly stood up, nerves suddenly washing over her. She was never good with farewells – she tended to avoid them, skipping out on people sans explanation a lot of the time. But she knew she owed these two one, considering how much they'd been through together. So as Effy watched the younger twin step toward her, she didn't flinch away. A warm smile spread across her pale face instead.

"So, I suppose this is farewell" the brunette said plainly, her eyebrow cocking up. Emily returned her smile with a sad one of her own, before spreading her arms wide and enveloping Effy in a cautious embrace.

"Take care of Katie for me" she whispered, so that her twin wouldn't hear. Effy glanced over the redhead's shoulder to see Katie locked in hug with Naomi, oblivious to what they were saying. "We both know she tries to act all hard, but I think she meant what she said earlier. And she's right – we haven't been apart for this long before" she continued to explain quietly. Effy pulled back to see a bashful look on the girl's face.

"She's got Keith hasn't she?" the brunette questioned.

Emily smirked. "Yeah, but it's not the same. He's a nice guy and all, but he can be a right knob sometimes when it comes to perception. And you're _all _about perception, so just...keep an eye on her".

Effy chuckled. "I'm sure she wouldn't be too happy to hear that you've basically asked me to be her mum, but...yeah, I'll look after her". Emily's smirk softened considerably, until an almost tentative gleam appeared in her eye. "What?" the brunette enquired, her brow furrowing.

Emily sighed. "Just...thank you. For everything. I don't think we'd even be going on this trip without your help. You're a great person, Eff. A great friend."

Effy felt her stomach flutter in spite of herself, but her warm smile became more of an awkward grimace. "Fuck, enough alright? It's nothing. Just have a good time and try not to kill each other" the brunette said dismissively. She observed as a fond look appeared on Emily's face, before the redhead reached out her hand to squeeze Effy's arm in a comforting sort of way. She then turned around and approached Katie. Naomi likewise stepped away from the older Fitch twin and approached Effy.

"They're something else, eh?" the blonde said, gesturing back toward the two sisters. Effy scoffed and nodded. "Never thought I was going to miss 'ol Katiekins that much...but fuck me, she can be sweet when she wants to be". She took a shuddering breath in, as if to steady herself, and then met Effy's smile with a smirk of her own. "So..." she said, drawing out the word with a mischievous glint in her blue eyes.

Effy bit her lip and shoved the blonde playfully. "Oh no. Don't you go all mushy on me Campbell – your girlfriend covered that already, and I taught you better than to be a right sap". Naomi laughed heartily at that and pulled Effy into a forceful yet light-hearted hug. The brunette sunk into it gladly, sweeping her hands affectionately up and down her friend's back.

"What am I gonna do without my little oracle to guide me?" Naomi breathed against her ear, her words muffled yet honest. "If it weren't for you we might not even be going to Goa in the first place" she continued. Effy had to repress a laugh at how Naomi's words echoed Emily's. "Not to mention you taking me in after my little drunken breakdown" the blonde added and she giggled into Effy's hair. The brunette pulled back to see shining azure blue eyes staring back at her.

"You'll manage. You guys have been doing alright for a while now. You don't need me" she said astutely. Then she paused. "Plus, I don't think you'll be able to remember your own _name_ let alone me what with all the shagging you'll be doing" she added roguishly.

Naomi didn't take the bait. Her stance grew sombre. "Well...maybe I don't need you, in a classical sense. But that doesn't mean I don't want you. You're amazing, Eff, you really are" she said in a brutally honest voice. It took all of Effy's strength not to melt at the sincerity in her eyes. "I just know you're going to be alright. And I don't usually believe in all that fate crap, but...I know that you're going to meet somebody someday and they're going to change your life for the better. Change it the way you've changed mine. If anybody deserves it, it's you...I don't know what I'd do without you–"

"Naomi" Effy cut in, grabbing the girl's face with both hands with an utterly serious expression on her face. Her heart was clenched in a painful grip. "You're going to have to stop talking now, because if you don't then I might just have to kiss you. And I don't think Emily would like me very much anymore if I did that". The earnestness of the moment wore off instantly and the both of them erupted into a fit of giggles.

"Seriously though" the brunette said eventually, her words constricted while she regained her breath. She released Naomi's face. "It's a month. You're not going to war. Just send me a postcard in the meantime and I'll see you when you're back". Naomi nodded soberly and smiled, before suddenly pulling out her phone again.

"Okay Emily, we really have to go now" she said, all business once again. Effy stepped aside and Emily returned to the picture. Both she and Naomi picked up their hand luggage, which was lying sprawled out on the floor. When they were all sorted however, Naomi didn't waste any time in wrapping an arm tenderly around Emily's shoulders.

"See you" they both said softly, and then walked off toward the security point. Effy watched them go, both sadness and satisfaction dancing across the forefront of her mind. Sadness because her good friends were leaving to have the adventure of their lives, and satisfaction because her good friends were leaving to have the adventure of their lives.

A quiet sniffle from behind her brought her quickly back to Earth however – she whirled around to see Katie wiping at her eyes. "Katie, are you crying?" she asked incredulously.

The girl hiccoughed, which did nothing to help matters. "No..." she murmured feebly, her voice croaky. Then she looked up and her jaw hardened. "I have something in my eye, don't I?" she said cuttingly, her lisp flaring up again. Effy sat back down and rolled her eyes as if to say, _Whatever you say Katie. Whatever you say..._

Effy resumed drinking her cappuccino then, which was still lukewarm, and didn't utter another word. Katie remained silent for a few moments, obviously unsure as to how she was supposed to move on from that little bump.

"Uh...I gotta use the loo" she said abruptly, clearly falling upon the escape option instead. Effy said nothing, merely continued to sip her coffee. Katie left upon getting no reaction. _Use the loo. Yeah right. Probably to get some tissues, _the brunette mused with a smile.

She put down her cup once more and let her eyes wander around. On a couch just adjacent to her sat a mother and her young daughter having lunch, both of them smiling and giggling contently. Beyond them she could see an elderly couple and what seemed to be their grown son, all three of them caught in a quiet argument of some sort. To her left she saw a couple having coffee, their expressions blissful and optimistic about whatever journey lay ahead of them.

Effy had always found comfort in just watching people, studying them. She prided herself on learning about people through their actions, their expressions, their gestures. Maybe that's why her and Katie were here in the first place – she'd studied both Naomi and Emily until she knew every last little detail...and now she was seeing them off while they embarked on the next phase of their relationship. Of their lives. And despite what Emily had said in reassurance to her sister, Effy knew better than that.

Because Emily and Naomi were undoubtedly going to be different people when they returned, whenever they returned.

She let out a drawn-out sigh.

What now? Emily and Naomi were moving on – what was next for her?

Could Naomi be right? Was change on the horizon for a girl lost?

"Excuse me?"

A deep, hoarse voice cut into her subconscious and brought her back to the here and now. She glanced up and the sight her eyes fell upon made her heartbeat stammer against her chest.

Tall, pale, handsome. Dark, messy brown hair. High cheekbones, masculine jawline. Except, the eyes. The eyes made her remember. Green and piercing and searching. Warm. She knew him. She'd seen him before.

"Yes?" she asked, dismayed to hear that her voice betrayed her surprise.

The man smiled crookedly. "Sorry to disturb you, but have...have we met? I think I've seen you somewhere before" he said, mirroring her thoughts. His eyes were squinting slightly, like he was trying to make sure she didn't disappear under his gaze.

She smiled in spite of herself. "Really?" she asked, feigning innocence. "A lot of people see me" she said monotonously, picking up her cup and taking a large sip.

His crooked smile widened. "I don't doubt that" he said, his stance relaxing slightly. He glanced around him. "So...are you off on a flight somewhere?" he asked.

She cocked an eyebrow. "We're in an airport. People generally come here to fly" she stated. Sip.

He didn't rise to the bait. His eyes narrowed. "And you?" he replied, not playing into her game. The honesty in his gaze made her feel guilty.

"No. I was saying goodbye to some friends. They're going to Goa for a month".

He nodded. "Me too. My sister's off to Krakow for a while with her mates. She made me honorary suitcase-carrier" he said with a chuckle. She smiled politely at him, feeling oddly stuck for words. She took another sip from her cappuccino instead. The man noticed the change in mood and his stance became awkward all of a sudden. "So, erm...I guess since you're now mate-less...you wouldn't mind some company?"

Her smile grew into a smirk. "I do have another friend with me, you know – except the farewells got too much". They both chuckled lightly, and Effy briefly wondered whether he was getting put off by her coldness. Strangely enough, it seemed the effect was opposite; a smirk to match hers appeared on his face.

"Perfect. All the more reason for me to stick around. When she comes back, I can give her a hug. I give excellent hugs." He sat down across from her then, in the chair Naomi had previously been occupying. Or, more specifically, the chair where Naomi had been groping Emily. Effy took another hasty drink to keep herself from laughing.

"What makes you think it's a 'she'?" she asked astutely.

He shrugged unapologetically. "Dunno. I guess the optimist in me was hoping that it wasn't your boyfriend" he stated. Effy caught the question in his voice. Her expression grew blank as she stared at him.

Despite the aloofness she was feigning, her stomach was bubbling. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it wasn't exactly pleasant either. She hadn't felt it for a long time. Odd, was the only word apt for it. But why? Here was this normal guy, who wasn't extraordinary in any way...yet he already knew which buttons to press with her. She felt just as she did that night, at that gig in London, when their eyes had met across the crowd. She'd been too afraid then, too afraid to contemplate what such feelings meant for her...but things were different now.

She felt her eyelids slipping closed of their own accord, her breathing growing slow and deep.

_She'd never even made it past the gate before, yet here she was. Her whole body was numb, the gloriousness of her triumph burning her from the inside-out._

I made it. I'm here,_ she thought on a rapid loop. _

_Her empyreal blue eyes scanned over the chipped headstone, worn from erosion, and across the epitaph. "Loving son, brother and friend", it read. She mentally tagged boyfriend to the end. Loving boyfriend. Because he was. _

_He really was._

_She knelt down and wrapped her fingers through the earth below her. She let the soil run between her fingers as it got swept away by the breeze. She hadn't thought to bring a gift. She didn't think one was needed. In a way, her being here was gift enough. It sounded arrogant, but it was true – no petty flower could match up to the fact that her presence was finally here. Finally here standing over his resting place again. _

_She let her eyelids flutter closed as she breathed in the cool air deeply through her nostrils. She ran her tongue over her bottom lip._

_"Hey Freddie" she whispered, and like the earth its sound was carried off by the breeze._

"Um...do you want me to go?"

Again she was snapped back to the real world. Her gaze shot to back to the guy, who's appearance looked considerably downcast now.

"What?" she asked, genuinely confused.

He sighed. "Well, you kind of zoned out there. If I'm boring you then you can just tell me. I'll go". The despondency of his tone was enough to pluck at Effy's heartstrings. Normally she would've agreed with him – with any other bloke she would've told them to bugger off by now. But this guy was different. He intrigued her.

She set down her cup with a sort of finality and fixed him with a hard stare. "What's your name?" she asked. She hid a smile at the way his green eyes lit up. Such a simple question, yet she could already see the hope dancing in his gaze.

He scooted forward slightly and extended a hand. "Rick. At your service" he said, donning a throaty tone for her benefit. She glanced to her side for a moment to see Katie hovering a short distance away. There was a knowing smile on her face and her eyebrow was quirked. But then she simply turned and left, her heels clapping along behind her. Effy let herself smile this time.

Maybe Naomi was wrong. Maybe someday was a lot closer than they'd both expected.

She looked back at him and reached out her hand as well. She grasped his and shook it hard, a tingling sensation travelling up her fingers at the feel of his skin on hers.

"Effy. Pleased to meet you".

.

Emily trudged up the aisle, her brown eyes scanning across the seat numbers. She bypassed the other passengers and tried not to laugh at the groans of exertion coming from her girlfriend behind her. The blonde had been a bit tetchy ever since they'd woken up this morning.

"Fuck's sake!" she heard suddenly, and glanced around to see Naomi pulling forcibly at her bag from where it had gotten caught on a seat handle. A middle-aged woman was looking at her disapprovingly while she cursed and muttered under her breath, but then Naomi shot her an ugly scowl which left the woman nearly ducking for cover. Emily couldn't help but grin and roll her eyes.

"C'mon Little Miss Sunshine, our seats are up here" Emily called behind her, heading towards their places. At Row 16 Emily stopped and opened the overhead compartment. She shoved her hand luggage into it. Naomi eventually arrived at her side.

"I call window seat" she said whilst putting her bag into the compartment too. Emily glared at her.

"What if I wanted the window seat? Katie and James were always the ones who got the window seat when we went away. It's my turn for once" she said petulantly.

Naomi shrugged and attempted to move past her. "You're not with Katiekins, though. You're with me. And I say _I _want the window seat" she challenged, her blue eyes boisterous.

Emily pushed her back. "No" she said resoundingly. They stared at each other in a stand-off for a few moments, but then Naomi's gaze changed. Uncertainty flashed across her clear blue eyes, which surprised Emily to some extent.

"Please, Em" she said quietly. "Please?"

Emily hesitated, finding her self unable to be angry with those soft blues boring through her. But just before she was able to push a response up her throat, Naomi jumped. She darted past Emily and flung herself into the window seat, grinning smugly. A sound of unrepressed anger flew out of Emily's mouth.

"I hate you" she said, plonking herself sulkily into the middle seat. She saw Naomi shrug out of the corner of her eye.

"No you don't" she replied simply. Emily bit her lip in frustration. There was no point in arguing because it was true.

They settled themselves in for the flight then, Emily taking out the latest gossip magazine to read while people shuffled around them in preparation for take-off. It was only when the customary safety demonstration was going on that Emily noticed something was a bit off. Naomi had been oddly quiet ever since they'd sat down, and upon looking her over Emily realised that she seemed quite pale and fidgety.

"You okay hun?" she asked off-handedly, keeping her eyes half-trained on Naomi and half on her mag. Naomi ran a hand through her hair, disheveling it and causing it to stick up.

"Uh, yeah...I'm fine, just fine. Why wouldn't I be fine?" she replied in a strained voice. Emily could see her gaze flickering repeatedly out of the window as the plane began to move. This caught her full attention. She folded the mag in her lap and eyed her girlfriend with a quizzical stare.

"Naomes...is something wrong?"

Naomi let out a grunt, which Emily could tell was supposed to sound nonchalant but just ended up sounding constricted. "Nope, 'course not. This is lovely, isn't it? Just you and me, finally going on holiday together...flying 30,000 feet in the air. I mean, what's so wrong about that?" Naomi's words were completely undermined when she let out a strangled gasp just as the plane came to a halt on the runway. Emily could see her girlfriend's knuckles turning white from where she was gripping her seat handle too hard.

"Babe, you're not okay" Emily stated, her voice concerned now. "Please tell me. What's wrong?"

Naomi looked back at her for only a second, but it was enough; her blue eyes were wild and electric now, like a deer caught in headlights. Her skin had tinged a sickly colour and her lips were almost white. It was this that made Emily abruptly realise what that unsure look in her eyes had been earlier. Why she had wanted the window seat. Why she had been so narky all morning.

"You're afraid of flying, aren't you?" she deduced. The plane started up then and Naomi repressed a squeal. She spoke to Emily with her eyes wrenched shut.

"I don't fly much" she admitted in a constricted voice, her breathing becoming shallower by the second. The plane began to hurtle down the runway and Naomi's eyelids squeezed even tighter. Emily reacted on instinct. She grabbed Naomi's hand and gripped it hard, stroking her thumb across the back of it.

"It's okay babe, I'm here. I'm always here" she cooed softly. She watched as Naomi visibly relaxed at her words, yet her grip on Emily's hand didn't lessen. She was nearly crushing her fingers by the time the plane finally lifted off the ground. Emily leant across the passenger sitting next to her and waved down a flight attendant. "Sorry, but could I get a bit of whiskey for my girlfriend here?" she asked as Naomi began to wriggle uncomfortably in her seat.

"The refreshments service hasn't started up yet, Miss. You're going to have to wait until the plane is stable" the attendant replied in a professional tone. Emily bit her lip and jerked her head in Naomi's direction. The woman's gaze followed the direction Emily was motioning towards and she grimaced.

"It's an emergency" Emily said quietly, so that Naomi wouldn't hear her.

The attendant nodded, her stance more sympathetic now. "I'll be right back" she said and Emily shot her a grateful smile before she strode back down the aisle.

Twenty minutes later and things had quietened down considerably _– _the 'fasten seat belts' sign was off, Emily was back reading her magazine and Naomi was currently nursing a packet of M&Ms instead of her third glass of whiskey. Emily was thankful – she didn't want Naomi arriving in Dabolim airport blind drunk.

She folded her magazine again and put it aside before surveying Naomi tentatively out of the corner of her eye. "You wanna tell me what that was all about?" she asked cautiously.

Naomi popped another M&M into her mouth, chewed and then sighed. "I've never been the best flier" she said solemnly. "I'm okay for most of it, but it's just take-offs that freak me out. Mum and I didn't go away much on holiday when I was a child, so I never really got to build up my confidence. You should have seen me when I went travelling with the others – Lucas nearly had to pin me down during our first flight to keep me from leaving my seat and going berserk. From then on, whenever we were heading somewhere else to travel they'd slip a sleeping pill into my drink just before we got on the plane. I'd be out for the count during take-off. It was for the best really".

Emily stared at her open-mouthed whilst the blonde ate another sweet. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked incredulously. "Loads of people are afraid of flying Naomes, it's nothing to be ashamed of. We could've gotten a layover flight...god knows a long-haul one like this one can't be good for someone who doesn't like planes. Or I could've gotten you a tablet to ease your nerves or something" she said softly.

Naomi shook her head and scrunched up her empty wrapper. She tried to fix her gaze away from Emily and she began to play with her necklace, a habit she'd developed recently. "I didn't want to be a pathetic little whiner. We're going on holiday together, the last thing you needed was to listen to my little childhood phobia. I was hoping I'd gotten over myself enough to be discreet about it, but I guess that backfired" she admitted bashfully. Then she sighed again, finally meeting Emily's gaze with a sad own of her own. "I wanted to be strong for you, Ems. We've been through so much together already and I wanted you to see me the way you always do – your rock, your solid girlfriend. I didn't want something as stupid as nerves to undermine what you think of me, because I'd do anything protect you. I love you so fucking much, and I want you to feel that you've always got someone solid to fall back on. Because I'll always be here to catch you."

Emily was struck dumb for words as Naomi looked sheepishly back down at her hands. If human decency would allow it, she would've jumped Naomi right then and made love to her right there in her plane seat. But since human decency _didn't _allow it, she did the next best thing – she reached out a hand and gripped it fiercely around Naomi's neck, forcing the blonde to look into her shining eyes. "Naomi...you're the strongest person I know. You're fucking beautiful for it" she said earnestly, her voice low and husky. She watched Naomi swallow a lump down her throat, her flickering eyes sparkling with both want and trepidation. Emily stroked her thumb just below her ear. "But...you're more beautiful when you're vulnerable. I love you, and I don't need protecting. So we'll do our best to protect each other instead. That's all I ask" she murmured, before capturing Naomi's lips in a searing kiss. It was desperate and needy yet utterly loving and caring; Naomi's lips met hers brush for brush, but they left it at that. There was no need to deepen it. There was enough emotional heat in that kiss to thaw an iceberg.

When they both pulled back, Emily saw that Naomi's cheeks were flushed and she had a goofy smile on her face. Emily returned her grin with a lopsided one of her own, before sinking into her chair to sleep.

It had taken a long time for them to get this far _– _where mere gestures of intimacy and love were enough to quell their fears. But Emily wouldn't trade it for the world. They finally trusted each other, finally loved each other enough to be comfortable when vulnerable. Emily didn't need to be protected, yet she knew Naomi would do so anyway. And vice versa. This trip was going to cement them in the face of everything, in the face of all they'd battled through to get here. Of course there was always going to be the odd bump in the road, but that was insignificant. Because Emily knew she'd sit through hundreds of eight-and-a-half hour flights at 30,000 feet in the air, just like this one, if it meant she got to do it with Naomi. Because that's just it.

Love. That's just love.

.

Around eleven hours later, Naomi found herself practically falling out of a taxi. The blistering heat from the sun crept over her skin the instant she got out. She was now more than glad that she hadn't gone with her initial idea to get a Motorcycle taxi, which were renowned to Goa. Emily had reasoned that it wouldn't be possible, given the taxi could only fit one person on the back and even one person couldn't fit what with all the luggage they had – except Naomi knew she'd only made that excuse because she was scared shitless to ride it. Still, it proved beneficial now given how tired she was from their travels. Not that she'd ever admit that to Emily.

She trudged around to the boot, where Emily and the taxi driver were currently sorting out their luggage. Naomi caught her eye and the redhead shot her an exasperated smile. "All worn out from your journey, love?" she asked mockingly, her eyes narrowing. It was like the pot calling the kettle black; Emily's normally glowing, porcelain face was now drawn and pale and her brown eyes were weary with tiredness. That's jet lag for you. Nevertheless, Naomi purposely made herself stand up straight while the driver chucked the final bag to the ground.

"I'm just chipper" she lied, walking right up to Emily's side. Emily shook her head and turned to the driver, handing him their fee and offering him their thanks. Naomi hauled her rucksack onto her shoulder and pulled up her suitcase handle before turning to get a better look at the hotel. It was gorgeous, there was no denying it. It was a four-star establishment, complete with swimming pool and air-con in each room. Admittedly they wouldn't be staying in such fancy places from here on out – they were on a bit of a budget after all – but they figured they might as well kick off their romantic trip in the laps of luxury.

Naomi glanced back around at Emily and gave her a warm smile. "C'mon babe, I think we deserve a little relaxation after the day we've had" said Naomi, and they both proceeded up the front steps.

It wasn't long before they were unlocking the door to their room. Naomi didn't even bother trying to repress the sound of pure delight that erupted from her lips when they both clumsily trundled inside with their luggage. The room was just as stunning as the rest of the hotel. They'd their own living room slash kitchen area; a long balcony looking out over the front of the hotel and the street below; a master bedroom with a huge kingsize bed – _I'm sure we'll come up with a good use for that bed later, _Naomi thought deviantly to herself – and even an en suite bathroom.

Naomi wasted no time in chucking her things aside and dragging her heavy feet towards the bedroom. She immediately flopped down onto the bed, immersing her whole body in the crisp and clean sheets. _I'm in fucking heaven, _she thought blissfully to herself, her eyelids practically gluing closed.

She was roused from falling into a coma however by a weighty sensation on her back; something heavy was leaning on her spine and it caused her breathing to become laboured. Then the weight shifted and she felt something warm and moist hovering by her ear. "Naomes" whispered a soft voice, and the feeling of warm breath fluttering across her skin caused her entire body to erupt in goosebumps. "I just went out to the balcony. There's a beach not too far from here. Let's go and have a swim" the soft voice said.

Naomi groaned loudly into the sheets. "Naomi. Want. Sleep" she mumbled inarticulately, burying her face further into the covers. Emily wasn't put off – she wrenched at Naomi's side and spun her round, straddling either of the blonde's sides with her knees. Naomi looked up at her. In most circumstances this would have had her at full attention, but she was too exhausted to even think about sex right now. And that was saying something. "No Emily, please. Me want sleep" she tried once more, her words pleading now. Emily giggled throatily and shook her head, her crimson hair swishing about and cascading down to shadow her face.

"Please? For me?" she asked innocently. Naomi groaned and she saw a grin pull at the redhead's lips above her. She was trapped and Emily knew it. She could never refuse her little redhead anything, and right now was no exception.

"Fine" she conceded huffily. Emily leapt off of her with a gleeful expression on her face.

.

She ran as fast as her long legs would carry her, her thighs and calves pumping twice as hard in their attempt to chase down the redhead. For her size, Emily was a damn good runner – her dad owning a gym during her childhood gave the redhead the unfair advantage, and Naomi didn't appreciate it one bit. She also didn't appreciate Emily looking over her shoulder at her with a smug grin hanging off of her sun-tinted face. Naomi splashed even harder against the sand and the water in order to lessen the distance.

"Fuck...fucking...slow down Emily! I think I'm having a heart attack here!" she cried out to the girl, who was running at full pelt. Emily merely glanced back over her shoulder, her expression manic yet unconvinced.

"Nice try babe...you'll live" she called out in a careless manner. Naomi growled in frustration. _Smug bitch...thinks she can dunk me underwater and get away with it, _the blonde mentally grumbled to herself as fatigue continued to eat away at her. It was bad enough that she was already exhausted from their journey and the jet lag, but now she was having to _exercise? _What type of holiday was this? Her and Emily were going to have words, lemme tell you.

But it wasn't long before Naomi felt an evil grin stretch across her face; Emily had almost reached the end of the beach and was heading straight for a dark alcove. _Nowhere left to run, Fitch, _she thought smugly. Except her plan backfired as she watched her girlfriend run straight into it – she didn't even appear fazed by the eeriness of the cave. This stopped Naomi in her tracks. She slowed to a halt a short distance away from the alcove and watched to see if Emily would make any attempt to leave. No such luck – two minutes passed by while the blonde regained her breath and there was still no sign of red. Naomi decided to gather her bearings and go after her.

"Em?" she called out as she approached the rock. Goa was roughly about five hours behind the UK, so the time was approaching evening now. A shadow was currently cast further down the beach, although the rock was still lit up by its blinding beam. Despite this, it proved no use in highlighting the inside of the cave.

She slowed to a stroll just outside the alcove, looking tentatively into its depths. "Emily, hun?" she called again, worry seeping into her veins now whilst all of her anger evaporated. She took a cautious step into the cave and peered around hesitantly. "Are you here, E–"

She was yanked into the space by a rough hand. Her accompanying scream was muffled by the feeling of hot lips on hers. "God, you're so fucking sexy when you're splashing around like that" purred an erotically husky voice in her ear, before those lips were on hers again.

Naomi's initial surprise wore off instantly. She kissed back with all her might and slipped her tongue into her girlfriend's waiting mouth. She was exhausted, she felt heavy and she looked as if she hadn't slept in days...but all her earlier trepidation was gone and god damn if Naomi was going to say no to a horny Emily Fitch right now.

So she just went with it. Emily raked her searing hands all over Naomi's bare skin, her touch leaving trails of fire in their wake. At the same time, Naomi wrenched her long fingers through Emily's flaming red locks.

"I love you, I love you, Em, I love you" she kept mumbling against the redhead's lips between kisses as the heat all but snowballed between them. Then she attached her lips to Emily's neck and sucked hard, which resulted in the redhead releasing a primal groan from deep within her throat. The sound caused a dull ache to make itself known in Naomi's lower abdomen, but she didn't get the chance to react before Emily was pulling her head back by her wet, peroxide blonde tresses.

"Make love to me" said Emily in a breathy yet commanding voice. Naomi wasn't one to argue. She pushed Emily back until she hit the wall, their bodies now pressed flush against one another as the burning threatened to overwhelm them both. The blonde didn't dawdle a moment longer and shoved her hand straight down Emily's bikini. Her fingers immediately came into contact with the wetness waiting there for her and Emily released another excruciating growl of pleasure.

White-hot fire enveloped them both as Naomi rapidly worked herself and Emily to the limit, the ache and the heat and the rawness of their passion threatening to smother them both in its intensity. The lingering fatigue ebbed away at her muscles and her arm burned whilst she repeatedly thrust into Emily, their hips rocking and bucking against each other as Emily's guttural cries filled the small, echoing hollow around them.

"You're fucking amazing" Emily practically screamed into her ear just as the girl's body began to convulse uncontrollably for the explosion set to come. But before she knew what was happening, Naomi felt a flush of raw heat surge through her; Emily had pressed her hand in between them and was now cupping the blonde's centre. She used their frenzied momentum for pressure, continuously thrusting her fingers inside Naomi and brushing past her clit with her palm. Shudders rapidly began to overwhelm the blonde's form at the feel of Emily's movements and she buried her face into the crook of the redhead's neck while they both struggled to keep upright. Emily's pants and squeals were the only things the blonde could hear whilst those moist lips remained pressed against her ear. Naomi was trying to muffle her own groans of pleasure by biting into the redhead's neck.

"I'm with you Emily. I'm right here" Naomi eventually rasped into Emily's ear just as she felt her girlfriend's walls clamp around her and her body freeze. She wasn't lying – no sooner had Emily's body seized than Naomi found herself overcome with glorious sensations of pleasure as well. And then Emily released one final, strangled cry before falling limp against the wall. Naomi slumped right along with her.

The redhead's fragile frame shook and spasmed wildly with the aftershocks. They both gently extracted their hands, one after the other, and then Naomi pressed herself even closer in a feeble attempt to keep herself from falling straight into a post-coital dream. Her body was humming and tingling with feeling. Her heart was beating so fast it felt like a hummingbird was trying to break free from her chest. She squeezed her lover tightly in her arms while they both struggled to regain themselves.

After a few breathless minutes however, a beatific yet worn-out looking Emily peered back up at her with shining brown eyes. Naomi grinned crookedly and pulled her into another long, burning kiss.

And unintentionally, Naomi found herself one step closer to her mum's dream _– _it may not be possible for the whole of India, but she was definitely on her way to fucking on every beach in Goa.

.

Even through the haze of sleep, Naomi could immediately tell that something was wrong. There was bright light stabbing at her eyes and when she reached out an arm it only came into contact with empty space. She wrenched her eyelids open, groaning at the effort, and her sight fell upon bare sheets. Emily wasn't there. Panic pierced at her chest like a knife and she leaned up on her elbows whilst looking around frantically.

"Emily?" she cried out, her throat scratchy and hoarse. She peered around for a few more seconds when she got no reply, but the mystery was soon solved. The curtains were pulled back and the sun was coating the entire room in its orangey glow – its what had prickled at her eyes a moment ago. The balcony door was ajar as well, and then the Emily aspect of the mystery was resolved – just behind the glass, Naomi could see her girlfriend leaning against the railing with her back facing the apartment. She was looking out over the scenery.

Naomi rolled onto her side and swung her feet over the side of the bed. She lazily got to her feet and walked slowly over to the door, wiping at her sleepy and dry eyes as she went.

"Ems, what are you doing?" she asked in a croaky whisper when she stepped past the door and joined Emily on the balcony. The redhead glanced around and shot her a soft, loving smile before looking forward again.

"Just enjoying the view" she said in her husky voice. The sound sent a shudder ripping up Naomi's spine. She stood behind her girlfriend and wrapped her long arms around the shorter girl's waist and placed her chin on her shoulder.

"It's so early though. The sun's barely out" she murmured and then yawned loudly. "You must be exhausted. Come back to bed with me".

Emily giggled and leant back further into their embrace. She twisted her head to the side and placed a soft kiss to Naomi's neck. "But look how beautiful it is. They don't make sunrises like this just anywhere, you know" she whispered. Naomi let her eyes drift upward in spite of herself. It really was beautiful, magnificent even; the sky shone with a deep amber-pink hue, the likes of which Britain has never seen. It cast its effervescent glow over the ocean ahead of them, causing it to sparkle and practically sing with its allure.

A beam worked its way onto Naomi's face as she snuggled herself into Emily's warmth and buried her nose in her hair. "They don't make girls like you just anywhere either" she breathed into her silky red tresses. Emily let out a throaty laugh. Butterflies erupted in Naomi's stomach at the sound.

Emily spun around in her arms, her brown eyes wide and incandescent from the glow from behind her. "Do you say that to all your girlfriends?" she teased, her eyebrow cocked.

Naomi bit her lip shyly. "No, just the special ones. Which means I've only said it once" she replied honestly. She reveled in the look of pure happiness that flashed across Emily's face. The redhead leaned forward slightly so that their lips met in a loving, soft kiss – quite the opposite of the animalistic ones they'd shared all through last night.

But Naomi suddenly got a brilliant idea. She pulled away from Emily and darted back into their apartment.

"Oh, way to leave me hanging Campbell!" Emily called after her, a humorous note to her voice. She didn't have to wait long though – Naomi soon returned with a camera clutched in her fingers. Emily eyed the device quizzically. "What's that for?" she asked.

Naomi poised the camera to take a picture. "This is a holiday. People generally take photos" Naomi commented mockingly. She grinned when Emily rolled her eyes. "Pose for me" she commanded, leaning back slightly to get a better angle. Emily did as she was asked; she pressed back against the railing with a beam on her face, the sun blazing away behind her. Naomi tried not to get distracted by the fact that the redhead was wearing nothing but a t-shirt and knickers. She also tried not to zoom in just to take a photo of her tits. Instead she clicked the 'capture' button and pulled away to see the result of her photographic efforts.

She stared at it for a long time, which caused Emily to become worried after a while. "What? Let me see it!" she exclaimed anxiously and wrenched the camera from Naomi's hands. The blonde watched her in amusement while Emily cast her bright brown eyes over the picture; a smile tweaked at the girl's rosy lips after a moment.

"Beautiful, right?" Naomi said. She walked back to Emily's side and slid an arm around her petite waist. "You don't look too bad either" she added, earning her a playful slap from her girlfriend. But then Naomi got another good look at the picture and a sheepish smile tweaked at her cheeks. "That's one for the scrapbook, I think" she said seriously, reaching up a hand to fiddle with the pendant of her necklace. Emily's necklace.

Emily then looked up at her with an indescribable look on her face. It was so full of love and happiness and hope that Naomi felt the breath get sucked out of her lungs at the sight of it. And before she knew it, their whole future was dancing before her eyes _– _a home, a marriage, a family. Naomi wanted it all. So she couldn't help herself as she leant down to capture Emily's lips in another deep yet tender kiss. She poured every word she wanted to say into that kiss, yet she knew Emily would understand them all.

When she pulled back it was with unconcealed love dancing in her azure blue eyes.

"Do you think we can do it?" she asked in a hopeful whisper, tears stinging at the corners of her eyes.

Emily met her stare head-on. Her brown eyes were wide and dark, and after a few moments a brilliant smile broke out over her flawless face.

"I think we can do anything".

.


	35. Author's Note

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_What a ride. Did I really start this in March? Wow, seven or so months gone...but what a seven months it's been!_

_I can gather by your many flabbergasted comments over these thirty or so chapters that this has been somewhat of a whirlwind to read. Between the ups and downs I'm surprised you stuck through it at all! But trust me when I say it's been a whirlwind to write too; sinking my nails underneath the characters skins, getting a real grip on their personalities and feelings, and then having to make that seem somewhat plausible and more importantly _believable_ across the page was no easy feat sometimes. I find it frustrating when things don't come across as believable in stories, because then there's just no connection for the reader – so that came as a real challenge to me sometimes, to make this story of a real, undying love ring out true ('cause that's what Naomily are, when it comes down to it really)...especially when it came to those more angsty, heart-wrenching chapters (you know which ones I'm talking about...)_

_But I made it. Eventually. And I can honestly, truly say that it was the readers and ever devoted reviewers that kept me going through those dry spells when my brain just wouldn't cooperate with my typing fingers. I can't put into words how much all of your lovely comments meant to me, because I honestly had no clue as to how my stuff would come across whenever I published new chapters. _I_ would be happy about them, but god knows whether or not the reader would be – so to hear the extent of how much you readers connected and enjoyed and _ached_ along with this story just leaves me really touched. You guys are awesome. Period._

_That being said, I'm going to be a bit specific with my acknowledgments for once. I don't tend to do this normally (although I do send the frequent PM, to reply) but I figure I might as well stick 'em in here at the end. So, let's start shall we? No particular order of preference here by the by..._

BBRlucky13:_ You've stuck with this from the word go, from the very first chapter and have been its self-professed #1 fan since. Thank you so much for your constant encouragement and more-often-than-not humorous comments __– always left me smiling._

lumagoo1015:_______ Your input and enthusiasm over the story has been very much appreciated. Thanks so much._  


niceoneBlondie:___ A smile is usually a result of whenever I read your reviews. Your insight has been lovely to read, and I always appreciated your constant faith in me when it came to the plot (things were undoubtedly bleak at times, which says an extra something!). And, thank you for writing 'Ink'. Enough said._

HacknSlashUK:___ UP HAMPSHIRE! Haha...seriously mate, thanks for all the support. Your insight has been really interesting to read, and it's clear you really thought about everything whilst you were reading. Means a lot to me, cheers._

tvloony:___ I probably toyed with your emotions a lot during this, judging by your reviews, so thanks for your patience. Very glad you became invested and supporting of the story._

Naoemms:___ Hope those emotional tidal waves have subsided ;-P Thanks for your kind words._

notempus: _Speechless. That's how I'm left when I read your comments. I could not have asked for a more wonderful opinion than of yours - your grip, emotional attachment to and perception of this story is dumbfounding, and I can't begin to express how much I love your feedback. I haven't seen you around here for a while now, but wherever you are I hope you enjoyed the rest of the story! Thank you so so much._

Ladyhawk1709: _We've been through a lot together, you and I. *Sigh* What a great trip it's been, eh? Thank you so much for your brilliant feedback, not just with my story but with yours too. 'Flickers' is amazing, can't wait to see how you wrap it up!_

my-other-ride-is-your-mum: _Your awesome. Period. Awesome from your mind-blowing amount of support, to what you've done with your own lovely lovely stories. I'm so glad you DID decide to give my story a go despite your initial scepticism. Every word of encouragement spurred me on, so I can only offer my humble gratitude. Cheers!_

_Other shout-outs go out to _Hypes_ and _SummerSkins_ for their kind input as well, along with their brilliant stories. Also to _matureskinsfan_ for 'Photo Finish', which I wholly recommend __– a really clever and emotional murder-mystery thriller!_

___There are plenty more to thank, trust me, but my word count on this story is already astronomical so I'll just say thank you from the bottom of my heart to anyone who took the time to comment on this or fave it or add it to their alerts. I love you all :-)_

___Well, I guess that's all. I better wrap this up before you all start rolling your eyes and clicking the back button because I got too carried away and word-happy. But I'll just quickly add that I'm not entirely sure if I'll be writing another fic, at least not yet __– a break is in order, understandably! If the urge strikes me one day when I'm especially bored, I may just do so...but until then I'll be lurking around the other amazing fics on here. You won't get rid of me that easy!_

_____Much love as always,_

_____BEBs xx_

_____._


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